1. Healing energy
2. My adorable dog
3. My wonderful creative job
4. Challenges/Gifts
5. Openness
6. Life experiences
7. An outdoor project
8. Supportive friends
9. The Light
10. Unconditional love
I did have my medical procedure yesterday. My doctor was very caring and compassionate. Emotional stuff from my past did get triggered and I cried. My doctor was aware of my emotional stuff and was understanding and supportive. I am very grateful for my doctor and her care. I released my emotions that came up and I'm feeling open and calm today. I feel like I have walked through a hard experience and I expressed my feelings and showed my vulnerability. I feel great today.
Love and Light.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
8-30-11 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My creative fun job
3. Learning new techniques
4. Unconditional love
5. My gentle, caring doctor
6. Personal growth processes I've learned
7. Endless possibilities in every moment
8. Freedom of expressing my emotions
9. My car running well
10. All my experiences
I'm a little scared today. I have a medical procedure that may be done today, I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon where I will find out, and if the test came back like they thought, they will do the procedure today. Nothing is life threatening, it will be done right there in the office. It's a less than minor procedure. I won't need to take off work tomorrow and I'll be a little uncomfortable is all. There. That's all the rationalization from my logical brain that doesn't want to deal with any emotions. My emotions? I'm scared. This is in a vulnerable part of my body and also, because of my past, vulnerable part of my emotional body. It's very possible that this will awaken buried emotions from a long time ago. So, my intention is to do my best, whatever that looks like today. To honor and express all my emotions. To give voice to my needs, especially of what I need to know during the procedure. And to accept everything in this day as what it is and life is wonderous, beautiful, and ever-changing.
Love and Light.
2. My creative fun job
3. Learning new techniques
4. Unconditional love
5. My gentle, caring doctor
6. Personal growth processes I've learned
7. Endless possibilities in every moment
8. Freedom of expressing my emotions
9. My car running well
10. All my experiences
I'm a little scared today. I have a medical procedure that may be done today, I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon where I will find out, and if the test came back like they thought, they will do the procedure today. Nothing is life threatening, it will be done right there in the office. It's a less than minor procedure. I won't need to take off work tomorrow and I'll be a little uncomfortable is all. There. That's all the rationalization from my logical brain that doesn't want to deal with any emotions. My emotions? I'm scared. This is in a vulnerable part of my body and also, because of my past, vulnerable part of my emotional body. It's very possible that this will awaken buried emotions from a long time ago. So, my intention is to do my best, whatever that looks like today. To honor and express all my emotions. To give voice to my needs, especially of what I need to know during the procedure. And to accept everything in this day as what it is and life is wonderous, beautiful, and ever-changing.
Love and Light.
Monday, August 29, 2011
8-29-11 grateful for today
1. My car running well
2. My adorable dog
3. My wonderful creative job
4. Music
5. Unconditional love
6. Endless opportunities in every moment
8. Choices and responsibility for those choices
9. Honoring all my emotions
10. Mastermind
I don't know what to write about today. I haven't been writing in my journal lately. I haven't been connecting with friends. There I am, focusing on things I lack, rather than on what I have rececieved. Okay, switch gears. I accept everything in this day as what it is and life is wonderous and beautiful and ever-changing.
Love and Light.
2. My adorable dog
3. My wonderful creative job
4. Music
5. Unconditional love
6. Endless opportunities in every moment
8. Choices and responsibility for those choices
9. Honoring all my emotions
10. Mastermind
I don't know what to write about today. I haven't been writing in my journal lately. I haven't been connecting with friends. There I am, focusing on things I lack, rather than on what I have rececieved. Okay, switch gears. I accept everything in this day as what it is and life is wonderous and beautiful and ever-changing.
Love and Light.
Friday, August 26, 2011
8-26-11 grateful for today
1. Drumming circle
2. Chanting and music
3. Creativity
4. Leaving work early
5. A beautiful day
6. Healing and caring for myself
7. My adorable dog
8. Music and headphones
9. Paper and pens and pencils
10. Love and all emotions.
I went to my women's drumming circle last night and it was a small group and wonderful. I missed last month by becoming sick on the way there. I ate way too much before I left very fast and I was nauseous so I went back home and didn't go. On the way last night, I again felt nauseous and I pushed through and went. I know that sometimes (used to be all the time a while ago) whenever I did something good, healthy, caring, or loving for myself I would feel nauseous and sick. Even after all the hard work I've done transforming old beliefs that no longer serve me, that one that I don't deserve anything good still persist following me around like the shadow that it is. I can see the Light that shines from every body else, I have a hard time seeing my own Light. Doubt is the shadow that dims it for me and sometimes I can't see through it. I deserve love and care for myself.
Love and Light.
2. Chanting and music
3. Creativity
4. Leaving work early
5. A beautiful day
6. Healing and caring for myself
7. My adorable dog
8. Music and headphones
9. Paper and pens and pencils
10. Love and all emotions.
I went to my women's drumming circle last night and it was a small group and wonderful. I missed last month by becoming sick on the way there. I ate way too much before I left very fast and I was nauseous so I went back home and didn't go. On the way last night, I again felt nauseous and I pushed through and went. I know that sometimes (used to be all the time a while ago) whenever I did something good, healthy, caring, or loving for myself I would feel nauseous and sick. Even after all the hard work I've done transforming old beliefs that no longer serve me, that one that I don't deserve anything good still persist following me around like the shadow that it is. I can see the Light that shines from every body else, I have a hard time seeing my own Light. Doubt is the shadow that dims it for me and sometimes I can't see through it. I deserve love and care for myself.
Love and Light.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
8-25-11 grateful for today
1. Chanting
2. My adorable dog
3. Thunderstorms and a rainey day
4. My creatively free job
5. Unconditional love and support
6. Learning by example
7. Ease of living
8. Abundance
9. Endless possibility in every moment
10. Honor
I realized as I wrote number 6, Learning by example, that that is something I do well and at the same time try to deny it and am ashamed by it. I guess it's from growing up and trying to do what my brothers or cousins were doing. Everybody was older than me and I heard, "Don't copy your brother." "You're just trying to be like your cousin." I got the idea that it was a bad thing, or that I was taking something away from them if I wanted to do or try to do what they were doing. Like being a drummer like my cousin Mike. Or wanting to play the tuba like my brother Rick. Or program on the computer like my brother Steve. Then I think I need to come up with original ideas for commercials here in my new job as video producer. And I realized today that I can watch other commercials that look good to me and follow their example, their structure, rather than come up with everything all by myself. I now understand why art students will sketch another artists great piece of work. They are not trying to copy them to sell a copy of the others art, they are learning by tracing the lines, getting experience by trying to draw something that's already good so that they may use their skills to bring their own ideas to life more readily.
Love and Light.
2. My adorable dog
3. Thunderstorms and a rainey day
4. My creatively free job
5. Unconditional love and support
6. Learning by example
7. Ease of living
8. Abundance
9. Endless possibility in every moment
10. Honor
I realized as I wrote number 6, Learning by example, that that is something I do well and at the same time try to deny it and am ashamed by it. I guess it's from growing up and trying to do what my brothers or cousins were doing. Everybody was older than me and I heard, "Don't copy your brother." "You're just trying to be like your cousin." I got the idea that it was a bad thing, or that I was taking something away from them if I wanted to do or try to do what they were doing. Like being a drummer like my cousin Mike. Or wanting to play the tuba like my brother Rick. Or program on the computer like my brother Steve. Then I think I need to come up with original ideas for commercials here in my new job as video producer. And I realized today that I can watch other commercials that look good to me and follow their example, their structure, rather than come up with everything all by myself. I now understand why art students will sketch another artists great piece of work. They are not trying to copy them to sell a copy of the others art, they are learning by tracing the lines, getting experience by trying to draw something that's already good so that they may use their skills to bring their own ideas to life more readily.
Love and Light.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
8-24-11 grateful for today
1. My Niece, Happy Birthday!
2. Having an office mate
3. My wonderful creative job
4. A beautiful day with breezes and shade
5. Music
6. The Light
7. Endless possibilities in every moment
8. Unconditional love
9. Freedom of choices
10. Responsibility for me.
I'm having a wonderful day. I have lots of free time at work to learn new things and play around creatively with things, figuring out how to put out in video what is in my head. I'm feeling calm and relaxed and a part of everything today while my piece is uniquely me. I love today.
Love and Light.
2. Having an office mate
3. My wonderful creative job
4. A beautiful day with breezes and shade
5. Music
6. The Light
7. Endless possibilities in every moment
8. Unconditional love
9. Freedom of choices
10. Responsibility for me.
I'm having a wonderful day. I have lots of free time at work to learn new things and play around creatively with things, figuring out how to put out in video what is in my head. I'm feeling calm and relaxed and a part of everything today while my piece is uniquely me. I love today.
Love and Light.
Monday, August 22, 2011
8-22-11 grateful for today
1. New clothes
2. My wonderful job doing what I love
3. My adorable dog
4. Unconditional love
5. Actions of care
6. Music
7. Endless possibilities
8. Abundance
9. Life experiences
10. Headphones
I had a great weekend and put into practice my new belief: "My actions of cleaning are healing and caring". I have been taking care of my needs and care and also time for others and connection. My friend helped me get some new clothes which is wonderful. I am excited wearing a new outfit to work today. I have been wearing the same clothes for 5 years or more with only one new piece out of necessity. Shopping isn't my favorite thing, and I kept my annoyance for shopping in check. I am very happy looking good in my new clothes. Also, I'm not so concerned with how my house looks, it is a mess as I haven't been cleaning for years on some stuff. I am happy on my actions of cleaning this weekend and it doesn't matter that its messy again. I am now aware of my habit of dropping things whereever and not taking the extra couple of minutes to put them away. I'm happy with my life today.
Love and Light.
2. My wonderful job doing what I love
3. My adorable dog
4. Unconditional love
5. Actions of care
6. Music
7. Endless possibilities
8. Abundance
9. Life experiences
10. Headphones
I had a great weekend and put into practice my new belief: "My actions of cleaning are healing and caring". I have been taking care of my needs and care and also time for others and connection. My friend helped me get some new clothes which is wonderful. I am excited wearing a new outfit to work today. I have been wearing the same clothes for 5 years or more with only one new piece out of necessity. Shopping isn't my favorite thing, and I kept my annoyance for shopping in check. I am very happy looking good in my new clothes. Also, I'm not so concerned with how my house looks, it is a mess as I haven't been cleaning for years on some stuff. I am happy on my actions of cleaning this weekend and it doesn't matter that its messy again. I am now aware of my habit of dropping things whereever and not taking the extra couple of minutes to put them away. I'm happy with my life today.
Love and Light.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
8-20-11 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Sunshine
3. Chanting
4. The whole day with nothing time scheduled
5. Sleeping in
6. Showering
7. Seeing clearly
8. Unconditional love
9. Experiencing life and emotions
10. My passion as a video editor.
Much love to all the world today. I won $75 at a singles event last night. I had a good time with friends, meeting new people and dancing. I'm going clothes shopping sometime today and I'll see what's out there and what happens. I'm not really set on "accomplishing" anything, I am set on "doing" a lot of things today. Active, creative, caring, cleaning types of doing.
Love and Light.
2. Sunshine
3. Chanting
4. The whole day with nothing time scheduled
5. Sleeping in
6. Showering
7. Seeing clearly
8. Unconditional love
9. Experiencing life and emotions
10. My passion as a video editor.
Much love to all the world today. I won $75 at a singles event last night. I had a good time with friends, meeting new people and dancing. I'm going clothes shopping sometime today and I'll see what's out there and what happens. I'm not really set on "accomplishing" anything, I am set on "doing" a lot of things today. Active, creative, caring, cleaning types of doing.
Love and Light.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
8-18-11 grateful for today
1. Sleeping
2. My adorable dog
3. Having the office to myself
4. Freedom to create at my job
5. Unconditional love
6. My car running well
7. Rain
8. My comfy jacket
9. Healing emotional wounds
10. Honoring myself.
I am incredibly tired today. I was up late last night with group therapy, and it was well worth the time and effort. I learned that my actions of cleaning are healing and caring. I had always heard that you will feel better once it's clean. I equated that with being okay, being worthwhile. The reality is that nothing stays clean. Everything becomes dirty again. So I believed that because it would be dirty again, that meant I was a failure and worthless because I couldn't "keep it clean." You need to understand that my warped definition of "keep it clean" was to never get it dirty, which is impossible, and I set myself up for failure and worthlessness. My new belief/definition that "my actions of cleaning are healing and caring" is a very important discernment for me. I know it's going to get dirty again and now I can honor and care for myself repeatedly.
Love and Light.
2. My adorable dog
3. Having the office to myself
4. Freedom to create at my job
5. Unconditional love
6. My car running well
7. Rain
8. My comfy jacket
9. Healing emotional wounds
10. Honoring myself.
I am incredibly tired today. I was up late last night with group therapy, and it was well worth the time and effort. I learned that my actions of cleaning are healing and caring. I had always heard that you will feel better once it's clean. I equated that with being okay, being worthwhile. The reality is that nothing stays clean. Everything becomes dirty again. So I believed that because it would be dirty again, that meant I was a failure and worthless because I couldn't "keep it clean." You need to understand that my warped definition of "keep it clean" was to never get it dirty, which is impossible, and I set myself up for failure and worthlessness. My new belief/definition that "my actions of cleaning are healing and caring" is a very important discernment for me. I know it's going to get dirty again and now I can honor and care for myself repeatedly.
Love and Light.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
8-17-11 grateful for today
1. Sleeping
2. My adorable dog
3. Conscious Community
4. Friends calling and connecting
5. My brother, Steve in all his amazingness
6. Endless possibilities in every moment
7. Aware of choices
8. Thunderstorms and rain
9. Doing what I love at my job
10. This new day
I'm feeling mellow today. I slept very deeply last night and before I went to bed I connected with a friend and shared the hard things I've been through the past couple of weeks and she shared also. I love that easy talking where tears flow into laughter and topics weave and transform and I hang up after 40 minutes feeling like I talked and touched on everything. This evening is group therapy and I'm looking forward to connecting and being part of a safe space to feel vulnerable and witness the vulnerability of others. Here's to more vulnerability in the world.
Love and Light.
2. My adorable dog
3. Conscious Community
4. Friends calling and connecting
5. My brother, Steve in all his amazingness
6. Endless possibilities in every moment
7. Aware of choices
8. Thunderstorms and rain
9. Doing what I love at my job
10. This new day
I'm feeling mellow today. I slept very deeply last night and before I went to bed I connected with a friend and shared the hard things I've been through the past couple of weeks and she shared also. I love that easy talking where tears flow into laughter and topics weave and transform and I hang up after 40 minutes feeling like I talked and touched on everything. This evening is group therapy and I'm looking forward to connecting and being part of a safe space to feel vulnerable and witness the vulnerability of others. Here's to more vulnerability in the world.
Love and Light.
Monday, August 15, 2011
8-15-11 grateful for today
1. My fun job doing what I love
2. My adorable dog
3. Mastermind
4. Love
5. Trust
6. Sleeping
7. Chanting and music
8. Solitaire (the game)
9. Faith and Spirituality
10. Sacredness of intention
I'm up late and having trouble sleeping. I feel like there is a mob running around inside of me yelling and running. Like thousands of tiny tired children that are fighting going to bed. But I want to go to bed and to sleep. Is that really true? I had a few disturbing dreams last night and waking up in a panic. Maybe there is a part of me that does not want to go to sleep. I didn't know where those dreams came from last night because I had a wonderful weekend, calming, peaceful, and healing. Where is my soul taking me?
Love and Light.
2. My adorable dog
3. Mastermind
4. Love
5. Trust
6. Sleeping
7. Chanting and music
8. Solitaire (the game)
9. Faith and Spirituality
10. Sacredness of intention
I'm up late and having trouble sleeping. I feel like there is a mob running around inside of me yelling and running. Like thousands of tiny tired children that are fighting going to bed. But I want to go to bed and to sleep. Is that really true? I had a few disturbing dreams last night and waking up in a panic. Maybe there is a part of me that does not want to go to sleep. I didn't know where those dreams came from last night because I had a wonderful weekend, calming, peaceful, and healing. Where is my soul taking me?
Love and Light.
Friday, August 12, 2011
8-12-11 grateful for today
1. Receiving help from my compassionate friend
2. My adorable dog
3. My voice
4. All my emotions and expressing them
5. My body
6. My job doing what I love
7. The heart within every person
8. Forgiveness
9. A new day
10. Nature, sun, rain, trees, wind
Yesterday did not go well with the test. I couldn't find my voice and did not speak my needs or hurt. I lied still and quiet and let my demons from my past be my partner to make the experience traumatic for me. So my list today has a lot on it that I want to be grateful for. I don't feel grateful for right now. I want to feel grateful for them. And there's some on the list that I do feel grateful for now. I'm looking for joy in today.
Love and Light.
2. My adorable dog
3. My voice
4. All my emotions and expressing them
5. My body
6. My job doing what I love
7. The heart within every person
8. Forgiveness
9. A new day
10. Nature, sun, rain, trees, wind
Yesterday did not go well with the test. I couldn't find my voice and did not speak my needs or hurt. I lied still and quiet and let my demons from my past be my partner to make the experience traumatic for me. So my list today has a lot on it that I want to be grateful for. I don't feel grateful for right now. I want to feel grateful for them. And there's some on the list that I do feel grateful for now. I'm looking for joy in today.
Love and Light.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
8-11-11 grateful for today
1. My caring and compassionate gynocologist
2. Music
3. My adorable dog
4. My car running well
5. Endless choices and opportunities in every moment
6. Trusting in the ability of compassion in every person
7. Unconditional love
8. My career of passion
9. My hands and touch
10. Growth and transformation.
I am so grateful to follow my heart and trust my doctor to reveal a traumatic event from my past. I essentially trusted a stranger, because I had not met my doctor before the exam, and trusted her to hold a deep healing emotional wound of mine. And she did. She was gentle and compassionate. I have healed a lot of that old emotional wound of mine and this experience of going to the doctor was another step in healing. I was afraid of my emotional wound being ripped open again as that had been my old pattern. I didn't know how to ask to be held gently or even that it was possible. I am so grateful for that experience. I have another such experience today as I need to have a test done and go to a lab where a technician will need access to the physical area where a lot of my old emotional wound resides. I am having a harder time trusting in the compassion and caring of this (now unknown) technician. I had decided before going to the doctor to tell her about my old emotional wound. I am not feeling that certainty of telling whoever this technician may be. That is my task today. I trust in the compassion, caring and heart of this technician today.
Love and Light.
2. Music
3. My adorable dog
4. My car running well
5. Endless choices and opportunities in every moment
6. Trusting in the ability of compassion in every person
7. Unconditional love
8. My career of passion
9. My hands and touch
10. Growth and transformation.
I am so grateful to follow my heart and trust my doctor to reveal a traumatic event from my past. I essentially trusted a stranger, because I had not met my doctor before the exam, and trusted her to hold a deep healing emotional wound of mine. And she did. She was gentle and compassionate. I have healed a lot of that old emotional wound of mine and this experience of going to the doctor was another step in healing. I was afraid of my emotional wound being ripped open again as that had been my old pattern. I didn't know how to ask to be held gently or even that it was possible. I am so grateful for that experience. I have another such experience today as I need to have a test done and go to a lab where a technician will need access to the physical area where a lot of my old emotional wound resides. I am having a harder time trusting in the compassion and caring of this (now unknown) technician. I had decided before going to the doctor to tell her about my old emotional wound. I am not feeling that certainty of telling whoever this technician may be. That is my task today. I trust in the compassion, caring and heart of this technician today.
Love and Light.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
8-9-11 grateful for today
1. Friends
2. My adorable dog
3. Chanting and music
4. My car running well
5. Time passing
6. Life experiences
7. Unconditional love
8. Openness
9. Willingness
10. My ability to walk thru my fear with grace.
Sometimes the thought of an event coming up brings up more fear than when the event actually occurs. That's how I am feeling now, and my event won't be happening until this afternoon. I suffered all through last week feeling terrified about what is coming. It's a medical procedure and something necessary and truly an act of loving and caring for myself. It was still scary for me. So it's going to happen this afternoon and I'm feeling more okay about it today. I had a session with my therapist last night and was able to release some fears of my long ago past that had attached themselves to this. I am a capable, strong adult, and I will be present and helping positively with my care.
Love and Light.
2. My adorable dog
3. Chanting and music
4. My car running well
5. Time passing
6. Life experiences
7. Unconditional love
8. Openness
9. Willingness
10. My ability to walk thru my fear with grace.
Sometimes the thought of an event coming up brings up more fear than when the event actually occurs. That's how I am feeling now, and my event won't be happening until this afternoon. I suffered all through last week feeling terrified about what is coming. It's a medical procedure and something necessary and truly an act of loving and caring for myself. It was still scary for me. So it's going to happen this afternoon and I'm feeling more okay about it today. I had a session with my therapist last night and was able to release some fears of my long ago past that had attached themselves to this. I am a capable, strong adult, and I will be present and helping positively with my care.
Love and Light.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
8-3-11 grateful for today
1. Chanting
2. My adorable dog
3. My career
4. Breathing
5. My sweater jacket
6. My car running well
7. Lunch hour
8. Sun
9. Trees
10. Wind
I'm having a lot of trouble coming up with things that I'm grateful for. I'm having some challenging things going on with my body and I feel like an alien and I'm scared. I feel hate for the world welling up in me and I know it's a reaction to me feeling so scared. I've been doing all the things to distract myself and disconnect: watching TV, playing video games, eating. I'm so tired of going through things all by myself. I have no partner, never had a long relationship. I have lots of loving, caring friends and somehow that seems like it is different from the committment of a partner. I know I will find my way through this and come out on the other side.
Love and Light.
2. My adorable dog
3. My career
4. Breathing
5. My sweater jacket
6. My car running well
7. Lunch hour
8. Sun
9. Trees
10. Wind
I'm having a lot of trouble coming up with things that I'm grateful for. I'm having some challenging things going on with my body and I feel like an alien and I'm scared. I feel hate for the world welling up in me and I know it's a reaction to me feeling so scared. I've been doing all the things to distract myself and disconnect: watching TV, playing video games, eating. I'm so tired of going through things all by myself. I have no partner, never had a long relationship. I have lots of loving, caring friends and somehow that seems like it is different from the committment of a partner. I know I will find my way through this and come out on the other side.
Love and Light.
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