1. My adorable dog
2. Creativity and talent
3. Friends
4. Learning
5. Music
6. Dancing and moving
7. My car running well
8. Knowing there is a enough time for everything
9. Sacred space
10. The Light
Hello and welcome to Friday! I am learning and practicing more and more to allow my emotions to flow through me. To not stop them at all. I got triggered by something and I felt like a very scared little girl and I allowed my fear to express out of me through tears, while at the same time being loving and gentle and caring with myself knowing I am an adult and I care and protect myself. It was a good practice. It's interesting that I use the word "practice". Growing up there was not support to "try" new things. There was no "giving something a try" as in my house it was "do it right or don't do it at all." So when in a growth therapy setting they are teaching to not use the word "try" at all because if you try you will not succeed, you are putting your energy into trying, attempting, giving yourself an out to fail. Be positive in your statements and say "I am" or "I do". Which I very much understand from this perspective and people that do half-assed attempts because in their minds they are only "trying". For me I get triggered and the world closes in because I would make it mean that there is no room for me to make a mistake. There would be no room for me to do my all out best and make a mistake, I feel I have to do it perfect the first time. So, I use the word "practice". This provides the space I need. Doing my best and allowing room to try new things out and make mistakes. I am loving and gentle to myself and I practiced this today. Love and Light.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
6-27-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My life
3. Knowing that there is time for everything
4. Endless possibilities in every moment
5. Learning
6. Awareness
7. Love
8. Creativity and talent
9. Flowing
10. The Light
I got my list done today! Not much else to report. Much Love and Light to the world.
2. My life
3. Knowing that there is time for everything
4. Endless possibilities in every moment
5. Learning
6. Awareness
7. Love
8. Creativity and talent
9. Flowing
10. The Light
I got my list done today! Not much else to report. Much Love and Light to the world.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
6-26-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Unconditional love
3. Breath of life
4. My life
5. Endless possibilities in every moment
6. Joy
7. All my emotions flowing through
8. Surrender
9. Giving gifts
10. The Light
All my friends are doing so well and succeeding and accomplishing some big goals. I send much love, Light and happiness to all my friends. Love and Light.
2. Unconditional love
3. Breath of life
4. My life
5. Endless possibilities in every moment
6. Joy
7. All my emotions flowing through
8. Surrender
9. Giving gifts
10. The Light
All my friends are doing so well and succeeding and accomplishing some big goals. I send much love, Light and happiness to all my friends. Love and Light.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
6-25-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Living
3. Breathing
4. My car running well
5. Friends
6. Creativity
7. Technology for sharing
8. All emotions
9. Endless possibilities in every moment
10. The Light
I've been working in a flow. I flow from this to something else and back to something else again. A lot of pieces were worked on today and nothing was finished. I'm flowing through work. I'm not sure if it works as well as getting focused on one thing and getting it done. Then going to the next thing. I seem to be happier today. Love and Light.
2. Living
3. Breathing
4. My car running well
5. Friends
6. Creativity
7. Technology for sharing
8. All emotions
9. Endless possibilities in every moment
10. The Light
I've been working in a flow. I flow from this to something else and back to something else again. A lot of pieces were worked on today and nothing was finished. I'm flowing through work. I'm not sure if it works as well as getting focused on one thing and getting it done. Then going to the next thing. I seem to be happier today. Love and Light.
Monday, June 24, 2013
6-24-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. God is my breath of life
3. Breathing
4. My body
5. My car running well
6. All my emotions flowing thru me
7. Endless possibilities in every moment
8. Unconditional Love
9. Friends
10. The Light
I had an amazing weekend retreat. I feel connected to all of life and every person. I feel I am a part of God. All of us are. There are a lot of phrases of wisdom that are about being in the present moment. Be here now. Be fully present in this moment. Taking only the phrases and trying to do that may be frustrating. Or, like me, I understand the concept and then think I'm doing it, try to feel I'm doing it, and wondering if I'm being present at all. For me, over the work I did last weekend, I now realize that the work is in releasing myself from what I am carrying around with me. I do not attain being fully in the present moment just by power of will. I also need to be willing to let go of the past and allow it to be in my past. This is spiritually and energetically as well as mindfully. It's interesting that because I'm now trying to write about it, I understand all of the other things I read about this. I read them and I thought I knew what they were about, but now I have finally experienced letting go and being fully present. I know what I thought I was doing before was not being fully present, now I am, and now that I'm trying to write about it, I find I'm using the same words and phrases that I've read in the past and didn't fully understand until now. It's like whistling. It can be explained and explained as to how to do it and the only way anybody will be able to whistle is to try to do it and continually adjust their lips and their airflow and try to whistle until one day the sound comes out. Then that person tries to explain how to do it to another person. To be fully present in this moment, keep trying to do it until you truly feel it. Love and Light.
2. God is my breath of life
3. Breathing
4. My body
5. My car running well
6. All my emotions flowing thru me
7. Endless possibilities in every moment
8. Unconditional Love
9. Friends
10. The Light
I had an amazing weekend retreat. I feel connected to all of life and every person. I feel I am a part of God. All of us are. There are a lot of phrases of wisdom that are about being in the present moment. Be here now. Be fully present in this moment. Taking only the phrases and trying to do that may be frustrating. Or, like me, I understand the concept and then think I'm doing it, try to feel I'm doing it, and wondering if I'm being present at all. For me, over the work I did last weekend, I now realize that the work is in releasing myself from what I am carrying around with me. I do not attain being fully in the present moment just by power of will. I also need to be willing to let go of the past and allow it to be in my past. This is spiritually and energetically as well as mindfully. It's interesting that because I'm now trying to write about it, I understand all of the other things I read about this. I read them and I thought I knew what they were about, but now I have finally experienced letting go and being fully present. I know what I thought I was doing before was not being fully present, now I am, and now that I'm trying to write about it, I find I'm using the same words and phrases that I've read in the past and didn't fully understand until now. It's like whistling. It can be explained and explained as to how to do it and the only way anybody will be able to whistle is to try to do it and continually adjust their lips and their airflow and try to whistle until one day the sound comes out. Then that person tries to explain how to do it to another person. To be fully present in this moment, keep trying to do it until you truly feel it. Love and Light.
Friday, June 21, 2013
6-21-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My office all to myself
3. Quiet and silence
4. Relaxing go with the flow
5. Creativity and talent
6. Group retreat weekend
7. The Light
8. Excitement
9. All experiences and emotions
10. Unconditional Love
I'm so excited for the weekend. My soul is Pure and Light and Well. I am well. Love and Light.
2. My office all to myself
3. Quiet and silence
4. Relaxing go with the flow
5. Creativity and talent
6. Group retreat weekend
7. The Light
8. Excitement
9. All experiences and emotions
10. Unconditional Love
I'm so excited for the weekend. My soul is Pure and Light and Well. I am well. Love and Light.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
6-20-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Breathing
3. Unconditional Love
4. Silence
5. Music
6. Creativity and talent
7. Openness
8. Vulnerability
9. Endless possibilities in every moment
10. The Light
It's Thursday. Yesterday I thought it was Thursday. Today I'm thinking it's Friday, but no, it is Thursday. If I was on a deserted island like in the movie "Cast Away", would I be as vigilant as the main character to so diligently keep track of the day and dates? No, definitely not. Especially because I can't remember how many days are in each month. It's not the same and it irks me if I think about it too much. At one point in my life I tried to make my own calendar and even out the number of months and days of the week and days in a month, or even come up with whole new words and definitions of days and units of measurement I wanted the metric system of time divided up by those easy units of 10. But how does one do that when the year is 365.25? [Sigh] So today is Thursday, I thought it was Friday, but that is tomorrow. Love and Light.
2. Breathing
3. Unconditional Love
4. Silence
5. Music
6. Creativity and talent
7. Openness
8. Vulnerability
9. Endless possibilities in every moment
10. The Light
It's Thursday. Yesterday I thought it was Thursday. Today I'm thinking it's Friday, but no, it is Thursday. If I was on a deserted island like in the movie "Cast Away", would I be as vigilant as the main character to so diligently keep track of the day and dates? No, definitely not. Especially because I can't remember how many days are in each month. It's not the same and it irks me if I think about it too much. At one point in my life I tried to make my own calendar and even out the number of months and days of the week and days in a month, or even come up with whole new words and definitions of days and units of measurement I wanted the metric system of time divided up by those easy units of 10. But how does one do that when the year is 365.25? [Sigh] So today is Thursday, I thought it was Friday, but that is tomorrow. Love and Light.
6-19-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Endless possibilities in every moment
3. Unconditional love
4. Breathing
5. Awareness
6. Great friends
7. All of life and all of nature
8. Music and chanting
9. Creativity and talent
10. The Light
There is a Quaker story told about a meeting between George Fox and William Penn. The story goes that William Penn was a recent Quaker by convincement and was struggling with the question of wearing his sword or not. Wearing a sword back then was part of normal dress of those of a certain status. So even though the story when told usually focuses on the non-violence part of Quakerism and the sword was concern to William Penn as it is a weapon of violence, I also believe it had to do with being a status symbol in the community and addressed also the equality part of Quakerism. The story as I heard it, as William Penn was struggling with his habit of wearing his sword, he asked George Fox how long he would be wearing his sword. And George Fox replied, "Wear it as long as you can."
When I first heard this story, I thought it was talking about personal convincement. When one fully accepts the Quaker testimonies, one would not be able to "wear the sword". Recently, this story came to me to enlighten another aspect of my personal work. I go to mental health counseling, and have done lots of work on healing my childhood trauma. I survived through abuse, and part of the processing through and healing, is sometimes going back to those times to learn what "decisions" I made about myself and the world and to see if I need and want to change those decisions. The process is not forced upon me, I'm the one that lets go and goes to whatever time my "soul" needs to show me where I turned away from the Light in order to survive. Lately, after years of therapy and growth, I have been surprised to be still going back to some of the same times of abuse and getting more insight and more healing. I've been wondering how many more times will I need to go back to those painful times to heal. Then I felt the story of William Penn and his sword. And I will go back as long as I can to heal. Love and Light.
2. Endless possibilities in every moment
3. Unconditional love
4. Breathing
5. Awareness
6. Great friends
7. All of life and all of nature
8. Music and chanting
9. Creativity and talent
10. The Light
There is a Quaker story told about a meeting between George Fox and William Penn. The story goes that William Penn was a recent Quaker by convincement and was struggling with the question of wearing his sword or not. Wearing a sword back then was part of normal dress of those of a certain status. So even though the story when told usually focuses on the non-violence part of Quakerism and the sword was concern to William Penn as it is a weapon of violence, I also believe it had to do with being a status symbol in the community and addressed also the equality part of Quakerism. The story as I heard it, as William Penn was struggling with his habit of wearing his sword, he asked George Fox how long he would be wearing his sword. And George Fox replied, "Wear it as long as you can."
When I first heard this story, I thought it was talking about personal convincement. When one fully accepts the Quaker testimonies, one would not be able to "wear the sword". Recently, this story came to me to enlighten another aspect of my personal work. I go to mental health counseling, and have done lots of work on healing my childhood trauma. I survived through abuse, and part of the processing through and healing, is sometimes going back to those times to learn what "decisions" I made about myself and the world and to see if I need and want to change those decisions. The process is not forced upon me, I'm the one that lets go and goes to whatever time my "soul" needs to show me where I turned away from the Light in order to survive. Lately, after years of therapy and growth, I have been surprised to be still going back to some of the same times of abuse and getting more insight and more healing. I've been wondering how many more times will I need to go back to those painful times to heal. Then I felt the story of William Penn and his sword. And I will go back as long as I can to heal. Love and Light.
Friday, June 14, 2013
6-14-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Breathing
3. My car running well
4. Music
5. Chanting
6. Writing
7. Unconditional Love
8. Courage
9. Stepping forward
10. The Light
So, I've given myself a goal to call and talk to a professional organizer about cleaning up my home. I'm scared to call. As soon as I say I'm going to call and talk to her, a committee starts up in my head telling me all the things I know I want to organize in my house and I know how to organize them. I just haven't been doing it. I haven't been getting off my butt and just doing it. And it's not a goal to hire the organizer and set a date, it's just to talk to her and tell her what's going on with me. I'm afraid she's going to come in like a whirlwind and throw out stuff I don't want her to throw out. Just Breathe. Just call and talk to her. I'm safe. Love and Light.
2. Breathing
3. My car running well
4. Music
5. Chanting
6. Writing
7. Unconditional Love
8. Courage
9. Stepping forward
10. The Light
So, I've given myself a goal to call and talk to a professional organizer about cleaning up my home. I'm scared to call. As soon as I say I'm going to call and talk to her, a committee starts up in my head telling me all the things I know I want to organize in my house and I know how to organize them. I just haven't been doing it. I haven't been getting off my butt and just doing it. And it's not a goal to hire the organizer and set a date, it's just to talk to her and tell her what's going on with me. I'm afraid she's going to come in like a whirlwind and throw out stuff I don't want her to throw out. Just Breathe. Just call and talk to her. I'm safe. Love and Light.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
6-12-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. Creativity and talent
4. Flowing with all of life
5. Excellent friends
6. Rain
7. Breathing
8. Unconditional love
9. Freedom in my job
10. The Light
I realize that I have only been looking at half of a cycle. A lot of my readings and lessons lately are telling me to make my way through all my experiences. To not get bogged down or stop halfway or try to avoid feeling pain and hurt. Or try to avoid feeling joy. There are lots of quotes and spiritual writings that tell of getting through the pain of loss there will be an opening greater than what was before. On the other side of feeling hurt all the way through is a gift and joy. I was not one to believe these sayings or teachings. I only saw that joy brought pain. I only saw that joy didn't last and I was once more thrown into hurt. I avoided both and shut down feeling. I now can see that it is a cycle. Life continues with experience after experience and there will be both joy and hurt that will come through. It will only pass through if I let it pass, if I don't stop and hold on. Picture a wheel and joy is at the top and pain is at the bottom and it turns and turns through pain through joy. All is life. I only saw one half of this wheel before and I know of people that only see the other half. Seeing all of it and allowing the wheel to turn is peace. Love and Light.
2. My car running well
3. Creativity and talent
4. Flowing with all of life
5. Excellent friends
6. Rain
7. Breathing
8. Unconditional love
9. Freedom in my job
10. The Light
I realize that I have only been looking at half of a cycle. A lot of my readings and lessons lately are telling me to make my way through all my experiences. To not get bogged down or stop halfway or try to avoid feeling pain and hurt. Or try to avoid feeling joy. There are lots of quotes and spiritual writings that tell of getting through the pain of loss there will be an opening greater than what was before. On the other side of feeling hurt all the way through is a gift and joy. I was not one to believe these sayings or teachings. I only saw that joy brought pain. I only saw that joy didn't last and I was once more thrown into hurt. I avoided both and shut down feeling. I now can see that it is a cycle. Life continues with experience after experience and there will be both joy and hurt that will come through. It will only pass through if I let it pass, if I don't stop and hold on. Picture a wheel and joy is at the top and pain is at the bottom and it turns and turns through pain through joy. All is life. I only saw one half of this wheel before and I know of people that only see the other half. Seeing all of it and allowing the wheel to turn is peace. Love and Light.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
6-11-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. Creativity and talent
4. My brother
5. Breathing
6. Opening
7. The Light
8. Creativity and Talent
9. Joy and fun
10. Unconditional Love
I started this list yesterday morning and became very busy. I realized this morning that I hadn't finished it yet, so I just continued. I've realized that I had been taking every opportunity to "beat myself up." If I start something, I have the intention to complete it, and then I become sidetracked, or priorities shift, or just moving from my office to my home changes what I was thinking about doing. Have you ever gotten up from one room, walked into another room with intention, but when you get in the other room you forgot why you went in there? Those are the things that I berate myself for. I find a project that I started weeks ago and realize I haven't had one thought about it in all those weeks and I get mad at myself. I spend time telling myself how horrible I am. I sit down and wallow in what I am making something horrible about myself. I am stopping this today! Right now! When I find a project and/or remember a task to do, I'm going to tell myself: "YAY, how cool is that idea and project I started. I now get to work on it some more. This project is cool and wonderful!" This will be different and right now it sounds very silly to me (there's that old self-debasing habit already showing up) and I will do it. I will remember to say how wonderful to find all these projects to finish! I am amazing and wonderful and I create sacred joyful space for myself. Love and Light.
2. My car running well
3. Creativity and talent
4. My brother
5. Breathing
6. Opening
7. The Light
8. Creativity and Talent
9. Joy and fun
10. Unconditional Love
I started this list yesterday morning and became very busy. I realized this morning that I hadn't finished it yet, so I just continued. I've realized that I had been taking every opportunity to "beat myself up." If I start something, I have the intention to complete it, and then I become sidetracked, or priorities shift, or just moving from my office to my home changes what I was thinking about doing. Have you ever gotten up from one room, walked into another room with intention, but when you get in the other room you forgot why you went in there? Those are the things that I berate myself for. I find a project that I started weeks ago and realize I haven't had one thought about it in all those weeks and I get mad at myself. I spend time telling myself how horrible I am. I sit down and wallow in what I am making something horrible about myself. I am stopping this today! Right now! When I find a project and/or remember a task to do, I'm going to tell myself: "YAY, how cool is that idea and project I started. I now get to work on it some more. This project is cool and wonderful!" This will be different and right now it sounds very silly to me (there's that old self-debasing habit already showing up) and I will do it. I will remember to say how wonderful to find all these projects to finish! I am amazing and wonderful and I create sacred joyful space for myself. Love and Light.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
6-6-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Connected to everyone and everything
3. Chanting
4. Unconditional Love
5. The Light
6. My car running well
7. Music
8. Short day at work
9. Creativity and talent
10. Sleeping
I did this practice this morning to feel connected to everyone and everything. I like this very much. I imagine my heart with Light rays pouring out of it and connecting to other people's hearts and their Light rays coming back to me. Like a circular breath. I included my neighbors and coworkers and family and community and friends. The more I included the brighter and bigger the Light became. We live in an abundance of Light and Love. I ask with the Light in me and I am answered with the Light in you. Love and Light.
2. Connected to everyone and everything
3. Chanting
4. Unconditional Love
5. The Light
6. My car running well
7. Music
8. Short day at work
9. Creativity and talent
10. Sleeping
I did this practice this morning to feel connected to everyone and everything. I like this very much. I imagine my heart with Light rays pouring out of it and connecting to other people's hearts and their Light rays coming back to me. Like a circular breath. I included my neighbors and coworkers and family and community and friends. The more I included the brighter and bigger the Light became. We live in an abundance of Light and Love. I ask with the Light in me and I am answered with the Light in you. Love and Light.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
6-4-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My Birthday
3. My car running well
4. Mastermind
5. Friends
6. Support
7. Chanting
8. Creativity and Talent
9. Unconditional Love
10. The Light
Happy Birthday to me! I woke up this morning to my dog wagging his tail and cuddling with me. I asked him what he got me for my birthday and he wagged his tail and rubbed his head under my chin making silly little groaning noises. I told him that he is my gift every day. Every day loving him and him loving me. Every day is my gift, not just on my birthday. Every day is new and fresh and blank ready for me to create it to be what it becomes. Love and Light.
2. My Birthday
3. My car running well
4. Mastermind
5. Friends
6. Support
7. Chanting
8. Creativity and Talent
9. Unconditional Love
10. The Light
Happy Birthday to me! I woke up this morning to my dog wagging his tail and cuddling with me. I asked him what he got me for my birthday and he wagged his tail and rubbed his head under my chin making silly little groaning noises. I told him that he is my gift every day. Every day loving him and him loving me. Every day is my gift, not just on my birthday. Every day is new and fresh and blank ready for me to create it to be what it becomes. Love and Light.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
6-1-13 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Sleeping in
3. Friends
4. Awarenesses and ability to change
5. Endless possibilities in every moment
6. Rain
7. Silence
8. Chanting
9. Sharing
10. The Light
I'm having a nice rainy day at home, well, morning at least. I need to make a decision for the afternoon, whether or not to stay in and putter around the house cleaning, or go into work to make up some time. If I don't go into work, I will need to use vacation hours and I am getting low and it's only June. I am feeling calm and really the best physically I've felt in a long time. I have laundry going and dishwasher going, and I have an audio project or a graphic art project that are calling me. I have finances and budgeting and bills to pay. I have the living room to clean and rearrange since I got rid of my couch. Right now, I feel like a nap. Love and Light.
2. Sleeping in
3. Friends
4. Awarenesses and ability to change
5. Endless possibilities in every moment
6. Rain
7. Silence
8. Chanting
9. Sharing
10. The Light
I'm having a nice rainy day at home, well, morning at least. I need to make a decision for the afternoon, whether or not to stay in and putter around the house cleaning, or go into work to make up some time. If I don't go into work, I will need to use vacation hours and I am getting low and it's only June. I am feeling calm and really the best physically I've felt in a long time. I have laundry going and dishwasher going, and I have an audio project or a graphic art project that are calling me. I have finances and budgeting and bills to pay. I have the living room to clean and rearrange since I got rid of my couch. Right now, I feel like a nap. Love and Light.
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