1. My adorable dog
2. Trees
3. My car running well
4. Music
5. My apartment
6. Birds singing
7. Soft grass
8. Chanting
9. Drum meditation tonight
10. Love and Light
Looking back on my old lists, I am reminded of being grateful for "choices and responsibility". Currently I'm not able to be grateful for this. I feel like I have made a series of "bad" choices for myself. I have lost my confidence that I am capable of making "good" decisions. I am lost. I choose to be lost. I am the only human that can find my way, my path. I choose to follow the guidance of the great spirit. I felt led to my previous employment, and I had a lot of difficulty and issues with my previous boss. I am afraid to follow another leading. I feel sick today. Love and Light.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
5-13-14 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. My apartment
4. Ceiling fans
5. This blog
6. The trees with their new leaves
7. Mountains, curvy roads, hiking trails
8. Friends and family
9. The Light
10. A new day
I have been having a rough time with myself. I have been watching marathon TV sessions, 12 to 13 hours a day. This is not good having entire runs of shows available for me to watch whenever I want. I've been wondering if Al-Anon or AA meetings would mind if I show up with my TV addiction. Facing my own life is hard for me right now. I have lost my confidence in my ability to make good decisions for myself. I am currently unemployed, by my own choice. I left my last job as I lost interest in video production. I start wondering if I was really that interested in it to begin with. I had difficulty with my boss, the owner. The way she ran things was so foreign to me and didn't make sense to me. An 8 to 5 job in a corporate cubicle started looking very good to me. At least there the processes and policies and the way things would get done would make sense to me. I am struggling to get through my days and to not punish myself for wasting so many weeks of TV watching. I feel disappointment in myself in not taking this opportunity to do all the things I complained of not having enough time to do, like learning and playing music, writing another book, organizing my house and making a sacred space. There's just me here, no friends cheering me on, no partner or roommate to help or motivate me. Just me . . . trying to push through the day. Love and Light.
2. My car running well
3. My apartment
4. Ceiling fans
5. This blog
6. The trees with their new leaves
7. Mountains, curvy roads, hiking trails
8. Friends and family
9. The Light
10. A new day
I have been having a rough time with myself. I have been watching marathon TV sessions, 12 to 13 hours a day. This is not good having entire runs of shows available for me to watch whenever I want. I've been wondering if Al-Anon or AA meetings would mind if I show up with my TV addiction. Facing my own life is hard for me right now. I have lost my confidence in my ability to make good decisions for myself. I am currently unemployed, by my own choice. I left my last job as I lost interest in video production. I start wondering if I was really that interested in it to begin with. I had difficulty with my boss, the owner. The way she ran things was so foreign to me and didn't make sense to me. An 8 to 5 job in a corporate cubicle started looking very good to me. At least there the processes and policies and the way things would get done would make sense to me. I am struggling to get through my days and to not punish myself for wasting so many weeks of TV watching. I feel disappointment in myself in not taking this opportunity to do all the things I complained of not having enough time to do, like learning and playing music, writing another book, organizing my house and making a sacred space. There's just me here, no friends cheering me on, no partner or roommate to help or motivate me. Just me . . . trying to push through the day. Love and Light.
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