12-30-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Vacation
4.  Quaker Meeting
5.  Acceptance
6.  Warm clothes
7.  Cold weather
8.  Chanting and music
9.  Movies
10.  Unconditional Love

I'm leaving today on my vacation.  YAY! Last night I became clearer on letting go of commitments.  There have been so many commitments I've made to myself that now keeping them is hurting me.  I understand that now.  Keeping commitments past the time of the commitments being useful is hurting me.  And this is true for commitments I've made to others.  Keeping them is hurting me, letting them go may hurt them.  A lot of these commitments I'm keeping that I've made to others, the other people have already let them go.  They have decided that I'm not going to go through with it, it's been years.  They have let it go, and I'm still holding it over my head as a burden.  Some other people hold it against me that I haven't come through, and others just let it go.  Some will not believe me again when I tell them I will do something and follow through.  That's what I can't stand.  And it's because if I let these commitments to others go, how will I know that I will go through with what I tell others?  How will I know that my word is good and my commitment means something?  If I let these go, how can I commit to anything else?  I know that holding these old commitments that give me pain is not helping me.  Love and Light.

12-29-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Breakfast with a good friend
4.  Chanting
5.  Air conditioning
6.  Computers and internet
7.  Safety
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Choices and responsibility
10.  The Light

I slept in this morning, meaning I got up at 7 am before the dog woke up.  That's what sleeping in has come to mean to me, waking up before the dog wakes me up.  My adorable dog stayed in bed sleeping for another 20 minutes.  He's getting rather old.  He's cute when he snores.  He scares himself when he farts.  He runs away and looks at his butt at the same time with a look on his face of "what the hell was that?!"  He's pretty gassy in his old age, and he's still not used to it, every fart he reacts like it's never happened before.  He's pretty funny.  I burn a lot of incense in the house.  Wishing all a Happy New Year (no matter how it smells).  Love and Light.

12-28-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Choices and responsibility
3.  Expressing emotions and letting go
4.  Unconditional Love
5.  Compassion and understanding
6.  Chanting
7.  Music
8.  Creativity
9.  Snuggling under warm blankets
10.  Cool weather

Yay, it's Friday!  I'm ready for my vacation to start.  I'm not sure if I will have access to a computer on my week off next week, so I may not be able to post to this blog.  Or I'll be having so much fun enjoying my relaxation that I might not remember to post on this blog.  I'm grateful I'll be able to get all my responsibilities done at work before I go.  Now, I need to be sure I get everything together that I need for the trip.  I'm struggling to be here in this moment.  Be aware of the task in front of me.  My trip will happen at the time it needs to happen.  Right now I need to be here.  Love and Light.

12-27-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Creativity and talent
4.  Unconditional Love
5.  Cool weather
6.  Endless possibilities in every moment
7.  Choices and responsibility
8.  Therapy session
9.  Warm blankets
10.  Cuddling

I finished my list and now I'm flooded with other things I'm grateful for:  Meditation, Chanting, Music, taking a moment and breathing, My wonderful job, Having the office to myself . . . and there are more.  I feel gratitude today.  Some of the time I make this list and it's a mental exercise, I don't feel it.  I try to.  I make the list to try to connect and FEEL grateful.  Today I feel grateful and there is a feeling that I can only describe as an internal sigh of relief.  That I have found it again.  Love and Light.

12-26-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Feeling better every day
3.  My car running well
4.  Endless possibilities in every moment
5.  Deep conversations with dear friends
6.  Choices and responsibility
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  Chanting
9.  Daily readings
10.  The Light

Christmas is over and we are coming to the end of the year (by some people's calendars).  I'm looking forward to the new year as all my vacation time renews and I'm taking the first week of the year off!  I need a vacation.  Even doing a job that I love and I'm passionate about, doesn't mean I have to love it every day.  There are some days I need to get away from it.  I'm looking forward to going north to colder weather and visiting with friends.  I'm feeling better and this upper respiratory infection is just about gone.  I'm relaxed and calm.  I enjoyed my day off yesterday and spent half of it with a dear friend visiting and sharing.  Here's my wish to the world, open your hearts and share them.  Love and Light.

12-24-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Quiet day at work
4.  My red shiny shirt
5.  Dinner with friends
6.  Feeling better
7.  Organization
8.  Endless possibilities in every moment
9.  Choices and responsibility
10.  The Light

I've been struggling with allowing myself to rest as I feel sick (or am I prolonging my sickness to watch TV to avoid feeling anything or experiencing life) or doing the things that I need to do to be healthy like cleaning and spiritual rituals (or am I doing things because I feel like I need to keep chugging along because that's what I do when I'm sick).  I guess there are 4 struggles going on all pulling at each other.  And then because of my asthma and bronchitis, I'm on antibiotics and steroids. I react to steroids by not being able to sleep.  I constantly feel like I'm on the edge of sleep, all I have to do is close my eyes and I'll be asleep, I'm so tired, and I lie there and stay right on the edge . . . I am frustrated that I don't sleep and I'm exhausted.  Just three more days of that and then blissful sleep and I shall be well and healthy.  I'm ready.  Merry Christmas Eve to all.  Love and Light.

12-23-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Quaker Meeting
4.  Cool weather
5.  Drumming and music
6.  Chanting
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  Endless possibilities in every moment
9.  Choices and responsibility
10.  Feeling better from my cold

I am feeling better.  I've been sick with a cold for a week and now I'm on antibiotics and I'm happy I will be over this soon.  I've used the excuse of being sick for not taking care of myself over and over again.  My table is piled with junk I haven't bothered to put away.  My kitchen is a wreck with dirty dishes all over the place.  My living room cluttered with boxes and wrapping paper.  Too tired to put anything away, I say.  And then I look at the clutter and mess and I'm able to call myself disgusting.  I am not disgusting.  I am not my thoughts or behaviors or the mess I create.  Yes, I create the mess, I am not the mess.  I am a spiritual being having a human experience.  And currently I'm having trouble with my human experience.  I am always of The Light.  Love and Light.

12-22-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Cool weather!!
3.  A new day and new beginning
4.  Knowing I am Light and not my beliefs and behaviors
5.  My car running well
6.  Endless possibilities in every moment
7.  Choices and responsibility
8.  Modern medicine
9.  The children of the world and the child living inside every person
10.  Unconditional Love

I have been sick for a week. I've had a fever for most of that time.  I've been going to work, going to events, ignoring that I'm sick, believing that I'll get better in the future, believing that I deserve to suffer and feel miserable through all of this.  Enough!  I am going to the walk-in clinic today and getting some help.  I know I have an infection because what I am coughing up is yellowish (GROSS!!).    I feel being sick and I feel my emotions about being sick and now I'm going to get help so that I'm not sick for very much longer.  Love and Light.

12-20-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Affirmations
3.  Unconditional Love
4.  Endless possibilities in every moment
5.  Choices and responsibility
6.  Music
7.  Conscious Community Gathering
8.  Being of service
9.  My car running well
10.  All my emotions

So I've been sick for 6 days now and I haven't allowed myself to rest and get better.  I've been going to work and going to events that I've already planned.  That's my pattern, to ignore the signals my body is giving me and I keep chugging along.  And I also use being sick for NOT doing my daily rituals and practices that help me feel better and become centered.  Like chanting and meditating in the morning, I haven't done it since I started feeling sick.  I haven't been eating well.  I haven't been sleeping well, staying up too late doing things for others.  I've also been getting up in the middle of the night as my dog has been sick with diarrhea, so I'm up cleaning up after him.  I see that I'm the one continuing my cold.  I'm the one causing myself to suffer longer.  It's like this with emotions, I tell myself that I'm not allowed to feel whatever I'm feeling, usually by rationalization that it doesn't make sense for me to feel whatever.  And then I suffer along with it rather than just giving my emotions voice and space and air for 5 minutes.  It doesn't matter if what I'm feeling is reasonable, all that matters is that I feel it, whatever emotion.  I feel it.  And with my sick cold, to allow myself to lie around and be sick, cancel all my plans and be sick for a few hours to let it go.  Love and Light.

12-19-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Creativity and talent
4.  Unconditional Love
5.  The Light
6.  Breathing
7.  A new day
8.  Organization
9.  Music and musical instruments
10. Gentleness

Wow, making this list was unusually hard today.  I've been stuck trying to think of something for number 10 for hours.  I finally "cheated" and looked at a previous list for ideas.  The list was hard because I'm quite grumpy today. A lot of little annoyances are bothering me.  I'm tired of being sick with a mild cold.  Love and Light.

12-18-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Snoozing the alarm 12 times
3.  DayQuil
4.  Music
5.  Breathing
6.  My car running well
7.  US Postal Service
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  The Light
10.  A new day

I'm in the process of getting over my cold.  I have waves of feeling good and I think I'm all better, and then there is a wave of not feeling so good and I am frustrated as this was only supposed to last 2 days.  I'm on day 4 now.  I'm allowing me getting sick to throw me off track.  I haven't been doing my morning rituals of chanting and meditating opting instead to snooze in longer.  Since I'm sick and there isn't anybody helping me, I feel like I get a free pass to live like a pig for a week or more and let trash and clutter build up.  I have a hard time thinking and focusing and catch myself staring off into space thinking of nothing for long periods of time (there's where my meditation went).  I need to remember that taking care of myself includes chanting and meditating and cleaning and cleansing of my sacred space and taking care that I am sacred.  Even when sick with a cold.  Love and Light.

12-17-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping in
3.  Breathing
4.  Getting over a cold
5.  Winning a huge HDTV
6.  My Christmas tree
7.  Starting new
8.  USPS flat rate boxes
9.  Unconditional love
10.  Doing my best

I was sick with a nasty cold all weekend and allowed myself to be a lump on my couch.  Today I'm at work and tonight when I get home I will be doing a thorough cleaning as I've let everything get really bad at home.  I'm doing my best.  I'm safe and loved.  Love and Light.

12-14-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping through my alarm
3.  Creativity and Inventiveness
4.  Endless possibilities in every moment
5.  Holiday parties
6.  My wonderful job
7.  Music
8.  Opening to larger perspectives
9.  Christmas lights
10.  Unconditional Love

I've been contemplating my commitments, who and what I've committed to, and I'm such a bulldog when I commit to a project, that I hang on so tight even when everybody else has dropped off and let go of it.  I cannot say that I've failed at following through on a commitment.  I keep it on my to do list and I feel the burden of it and I use it as a block to move forward clearly with my new projects.  I see now how I use my old commitments to keep me from doing new projects.  I stop myself from started a new project that I'm excited about, telling myself I have to finish this old project first.  I need to find a way to let go of old commitments with grace and forgiveness and feeling any hurt or disappointment I've caused in others by not honoring my commitment.  This has shaken up what I thought was clearness on commitments.  I see now that I have not been looking at my commitments clearly at all.  I am starting down a new path.  Love and Light.

12-13-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping well
3.  My car running well
4.  Friends and Family
5.  Joy
6.  New Moon Drumming
7.  My wonderful job
8.  Endless possibilities in every moment
9.  The Light
10.  Unconditional Love

I'm very tired and happy today.  I ran a camera for the Holiday Parade last night and had a lot of fun, and got paid for it!  I feel so blessed to be able to do what I love to do, I have fun, I'm creative and I'm paid for what I do.  There are times where I'm frustrated with this job, where the creativity doesn't flow easily and I feel burdened by this job, and there are times where I feel like I don't deserve to be paid for having fun.  In all, I am grateful to be doing what I enjoy to do.  I still get excited when we take the truck out and the physicality of pulling cable, setting up cameras on tripods and hooking up monitors.  This is fun for me.  Love and Light.

12-12-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Holiday Parade
3.  My car running well
4.  Chanting
5.  Music
6.  Creativity
7.  Silence
8.  Endless possibilities in every moment
9.  All my emotions
10.  The Light

I'm so excited to shoot the holiday parade this evening.  I love being part of a camera crew, this will be what we call a truck roll.  Which means we will have 3 cameras being switched live in the truck.  This is fun for me and I love parades!  When I'm shooting I stay completely in the present moment.  There isn't any room for me to think about what presents I still have to get, no room to think about my schedule and how am I going to fit in all the things I need to do this month.  I am fully present and aware of what is happening in front of me, aware of my framing and focus.  Now if I can take that attention to every task I do every day, how enjoyable life would be.  Love and Light.

12-11-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Happy people at Dunkin Donuts
4.  Love and Light
5.  My mastermind group
6.  Therapy
7.  Family and Friends
8.  My wonderful job
9.  My mistakes
10.  Endless possibilities in every moment

I don't normally stop at Dunkin Donuts and this morning I was running a little late, and more honestly I didn't want to deal with cooking breakfast for myself.  So I stopped in and the little Dunkin Donuts was cranking business with lots of workers behind the counter, and one outside helping with directing traffic through the tiny parking lot and drive-thru.  I was so impressed with the positive energy of everyone behind the counter, they were helpful with each other and I witnessed a couple of mistakes made with a laugh and they just remade the order as fast as they could and things moved beautifully through that little store.  I want to thank them so much for exuding such positive energy and working collaboration to set my day on a positive note and with much love for my working team.  Love and Light.

12-10-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Helpful fun friends
3.  My car running well
4.  Music
5.  Chanting
6.  Gentleness
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  Sleeping well
9.  Breathing
10.  The Light.

Over the weekend a bunch of friends and I were sitting around on the floor relaxing and talking.  A good friend of mine reached out playfully and squeezed my toes and unknowingly to her, I had a broken pinky toe that she squeezed as I was wearing socks.  I yelled out in pain. She couldn't see my bruised and swollen toe hidden inside my socks.  She immediately said, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that."  The thing is that she reached out with playfulness, love and gentleness and unknowingly touched a wound that I have.  There was no way for her to know I had a broken tow.  And we all do that sometimes, reach out with love and gentleness and no matter how gently, if we touch a wound it hurts the other person.  We didn't know the wound is there, there was no way for us to know.  As a child nobody explained this to me, so I started believing that reaching out with love and gentleness and play causes wounds in others.  I had no idea that the wound is theirs, that it was there way before I ever reached out and unwittingly touched it.  Others are responsible for caring for their own wounds, as I am responsible for mine.  I want my friend to reach out to me playfully with love, I want her to continue doing it.  My toe will heal and not always be broken.  Love and Light.

12-6-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Belief in myself
3.  My car running well
4.  Creativity and talent
5.  MC'ing an event
6.  Relaxation
7.  Surrender
8.  Forgiveness
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  The Light

I've learned that about a month and a half ago that I stopped believing in myself, my Truth within.  At that time I was away from my home in an experience that I perceived everybody there did not believe in me.  The first couple of days I struggled to stand in my Truth and was able to do it.  By the end of the the third day and the trip, I had completely denied myself.  I had believed what other people were telling me (or omitting telling me, thinking it must not be important or true if nobody says anything about it).  I came back home carrying that denial and doubt of myself.  This was easy for me to do and hide even from myself, because it is so familiar carrying denial and doubt of myself all through childhood.  I finally allowed myself to feel my hurt and sadness and anger at myself for denying me, my Truth, which was screaming inside every cell to be heard only by me.  That trip was a very good step and a blessing for me to practice standing in my Truth.  Love and Light.

12-5-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Chanting with my community
3.  Creativity and talent
4.  Playing with After Effects
5.  My car running well
6.  Positive collaboration
7.  Breathing
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Affirmation
10.  The Light

I got into work and immediately started working on this project I created.  I made an animation in 3D space that I'm very happy came out really well.  I enjoy learning new things and I'm surprised after I learn something and work through it that I remember in the beginning having such resistance to jumping in and learning it.  When the whole process for me is enjoyable, except for the getting started part of pushing past my fear and resistance.  I'm now waiting for the whole project to render and I'm very excited to see the finished product.  I'm proud of what I created.  Love and Light.

12-4-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Creativity and Talent
3.  Excellent and Noble Friends
4.  Sleeping well
5.  Music
6.  Warm blanket on a cold morning
7.  Crying and sobbing
8.  Experience
9.  Endless possiblities in every moment
10.  Unconditional Love

Again walking into work and instantly bombarded with people wanting tasks and projects completed before it is physically possible to do so.  I'm much calmer (and sleep deprived) today.  I am human.  I am limited (in a physical world sense, not in a spiritual world sense).  And I set my intention for this day to work on what's in front of me easily and effortlessly with love and the day flows by in perfect order.  Love and Light.

12-3-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Breathing
4.  Music
5.  Chanting
6.  The TV off for most of the day at work
7.  Choices and responsibility
8.  My journals
9.  Creativity
10.  Endless possibilities in every moment

I am writing this list and entry very late in the day.  That's because as soon as I walked through the door this morning at work, I was bombarded with tasks and projects.  This is a rare occurance in my job, mostly I have the mornings to do this blog, and some other email and office organizational tasks before jumping in on one or more projects that are assigned to me.  And most of my tasks and projects have no deadline on them, except for the tasks today.  And the deadlines are by the end of today.  So I jumped right into doing my tasks, and most of the things I have never done before in this job. Things can change with no warning and I'm glad that I've been able to flow with it for the most part.  I did have quite a few moments of fear and frustration popping up.  I tried to breathe through them and relax again.  Love and Light.

11-30-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Chanting
4.  Christmas music
5.  Friday
6.  Sleeping well
7.  Choices and Responsibility
8.  Endless possibilities in every moment
9.  Joe vs. the Volcano
10.  The Light

By the time April rolled around this year, I had used up almost all of my vacation/sick days.  They are called one thing at my office, PTO days.  So, by April of this year I had used most of them up and I needed to hang onto the 3 I had left in case I got sick.  I will not be doing that next year.  I am a strong believer in the "mental health day" and I'm in need of one now.  I am at work because I have one more PTO day left and a month to go before they all renew.  I take care of all my needs.  I am safe.  I create the experiences that validate my new beliefs.  I'm having a relaxing Friday at work.  Love and Light.

11-29-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Music
4.  Chanting
5.  Choices and responsibility
6.  Dancing
7.  Friends
8.  Endless possibilities in every moment
9.  Time and space in abundance
10.  The Light

A few days ago I wrote in this blog that I was changing my pattern of feeling overwhelmed this time of year.  Changing it to going through this season with ease and joy, focusing on what I need to do for my wellbeing first, then what I want to do, and lovingly putting projects to the side.  I'm doing about 50/50.  Half the time I am feeling safe and relaxed and on track and the other half I fall back into being overwhelmed and there's no way to get everything done.  I am a work in progress.  I'll get there.  Love and Light.

11-28-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Therapy session
3.  My car running well
4.  Choices and responsibility
5.  Organization
6.  Unconditional love
7.  Abundance
8.  Breathing
9.  The Light
10.  Music

I've realized that I don't sleep through the night anymore.  I am up 2 or 3 times in the night.  Usually for a puff on my asthma inhaler.  I wake myself up not breathing.  This morning I did my morning routine and that's all I thought about.  I focused on what I needed just this morning.  And for the first time in months, I got out of my door on time.  I knew what was happening later today so that I was able to pack things I would need later, and I didn't dwell on what was happening later.  I didn't go over my entire day of what I would be doing, I only focused on this morning.  I felt peaceful and centered and able to just be with my morning.  It was nice.  Love and Light.

11-27-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Chanting
3.  Choices and responsibility
4.  Christmas Music
5.  My car running well
6.  Creativity
7.  Friends
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Compassion
10.  Forgiveness

Christmas season is here.  I love Christmastime and the music.  I miss being up north in the cold.  Being in South Florida and palm trees even with lights on them just doesn't feel like Christmas.  I need to be inside the the AC cranked to freezing to wear sweats and be under blankets with hot chocolate.  I've been debating putting up my Christmas tree.  My argument with myself centers around making another mess in my house and I feel crowded with stuff already.  I love having a tree lit up and I relax just looking at the pretty colored lights.  I've rearranged things in my living room and I really don't know where I'll put it.  I will have to move a pretty table I've put by my cushy chair just recently and then set it up in front of the bookshelves again.  I sigh heavily and wonder if it is worth moving everything around to put up a tree for a month to take it back down and move everything around again.  I know I will feel happy with the tree up.  I wish I had a magic wand, or some help.  We'll see.  Love and Light.

11-26-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Music
4.  Dancing
5.  Affirmations
6.  A new start
7.  Choices and responsibility
8.  Sore muscles
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  The Light

I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything I need/want to get done, for my own needs, for projects I've started, and for the holidays.  I came to the awareness that this is my pattern, to feel overwhelmed during this time of the year.  And how I used to deal with it was to watch a lot of TV, movies, specials, and do just enough to get by, and then feel bad I didn't get everything done I wanted to get done.  So, this year, I am changing all of that.  To start with I am not feeling overwhelmed.  I'm making task lists and sorting them into categories of time sensitive, holiday sensitive, and "added it on to make me feel overwhelmed."  That last category is a good clue that I'm not in a rush to get those things done and they can wait to the new year.  I've also been debating putting my tree up because I feel like I don't have room for it in my place.  I've been rearranging things and there isn't a logical place to put it where I'm not going around it for things I need . . . I love having a tree though.  I have options and choices, for all the happenings and tree sizes and decorating.  I create the experiences that validate my new beliefs.  Love and Light.

11-24-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Water
3.  My car running well
4.  Football
5.  Friends
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  Choices and responsibility
8.  Organization
9.  Creativity
10.  The Light

I'm an eclectic mix of influences and likes and dislikes.  Aren't we all?  In the dictionary it is defined as a person who derives ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources.  In this modern world of technology connecting us all around the world, exposing us to diverse cultures and ways of thinking, and music, and art, aren't we all eclectic?  And those that are set in their ways, having blinders on and choosing to see the world through a narrow-minded lens, don't they have to expend a lot of energy to resist acknowledging and learning these new perspectives?  Love and Light.

11-23-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  A half day at work
3.  Noble friends
4.  My car running well
5.  Choices and responsibility
6.  Spiritual cleansing
7.  Alone in the office
8.  Music
9.  Dancing
10.  The Light

I'm addicted to coffee again.  About 5 years ago after a weekend of a group therapy retreat and intense emotional processing, I emerged and went to work feeling good and completely forgot to have coffee.  It hit me about halfway through the day that I hadn't had any coffee yet.  This was very strange for me because I had been drinking a pot a day for a couple of decades.  I owned a coffee pot and an espresso machine.  I used to be able to get myself to go to sleep at night because the sooner I got to sleep, the sooner I could have coffee.  Well that fateful day 5 years ago, I didn't crave it, I didn't have that coffee headache, I didn't really want it.  So I told myself that I would wait and see if that coffee addiction came back.  And for years I barely had any coffee at all.  Maybe while I was out with a friend I would get the occasional once a month coffee at Starbucks.  I gave away my coffeepot and my espresso machine.  I enjoyed getting up and not feeling that urging ache to get coffee in me as soon as possible.  I woke up refreshed, and had lasting energy through the day.  And then two years ago I switched jobs and started working at a place where it needs to be cold for the equipment to run properly, and coffee was provided by the company.  Basically free coffee.  So, there was a long 13 hour day followed by needing to be in the office early and the coffee is free, so one cup here or there was fine.  Over two years I know have several cups of the free coffee and have started having some in the afternoon to "warm me up."  Yes, I know I could have a mug of hot water which would be healthier for me, there is also free tea I could be making, but the coffee is right there.  And finally, this morning I woke up with it again, the urging ache that I needed coffee.  I missed my old coffee pot.  I'm exhausted in the afternoons and I have a hard time getting up in the morning.  I am addicted.  Love and Light.

11-22-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Thanksgiving Day Parades
3.  My car running well
4.  Friends and Family
5.  Peanut Butter Balls
6.  Showers
7.  Cool weather
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  The Light
10.  Surrender

I watched the Thanksgiving Parade on TV and made the first batch of Peanut Butter Balls for the season.  A tradition that spans my lifetime.  Tears came to my eyes several times this morning.  I'm not sure what emotion to name it.  I wasn't sad.  I felt an open connection with millions, all watching the parade, my Mom watching it in Michigan.  And I felt the little girl inside of me become so excited to see Santa Claus, I cried with joy, that symbol of loving and accepting all the little children that live inside all of us.  Happy Thanksgiving.  Love and Light.

11-21-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Music
3.  Dancing
4.  Happy Hour
5.  Time to organize and cleanse
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  My car running well
8.  Noble friends
9.  Openness
10.  Choices and responsibility

In most spiritual circles there is a state of being that they call "Surrender".  And for most of my life I have equated this with giving up, with being powerless, with being "beat down".  I now have been able to feel the difference between giving up and surrender.  Surrendering is a powerful stance while giving up is a powerless stance.  Children are naturally powerless, or have little power.  Power comes with maturity.  What's the statement?  "With great power comes great responsibility."  It is understandable the children have to mature and so does their power.  And then there are those children who are traumatized and the development of their personal power is stunted or stopped.  That's when I gave up.  I gave up on life.  And now I've experienced healthy surrender.  Instead of shutting down, it's an opening up.  Instead of letting go OF life, it's letting go TO life.  This is one of those things that needs to be felt and experienced in order to understand.  I could use all the words and explain it in every way possible and a person who has not experienced the difference, will not understand nor know how to do it.  I send much support to those who are trying, keep working at it until you know inside.  Love and Light.

11-20-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Music
3.  Dancing
4.  Unconditional Love
5.  My wonderful job
6.  Completing projects
7.  Choices and responsibility
8.  My car running well
9.  Creativity
10.  Therapy session

I am thankful that Thanksgiving is this week and I get a day off of work.  I'm looking forward to sleeping in (as much as my dog will let me).  And there I go putting my mind and intention off into the future which means I am not present in this moment.  How does one balance plans and preparing for events with being completely present in each moment?  Do dogs plan ahead?  Is my dog at home looking forward to when I'll come through the door at the end of the day?  Is it in his thoughts at all?  How do I plan for my day and also go with the flow?  Love and Light.

11-19-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Life experiences
3.  My Big Soul
4.  Connectedness
5.  The Light
6.  My car running well
7.  My wonderful job
8.  PTI, FPGC, Wellness
9.  All my emotions
10.  Human.  Love.  Divine.

During a meditation on Friday, three words came to me:  Human, Love, Divine.  I felt it was important that they came together.  That they are linked sometimes.  It was over the course of the weekend that it sunk in enough for me to realize that these three things are the only things that are consistently in EVERY experience.  All of them, from the joyous happy times where it is easy to see them all, to the terrifying or devastating times where I find that it is really hard to know all three are there.  A lot of my experiences, I would focus on one of them and forget that the other two are there also.  A lot of people get stuck only in their humanness of emotion and do not allow Love or Divine come in.  I am amazed and in awe of all three connected in everything on this planet.  Love and Light.

11-14-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping well
3.  Breathing
4.  Personal Power
5.  Vulnerability
6.  Awareness
7.  Choices and responsibility
8.  My car running well
9.  My wonderful job
10.  Endless opportunities in every moment

Being vulnerable takes courage. I used to think being vulnerable took courage because being vulnerable was terrifying.  It's funny that I feel like I want to skip this posting today because talking about vulnerability makes me vulnerable and I am uncomfortable being vulnerable.  I still feel scared being vulnerable.  Does everybody?  Is it part of being vulnerable, being scared?  I feel like it's not supposed to be so tied together.  I've learned yesterday that there is a way of being vulnerable with personal power.  I always thought before that being vulnerable was being powerless.  There is a way of being vulnerable with power.  I haven't quite got it or figured it out.  I KNOW that there is a way.  Love and Light.

11-13-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Walking
4.  Breathing
5.  Typing
6.  Love
7.  Light
8.  Connection
9.  Choices and Responsiblity
10.  Gentleness

Death is closer to me lately.  I lost my Grandpa last month and my very good friend lost her mom last week and my coworker lost his dog over the weekend and another good friend was at a funeral yesterday and another good friend lost one of her good friends.  I've paused to think wondering if I missed any other news of deaths.  And then there is new life, a coworker became a grandma last week and another good friend will be a grandma this weekend.  Change, renewal, cycles.  I forget these things.  I get stuck in a rut and I don't know how to get out.  To change is how I get out, to step through the pain of changing to something new is how I get out.  There is no magic pill or magic wand.  I need to change me within and without will change.  Love and Light.

11-12-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Writing assignment
3.  My car running well
4.  Chanting and meditation
5.  Music
6.  Friends
7.  Heart connection
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Choices and Responsibility
10.  Gentleness

I am very sore today, especially my thighs.  I did the Warrior Dash on Saturday and I completed it.  I feel good about that, getting all the way through it.  It was harder and less harder than last year.  There were a lot less walls to climb over and more barbed wire to crawl under, so that was easier.  There was a wall crawl that was harder.  And going over the one wall was intense for me and when I got to the bottom I cried.  I had more trouble with my asthma and breathing than last year.  I had to walk more.  Also it was harder because I did it by myself.  There weren't any friends staying at my slow pace with me like last year.  Lots of strangers along the route encouraged me and helped me with some of the obstacles.  A few of the obstacles I did all by myself because I was so far behind the pack.  I'm grateful I did it.  I kept going through it, kept putting one foot in front of the other, kept breathing the best that I could.  I am now hurting a lot with my sore muscles.  Love and Light.

11-9-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  An open evening
3.  Cool weather
4.  My car running well
5.  Choices and responsibility
6.  Drumming
7.  Music
8.  Breathing
9.  The Light
10.  Unconditional Love

Tomorrow I am doing the Warrior Dash.  I would say I'm running it, but I haven't trained except for 3 attempts at running in July or August.  I'm doing it anyway.  I did it last year and leaned heavily on my excuse of feeling sick for not training last year.  This year I am owning and feeling all of the missed opportunities where I chose to do something other than train.  I am owning all of the times I gave into my fear and did not push outside of my comfort zone.  So tomorrow when I'm running (mostly walking) and tackling the obstacles I will be pondering:  Is this shining my Light and showing myself the amazing capabilities I have and personal power within to accomplish this? Or am I putting myself through physical punishment in a socially acceptable way?  The answer depends on what I bring with me tomorrow inside.  I choose my intentions.  I create the experiences to validate my new beliefs.  Love and Light.

11-8-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Cool weather
3.  Sleeping well
4.  Breathing
5.  Choices and responsibility
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  Compassion
8.  My car running well
9.  My wonderful job
10.  The Light

I become aware quite often the last couple of days of myself lost in my imagination.  Imagining stories, or other possible scenarios, or some exciting or adventurous thing, of the future how my life might turn out if I did this or that, or if I was somebody else completely.  I have a vivid imagination and it runs pretty much like a movie.  I can imagine quite a lot with a lot of detail.  I found myself in there quite a bit, and imagination is great for some things, and when I'm in it so completely that I'm disconnected from this world and only living there, it's not healthy for me.  There is only today, this moment.  I need to choose:  to be here or in an imagined alternative.  Which is real and which is illusion?  Sometimes I trip myself up with that question.  I get so deep in my imagination, I feel like I can't tell, or is I don't want to know?  Love and Light.

11-7-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sacredness
3.  Preciousness
4.  Music
5.  My car running well
6.  Choices and responsibility
7.  Endless possibilities in every moment
8.  Friends
9.  The Light
10.  Unconditional Love

 I don't have anything to say today.  Or more accurately, I'm scared to say anything today.  Love and Light.

11-6-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Breathing
4.  Sleeping
5.  Freedom
6.  Unconditional love
7.  Sacredness
8.  Friends
9.  My wonderful job
10.  The Light

I'm ready for a nap.  I left my place early today to go vote.  I'm looking forward to tomorrow and no political ads running on TV.  When I thought about, it seemed strange that I would have a strong urge to vote in this election.  Some powerful and intense things have been going on in my life where functioning day to day seems like a huge effort or struggle.  And yet, getting up early and going to vote was a strong force getting me out of bed this morning.  It's also odd because I grew up in a house where political discussions never happened.  My parents never vote, have never registered to vote.  Maybe I use that strong urge to get me going again in other parts of my life, like doing my dishes and paying my bills.  I struggle to remember to do these things, and it was no struggle to go vote.  Strange.  Love and Light.

11-5-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  My creative job
4.  A new day
5.  Sacredness
6.  Cloud Atlas
7.  Music
8.  Chanting
9.  Meditation
10.  Flowing

There are times when stepping into the flow of life seems very scary.  The current seems to be going to fast.  It looks like the flow is violent and will rip me apart.  Yet when I step into it, I am carried gently and the world going by doesn't look like it's going by as fast as when I'm outside looking into the flow.  I forget this when I'm out of the flow.  Sometimes it is my choice, like going on a long car ride, I love the feel of the car moving along, looking at the scenery flowing past.  Yet after a while, I tire of the constant hum and vibration, I want to be immovable for a while.  So I pull off at a rest area and walk around and sit and stop moving for a while.  So that's what my life is, stepping in and out of the flow.  I get stuck on the outside, because for many years it was safer to stay "outside of" and just watch.  I become very scared of stepping back in, when an obstacle in my flow knocks me out of my stream.  If I don't take care of myself, and step out of my stream when I need to, something will come along in my stream and knock me out.  Taking care of my need in a harsher way than me choosing to step out.  Love and Light.

11-3-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Saturday
3.  Chanting
4.  Meditating
5.  Spiritual cleansing
6.  Cool weather
7.  A brand new day
8.  Naps
9.  Gentleness
10.  Friends

I'm enjoying the quiet of my house this morning.  And the coolness in the air.  And the slow pace that I would like today to go in.  Time and space to stop and truly consider my next choice of action.  When things get too hectic or chaotic, I make fast unhealthy choices.  I had a rough night last night.  A lot of emotions coming up around an intense trip I took to see family a couple of weeks ago.  A lot happened on many levels and I can get screwed up by jumping around and not looking or feeling closely to what I experienced.  I've been writing it out, step by step, scene by scene, everything that happened.  And as I'm doing that a lot of emotion that I was unable to express is coming out of me also.  This blog helps also, as I write out my "blurb for the day" I am usually coming to the insight that I write about as I write it.  Most of the time these posts are not planned out.  Love and Light.

11-2-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  My wonderful creative job
4.  Breathing
5.  Chanting
6.  Typing
7.  Meditation
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  Gentleness

I had a friend a couple of days ago remind me to be gentle with myself.  I forget that, especially when I feel lost and scared and don't trust that I have LIGHT within me.  When I'm filled with darkness.  Those times I feel a need to punish myself.  My friend reminded me to be gentle, and I'm able to gently let that feeling pass.  Part of my punishment "habit" is that I feel I don't deserve to feel joy or happiness or excitement for life.  With gentleness, I'm not going from one extreme to the other, dark punishment to light excitment, so fast that it feels violent.  I gently and slowly move from darkness to the middle, where I can see the light and see the dark and gently let both touch me.  Where I can see that it is my choice to move to the dark or move to light.  It's restful here.  Sometimes I think to just stay here in the middle . . . and that is not living either.  I choose to rest, to regain a larger perspective, and I choose to be led into experiencing life fully again.  Love and Light.

11-1-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  A new month
3.  A new day
4.  Creativity and talent
5.  Noble friends
6.  My Truth
7.  Sacredness
8.  Breathing
9.  Cool Weather
10.  Music

I'm ready for Christmas music!!  I know if I start now I will be sick of it before Christmas gets here.  I am listening to some.  And I hear some of you ask:  What about Thanksgiving?  Is there a lot of Thanksgiving music?  I know of one song 'Over the River and Through the Woods'.  I remember decorating for Thanksgiving, we would not have as many decorations for thanksgiving as we would for Halloween and Christmas.  I would ask my Mom why we wouldn't have as many decorations and I think she would answer something like "they don't make as many decorations for Thanksgiving."  What's interesting is that this blog is a daily thanksgiving and sometimes I forget that.  I think of it as a chore sometimes, and a lot of times I put on the list what I want to feel grateful for that day.  Today the list is all the things I already feel grateful for today.  It's also interesting that I want to skip over Thanksgiving.  Skip to the end. Happy New Year!  Love and Light.

10-31-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Halloween
3.  My car running well
4.  Therapy session
5.  Music
6.  Silence
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  The Light
9.  Friends
10.  Writing

I'm loving the cool weather.  I feel like a bear hibernating some mornings and I do not want to get out of bed.  As was the case this morning.  And it doesn't help that my dog only wants to sleep in also.  Burrowed under the blankets.  I keep popping up to snooze my alarm another 5 minutes.  I would probably do better setting my alarm 45 minutes later.  I am definitely looking forward to the time falling back an hour this weekend.  Love and Light.

10-30-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Cool weather
4.  Sleeping
5.  Breathing
6.  My wonderful job
7.  Creativity and talent
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Letting go
10.  The Light

"Let go and Let God."  I've heard this phrase and didn't really understand it until a couple of years ago.  I've spent so much time, especially through my childhood, hanging on.  Hanging onto sanity.  Hanging onto surviving.  Hanging onto any little thing that I had control of because so much was out of control.  It took me a long time to even know what letting go was.  I heard the phrase and didn't understand.  I finally did, I felt it inside, and I practice letting go.  I will tell you that my first instinct in any situation is to hang on.  So, I've been able to let go.  And this is mainly external things.  Letting go of trying to control things I don't have control of.  And yesterday I heard the message that it is time for me to Let Go and Let God work within me.  I've let the Light in and really let it in only where I wanted it to go.  Where I opened space for it.  This was a good step for me.  It was scary to begin with and I needed time to practice and be able to let Light in.  Now, I need to let go of more and let the Light work within me.  I've been having a hard time finding the right words to describe what I mean by "work within me."  Basically, I've been working hard on personal growth issues and delving inside to find my repressed and denied emotions and work to bring them up, and then when that's cleared within me, I allow the Light in to fill the space.  So, what would happen if I allowed the Light within me to permeate the dense walls of repression and denial that is still stuck in me.  Instead of me digging it out with a backhoe, let The Light within me expand and permeate and trust how the Light brings up within me and what it attracts to me in my life.  Let go and Let God.  Love and Light.

10-29-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping
3.  My car running well
4.  Cool weather
5.  My warm jacket
6.  Typing
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  Breathing
9.  My soul
10.  The Light

I didn't want to make this list today.  I haven't wanted to do much of anything except for things that punish me and turn me away from the Light.  I haven't done my morning rituals of chanting and meditating the past 3 days.  I can very much tell.  I have a harder time seeing the Light.  Not doing them is a form of punishment to myself.  I tell myself its too hard, I don't have time in the morning.  I've been way off my food plan, another way to punish myself is with food.  A whole week of restarting, recommitting, and a whole week of screwing it up every day.  I was going to start again this morning, and it seemed too hard, the house is a mess.  I stopped taking care of myself on the 11th.  Love and Light.

10-26-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  The rain
3.  Sleeping well
4.  My car running well
5.  Creativity and Talent
6.  All my emotions
7.  Noble friends
8.  Courage
9.  Time and space
10.  The Light

I'm grumpy today.  I forget about all the emotions.  I have a default that if I am feeling angry or sad or ashamed or hurt, I'm not allowed to feel them because I've done so much personal growth work.  That's an illusion.  Since I have done so much personal growth work, I am able to feel those emotions and express them in a healthy way.  In a cleansing way.  To clear those emotions so that I'm ready for the next experience.  So, now I know that I'm bottling them up again.  Denying that I'm feeling mad at myself, that I'm feeling hurt and scared.  Letting only a little out because I'm telling myself I've grown, they aren't intense anymore.  Yes, they are intense, these emotions will always be intense.  Not feeling the intensity of the emotions sends me down the path of depression.  I'm depressing my emotions to make them something other than what they are, other than what I feel, and I am depressed.  I release and let go, and let 'er rip!  Love and Light.

10-25-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Rainy day
3.  My car running well
4.  Endless possibilities in every moment
5.  Breathing
6.  Dreams
7.  Ability to type
8.  Friends
9.  The Light
10.  Forgiveness

Slept through my alarm and had an intense dream that my brothers and I were kidnapped by a brainwashing cult and used to bring in the crop of these very weird plants.  The cult people thought we were in our early 20's and I kept telling them that we were in our 40's so they couldn't brainwash us.  They didn't listen so they thought we were properly brainwashed and gave us more and more freedom, to where we could use our phones and call people, so I called for help.  The only number I could remember (because they deleted all the contacts in my phone) was my therapists number.  It was a very busy, intense dream and I'm feeling tired like I didn't sleep at all last night.  It's rainy here in South Florida with hurricane Sandy off the coast.  It's a curl up with a good book day.  Love and Light.

10-24-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Cell phones
4.  My wonderful job
5.  Creativity and talent
6.  Unconditional love
7.  Noble friends
8.  Movies
9.  Being of service
10.  Forgiveness

I love listening to movie soundtracks.  The original scores.  A lot of people aren't consciously aware of the music that plays beneath the scenes of a movie.  There is so much emotional connection with music for me.  And for a lot of people, that's why they put the music there.  The music of emotion, of life, of experience, of feeling.  I love to feel the music inside.  I am so grateful for music.  Love and Light.

10-23-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  My wonderful job
4.  Life and experiences
5.  Experiencing everything fully
6.  Sacred cleansing
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  Endless opportunities in every moment
9.  The Light
10.  Joy

I've had an intense month.  My grandpa went into the hospital on the 4th, died on the 10th, his funeral on the 16th, an intense group retreat last weekend and now I'm in the last full week of the month.  I spent last night creating intensity for myself because I felt strange not having anything emotionally intense going on.  I did not allow myself to relax into a respite from intensity.  I did not allow myself to take a healthy, cleansing, calming break.  I created intensity where there wasn't any because that was what my childhood was like.  Constant intensity.  It's hard to live like that, and that is where I'm "comfortable" because relaxing had been so foreign and uncomfortable.  I deserve calm, peace, joy, and some time to unwind and cleanse to prepare for my next dive into life experiences.  Love and Light.

10-22-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Creativity and talent
4.  My wonderful job
5.  Noble friends
6.  PTI weekends
7.  Sleeping
8.  Breathing
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  The Light

I picked up my dog last night from the doggie resort.  It was so great to see him and hold him and pet him.  I got home and sat down to journal and he kept on jumping up on me and sitting on my journal while I was trying to write and licked my face and pawed at me until I petted and scratched him.  I'm at work now, and I miss him.  I'm grateful that I have nothing planned this evening as an event or appointment as I want to get back into "cleansing" regularly.  I realized that I had stopped and let things pile up as soon as I found out about my grandpa's death.  I'm human, I'm practicing at this, I'm allowed to make mistakes, and tonight I'll be catching up.  Love and Light.

10-19-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Family
3.  PTI
4.  Breathing
5.  Creativity and talent
6.  Fall up north
7.  My car running well
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Experiences and emotions
10.  The Light

Since I was out of town since Sunday, up in Michigan to see the fall, and I got back yesterday and I'm off to a retreat for the weekend this afternoon, I decided to leave my dog at the doggie resort.  I miss him.  I thought about visiting him, but I thought that would confuse and upset him, to see him at the resort and still leave him there.  I'm looking forward to picking him up on Sunday.  I'm feeling off-kilter, off-balance.  I'm looking forward to the weekend retreat, for grounding and centering and a reconnected to the real world.  Love and Light.

10-18-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Fall in Michigan
4.  Silence
5.  Grandpa Stan
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  My family
8.  Noble friends
9.  Sleeping
10.  The Light

I spent 4 days up in Michigan and it was beautiful and so soothing to my soul to see the fall colors and feel the cool crisp fall air.  I love fall, it is my favorite season and I'm grateful that I was able to have some time back where I grew up feeling and seeing the fall.  I was back up in Michigan to attend the funeral of my grandfather.  He was 92 and full of life up until the final weeks.  He brought the family together, I personally hadn't seen a lot of my family since 1998.  There was a lot of visiting and laughing and reminiscing and also I got to meet a lot of kids that my cousins have had and have been raising.  It was great to get back with my cousins that I grew up with.  We saw each other almost every weekend playing at someone's house, my mom's or aunt's or grandma's.  I believe my grandpa waited until his passing would bring the whole family together.  He was an amazing man and now I hope he's giving my grandma all the hugs I've been wanting to give her all these years.  Love and Light.

10-12-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Friday
4.  Music
5.  Meditation
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  The Light
8.  My wonderful job
9.  Creativity and talent
10.  Friends

I perceive my world in the way that I frame it.  Like a camera can only capture part of the whole picture.  Even when I am going thru my day, I only see what is in front of me or what is in my vision.  What if I were to expand my perception beyond frames?  There is a human part of seeing the world the way that I see it.  There is a need for me to see it a certain way because I am here to learn deep meaning from my experiences.  After I learn that, then I can push the frame away and see more to the experience.  Too often people get stuck in their framing, determined to only see it that way and keep that frame in place.  I'm scared pushing my frame away.  I will take that risk.  Love and Light.

10-11-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Breathing
3.  My Grandpa Stan
4.  Music
5.  Silence
6.  Many wonderful friends
7.  My family
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Forgiveness
10.  Compassion

My Grandpa passed away last night.  He was 92 and he said he was ready to go.  He was telling his daughters to "just pull the plug."  He wasn't hooked up to any machines and he knew that.  I believe it was his way of saying that he was ready to go, he didn't know how and he was scared.  He was an amazing man and he touched so many lives in his life.  He lived a full life and I believed he enjoyed much of it.  He always had a funny, touching story to tell, and cared deeply below his crusty exterior.  I miss you, Grandpa.  Love and Light.

10-10-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My grandpa
3.  My car running well
4.  My wonderful job
5.  Unconditional love
6.  Compassion
7.  Forgiveness
8.  Endless opportunities in every moment
9.  Silence
10.  My soul

Take every opportunity that presents itself to give your Love.  Tell those that you love them.  It's okay, you have permission to be human, to feel, to care, to show emotions, all of your emotions are beautiful and valid.  There is a need to express them, validate them.  Validate that you are human.  Love and Light.

10-9-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Unconditional love
4.  Noble friends
5.  Therapy session
6.  Group meeting
7.  My wonderful job
8.  Music
9.  Moxa sticks
10.  Silence

The Light is everywhere, with everybody, so many people need to see it, to feel it, to know it.  So many people turn away.  This is my wish and my prayer to turn to the Light.  Live life fully, completely.  Cleansing each experience and jumping in again to feel the dirt between my toes and rub my hands over the grass and feel wind and rain on my face.  I'm alive.  I feel.  I am Light.  Love and Light.

10-8-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  A "cleansing" weekend
4.  Good friends
5.  Happy Hour
6.  My wonderful job
7.  Creativity and talent
8.  Music
9.  Silence
10.  Unconditional Love

I forgot to do this list over the weekend.  I had a good weekend.  I used my new awareness/perspective of "cleansing" and I feel like my house is finally getting clean.  Becoming sacred.  It doesn't feel overwhelming any more.  I have much gratitude for my friend coming over and helping me and keeping me on task.  I have bags and bags of give-away, recycling, and trash.  Cleansing so that each new experience is fresh and new.  It was a good weekend.  Love and Light.

10-5-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My wonderful mechanic
3.  Abundance
4.  Unconditional Love
5.  Silence
6.  Music
7.  My car running well
8.  Creativity and talent
9.  The Light
10.  My soul

I have had many struggles with cleaning my house or cleaning anything, dishes, myself, the carpet, the windows.  I had always thought of it like I was trying to dig a whole while someone else was trying to fill it in.  Like bailing out a boat without plugging the hole.  Why clean it, it's just going to get dirty again.  And I shifted yesterday.  I was thinking about doing dishes and how it seemed that my counters were always covered with dirty dishes.  And I shifted away from thinking that washing them means that they are just going to get dirty again.  And shifted to cleansing the tools that help me experience life fully.  A physical cleansing and a spiritual cleansing.  My dishes get used and dirt and residue of living and experiencing food and eating  stick onto them.  Just like me when I am living and experiencing life fully, getting into the nitty gritty of life, the residue of my emotions, of the experience, stick onto me.  I do spiritual cleansing in my practices, I have tools to process through the experience and to cleanse the residue so that I am fresh and new for the next life experience.  Because like the dishes, if I don't cleanse them, the stuck on crusty residue from my past meal will flavor my next meal experience.  The stuck on residue from past experiences, if not processed or "cleansed" will flavor my next life experience.  I am excited and motivated now for spiritually cleansing through my physical cleaning to experience these amazing life experiences fresh and new.  Love and Light.

10-4-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  The guy that stopped his car in the middle of rush hour to help a duck safely cross the road
4.  Therapy today
5.  Creativity and talent
6.  Excitement
7.  Unconditional love
8.  Choices and responsibility
9.  Divine guidance
10.  The Light

There are a lot of things that I understand, logically.  Things that I've known for a long time, and yet don't have deeper meaning for me.  I feel that I'm getting closer to having deeper meaning in all things.  This morning while driving to work I was thinking about my dirty dishes and how I'm so busy that my dirty dishes pile up and how was I going to change so that I could stay on top of them.  And I logically know that after I wash the dishes, they are going to get dirty again.  That's the way I think of it.  A shift occurred to me this morning to think of the cleansing as the deeper meaning.  The dishes are meant to be used and the cleansing of the dishes is the spiritual aspect of it.  Using the dishes is this physical life we are in and the cleansing is the spiritual cleansing of living this life fully (or the dishes fully).  I feel motivated to clean my dishes more often.  Love and Light.

10-3-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My big soul
3.  My car running well
4.  Creativity and talent
5.  After Effects
6.  My body
7.  My soul
8.  Divine guidance
9.  Unconditional love
10.  Breathing

Coming up with 10 things today took a while.  I don't know if I believe I am grateful for half the things on the list.  I just wanted to get the list written and get it done.  I don't really want to write a little blog today and I'm just getting that done.  I spent last night wanting my life to be done.  I hated myself last night.  And, of course, I can hear you through the miles of cyberspace asking "Why? What happened?"  I don't know how to answer those questions.  I felt hurt and angry and sad and scared and doing things to calm myself or to connect to love was too hard.  I feel I needed to hate myself last night, and I know my therapist would probably say that that is unhealthy.  That is hooking into my old habits, my old way of being.  Hooking into my hidden addiction to pain and suffering.  If I truly know that I am loved, truly KNOW I have a divine purpose, truly KNOW that I am held lovingly in the LIGHT always . . . what does that mean to all the years I was lost and in pain?  Love and Light.

10-2-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Awareness
3.  Sleeping well
4.  Thunderstorms
5.  My car running well
6.  My warm jacket
7.  Creativity and talent
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  The Light
10.  My Soul

I slept very well last night with rain and thunderstorms all night.  I had a hard time getting up this morning and missed some of my daily morning rituals like chanting.  I had to get into work for an early teleconferencing call.  I feel rushed and a little out of sorts this morning.  I  have a fun day animating hair so that it looks like it's blowing in a strong wind.  Love and Light.

10-1-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Meeting with a friend
3.  Music
4.  My wonderful creative job
5.  Creativity
6.  Endless possibilities in every moment
7.  Choices and responsibility
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  My warm jacket
10.  Roseanne Barr for President

Finding out that Roseanne Barr is officially on the Presidential ballot cheered me up today.  I don't know why.  I've been sitting here trying to figure out why this cheers me up.  Anybody really can do anything they want in this country.  Anybody can run for president.  It's also humbling.  Humbling for Romney and Obama.  Roseanne made a name for herself with her sitcom to be the "everyman", the working class, the 99%.  I feel that Roseanne has always been herself, tried to be her truest self at every moment.  Not ever putting on a fake mask because that's what the audience wanted to see.  I don't know, I've never met Roseanne.  I believe Roseanne puts a human face on the election, flaws and blowups and compassion and tears and laughter.  So much of campaigning is polishing and presenting only what the candidates think the voters want to see.  Whenever a person presents only one side and hides all others, the illusion is built that it is okay to hide even more.  Hiding is a symptom of shame.  Government, I believe, should be transparent.  I would like to vote humanness, compassion, integrity, transparency, and unconditional love back into government.  We are all equal in the most humbling way.  Love and Light.

9-30-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Quaker Meeting
3.  Chanting
4.  Choices and responsibility
5.  My soul
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  This new day
8.  Endless possibilities in every moment
9.  Compassion
10.  Breathing

Weekends alone are tough for me.  I've been scheduling (or not scheduling) things for large blocks of time for myself because I need to experience truly being with myself.  And feel the emotions of sadness, aloneness and disconnection.  I know in my soul I am never truly alone or disconnected.  I choose that.  I let my brain take off and spin around with doubt, doubting my wonderful times with my friends and doubting that anybody else even gives a thought about me when I'm not around.  I let that go.  It's time for me to KNOW that I am okay, I am loved, I am connected at all times.  I hold myself with compassion so that I may hold others with compassion.  I invite my soul in.  Love and Light.

9-29-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping in
3.  The whole day unplanned
4.  Integrity
5.  Choices and responsibility
6.  Hot tea
7.  Abundance
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Compassion
10.  The Light

I have an unplanned day.  That is there is no appointments I need to be at today.  No classes.  No visits with friends scheduled.  I do not have to be anywhere at any particular time today.  It will also be a challenge as I have discovered I do not like feeling alone in my place.  That's why I've been packing my days with scheduling places to be.  Today is going to be a good challenge.  To truly feel what emotions come up when I am alone, and process them, and begin to bring in my soul and safety.  Love and Light.

9-28-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  The office to myself
3.  Silence
4.  Chanting
5.  An evening to myself
6.  Tai Chi
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  The Light
9.  Choices and responsibility
10.  Sleeping well

I slept very well last night.  I climbed into bed about 8:30 pm and was asleep having interesting dreams for most of the night.  It's getting close to the full moon, a time for reflection and gathering lessons in reviewing the action I have taken since the new moon.  I'm looking forward to this evening that I have all to myself, and tomorrow is completely open.  Much Love and Light.

9-27-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Quakers
3.  Creativity and talent
4.  My soul
5.  Unconditional Love
6.  The Light
7.  My car running well
8.  Happy Hour
9.  My warm comfortable jacket
10.  Being of service

My dog woke me up at 3 am and I am struggling with sleepiness again today.  Interesting that this lack of sleep is showing up as a pattern with me.  It must mean something profound.  I am too tired to figure it out.  Really, I don't need to figure out anything.  I need to be open to messages and when I'm tired it seems to be easier, all my defenses and resistance is too tired and I am open to The Light and my Soul to enter.  Love and Light.

1-26-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping well
3.  Tai Chi standing
4.  Creativity and talent
5.  Asking for help
6.  Awareness
7.  Music
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  The Light
10.  Sun and Moon

I got pulled away from my grateful list as I do it at work in the morning, and my coworker is having trouble with our webpage.  All of a sudden some menus are not appearing.  This is where I need to drop into a place of love to help talk him through it, because I don't know that much about programming.  I know enough that to someone who has not taken any programming classes I seem to know a lot about what I'm talking about, but I really don't.  I know enough about how computers and how logic circuits work to be able to try stuff that may work, but I don't really know if it's going to work or not.  I could feel anger rising in me because I was scared I didn't know how to fix it.  I was able to stop my anger from lashing out at my coworker (who doesn't know programming well either) and drop back down into love and try something else.  We tried a lot of things, calmly giving our ideas and how we guess the code is working.  We were not able to fix it and we both have given it a rest for a while.  It is not my responsibility to know how website programming works, it's a plus if I can figure it out, and I'm okay.  And life is okay.  And the world is okay if our menu doesn't work for a little while longer.  Love and Light.

9-25-12 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Therapy session today
4.  Friends
5.  Deepening
6.  My soul
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  The Light
9.  Creativity and Talent
10.  Willingness

I love my adorable dog.  I sit on the floor in front of my alter that I created and I chant in the mornings.  Usually the dog food is right in front of me because years ago while having trouble getting my dog to eat, for some reason he started eating when I started chanting.  So I'm used to having my dog around me when I'm chanting in the morning.  He doesn't always come over by me, sometimes he plays with his toy or lately continues to sleep in the bed.  This morning he sat right in front of me and I chanted and pet him and he cuddled in my lap and then he ate his food.  Looking at me and wagging his tail the whole time.  And then I stopped chanting and sat for a meditation and my cute dog happily walked in circles around me, wagging his tail while I was meditating.  And while sitting waiting for my legs to wake up, he continued his circling in clockwise motion.  Pausing for a pet or a scratch or a lick on my knee and then continuing around in a circle. He's done this a few times before.  Only he knows what is motivating him to walk around in such a happy circle.  I wonder if he is following a big part of my soul around me.  Recently I became aware that I split from a big part of my soul when I was very little.  And only recently have I been willing to become open to let that big piece back into me.  I feel my big soul close by.  Maybe that is what is circling me happily and lovingly and patiently waiting for me to open.  And that is what my dog is happily following around me.  Love and Light.

9-24-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Much personal growth and connection over the weekend
3.  My car running well
4.  Honesty and integrity
5.  Music
6.  Silence
7.  My wonderful job
8.  Creativity and talent
9.  Unconditional love
10.  Moving with The Light

I had an amazing retreat weekend. It is awesome to be in a wonderful, loving, sacred space to release all that keeps me from living and loving completely.  I learned to move with The Light.  To be led by my heart.  To feel my way through.  To see and listen to another with my heart and my Light.  To answer that of The Light in another.  And the retreat weekend also meant a few hours of sleep a night.  I'm at work and moving slowly.  I am moving, and am open to move with The Light.  Love and Light.

9-21-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Centering and grounding
4.  Music
5.  Personal Transformation Intensive
6.  Divine Guidance
7.  Knowing I'm safe
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Compassion and understanding
10.  Creativity and Talent

I am looking forward to my group retreat this weekend.  It is amazing witnessing others and their willingness to change and watching the transformation is amazing.  There's another small part of me that is not looking forward to the early mornings and late evenings and not much sleep.  Also, the meals are not on my regular schedule.  I need to learn to flow and know that there is always energy flowing through me.  Love and Light.

9-20-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Divine Guidance
4.  Unconditional love
5.  Creativity and talent
6.  Breathing
7.  Sleeping well
8.  Music
9.  Silence
10.  Compassion

When I really step back and take a look at my life and what I've been through in my life, really stepping out of it and looking at it, I've been doing an amazing job.  It's when I'm in it and looking at it from inside it is when I see it as something messed up and I see the things I didn't do, the mistakes I've made, the way I am in the world and I'm frustrated with myself.  When I'm inside.  Because my soul is not in my life with me.  My soul is watching from outside.  How to get my soul inside me is the question I need to answer.  Love and Light.

9-19-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  International Talk Like a Pirate Day
4.  Music
5.  Dancing
6.  Silence
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  Headphones
9.  Creativity and Talent
10.  Therapy session

I've uncovered recently that I started out in life believing that life is scary and terrifying.  And then for many years experiences happened that confirmed and reinforced that belief over and over.  I say uncovered because all of this time, every day, I am always scared.  I was never aware of it.  It was a constant feeling that was always there.  Sometimes there would be more fear, but not ever less.  I am aware of it now and I'm uncomfortable with it.  And in finding ways to feel safe and no fear, I'm uncomfortable of that new feeling which brings up for me (you guessed it) fear.  It seems like I can't get away from feeling afraid.  I am frustrated and tired of it.  I don't know what to do.  I guess I will sit with it and be aware and feel afraid.  I don't know what else to do.  Love and Light.

9-18-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Abundance
4.  Music
5.  Sleeping well
6.  Friends
7.  Help
8.  Unconditional love
9.  Compassion
10.  Forgiveness

I'm grateful that forgiveness exists and that it has touched me a few times.  I don't feel particularly forgiving today, so I'm grateful that I know that it is out there.  I give myself to permission to be human today.  To feel what I'm feeling right now and not push myself, or delude myself into thinking I feel something more grandeur or more enlightened than I am right now.  I am me and right now I am hurt and judgmental and blameful and ashamed.  I am not these things all the time.  I am me.  Love and Light.

9-17-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Creativity and talent
4.  My wonderful job
5.  Music
6.  Spending time with friends
7.  Reading
8.  Knowledge and awareness
9.  My heart
10.  Unconditional love

It's funny sometimes I start this blog and put the date as the title and I'm thinking that I don't have anything to put down on my list.  And suddenly my list flows out onto the post and as I'm reading what I'm typing, I'm almost surprised as what I'm grateful for.  Surprised at how easily I had things to be grateful for.  I typed number nine, my heart, and I felt tears come up.  Because what came up after I typed it was knowing all the scars and marks there are on my heart.  I am grateful for my heart and all the scars and marks on it.  I am grateful that I have survived.  That's a new feeling for me, and I feel weird with it, uncomfortable.  This is one I will need to revisit going forward.  Love and Light.

9-16-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping well
3.  Quaker Meeting
4.  Unconditional Love
5.  The Light, within and without
6.  My car running well
7.  My memory
8.  Chanting
9.  Music and dancing
10.  Noble friends

I don't know what to write about today.  I slept really well last night.  My dog woke me up at 7 am.  I still wanted to sleep some more.  And the way my dog wakes me up fills my heart with joy.  He licks my face and even with my eyes closed I can feel his tail wagging like mad.  Then he pushes against me with his head and keeps pushing until he flips himself over on his back and his whole body is wriggling because his tail is still trying to wag like mad and he is pawing the air.  Such joy to wake up and know you are alive another day.  That's my adorable dog.  Love and Light.

9-14-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Tai Chi class
3.  Playing with a friend
4.  My car running well
5.  Creativity and talent
6.  Coloring books and crayons
7.  Feeling and expressing my emotions
8.  Permission to be human
9.  Unconditional love
10.  Forgiveness

I heard a great thing from my Tai Chi teacher today.  I admitted that I don't practice at home, that I haven't ever really practiced at home, only in class.  I pick a lot of things up really easily so that I don't have to practice and teachers assume that I must be practicing because I am progressing faster than most in their class.  This has been the way I have done things even in school.  I didn't have to practice or study.  Even learning piano and the drums, I seem to pick it up easily.  So I admitted to my teacher that I don't practice.  That I have a new commitment as of today to practice daily.  He told me that the practice isn't to get the movements correct or to remember them, it's a daily routine to inhabit my body and learn to feel my own energy and move it, to connect my lower body to my upper body, to shift it and transform it, to cleanse my own energy, to release blocks and let my energy flow.  That's what the daily practice is for and since I haven't been practicing daily, that's why my blocks are still in my lower back and connecting to my legs.  Even when my form looks very good.  I can think about Tai Chi all day, it's in the moving and practicing the movement will the shift and the release happen.  I need to take this to my emotional work also.  Love and Light.

9-14-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Dancing
3.  Sleeping
4.  My car running well
5.  Creativity and talent
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  Shifting and transformation
8.  Ability to go at my pace
9.  Joy
10.  Compassion

I normally only do text in my blog, and today I feel a need to share this video about how kids are learning "The Toolbox".  How the kids can access their own inner resilience.  This is amazing, and the tools these kids are learning in kindergarten and elementary school, I am just learning now through mental health counseling.  I have to say again that this is amazing.  Love and Light.

Toolbox Project Introduction (2012) - 6:30 from Peter Hwosch on Vimeo.

9-13-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My mechanic and my car running well
3.  Deep insight
4.  Caring for myself
5.  Unconditional love
6.  Time and space
7.  Music
8.  Chanting
9.  Silence
10.  Choices and responsibility

I was working on discovering/acknowledging my own needs earlier this year.  The myth that I believed was:  My needs are not met, therefore needs are bad, therefore I am bad, therefore I deny that I have any needs.  There are a few processes that I do with my therapist where at the end she asks "What do I need from myself, and what do I want from others?"  For many years I've had the hardest time answering these questions. I would answer that I don't need anything, I don't want anything.  She teaches that needs are what I fulfill for myself, and wants are from others.  My needs are always filled by me and wants are asking from others and I may not always get them.  This further confused me because I wasn't sure what needs were to begin with.  And as a small child I was not able to fill my needs for myself.  And that's where my development stopped.  So filling a need for myself felt to me not possible as an adult.  I've had to do a lot of work to realize what my needs are and admit to them.  Then I had a hard time understanding asking for a want.  If I'm fulfilling my own need, why would I ever ask or want someone to help me with it?  Which got me to point of believing: I need love and support, and so I fill my need loving and supporting myself and others would spontaneously do the same for me.  I still didn't understand why asking for what I wanted, or even admitting that I wanted it from someone was important.  Then I was given a homework assignment, I basically had to practice asking for what I wanted from others.  It was a very hard assignment, and I guess I haven't really finished it, because coming up with what I wanted was hard.  And asking was near impossible.  I did do it for a couple of things.  I understand the logic, that fulfilling the need myself and then asking for what I want, if I don't get what I want, I am not devastated, my need is still met.  It's the emotions.  How I feel when I meet my own need is different from receiving from another.  Both feelings are new and amazing for me.  They feel differently.  My needs are always met.  Meeting my own needs heals my little girl that didn't know how to meet my needs.  Receiving what I want from others heals my little girl from not receiving what she needed.  Along with these new and amazing feelings, I've been feeling lots of grief over loss of not getting what I needed.  Love and Light.

9-12-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Music
3.  The Booth at the End
4.  My car running well
5.  Abundance
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  The Light
8.  Choices and Responsibility
9.  Friends
10.  Florida Personal Growth Center

Insomnia.  When I have nights where I'm not sleeping, I am really appreciative of sleep and rest and relaxation. When I was in my teens, I would try to stay awake and never could do it.  I was envious of my friend who complained of insomnia. then in college when insomnia happened to me a couple of times, I realized that it was not staying awake to get more done.  It was a desperate feeling for sleep because I was having trouble functioning.  Thinking is hard and unfocused.  The world seems foggy and weird, like it's off-kilter or the color is off.  Even physical functioning is a struggle because I feel my muscles screaming for rest to repair.  My digestion is funky and I don't want to eat.  So, I used to imagine that I would get a ton more projects completed if I had insomnia and now the reality is that I can barely do much more than stare at the wall and it takes me even longer to do basic tasks.  Here's to releasing what is blocking me from restful sleep.  Love and Light.

9-11-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Friends
4.  Being held in the Light
5.  Being of service
6.  Choices and responsibility
7.  Music
8.  Headphones
9.  Accomplishment
10.  Flowing with The Light

I didn't sleep well last night.  In my dream I was trying to check into a hotel so that I could lay down and sleep.  There were lots of people in my dream.  And it was during a film festival.  When I finally got into a hotel room, I couldn't get the owner out of the room, she kept wanting to talk to me because I was so interesting.  I woke up with a head and neck ache, which are still sore.  Weird.  Life is an adventure, and so are my dreams.  Love and Light.

9-10-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Larger hard drive in my work computer
4.  Creativity
5.  Honoring all my emotions
6.  Music
7.  Chanting
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Choices and responsibility
10.  Friends

There's a difference between feeling sleepy and feeling exhausted.  Yesterday and so far today, I feel exhausted.  Where is the energy that recharges as it flows through me.  I very much want to live in a natural setting.  A house out in the country, or mountains with trees all around.  I'm in a 4th floor condo building with asphalt all around.  Sounds like I'm telling myself to take a walk through a park today.  To open up and let energy flow through me.  To take a nap.  Love and Light.

9-9-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Meeting today
4.  Friends
5.  Laughter
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  The Light that is in everybody
8.  Choices and responsibility
9.  Creativity
10.  Silence

I am grateful that it is Sunday morning. My event yesterday went beautifully. Everybody had a great time and so did I. Today is relaxing with Quaker Meeting and maybe watching football with some friends. I feel Light today. And sleepy as I was up late and now up early. Love and Light.

9-7-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Openness
4.  Music
5.  Chanting
6.  Silence
7.  Sleeping
8.  Breathing
9.  A new 500 GB hard drive
10.  Unconditional Love

Yay Friday!  I am working tomorrow, and I'm grateful that I have this evening with nothing planned so that I can finish up some last minute tasks for the event that I have been leading for tomorrow.  I am visualizing how I'm feeling and what I'm doing after the event.  I am driving my equipment back to the office and I feel Light and happy that the event went so well and it was so much fun.  I reflect with joy on the spontaneous concert with everybody playing their instruments and making joyful noise.  I am now here at work and grateful that I have a new larger hard drive for my editing machine, as it has been tedious trying to make all my projects fit on it.  I have lots of fun creative things to do today.  Love and Light.

9-6-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Help
3.  Friends
4.  Haircut
5.  My car running well
6.  Happy Hour
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  My creativity and talent
9.  The Light
10.  Task reminders

Hello, and welcome to Thursday.  I get a haircut tonight and I'm getting ready for my blind date on Saturday night.  I'm sleepy today.  Had a very hard time getting out of bed.  And I feel I could fall right asleep sitting at my desk.  I have lots of projects to work on today.  I am open and flowing with love and light.

9-5-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Chanting
3.  Music
4.  Friends
5.  My wonderful job
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  Endless possibilities in every moment
8.  Choices and responsibility
9.  My car running well
10.  Sun, wind, trees

I've been meaning to switch when I create a posting for this blog.  I currently write it in the morning and put things in it to be grateful for that are coming up today.  There are a couple of things that are on my grateful list that I am grateful for at the time I write it, like my dog, my job, my car.  The rest are things to remind myself to open to during the day and be grateful when it happens later in the day.  Maybe I'm putting way too much thought into this.  I was wondering if my list would be different if I made it at night and put on it things that happened that day as I reflect on what happened.  Like last night, I would have put on my list grateful for my mechanic since my check engine light came on and he checked it out right away and resolved it quickly.  And my friend Sherri for helping me with makeup and waxing my eyebrows.  The way my list works now, it reminds me first thing in the morning to be grateful all day.  I think it works.  Love and Light.