7-26-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Arfington Resorts
3.  Unconditional Love
4.  Choices
5.  Meditation
6.  My car running well
7.  Friends
8.  Family
9.  The Light
10.  Infinite space inside myself

I am anxious about more than one thing, and these same things I am excited about.  I know I am anxious because when I woke up this morning, my neck and shoulders felt like one piece of bone, like there weren't any joints in there at all.  I've been catching myself throughout the morning with my shoulders in my ears and I relax and stretch and try to let go.  I am safe.  I am going on an adventure.  I have an adventurous spirit.  I am meeting interesting and loving characters along the way.  Love and Light.

7-25-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Awareness
3.  After Effects
4.  Breathing
5.  Meditation
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  Creativity and talent
8.  Relaxation
9.  Going with the flow
10.  Vacation time

I am grateful for vacation time now.  I've been trying to stay late and make up hours so that I don't have to use it.  And I'm paying attention to myself and I know I'm done for today.  No more creativity today and I need to take care of myself.  So I'm going home and taking the vacation time that I have available to me today.  Love and Light.

7-24-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Creativity and talent
3.  Playfulness
4.  Unconditional Love
5.  Strength, Power, and Courage
6.  Choices
7.  My job
8.  My car running well
9.  The Light
10.  This day

I'm feeling good this day, right now, which is all that exists is in this moment.  I'm working extra hours to make up for leaving early for appointments.  My brain is tired and I am using After Effects to make a cool, dynamic spot that is just full of logos.  There is definitely stretch in my imagination to make something interesting to watch when I have nothing but logos.  Love and Light.

7-23-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Choices
3.  All my emotions
4.  Breathing
5.  Speaking up
6.  Adventure
7.  Creativity and Talent
8.  My car running well
9.  The Light
10.  Unconditional Love

I am Superman!!  Quite often, throughout my day, I am asked the question, "How are you?"  A lot of times these are from people I don't even know.  I used to always feel uncomfortable answering this, knowing sometimes my answer of "Fine" is not anywhere near my truth.  Also knowing that I'm not comfortable sharing with complete strangers that I am sad, or lost, or sick.  A lot of time even acquaintances don't even want to really know the true answer.  Now I know how to answer.  When I am asked, "How are you?" I respond, "I am Superman!"  Because I just discovered the incredible amounts of strength and courage I possess and owning all my strength I can get through anything I'm feeling.  I am Superman!!  Love and Light.

7-19-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog

2.  Choices

3.  My car running well

4.  Endless possibilities in every moment

5.  Awareness

6.  Unconditional love

7.  Alive today

8.  Video games

9.  Movies

10.  Friends

I have been getting stuck in making a choice and then believing I have to stick with that choice no matter what.  I think the other choice disappears and is no longer available for me to choose.  In very few unique instances this is true, and not true in the majority of life.  I forget that every time I make a choice, I can change it.  Sometimes I change it unconsciously, not knowing that I sidestepped down another path because I'm definite of the choice I made so there's not a possibility that I could even fool myself and take a misstep.  I have the opportunity every day, every moment of every day to either be my wounds or heal from them.  Love and Light.

7-18-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  This day, this moment
4.  All my emotions
5.  All parts of me
6.  Breathing
7.  Creativity and Talent
8.  Awareness
9.  Expression
10.  The Light

I don't have anything coherent to say today.  My "tornado brain" has found me again and I chose to dive into it . . . or am I making the tornado myself . . . making everything incoherent in my brain somehow serves me . . . I'm not able to hold onto any thought.  This is a time for me to live in my heart and just love my tornado brain and let it tornado itself out.  Love and Light.

7-17-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Awareness
3.  Listening
4.  Unconditional Love
5.  Understanding
6.  Breathing
7.  Understanding
8.  My car running well
9.  My life
10.  All my emotions

I'm doing better.  I feel like I'm on the edge of some big realization.  One of those things that I've heard over and over and never got, or thought I got it and now I'm on the edge of feeling it.  I now know, and feel inside, and KNOW that it is my choice to choose.  I get to choose!!  I'm choosing for me!  What exactly am I choosing?  I'm not clear on that yet, and the fog is getting thinner and thinner.  Love and Light.

7-16-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Friends
3.  My car running well
4.  Therapy
5.  Awareness
6.  Breathing
7.  Journal
8.  Movement
9.  My body
10.  The Light

I'm doing better than yesterday.  And still not that great emotionally.  For some reason I have been very productive at work.  Love and Light.

7-15-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Creativity and talent
4.  Breathing
5.  . . . . .

I can't write this list today.  I'm feeling like I'm just too stupid and broken and worthless to be on this planet.  I'm angry, I'm very angry at myself today.  I've screwed up my life.  I've screwed up every opportunity to make my life better, to make it where I didn't struggle all the time.  Some struggle is a part of life, and I see other people get a break.  I'm not giving myself a break.  I go and go and go till I break, again.  I know how to be broken.  I have not learned yet how to be healed.  Love and Light.

7-12-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Friends
4.  The Light
5.  Breathing
6.  Sun, moon, stars, trees
7.  Water
8.  Creativity and talent
9.  Support
10.  Gentleness

I had tried the past 3 days to come up with 10 things to be grateful and I have not been able to.  There was one of those pictures with words on it that gets shared and re-shared on facebook and this one feels like it fits me for the past 3 days and today:  "Existing can be hard sometimes and that's okay. I am proud of you even if all you did today was exist."  I am here.  I exist.  Love and Light.

7-9-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Creativity and talent
3.  Breathing
4.  Hands and feet and my body
5.  Friends
6.  Therapy
7.  My car running well
8.  This beautiful day
9.  All my emotions flowing through me
10.  The Light

Grumpy and tired today.  I had an awareness this morning that I am afraid every morning.  Afraid to get out of bed and face the day.  What am I afraid of?  I dunno.  This has been a habit of mine for so long, that started so long ago, that I don't even know what I'm afraid of facing in the day.  It is a long time habit and I wasn't aware of my fear.  Well then, how could I be afraid if I didn't even know I was afraid?  The same way that driving to work, or to home tends to be done on autopilot.  You are aware and stop at all the stop lights and go through all the go lights, but are you really present and aware of driving completely?  It's the same thing.  I'm afraid and I habitually react to the morning as if I'm afraid and hit the snooze and go back under the covers, telling myself that I'm just tired.  No, this morning I was aware because I wanted to get up with the first alarm and not snooze, that's when I noticed my fear and also that it was so familiar to me to be afraid to get out of bed.  Now I know.  Now I can change it. Now I can see that there is not anything in my day to be afraid of.  Now I love my life and love my morning and choose to be excited that I have another day to do all the things that are amazing and wonderful in life, like breathing.  Love and Light.

7-8-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Breathing
4.  Sleeping
5.  Imagination
6.  Friends
7.  Short day at work
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Support
10.  The Light

10 things was too much today.  I put things on my list that I've been putting on it over and over.  I'm not feeling grateful today and I'm sorry that I don't.  I'm not going to lie or "fake it till I make it" or other crap like that.  I'm in a dark place today and there's training and tools to use to shift myself out of it.  And there's other training and tools that tells me to walk thru it and sit in the steam room to be able to get to the other side which is the shift.  So which am I supposed to do today?  I'm feeling like this is something to continue to sit and feel all the way through because my attempts at shifting myself to The Light are not working.  Love and Light.

7-3-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Caring friends
3.  Feeling and expressing all my emotions
4.  Breathing
5.  Creativity and talent
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  Sleeping
8.  The Light
9.  Drumming
10.  Chanting

Last night I had an interesting thought.  I remember thinking that it would be a great thing to put in my blog today.  I remember those things, but not the actual interesting thought.  It will come back.  Probably when I'm not in the middle of a lot of distractions at work.  Love and Light.

7-2-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Therapy
3.  Surrendering
4.  Leadings
5.  Breathing
6.  Support from friends
7.  Sleeping
8.  Letting go
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  Willingness to forgive

I'm having trouble forgiving someone for denying completely something they did.  Not only the hurt for what they did just seems too deep . . .  the betrayal feels like it's continuous.  I feel the betrayal every time the denial is reiterated.  On some level, from the work I've been doing, I know forgiving will allow me to release feeling betrayed every time, forgiving will somehow enable me to see the Truth beyond and allow me to hear their denial without taking it within me every time.  I'm not sure how to do this, so my idea of what forgiving will be like may be skewed at this time.  I do know positively I will feel more peace in forgiving.  The thing is, I don't want to forgive.  I am hurt and betrayed and want the whole world to know!  This is where willingness is so graceful.  I pray for the willingness to forgive.  I pray for the desire to forgive.  That is my first step.  Love and Light.

7-1-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Creativity
3.  Connection
4.  The Light
5.  Friends
6.  My car running well
7.  Family especially my brother
8.  Unconditional love
9.  Endless possibilities in every moment
10.  My life, all of it.

Here I am waiting to run the remote cameras for a commission meeting. It's evenin now & I had this screen up all day at work & could only come up with three things on it. I definitely was not staring at it all day. I was on my other 2 computers doing work, but I would glance at this screen throughout the day wondering what I would put on it . . . So I put it off. Procrastination is one of my constant habits. I was going to say struggles & really it's not hard at all for me to procrastinate. I feel bad about myself & usually make myself feel overwhelmed which is what I'm more comfortable with feeling than joy & time & space. I am transforming & it is becoming harder to procrastinate & easier to feel joy, time & space. I believe I just found my new mantra. Love & Light.