3-31-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping and resting
3.  Good friends in town
4.  Release and renewing
5.  My car running well
6.  Chanting
7.  Breathing in life and joy
8.  All my emotions
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  Being of service

I am resting today.  You would think I would rest right after going to the hospital on Monday.  I tried and I was pumped up on drugs to help me breathe.  I was exhausted and couldn't sit still.  All week there was a deadline or an obligation that needed to be done while my body asked me over and over, please rest.  Today I rest.  Today my very good friend comes into town with her family for a visit and I will unwind and rest with them on their vacation.  I deserve a rest.
Love and Light.

3-30-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Unwinding
4.  An abundance of time
5.  Feeling joy
6.  Being of service
7.  A new swimsuit that is comfortable and pretty
8.  Support from my friends
9.  The Light
10.  Unconditional love

I deserve to unwind and feel joy.  That's what I'm doing all this emotional personal growth for, to feel joy more fully.  To feel joy more fully, I need to feel all my other feelings more fully.  Express everything.  I express all my emotions fully so there is nothing I'm holding onto that is blocking me from joy.  Joy and Abundance.  Joy of feeling.  Joy of being alive.  I deserve to unwind and take time.  I'm okay.  I am enough.
Love and Light.

3-29-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Breathing in life
3.  Being of service
4.  My wonderful creative job
5.  Divine guidance
6.  Chanting
7.  My own energy
8.  Water
9.  Releasing what no longer is mine to carry
10.  Unconditional love

I feel 90% better from Monday when I was at the hospital.  I'm coughing and spitting out that energy that I carried that was never mine to carry.  I cleanse my energy.  My energy is mine to choose to share, to choose to cleanse and purify, for me to use so that I can be of service to others and myself.  I stand in my truth.  I speak my truth.  I hold sacred space for my truth and there is infinite room to hold your truth also.  Even if it seems to completely contradict my truth on every level.  There is an abundance of space for all to exist.  Everything is possible in every moment.
Love and Light.

3-28-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Breathing in life and Light
3.  Resting and healing
4.  My car running well
5.  Help and guidance
6.  Hope
7.  Creativity
9.  Water
10.  Unconditional Love and compassion

Big day.  I'm back into work after being sick for a couple of days and there is a lot to do.  I'm paying attention to how I feel and taking it easy and trusting that everything will get done okay.  I'm only here a half a day and then resting.
Love and Light.

3-27-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Resting and renewing
3.  Beautiful Light of love, healing, guidance, and protection
4.  Endless possibilities in every moment
5.  All of my emotions, all of my thoughts, all of my sensations
6.  My car running well
7.  Grocery stores full of already prepared food
8.  Cleansing sage and water and elements of earth
9.  Sun and wind and rain
10.  Unconditional love

I allowed myself to be filled with joy this morning.  Odd how things that are so new and wonderful feel uncomfortable.  I had tears come to my eyes as I allowed myself to open and feel my joy of living.  This feeling is new for me.  Something I turned away from and didn't want to believe in for a very long time.  Take some time and with and open heart, watch a small child play full of joy.  Open yourself to feel your own joy to be here, alive.  So many of us have turned away for our own reasons, break open into joy.
Love and Light.

3-26-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  The pain I'm feeling is the pain of healing
3.  Friends I know will help when asked
4.  Rest
5.  Chanting
6.  Meditation
7.  Moxa stick
8.  Unconditional love
9.  Healing Light
10.  Breathing in life

I have been putting Breathing on my list a lot lately, I don't remember if I've said Breathing in life before.  I've been to the hospital this morning for acute bronchitis after my powerful group therapy weekend.  And I'm grateful to having this bronchitis as it is a form of releasing deep powerful emotions I had buried in my lungs.  I believe strongly in my emotional/physical connection.  My physical ailments and discomforts come from emotional trauma stored and buried in my muscles, my bones, my organs, and tissues.  Releasing one is releasing the other.  I have resisted breathing in life for so long.  I choose to breathe in life now.  I choose to be free.
Love and Light.

3-23-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Group retreat this weekend
3.  My car running well
4.  Being of service
5.  My family
6.  The sun shining
7.  Creative abilities and talents
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Endless possibilities in every moment
10.  Joy of life

I need and deserve enjoying life.  And, for me, that includes all experiences.  The happy, silly, playful times and the dark, sad, hurts.  Life is to be lived fully and only having the happy stuff is not a full life.  I am ready for all of it.
Love and Light.

3-21-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  The office to myself this morning
3.  My car running well
4.  Silence
5.  Music and Chanting
6.  Leadings
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  My best is different every day
9.  Endless possibilities in every moment
10.  My needs

I realize in my list I have Silence and then Music is next.  We can be grateful for opposite things at the same time.  We can also have emotions that seem to be in conflict with each other at the same time.  The only reason there in conflict is because of our logical reasoning and culture of "either/or".  In our culture someone can't be good and bad at the same time.  This either/or thinking is why people seem to be so extreme.  One has to be ALL this or ALL that.  When there is a person that seems to have a little of this AND a little of that, our culture says that they are lost or confused or that they can't make up their mind.  Our common sentencing also reflects this "either/or" concept.  Go through your day and be aware of how often you hear the words "but", "however", "yet", "on the other hand", etc.  Also be aware of when you say these things.  And then, after you are aware, replace all of these words with "and".  I have done this and I have found how much more open and expansive the world is with "both/and".
Love and Light.

3-20-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Abundance
4.  Responsibility to care for myself and my home
5.  Therapy session today
6.  Endless possibilities in every moment
7.  Letting go
8.  Accepting what is this moment
9.  Unconditional love
10.  Trust

Letting go for me today is not waiting for a response.  I have reached out to someone I said I would never talk to again.  I held a severe grudge and blame for many years.  I have let go of the blame, let go of my hurt (felt it fully first so I could release it), entered into compassion for this person and reached out to connect with them.  Will they connect back?  I don't know.  What will happen when they connect back?  I don't know.  I do know that reconnecting after so much silence will hurt.  I found myself in my energetic space of waiting.  I don't do much when I'm waiting.  I don't take care of myself.  I am absent minded.  I have trouble focusing on what is right in front of me needing attention.  I realize that by waiting for a response, I am giving my power away once again.  Putting my life on hold and depending on what comes out of this.  I let go of waiting and look at all of the millions of connections I already have needing tending and gardening.  I care for myself and my home today.
Love and Light.

3-19-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Energy and grounding
3.  My car running well
4.  Creativity and talents
5.  Endless possibilities in every moment
6.  Trust
7.  Vulnerability
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Being of service
10.  Aware of what I need to take care of myself

Taking care of myself is not selfish.  I had been thinking of the phrase "being of service" while excluding myself.  I can be of service to myself and when I do that, others will benefit also.  Just like when I am service to others, I benefit also.  My goal for today is to keep the world right side up.  And to care for my physical and emotional needs.  I have been doing a lot of spiritual growth and I have been ignoring them.
Love and Light.

3-18-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Chanting and meditation
4.  Quaker class and Meeting
5.  Lunch with a very good friend
6.  Cool beautiful morning
7.  Abundance
8.  Being of service
9.  Paying bills
10.  Unconditional love

My adorable dog has had cough for a while now.  I've been so concentrated on some big things going on in my life that I would hear him cough, say "poor dog" and promptly forget that he is in some minor distress until he coughs again.  I feel sad and guilty about dismissing my dog's needs.  We will be going to the vet this week.  I'm aware also that it could be that I'm scared to acknowledge that my dog is sick because he is also old.  He is 12 years old and slowing down.  He doesn't want to get up in the morning and as soon as we are back from a walk he wants to lay down.  He cuddles with his toys instead of running around with them crazily wanting to play.  I'm so afraid of losing my dog.
Love and Light.

3-17-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Chanting and meditating
4.  Being of service
5.  Choices and responsibility
6.  Crying and expressing and releasing
7.  My body and my abilities and filled with Light
8.  Water, cleansing and sinking
9.  Breathing clearly and openly
10.  Unconditional Love

I'm having a rough morning.  It's odd when I have rough times of feeling lost in life, in feeling overwhelmed with life where just surviving seems so much simpler.  Just surviving hurts more like a dull ache that I can't really pinpoint where I'm sore, I just know I can't find a position where I'm comfortable.  Living life fully is taking in and experiencing all that life has to offer.  Jumping in the deep end and having the tools to know how to swim, there is that refreshing coolness and embrace of the water, and using the tools, kicking swimming to breathe the life giving air is work to stay in the deep end.  Some days like today, I don't want to do the work.  I want to drag myself onto the beach and lie there not in the water completely and not on land completely.  Lie there and feel sorry for myself.  I want to feel that I don't belong anywhere because that is what I'm used to.  That is what I believed for many many years.  Belonging means my actions and behaviors affect other people, that other people affect me, that I am a part of something, that I have a purpose.  And with that, I am aware of my responsibility of a human being as a part of this world, I awaken caring about others and the earth.  I awaken my compassion.  And some days, like today, it seems so hard to awaken.
Love and Light.

3-16-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My creative abilities and talents
3.  Music
4.  Trust
5.  Unfolding of life
6.  My car running well
7.  Safety within
8.  Divine Light
9.  PTI
10.  Beginning an adventure

I have put my intention out to the universe.  I have taken a first step to start things in motion.  I am open to what unfolds.  I don't know what it will bring.  Already I've received insight from surprising sources.  It's like I'm captain of a ship and I gave the order to unfurl the sails to get us underway and when the sails were unfurled there was a picture painted on them I didn't know was there.  It's perfectly understandable to not expect anything on the sails.  The picture was profound and my journey is underway before the wind is caught in the sails.
Love and Light.

3-15-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Grounding and relaxation practices
3.  US Postal Service
4.  Breathing
5.  I ask with the Light in me and I am answered with the Light in you
6.  Chanting and music
7.  Trust and Faith
8.  My car running well
9.  Openness and vulnerability
10.  Unconditional love

The universe is in motion.  I have made a decision and set something in motion that will propel me into unknown emotional territory.  I did something I need to do for myself and I know it will cause ripples and reactions, and I'm letting it unfold on its own.  I'm not controlling what the big picture will become.  I am listening and voicing my needs and wants.  I keep myself safe as I watch the beauty unfold.  All experiences are beautiful as there is a gift within everything, even the most terrible.  May my lessons be gentle.
Love and Light.

3-14-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Group meeting tonight with love and sharing
4.  Choices and responsibility
5.  Greater Magnificence in all things and all meanings
6.  Music and chanting
7.  The Light
8.  Settling in, sinking in, to who I am
9.  All life, all energy
10.  Sleeping well

Trust is being open and vulnerable to another.  It is not a guarantee another won't hurt you.  It is not even a belief that another won't hurt you.  Trust is being open and vulnerable.  In being open and vulnerable, my Light will shine and reach out to another.  Trust is the hope that my Light will be able to touch your Light.  We are each given a measure of Divine Light.  We are each given choices in every moment, several choices.  To follow the leadings of our Inner Light.  To open our hearts and be vulnerable to share our Light with another.  To deserve our Inner Light.  To open and connect our Light with the Greater Magnificence.  To see the Light in everyone.  And the opposite of all these are all valid choices, too.  I know that to deny my Inner Light is a valid choice.  There was a time in my life where my Inner Light guided me to deny it, to turn away from it.  I was too small to understand.  I had not learned the basics of the world and my Inner Light never left me, and the Light is about greater, deeper life.  When I was small I needed to only survive the terror that was happening to me.  My Light knew I would not be able to deepen that experience as a small child, and asked me to turn away from it.  Now, I am reconnected with my Inner Light and it is making all the difference in living life fully and greater than surviving.  I have survived and now I deserve to live.
Love and Light.

3-13-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Mastermind
3.  My car running well
4.  Creativity and freedom
5.  Abundance
6.  Leadings and guidance
7.  Being of service
8.  The measure of Light within me
9.  Reaching out to the Light within others
10.  Unconditional Love and compassion

I'm having difficulty with staying in the present moment because there are things coming up this week that I want to get to already.  Tomorrow night my precious and gracious group is getting together to share with each other and the next night I have a session with my therapist and mom.  I have a big transition coming up for me, a big shift in my consciousness and spirit.  I feel like I am in the middle of it.  I am looking forward to the support of my group tomorrow night and looking forward to my own strength for the upcoming weeks as I step out and risk and show myself to be vulnerable.  There are times I don't feel my own strength and I doubt whether I have enough to get through this.  Just one step at a time, and I'm here now.
Love and Light.

3-12-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Taking extra time in the morning
4.  My voice and speaking my truth
5.  Abundance
6.  Love and Light
7.  Choices and responsibility
8.  Being of service
9.  Protection, guidance, and support from the Light
10.  Creativity and talent

A Monday.  Back at work.  I'm finding out I'm not too good on my own on the weekends.  Work gives me structure, a place to go and a time to be there.  Projects to get done.  At home, I don't have any deadlines, I've been procrastinating and not doing the things I need to do for my health and self care.  Other people do those things at work.  There are cleaning people that come in and clean my office, that clean the kitchen and bathrooms.  I need to take care of myself.  How I take care of myself at home effects others.  Energetically, spiritually.  It is easier for me to put this in terms of effecting others because I have a hard time knowing it effects me directly and still not caring . . . . that's sad.  I deserve the measure of Light given to me by God.
Love and Light.

3-10-12 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. Sunshine
3. Breathing
4. My car running well
5. Playing with the HD camera today
6. My talents and abilities
7. Being of service
8. Answering that of the Light in everything
9. My voice and speaking my truth
10. Unconditional love

What I want to do today is not healthy for me. I want to hide in my apartment and escape into watching movies all day. Deny my own reality and ability to engage the world and replace it with this illusion that I stare at. I need to come from a place of love, not fear. I'm scared of going and doing this event shoot. I want to release this habit of being afraid to do what I love to do! I know as soon as I'm there and I have the camera set up, I am transported to the world of video capture and I see what I'm shooting in whole new ways. I see how to capture beauty and I can frame my shots artistically and that thrills me. And I'm sitting here now, 2 hours before I have to be there and I'm queasy in my stomach and I'm avoiding even my daily practices that I know will help center me like chanting and meditating. I'm uncomfortable going out into the world and living my life fully and enjoying it.
Love and Light.

3-9-12 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. Being of service
3. Working as part of a team
4. Chanting
5. Silence
6. Abundance of time and taking things slow
7. Openness
8. Unconditional Love
9. Breathing
10. Surrender

I had a busy morning. I worked with my co-workers to put together a breakfast for the entire company. There are a lot of resentments and animosity in the team putting this all together, the cool thing is that they all have beautiful souls and the desire to do the best for all. Their opinions just differ on what the best for all is. I can see a lot of fear gets in the way also, however, they all work hard together to put together a great breakfast. I came with my intention of being of service and doing all I do from a place of love. I was able to speak my truth with love, that I was uncomfortable with the hostility in the group. It was received well and a few stated that they have the willingness to change it. It's funny, that I had to let go of the possibility of me mentioning it would cause them to change. I had to accept that this is the way this group is, and also honor my own truth by speaking that I am uncomfortable. I'm not trying to change anybody else, and I am supportive if they choose to change.
Love and Light.

3-7-12 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. Silence and peace this morning
3. Sleeping well
4. Breathing
5. My wonderful creative free flowing job
6. My car running well
7. Chanting
8. Music
9. Choices and responsibility
10. Unconditional love

I'm sleepy today, I didn't want to get up. The wind was blowing and it's a gray drizzly day. The days I like to sleep in and curl up with a book. I also like standing in the storm and letting the wind energize me and the rain cleanse me. I haven't been around a really good thunderstorm in a while. I like those. This morning I had such a sense of peace and "settling" into my body this morning for meditation. I like that. I had been struggling with some emotions, anger and fear, and I wanted so badly to get to the peace I knew was there if I would sit in the emotion and work through it . . . however when I focus on what I'm going to get, I'm not sitting in the emotion and therefore don't get to the peace. I had to let go of ever having peace again to find it.
Love and Light.

3-6-12 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. Sleeping well
3. Help with scheduling a shoot
4. Music
5. My hands, my body filled with Light
6. Creativity and freedom
7. Choices and responsibility
8. Therapy session
9. Sun and wind and nature and parks
10. Unconditional Love

I'm doing better today. I feel a sense of belonging in the world that haven't felt for the past week or so. I have a sacred place on this planet within everything and everybody. I like this feeling because all my fear falls away. Doing what moves me and fills me with joy is not scary today. My constant fear of doing something wrong is not hanging over my head today. All of it fits together. All is one.
Love and Light.

3-5-12 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. A new day, a fresh start
4. Coolness and breezes
5. Endless possibilities in every moment
6. My wonderful, free, creative job
7. Abundance
8. Meeting with a friend after work
9. Reaching out
10. Unconditional Love

I love that today is a new day, a fresh start, and all I did over the weekend is put in my past. I did some things that I'm upset with myself about. Basically, afraid to feel anger over things I was angry about, and eating instead. I ate two packages of double stuffed oreos and didn't even taste any of them. I stuffed myself with food and kept stuffing after I felt sick. Punishing myself to feel sick is an old pattern that hasn't been around for a few months and I also punished myself for bringing that pattern back. So you can see how easy that is to spiral out of control. I am grateful that today is a new day, a fresh start and my ability to stop that spiral today and know I have the strength to face and feel my uncomfortable feelings.
Love and Light.

3-4-12 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. My Grandpa
3. Sleeping well with many dreams
4. Quaker Meeting
5. Chanting
6. The wind and sun
7. Relaxation
8. Committment
9. Choices and responsibility
10. Unconditional love

Yesterday I was very grateful for cruise control in my car. I drove across the state of Florida to visit my Grandpa. My dog went with me and hates the car. We arrived at my Grandpa's and my dog promptly threw up, as he always has. I drove back last night and it has always surprised me how driving tires me out. It seems like I'm just sitting there and the car is doing all the work, and something about driving long distances is tiring. I slept really well last night.
Love and Light.

3-2-12 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. Breathing
4. Water
5. Family
6. Silence
7. Honoring all my emotions
8. Choices and Responsibility
9. Abundance
10. Unconditional love and sacredness

I don't understand anger. I am still scared of this emotion, in me and in others. Scared of it being expressed. I understand that there are healthy expressions of anger and even expressing anger with love. I understand that a noble friend can be angry with me and love me at the same time. I've been told by my therapist that anger always travels with a buddy emotion. The anger covers up the buddy emotion that I don't want to feel, like fear, sadness, grief, shame. Anger gets stuck in me. My throat hurts terribly whenever I'm expressing my anger, even when I'm expressing it in a healthy way. Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life) says that a sore throat is holding in angry words. Feeling unable to express the self. In my safe space I scream out my anger and the words and my throat hurts more. I don't understand anger. I'm aware that it is coming out of me sideways in unhealthy ways. It is time for me to take this step and accept anger as one of the "all emotions I honor". I express my anger with love in joyous healthy ways. (It's a great affirmation, I, as yet, don't know what it means or how to do it).
Love and Light.

3-1-12 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. Trusting creativity and capability
4. Asking for help
5. Experiencing life fully
6. My warm jacket
7. Breathing
8. Water
9. Safety and protection
10. Unconditional love

I've had a good day at work. I had a challenging assignment and I trusted my creativity and talent and work at the video editing with love and whenever frustration or anger would creep in, I walked away and centered myself in love. I realize that my frustration and anger are coming from fear. Afraid that I won't make it good enough. Afraid that I'm not good enough. And working this way, I've completed two spots and have enough footage for 2 more versions and the director of marketing loves them. I like them too. I see myself and what I do with eyes of love.
Love and Light.