7-31-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Coming from a place of love
4.  Music
5.  Sleeping
6.  All my emotions, especially fear and sadness today
7.  My wonderful job
8.  Being of service
9.  Fulfilling my needs
10.  Open and accepting

I am scared.  If I allow myself to be connecting to my feelings, I realize that I have been scared since last Thursday.  I had a major breakthrough Wednesday night.  I felt I could see myself living joyfully and fully, being completely open and allowing all things to touch my soul, to feel all things.  For some reason, (my logical brain getting in the way) I think that I won't be scared ever again.  That's completely not true.  Fear is an emotion equal to all other emotions and I need to honor it and experience it.  To continue moving with love, not let fear stop me.  That's what I've done, I've let fear stop me.  I need a new relationship with fear, not run and hide before I even realize that I'm feeling scared.  Fear is part of my soul, along with Joy, Sadness, Anger, Shame, and Hurt.  I expand my soul to be touched by life today.  Love and Light.

7-30-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Sleeping
4.  Heat wrap for my back
5.  Music
6.  Chanting
7.  Letting go
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  The Light
10.  Creativity

I'm a bit foggy this morning.  I took a pain killer with a sleep aid last night.  I don't like my cotton filled head the following day after taking that medication.  I did sleep a bit better.  I was still surprised at how often I did wake up even with the sleep aid.  I'm at work and I'm grateful for the Olympics because it will be something to put on the TV so my officemate doesn't continually pick reality programming.  I guess Olympics is reality programming also.  How about the reality programming of physically meeting friends and interacting with them, rather than watch people interact on TV.  The disconnect is getting larger with the illusion of connecting to more by recording people's interaction.  What's really interesting that a lot of people don't realize is that there is a person behind every camer on a reality show.  There are usually 3 cameras catching all the action of a reality show.  Nobody is interacting with them.  People watching with a camera.  How many people in your day do you pass and they are only watchers of your life?  How many people do you watch without interacting?  It used to be something I was really good at.  Love and Light.

7-29-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Heating pads
3.  Music
4.  Chanting
5.  AC
6.  My car running well
7.  Friends
8.  Communication
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  The Light

I have back back again today. I relaxed and watched a lot of TV yesterday. I don't want to repeat that kind of day again. I want to get some things done. This weekend was going to be all about cleaning. I have a hard time motivating myself to clean when I am feeling healthy. When I have pain in my back whenever I move, it is even harder to get myself to clean. I feel foggy today from the amount of TV I watch yesterday. I need to pay attention to my body and to my needs and do what I can today. I am safe. I am loved. I am supported. It's life and my life is okay however it turns out. Love and Light.

7-28-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Rain
3.  Sun
4.  My journal
5.  Breathing
6.  Blankets and AC
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  Music and Chanting
9.  Naps
10.  The Light

I'm having a rough day today.  I threw my back out and have some pain getting around.  I'm feeling quite sad and I'm crying today.  I don't have a clear reason why.  Lot's of big emotional things have happened this month and I feel like I need to express my overwhelm of it all.  I have believed I got the message from my therapist that feeling overwhelmed is a wrong thing to feel.  That I'm bad for feeling overwhelmed with everything.  And I think now, that I'm not bad or wrong for feeling overwhelmed.  I think what she has been trying to tell me is I have a choice to react to my overwhelmed and confused feelings.  My defense has been to let my feelings over take me, to let "overwhelm" scramble and "confuse" my brain.  I believe she's been trying to teach me that there is a way for me to feel my feelings of overwhelm and honor them, and help myself to be calm and quiet and let my feeling calm to be able to sort them out.  So I don't get lost and be overwhelmed for a week or more.  Let myself feel overwhelmed in a safe space and slowly, calmly be able to take one thing at a time.  Love and Light.

7-27-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Visiting with friends
3.  My wonderful creative job
4.  Creativity and imagination
5.  Music
6.  Choices and responsibility
7.  Sleep and feeling rested
8.  Unconditional love
9.  Vibrant life
10.  The Light

I slept better last night than I have in a long while.  I woke up several times, and overall I feel rested and that I had a good sleep.  I went to bed at 8 pm and listened to my body and mind telling me that I had been burning the candle down too far.  I do that with . . . I used to do that with eating too, wait way too long before I would eat.  I would be beyond hungry and then it doesn't feel good when I eat.  Like sleeping, I would stay up, watching something stupid on TV and go beyond sleepy and then it doesn't feel good when I lay down and sleep.  I think I'm learning more about balance.  Love and Light.

7-26-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Music
3.  Chanting and singing
4.  for who I truly am
5.  All my emotions
6.  All my experiences
7.  Choices and responsibilities
8.  Creativity and creating
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  The Light

I had a vision last night of being on a journey.  I was standing on a road at the top of a hill and the road went up and down a bunch of rolling hills into the horizon.  The sun was just about to come up, a bright glow in the horizon lighting the tops of the hills.  The light always stays just there in this world.  Only lighting the tops of the hills.  At the top of each hill was a floating window.  I was curious of what I was see through the windows.  The only way to get to the top of the next hill was to walk down the road into the dark, black valley.  I couldn't see what was down there, I was scared to go down there.  I felt there were monsters down there.  I could choose to stay where I was and only wonder about all the windows at the top of the hills, and wonder about the light at the horizon.  I took a risk and started walking down into the valley.  I was very scared and my first reaction of how to deal with it was to not look at it at all.  To keep my eyes on the crest of the next hill, so I wouldn't see what I was walking through.  That's dangerous too.  Not looking where I was walking, not seeing what is around me right now, that's when I stumble and lose sight of the next hill anyway.  That's when I get lost.  I took a risk and took my eyes off of the next hill and looked around.  I was in a deep forest.  Lush green vegetation surrounded the trunks of magnificent trees that towered above.  I saw my path through the forest clearly.  I could hear birds singing and in looking up would catch glimpses of them flying through the branches.  There were insects buzzing and rustling of animals.  Every once in a while I could catch a glimpse of one moving through the forest.  Animals scared and hiding in the deep vibrant forest, full of life.  I was a little scared, and becoming more comfortable in this environment.  I had a sense of being home.  There was a tiger in the forest.  I was catching glimpses out of the corner of my eye.  I couldn't tell if it was stalking me or scared of me or walking with me just out of sight.  I started my climb up out of the deep forest and I realized that what I was scared to walk into, I was now reluctant to walk out of.
I had been struggling for some time with self-rejection. I have been doing a lot of personal growth work and one issue that continued to frustrate me is my need to reject myself.  I realized with this vision that I had believed that my true self must be this monstrous horrible thing because as a child my parents never wanted me expressing who I truly was.  I have been rejecting myself because I was afraid of finding out if I really was truly horrible.  Now I know that my true self is vibrant and full of life and gifts.  I am that lush deep forest.  My gifts are all the animals and birds living there.  They are scared to come out right now, and I need to create a safe sacred space for my gifts to come out.  To express who I truly am.  Love and Light.

7-25-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Music
3.  Conscious Community
4.  Chanting
5.  Stretching and moving my body
6.  Creativity and expression
7.  My wonderful job
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  The Light
10.  Choices and responsibility

My goal for today is to do everything from a place of love, express all my emotions from a place of love including anger, hurt, and shame.  To be of service today.  To do everything to nourish and honor who I truly am.  That is my goal for today.  I am practicing a new way of being in the world.  Love and Light.

7-24-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Snoozing and late to work
3.  Creativity and talent
4.  Video editing
5.  Awareness and learning
6.  Breathing
7.  Humanness
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  The Light
10.  This day, new hope, new beginning

I had several dreams last night of a repeating theme.  I am with friends and we out doing something.  We get there and I'm talking and everybody leaves as I'm talking.  I rode with somebody else and I have no way to get home.  I search for them and can't find them.  I feel lost and abandoned.  I wake myself up from that dream and go back to sleep and have another one.  Different friends, different activity, talking about something else, everybody leaves me.  I think I had 3 or 4 of these dreams altogether last night.  Why is this theme coming up now?  I think because I was talking to my friend last night and relating my history of what had happened about 5 years ago.  I had very few close friends.  And each one, for their own reasons, all moved away within one year of each other, all to different locations in the country.  All my friends.  I named them and where they went as I was relating the story and I choked down sadness that was coming up.  Maybe I never processed my abandonment feelings from 5 years ago.  Maybe that's why it's repeating in my dream.  Love and Light.

7-23-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Silence
3.  Chanting
4.  Sleeping
5.  Affirmations
6.  My car running well
7.  Friends
8.  Hugs
9.  My wonderful job
10.  Love and Light

I am the only one that can create experiences to validate my new beliefs.  That sounds odd, or I sound full of myself.  I realize I am not creating every experience in my life.  There is quite a bit that I am practicing to go with the flow.  The experiences I'm talking about are ones I have a choice over already.  For example, my old belief of "I am worthless and I take up other people's space and time".  In order for my experience to validate that, I would choose to watch 6 hours of TV and movies.  My new belief, "I am important and deserve my own sacred space filled with love and caring."  And to validate that, I spend 6 hours cleaning and caring for myself and my house.  Creating the new experience currently takes more effort and is more uncomfortable.  With practice and time I will slowly shift and be more uncomfortable seeing papers and books strewn about, more uncomfortable seeing dirty dishes stacked up.  It is my choice.  Love and Light.

7-22-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Rain and storms
3.  Music
4.  Creativity
5.  Quaker meeting
6.  Silence
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  Choices and responsibility
9.  Playing and joy
10.  The Light

We just had a big storm and I was out playing in the rain!  I allowed myself to feel pure joy.  Feeling the cool rain splashing on me, the cool wind blowing around me.  Laughing and giggling as I ran through the rain, jumped in the big puddles, danced and spun around.  I allowed myself to truly be me, in the moment, and feel MY joy of living.  And the joy to come in and take a hot shower.  Now my tennis shoes are clunking around in the dryer and I'm having some hot tea.  This is all grateful thanks to a gift of awareness I received recently.  I became aware of my deep belief that the act of eating is a rejection of who I truly am.  This made a lot of sense to me because my other recent awareness that "Eating was terrifying", although a true belief I felt, my logical brain doubted me because look at the size of me.  One doesn't get fat by being terrified of eating.  Now, together: eating is terrifying, and eating is rejecting my true self, those fit together.  Because rejection is terrifying and look at the size of me, I get to show the world how much I reject myself!  With this powerful awareness, I am able to transform it.  Eating is safe and natural and healthy.  Eating is nourishing my true self.  I allow myself to eat to nourish who I truly am.  This gave me a bigger picture awareness to.  I allow unconditional Love in from Spirit to nourish who I truly am.  My true Light.  I allow unconditional Love in from friends to nourish who I truly am.  I allow myself to express who I truly am.  I give myself permission to be human.  I give myself permission to play in the rain.  Love and Light

7-20-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Validation
3.  Silence
4.  Friends
5.  Unconditional Love
6.  Acceptance
7.  Support
8.  My car running well
9.  Being of service
10.  All my emotions

I received a big piece of the puzzle last night on my issue with food.  A belief I created when I was a small child was that "Eating is rejecting who I truly am."  The only comfort I get from eating foods is that I am so comfortable with rejecting myself.  And this also makes sense because when I'm having a great day, or doing something that I'm passionate about, like when I'm on a film shoot, I don't eat.  My last film shoot, I had to assign somebody the task of making sure I ate during the 16 hour work day because otherwise I go until I pass out.  I don't want to eat when I'm having fun.  I now know the deep belief and I have a new belief:  "I take this [food] in to nourish who I truly am.  Thank you."  Love and Light.

7-19-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Drumming
3.  Therapy
4.  Music
5.  Healing
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  My soul close to the surface experiencing life
8.  Endless possibilities in every moment
9.  Choices and responsibility
10.  The Light

Communication is interesting.  I'm assigned on a task force for my community and I went to the first meeting last night.  These are all people I have never met before.  There was one woman where I couldn't understand her mode of communicating.  It seemed to me that she was speaking in half sentences or saying ideas that weren't fully formed yet or she assumed that we already knew the train of thought in her head and she only spoke the caboose out loud.  I had no idea even of the subject matter when she would start speaking.  There was a woman sitting across from her that instantly nodded her head and new exactly what the other woman was talking about and then would add to it.  This woman I could understand and was amazed that what she said was actually what the first woman was talking about.  It reminded me that when there is difficulty in communicating with another, it may be my own block, or it may be that we are different in communication.  There is no one right way.  The only thing is to check with who you are talking with and ask questions to be sure that communication is getting through.  Love and Light.

7-18-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Music
3.  Creativity
4.  My wonderful job doing what I love
5.  Safety and support
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  Compassion and understanding
8.  Friends and connection
9.  Endless possibilities in every moment
10.  Choices and responsibility

I'm puzzled as to why I feel more rested today.  It is my rational brain and logic getting in the way.  If I look only at what I dreamed about and counted the amount of times I woke up throughout the night, I am puzzled that I feel rested today.  It seems the same as the last few nights when after those nights I felt as if I hadn't slept at all.  I can let go of my puzzlement, and feel grateful that I feel rested.  I have a fun day of editing in front of me of what I shot last night.  I feel peaceful today . . . and happy.  Love and Light.

7-17-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Hugs
3.  Commercial shoot tonight
4.  My car running well
5.  Unconditional Love
6.  Being held in the Light
7.  Being of service
8.  Silence
9.  Music and chanting
10.  The sun and the earth

I'm very tired today.  I had very active sleeping last night, being up in the middle of the night and then dreams where I was very active.  I need a mental health day off of work.  I only have 3 days to last me until the end of the year.  So, here I am at work, staring at my computer screen.  My whole body and brain feels sluggish.  Does this sound like I'm whining? Like I'm complaining?  It does, doesn't it.  Sorry about that.  I will experience and engage in living today to the best of my ability.  Love and Light.

7-16-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Love and Light
3.  Gentle lessons
4.  Chanting
5.  Meditation
6.  Music
7.  My car running well
8.  Use of the big room at FPGC
9.  Friends
10.  Endless possibilities in every moment

May I connect with my heart, my love and my faith today.  May I feel my soul expand to be close to the surface to be touched by my life experiences today.  May I engage in living today.  May I feel the support of the earth, providing all selflessly, at all times.  May I know that every person matters, as I matter also.  May I know that all my emotions are important and honored by me.  May I have faith that all experiences are opportunities to heal.  May I feel the responsibility of my choices.  Love and Light.

7-15-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Clouds
3.  Chanting
4.  Music
5.  Friends and Connection
6.  Quaker Meeting
7.  My car running well
8.  Endless possibilities in every moment
9.  Choices and responsibility
10.  Unconditional Love

I need to leave for Meeting in just a couple of minutes.  I played around on the internet looking up Native American Music rather than finish this blog for today.  And now I'm out of time to write anything more than a couple of lines.  That's "choices and responsibility" for you.  I'm choosing to make this a short amount of time because I do have the choice open to come back to this later in the day and have more time to write.  I choose to be pressured right now.  Love and Light.

7-13-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Candles
3.  My car running well
4.  My warm, soft, comfy jacket
5.  Unconditional Love
6.  Acceptance
7.  Permission to be human
8.  The Light
9.  Hands and feet and legs and arms
10.  Choices and responsibility

I'm very exhausted today.  I didn't sleep well last night.  If I had any days to take, I would have taken a day off from work today.  I'm okay.  I'm safe, I'm loved, I honor all my experiences.  I am here in this present moment, feeling tired.  I give myself permission today to be human. To be flawed. To be not functioning at my full capacity.  My batteries were not charged last night.  I am here.  It is a new day.  Love and Light.

7-12-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Music
3.  Chanting
4.  My car running well
5.  All my emotions
6.  Engaging in life
7.  Telling my truth
8.  Compassion
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  The Light

I'm having a rough day.  It surprises me now that there are still things in my past that I know were there, but didn't allow myself to look at them.  I didn't allow myself to acknowledge certain experiences.  It's kind of like a card catalogue.  I have all the books (full memories) in my library, but I was only referencing the card catalogue whenever I would think of certain things.  Yesterday in my therapy session I was reciting my card catalogue and then I was pulling the books out and looking at them.  Today is a day where I am amazed at how well I'm able to function, at my job, driving my car, talking with others.  Am I protecting them or me by not showing my true emotions today?  Emotions about something in my past I don't know if aquaintences would understand.  I know my close, noble friends understand.  Love and Light.

7-11-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  All my emotions
3.  Sleeping
4.  Thunderstorms
5.  Therapy session
6.  Music
7.  Creativity
8.  My wonderful job and work
9.  Choices and responsibility
10.  Unconditional Love

I felt warm and loved and safe while eating my eggs and toast this morning.  I can see how people could attach that feeling to the food they are eating and think that they would feel that way again by eating that particular food again.  It wasn't the food creating the warm and loving experience.  It was me creating it.  And I know it's not the food because I've eating the exact same thing everymorning for about a month now.  And a lot of those times while eating I felt fear and anger and sadness.  Emotions are interesting, an experience can bring up emotions in me, sometimes those emotions I didn't expect or are surprised by.  Also, I can change an experience by bringing emotions into it.  This is the constant life circle, allowing life experiences from outside in to change me, and bringing myself out to the world to change life experiences.  Breathe in and back out again.  Love and Light.

7-10-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Engaging fully in life
3.  My wonderful job
4.  Creativity and talent
5.  Choices and responsibility
6.  Creating the experience to validate my new beliefs
7.  My warm jacket
8.  The rain
9.  A new day
10.  Unconditional Love

I saw beautiful clouds this morning rimmed with pink and yellow shades.  And I ran to my car through a downpour, grinning and giggling.  I am wrapped in my warm sweatshirt jacket at work.  I am safe.  I am safe to create, to explore creating.  I am safe to hear criticism.  I am strong to discern that criticism.  I know what it is I want to create.  I know what is good and what is good enough.  I am living.  I am alive.  Love and Light.

7-9-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Creativity and talent
3.  Sunrise, a new day
4.  Music
5.  Chanting
6.  Meditation
7.  My car running well
8.  All my emotions
9.  New beliefs and committment
10.  Unconditional love

Technology has robbed us of natural lessons of transformation.  I've been wondering lately why does it take so long for a new affirmation, a new belief to take hold in me.  I decide on a new belief and it seems like my emotions are against me.  Things are not better right away.  I see that my new belief is the healthy way to be and yet I catch myself doing the unhealthy behavior.  And that's where modern technology has robbed us from lessons from nature.  We walk into a pitch black room, flip a switch and BAM! instant light bright as day.  We can even have it set up to flip a switch and BAM! a roaring fire.  That's where we get so frustrated when we decide to believe something new and it doesn't transform everything about us immediately.  We think what's wrong with me?  If we were still living close to nature, the lessons would be there for us.  Have you ever tried to start a campfire with flint and steel.  The spark is the new belief.  The belief in fire.  To start I have to concentrate and focus on getting the spark to land on the tinder, then carefully pay attention to the small fragile flame that starts. I have to feed little bits into it slowly and nurture the flame.  I can't dump a whole bunch of wood on the small fire and walk away expecting to come back to a roaring campfire.  I have to be there watching it, feeding it, creating the environment for the belief to take hold and grow.  Slowly adding larger twigs, gently and with patience, and slowly larger.  Eventually I have I fire I do not have to have my whole focus on for a while and I only need to throw a log on it every once in a while.  That's what we have to do with these affirmations and new beliefs.  We expect them to just take hold, but there is more we have to do.  We have to create the experiences to validate and support those new beliefs.  We have to focus on them and nurture them.  There is something beautiful about this transformation.  And I have a reminder daily of this beauty, the sunrise.  At the end of the night, there is a new belief of a new day.  This belief doesn't make the sun pop into midday.  There is a process of transformation and it is a glow on the horizon, and then the beauty of the sunrise transforming this new belief of a new day into reality.  That is the beauty of transformation.  Love and Light.

7-8-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Shower
3.  A new day to start again
4.  Chanting
5.  Music
6.  Dancing
7.  Silence
8.  Love and Light
9.  Choices and responsibility, my decisions
10.  Engaging in life


Sometimes when I'm really down, I wonder when I'll start believing these affirmations that I'm telling myself. And I realized I'll start believing them when I decide to. That's all it takes to believe. Then why is it so hard to change? Because my emotions and habits don't change as fast as my decision. For example, I believe that feeling hungry is natural and healthy and eating things I like to satisfy that hunger is natural and healthy and enjoyable. I decided to believe that, it is the natural order. Then I practice it . . . feeling hungry betrayal comes up in me, that feeling is part of my old belief, part of the pattern I've been doing for 40 years. I get food ready and fear comes up in me, again part of my old belief. Where is the enjoyment I told myself about? Where is the acceptance that this process is natural and safe? I believe these things now. And I've spent the last 40 years making sure that my experience of eating validated and supported my old belief. All of those years making sure that eating was terrifying and hurt, that living life was terrifying and hurt. I decide to believe that eating is safe, natural and joyful. I decide to believe that living life is safe, natural and joyful. I now make sure that my experience of eating validates and supports my new belief. Love and Light.

7-6-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Friday
3.  My wonderful creative job
4.  All my emotions and feelings engaging me in life
5.  Divine guidance
6.  Unconditional Love
8.  Friends
9.  Music and chanting
10.  The Light

What shall I write about today?  I am peaceful with life today.  It's Friday and I'm at work, and nothing is pressing to get done today.  I'm feeling rather relaxed and ready for the weekend to start.  Feeling is the thing.  Sharing love is purpose for all life.  There is no need for any other purpose.  Love and Light.

7-5-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My wonderful job
3.  Being of service
4.  Everything that helps me engage in life
5.  All my emotions, feeling and expressing them
6.  Creativity
7.  The step on my journey that I am in right now
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Silence
10.  Music

I am doing much better today.  There are times that I forget that sometimes I need to move toward The Light.  I forget because the Light is in and around everything.  It is constantly flowing and I can see it everywhere.  So if it is everywhere and in me, why would I have to move toward it?  That's my limited engineering brain trying solve emotions with logic.  I forget that my emotions are not there to be solved.  My emotions are there for me to feel engaged in life and the Light.  All my emotions are part of my Soul and my Soul is part of the Light.  How do I explain this simply when it is much deeper?  Okay, an example, when I am feeling scared and sad I can feel this and separate it from Light, kind of like saying that these emotions are not part of the Light, or I have the choice to feel this and move it into the Light, move toward the Light.  A big part is gratitude, thanking being scared and sad for engaging me in life.  Interesting how emotional energy works.  Love and Light.

7-4-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  A day off of work
3.  All my emotions and feeling
4.  Safety
5.  Love
6.  Light
7.  Friends and connection
8.  Engaging in my life
9.  Creativity and talent
10.  Writing

It is day 15 of my 30 day food plan.  I cried a lot again at breakfast and I am okay.  I am feeling lighter.  I saw my therapist yesterday about it and helped me see to be grateful for my emotions, grateful for anger, fear, sadness, joy, food.  Because feeling helps me to be engaged in life.  For so long, I learned to survive and protect myself by not engaging in life, to detach, to be on the outside just watching.  Now I want to live!  I want to live!  I want to engage in me and then I will connect more fully to others.  Love and Light.

7-3-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  All my emotions, experiences and feelings
4.  Music
5.  Creativity
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  The Light
8.  Rituals/Practices/Ceremony
9.  Guidance
10.  Faith and Trust

I heard a great quote today:  "the lesson in [creating art] is not to be attached to the object, but practice another way of being in the world."  I love to create things, let my imagination go and create.  It could be a short film I create, an animation, acting, could be a wood carving, drawing, sculpting, painting, musical instrument, creating music, writing stories, memoirs, flowcharts, . . .  I love to create.  And I stop creating, and I block myself from creating when I am attached to the finished product, or when others are attached to my finished product.  I need to practice another way of being in the world.  Love and Light.

7-2-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  A very long work day
4.  My warm comfortable jacket
5.  Friends
6.  Unconditional Love
7.  The Light
8.  Faith
9.  Perseverance
10.  Endless possibilities in every moment

I need to remember to do this list on the weekend.  I had a very rough weekend.  I cried a lot.  I felt lost and alone.  I know The Light is out there and within me . . . . I haven't been able to feel it lately.  This is what Faith is, knowing that The Light hasn't changed or gone away while I'm feeling so much hurt, I have a hard time feeling the light.  I forget the Light is still there.  This is how I feel now, not forever.  I'm safe.  I'm safe to feel hurt and express it. I keep trying to believe that.  Keep trying to believe that I'm safe.  Love and Light.