1. A new schedule for my routines
2. Lots of video work and prospective work
3. Letting go
4. Allowing life to unfold
5. The steps and small progresses
6. Children
7. Unconditional love
8. Universal energy and consciousness
9. Allowing gentle progress
10. Letting things be as they are
I've really gotten a good foundation of feeling that the things I'm doing today are steps that will lead me to what I desire. I have some tedious video transfers to do, and I was tired of doing them years ago and I have been making it a chore for myself to get them done. Now, when I look at them as a step to the next big thing in my production career, I get quite excited about doing them. My next big lesson is time. To be grateful for the time I spend at my good enough job. To be grateful for the time I spend taking care of myself (laundry, cleaning, cooking, exercising). It's hard for me because I have so many things I want to do and take care of.
I switched my schedule of my routine around, so I'm going to be getting up later in the morning and staying up later, which means more time to do things after work. I am staying aware of my physical needs and sleep need and I'm not going to force myself to stay up. I do have my vision board done and I would like to hang it up tonight so I can begin to "vision" on it by looking at it as my vision and not something to finish. Oh, a note on Mod Podge. I got the wrong kind for my vision board and I tried it on a corner and it became all wrinkly and I was worried that I was going to ruin it. So, no Mod Podging my vision board. Maybe later (like months later).
I feel time pressing down on me, so I'm going to close with 3 minutes left.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
3-30-10 grateful for today
1. Sleeping in
2. Getting back on track
3. Making new agreements
4. Open communication
5. Abundance and prosperity
6. My adorable dog
7. Cool weather to sleep in
8. My breath
9. Opportunities
10. Choosing to enjoy today
I've skipped a couple of days of doing this list daily. I'm okay with that. I'm getting back on track today. I slept in a lot this morning. I've been setting my alarm for 4:30 am for about a year now. When I first set it like that a year ago, I was getting up and exercising and doing my morning routine of chanting and meditation. Since our last time change, I have been guiltily snoozing for hours and then having to pick and choose which morning routines I'm going to do. So, I realized today that I can make a new agreement for myself. I have shifted and changed and my morning routine is allowed to shift and change. I can change the time I get up, and change what I do in the morning. I get to experiment with my morning activities until I find a routine that is beneficial for me again. Life is wonderful amazing and ever-changing.
What I know. I know that I like doing my grateful list in the morning. I know I like to have my meditation right after my chanting so those I'll keep together. I know I want to start exercising (I love Denise Austin). I know Tai Chi is essential to my mind, body spirit. I know I like to shower at night. Today, I know I got up at 6:30 am, showered, am now writing this and will have time to walk the dog and make breakfast and lunch and go to work.
Then there is all the abundance and prosperity of work and projects that I have to do. And all of it is fun! I was accepted for a second job yesterday that starts the end of April. I have video transfers lined up to do. Movie projects, website projects.
Whew! That's my 15 minutes.
2. Getting back on track
3. Making new agreements
4. Open communication
5. Abundance and prosperity
6. My adorable dog
7. Cool weather to sleep in
8. My breath
9. Opportunities
10. Choosing to enjoy today
I've skipped a couple of days of doing this list daily. I'm okay with that. I'm getting back on track today. I slept in a lot this morning. I've been setting my alarm for 4:30 am for about a year now. When I first set it like that a year ago, I was getting up and exercising and doing my morning routine of chanting and meditation. Since our last time change, I have been guiltily snoozing for hours and then having to pick and choose which morning routines I'm going to do. So, I realized today that I can make a new agreement for myself. I have shifted and changed and my morning routine is allowed to shift and change. I can change the time I get up, and change what I do in the morning. I get to experiment with my morning activities until I find a routine that is beneficial for me again. Life is wonderful amazing and ever-changing.
What I know. I know that I like doing my grateful list in the morning. I know I like to have my meditation right after my chanting so those I'll keep together. I know I want to start exercising (I love Denise Austin). I know Tai Chi is essential to my mind, body spirit. I know I like to shower at night. Today, I know I got up at 6:30 am, showered, am now writing this and will have time to walk the dog and make breakfast and lunch and go to work.
Then there is all the abundance and prosperity of work and projects that I have to do. And all of it is fun! I was accepted for a second job yesterday that starts the end of April. I have video transfers lined up to do. Movie projects, website projects.
Whew! That's my 15 minutes.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
3-28-10 grateful for today
1. My business coach
2. Thinking clearly
3. Forgiveness
4. Clearness (Unclutter)
5. Video work
6. Changeable goals
7. Desiring without attachment
8. Good friends
9. Shower
10. Bed
It's interesting this feeling of desiring without attachment. I have been so clouded in my thinking trying to attain something this year. I would like to take the third series of this retreat that I have taken the last two years in a row. The last two years I put all on credit and this year, that is not an option. Every decision I have been making has been warped by making that goal. It really has been putting fog in my vision. For example, I have lots of ideas, lots of projects going on. I am following my passion and my passion leads me down several different paths all at the same time. So, time is precious to me (odd that I'm saying that after spending the last three hours watching a movie). Anyway, instead on focusing on these great ideas and doing the things I enjoy, I had been warping every decision to try to make money fast. To try to make this goal of this retreat become a reality as soon as possible. I was forcing it.
This post doesn't seem clear at all. . . . .
Yesterday was powerful for me. I did a powerful process to forgive my father. I have a strong feeling right now writing this because this post goes out to the world. It will be out there for anybody and everybody to see. I was wondering if I need to tell you what my father did to me. And I don't need to. Everybody reading this has a father. It's one of those things that we can all relate to being human. So, I want the world to know that I forgave my father, yesterday. I let the past be in the past and I live now in the present moment. What happened still happened, this doesn't erase anything. My boundaries with my dad are still intact (for my present and future protection). I love my dad and wish him well on his journey through life.
Thats my 15 minutes.
2. Thinking clearly
3. Forgiveness
4. Clearness (Unclutter)
5. Video work
6. Changeable goals
7. Desiring without attachment
8. Good friends
9. Shower
10. Bed
It's interesting this feeling of desiring without attachment. I have been so clouded in my thinking trying to attain something this year. I would like to take the third series of this retreat that I have taken the last two years in a row. The last two years I put all on credit and this year, that is not an option. Every decision I have been making has been warped by making that goal. It really has been putting fog in my vision. For example, I have lots of ideas, lots of projects going on. I am following my passion and my passion leads me down several different paths all at the same time. So, time is precious to me (odd that I'm saying that after spending the last three hours watching a movie). Anyway, instead on focusing on these great ideas and doing the things I enjoy, I had been warping every decision to try to make money fast. To try to make this goal of this retreat become a reality as soon as possible. I was forcing it.
This post doesn't seem clear at all. . . . .
Yesterday was powerful for me. I did a powerful process to forgive my father. I have a strong feeling right now writing this because this post goes out to the world. It will be out there for anybody and everybody to see. I was wondering if I need to tell you what my father did to me. And I don't need to. Everybody reading this has a father. It's one of those things that we can all relate to being human. So, I want the world to know that I forgave my father, yesterday. I let the past be in the past and I live now in the present moment. What happened still happened, this doesn't erase anything. My boundaries with my dad are still intact (for my present and future protection). I love my dad and wish him well on his journey through life.
Thats my 15 minutes.
Friday, March 26, 2010
3-26-10 grateful for today
1. Rain
2. Sleep
3. Breath
4. This wonderful day of possibilities
5. My adorable dog
6. My car running well
7. Affirmations
8. Meditation
9. Unconditional love
10. People, being with people
I sleep so well when it rains. I have a hard time waking up. When I do, I like to have a slow morning getting ready, so its a bit of a struggle and a balance. The rain brings out the subtleness in us all, I think. Interesting word, subtle. I've been reading more of Taoism and the path to higher spirituality and enlightenment and being subtle and finding your subtle nature is important. My nature that is just there, not there and amplified, not there and pushed out and focused on, just there. Just be.
I've been having issues with exhaustion. I think my body is rebelling because I have not been paying attention to it. I need to balance mind, spirit, AND body. I tend to get more in my head and lately been delving into spirit. My body needs more attention. Since I haven't been paying attention, my body wants to sleep all the time. The only way I know how to give attention is to exercise. I have been desiring work that has more physicality to it. Or maybe I just need to change my thought patterns. I have always believed that I don't like exercising just to exercise, there isn't any usable product out of it. I need to change that. Hmmmmmm. I enjoy exercising my body and feeling my physical abilities and power. I lovingly care for my body through exercising. That sounds pretty good. I'll start with those affirmations today. Right now.
Much love and light.
2. Sleep
3. Breath
4. This wonderful day of possibilities
5. My adorable dog
6. My car running well
7. Affirmations
8. Meditation
9. Unconditional love
10. People, being with people
I sleep so well when it rains. I have a hard time waking up. When I do, I like to have a slow morning getting ready, so its a bit of a struggle and a balance. The rain brings out the subtleness in us all, I think. Interesting word, subtle. I've been reading more of Taoism and the path to higher spirituality and enlightenment and being subtle and finding your subtle nature is important. My nature that is just there, not there and amplified, not there and pushed out and focused on, just there. Just be.
I've been having issues with exhaustion. I think my body is rebelling because I have not been paying attention to it. I need to balance mind, spirit, AND body. I tend to get more in my head and lately been delving into spirit. My body needs more attention. Since I haven't been paying attention, my body wants to sleep all the time. The only way I know how to give attention is to exercise. I have been desiring work that has more physicality to it. Or maybe I just need to change my thought patterns. I have always believed that I don't like exercising just to exercise, there isn't any usable product out of it. I need to change that. Hmmmmmm. I enjoy exercising my body and feeling my physical abilities and power. I lovingly care for my body through exercising. That sounds pretty good. I'll start with those affirmations today. Right now.
Much love and light.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
3-25-10
1. Money
2. An abundance of work
3. Opportunities
4. Infinite possibilities
5. This day
6. A half day at my "good enough job"
7. Abundance
8. Rest rooms
9. Sleep and my bed
10. Life experiences
I am grateful for money. It's surprising to me that that is a new feeling for me, being grateful for money. I had come to realize how much I had resented money because money to me had meant manipulation, control, power over me. I had a wonderful realization yesterday that money is a reflection of abundance and prosperity. It is a reflection, not the actual thing. My goal is to be aware that abundance and prosperity are everywhere. This world is abundant with everything and there is plenty for everybody. Money is a reflection of that abundance, not the goal itself. It's like looking in a mirror. I see something in a mirror that I want, if I try to get it through the mirror I will break something (my hand banging against the mirror and wall or the mirror). If I make attaining the mirror as my goal, I won't attain the thing I saw in the mirror. So, money is a reflection only. It's a tool, like the mirror, to visibly see abundance.
I have an abundance of work coming my way and I'm very grateful for it. I have a half day at my "good enough job" so that I can record a client this afternoon that I'm so excited to be working on this project that I believe is a positive light in this world. There are so many opportunities to bring more light into the universe. I'm very excited about a lot of them. (So, I just went off in my head imagining all these projects and who will be involved and the possibility of sharing with more people).
That's my 15 minutes.
2. An abundance of work
3. Opportunities
4. Infinite possibilities
5. This day
6. A half day at my "good enough job"
7. Abundance
8. Rest rooms
9. Sleep and my bed
10. Life experiences
I am grateful for money. It's surprising to me that that is a new feeling for me, being grateful for money. I had come to realize how much I had resented money because money to me had meant manipulation, control, power over me. I had a wonderful realization yesterday that money is a reflection of abundance and prosperity. It is a reflection, not the actual thing. My goal is to be aware that abundance and prosperity are everywhere. This world is abundant with everything and there is plenty for everybody. Money is a reflection of that abundance, not the goal itself. It's like looking in a mirror. I see something in a mirror that I want, if I try to get it through the mirror I will break something (my hand banging against the mirror and wall or the mirror). If I make attaining the mirror as my goal, I won't attain the thing I saw in the mirror. So, money is a reflection only. It's a tool, like the mirror, to visibly see abundance.
I have an abundance of work coming my way and I'm very grateful for it. I have a half day at my "good enough job" so that I can record a client this afternoon that I'm so excited to be working on this project that I believe is a positive light in this world. There are so many opportunities to bring more light into the universe. I'm very excited about a lot of them. (So, I just went off in my head imagining all these projects and who will be involved and the possibility of sharing with more people).
That's my 15 minutes.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
3-24-10 grateful for today
1. Sleeping in
2. My adorable dog (and bed warmer)
3. This list
4. My power to choose everything in my life
5. Connection with friends
6. Acceptance of myself and others
7. This beautiful day to unfold before me
8. Chanting and meditating
9. Change
10. Where my attention goes, my power goes
I am grateful that it's okay to change my routine. I had been chanting and meditating in the morning for 6 months or more and I was started to become afraid that my days would fall apart if I didn't keep up with that routine of doing it in the morning. I found that I really like this change of doing this list in the morning and doing my chanting and meditating when I get home from work. I enjoy being grateful first thing in the morning. Life is amazing. Life is even more amazing for me when I am present in the moment. I realize I have spent too much time worrying about what is to come and what is going to happen in the future and trying to control that. I love being in the moment that I am in and I'm beginning to find that it is easier and more fun to let my soul go where it wants to go, rather than force it.
I have been desiring a small cabin in the mountains that is mostly self-sufficient and only a small financial stream of income so that I can spend my days finding the natural rythms of my body. What is the best time for me to get up? And what does my body want to do first in the morning? To be able to meditate without the pressure of going to work or completing work by deadlines. That's funny, that's where the gift is. To be able to meditate with all that pressure is the gift. Imagine learning to be able to meditate, to let all that pressure of schedules and work and to-do lists fall away, to meditate and release all that pressure that is bearing down is the gift.
There is a big smile on my face ready to see what this amazing day will bring to me.
Love and light to all.
2. My adorable dog (and bed warmer)
3. This list
4. My power to choose everything in my life
5. Connection with friends
6. Acceptance of myself and others
7. This beautiful day to unfold before me
8. Chanting and meditating
9. Change
10. Where my attention goes, my power goes
I am grateful that it's okay to change my routine. I had been chanting and meditating in the morning for 6 months or more and I was started to become afraid that my days would fall apart if I didn't keep up with that routine of doing it in the morning. I found that I really like this change of doing this list in the morning and doing my chanting and meditating when I get home from work. I enjoy being grateful first thing in the morning. Life is amazing. Life is even more amazing for me when I am present in the moment. I realize I have spent too much time worrying about what is to come and what is going to happen in the future and trying to control that. I love being in the moment that I am in and I'm beginning to find that it is easier and more fun to let my soul go where it wants to go, rather than force it.
I have been desiring a small cabin in the mountains that is mostly self-sufficient and only a small financial stream of income so that I can spend my days finding the natural rythms of my body. What is the best time for me to get up? And what does my body want to do first in the morning? To be able to meditate without the pressure of going to work or completing work by deadlines. That's funny, that's where the gift is. To be able to meditate with all that pressure is the gift. Imagine learning to be able to meditate, to let all that pressure of schedules and work and to-do lists fall away, to meditate and release all that pressure that is bearing down is the gift.
There is a big smile on my face ready to see what this amazing day will bring to me.
Love and light to all.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
3-23-10 grateful for today
1. Sleeping in
2. Flexibility
3. My good enough job
4. Opportunities
5. Good friends
6. My soul
7. Infinite possibilities in every moment
8. Snuggly PJs
9. Loving myself
10. Life
I slept in until 6:30 this morning. I woke up grumpy and started out feeling angry and hurt that I had to get up and face the day. I realize that this is a choice that I make. I honor my angry and hurt feelings and know they are coming from a place inside me where I feel wounded. There still is a wound deep inside me. My choice is to either project that wounded angry hurt out onto the external world where I will never be able to be free of it because projecting creates an illusion, or I can choose to acknowledge and honor my feelings and hold space for my feelings and know that life is amazing and wonderful and ever-changing. This day is a gift. I choose to be in the present moment and allow the joy and love that is abundant in this world to carry me through my day. My feelings of hurt and anger are also a gift. I acknowledge that deep wounded place inside me and I hold myself lovingly, knowing that to delve deep into that wound is to heal it. There is a time and place for that. At this moment I need to get ready for work and I hold space for my wound, my joy, my energy, my light, my hurt, my anger, myself.
I love and accept myself and this day as a beautiful gift. I celebrate.
2. Flexibility
3. My good enough job
4. Opportunities
5. Good friends
6. My soul
7. Infinite possibilities in every moment
8. Snuggly PJs
9. Loving myself
10. Life
I slept in until 6:30 this morning. I woke up grumpy and started out feeling angry and hurt that I had to get up and face the day. I realize that this is a choice that I make. I honor my angry and hurt feelings and know they are coming from a place inside me where I feel wounded. There still is a wound deep inside me. My choice is to either project that wounded angry hurt out onto the external world where I will never be able to be free of it because projecting creates an illusion, or I can choose to acknowledge and honor my feelings and hold space for my feelings and know that life is amazing and wonderful and ever-changing. This day is a gift. I choose to be in the present moment and allow the joy and love that is abundant in this world to carry me through my day. My feelings of hurt and anger are also a gift. I acknowledge that deep wounded place inside me and I hold myself lovingly, knowing that to delve deep into that wound is to heal it. There is a time and place for that. At this moment I need to get ready for work and I hold space for my wound, my joy, my energy, my light, my hurt, my anger, myself.
I love and accept myself and this day as a beautiful gift. I celebrate.
Monday, March 22, 2010
3-22-10 grateful for today
BREATHE!! It's 10:30 pm. I've been going like gangbusters all day. I am grateful for this day and all the work. I'm grateful for breathing. I'm now going to bed and will do a list in the morning.
Much love and light.
Much love and light.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
3-21-10 grateful for today
1. My emergency fund
2. Creativity
3. Determination
4. Tai Chi
5. Harry Potter
6. Possibilities
7. Opportunities
8. Putting myself "out there"
9. Community
10. Love
I haven't been practicing doing my Tai Chi or going to my class. And my back feels it, and I feel it. I found an online community of "scanners". I appreciate the online. I very much prefer the in person. We are all so insulated from each other. Taken physical steps away from each other while still maintaining the illusion of connectedness: phones, text, email, forum posts, youtube videos. Hiding behind our walls, in our apartments, not visiting with neighbors, not talking to the people that are in a physical presence close.
I miss close connection with others and I'm determined to find my way out of my apartment more often. To go out and meet people and say hello and truly be concerned and interested in making strangers my friends. To go and see my friends I already have more often. Maybe I'll come up with a job or business opportunity that will get me more in touch with people and new people in a creative and fun way more often.
There is a difference between saying and thinking I'm going to do these things and actually doing them. I'm quite used to my old way to "think about", to "intend", to "know I'm going to do it when I get home". And then something else takes over, I sit in front of the TV and continue to just think that I'm going to do these things. Continue to live in the "safe" daydream rather than take action. I did a lot of work last year so that I wouldn't be stuck in this trap again. I know one part of the key is getting good rest and planning fun activities along with all of these projects I'm working on. I know another part of the key is staying focused regardless of other things going on. (I'm trying hard to convince myself).
Much love and light.
2. Creativity
3. Determination
4. Tai Chi
5. Harry Potter
6. Possibilities
7. Opportunities
8. Putting myself "out there"
9. Community
10. Love
I haven't been practicing doing my Tai Chi or going to my class. And my back feels it, and I feel it. I found an online community of "scanners". I appreciate the online. I very much prefer the in person. We are all so insulated from each other. Taken physical steps away from each other while still maintaining the illusion of connectedness: phones, text, email, forum posts, youtube videos. Hiding behind our walls, in our apartments, not visiting with neighbors, not talking to the people that are in a physical presence close.
I miss close connection with others and I'm determined to find my way out of my apartment more often. To go out and meet people and say hello and truly be concerned and interested in making strangers my friends. To go and see my friends I already have more often. Maybe I'll come up with a job or business opportunity that will get me more in touch with people and new people in a creative and fun way more often.
There is a difference between saying and thinking I'm going to do these things and actually doing them. I'm quite used to my old way to "think about", to "intend", to "know I'm going to do it when I get home". And then something else takes over, I sit in front of the TV and continue to just think that I'm going to do these things. Continue to live in the "safe" daydream rather than take action. I did a lot of work last year so that I wouldn't be stuck in this trap again. I know one part of the key is getting good rest and planning fun activities along with all of these projects I'm working on. I know another part of the key is staying focused regardless of other things going on. (I'm trying hard to convince myself).
Much love and light.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
3-20-10 grateful for today
1. Budgeting
2. Open to all possibilities
3. Friends
4. My adorable dog
5. My car running well
6. Borrowed video equipment
7. A full day of accomplishment and fun and visiting
8. Unconditional Love
9. Holding space
10. Sleep
I need to stop making these lists as the last thing of the evening when I have a hard time keeping my eyes open. I can barely think straight any more this evening. I am feeling very open and loving to all. I hold space lovingly for others transformation. And for my own. I need to take care of myself and go to bed.
Much love and light.
2. Open to all possibilities
3. Friends
4. My adorable dog
5. My car running well
6. Borrowed video equipment
7. A full day of accomplishment and fun and visiting
8. Unconditional Love
9. Holding space
10. Sleep
I need to stop making these lists as the last thing of the evening when I have a hard time keeping my eyes open. I can barely think straight any more this evening. I am feeling very open and loving to all. I hold space lovingly for others transformation. And for my own. I need to take care of myself and go to bed.
Much love and light.
Friday, March 19, 2010
3-19-10 grateful for today
1. Meryl Streep (who reminds me so much of my friend Kerry)
2. My adorable dog
3. Brown sugar
4. My bed
5. The possibility to be profound
6. Love, Trust, and Openness
7. Asking for what I want without attachment
8. Reaching out for connection with others
9. Sharing of myself
10. Awareness
Just watched The Devil Wears Prada thinking that I wouldn't like it at all. Well, when the movie came out I was not aware of my womaness. I would actually deny it. A left over survival mechanism. So, I recently have become aware of my femininity and a new perspective on my beauty and being a woman. I'm still not sure about all that fashion and beauty stuff. I do see the difference in the character Andy from the beginning to the end. And fashion is like art. I still don't like to have stuff on my face. I think that's why I still look so young is because I rarely have worn makeup.
I was going to write about Meryl Streep. I love seeing Meryl in anything because she reminds me so much of my friend Kerry. Even while playing Miranda, I see Kerry playing the part. There's something so similar about the two of them that I always think of Kerry when I see Meryl. And yet, I can't put my finger on what is similar. They kinda, not really, vaguely look . . . well not really. Then I think maybe gestures or voice lilt or . . . . . . I dunno. Maybe their aura or soul is the same, or kindred spirits.
Meryl's not the only one. Everytime I see Tom Hanks, I'm reminded of my brother Rick. Again, I'm probably the only person in the world that would put the two of them together as similar. There is something there . . . . .
Me? Who am I like? I'm finally getting to really know me in my deepest part. I think other people have been able to see it or sense it all along. I'm just now dropping the blocks and the walls to see me as I truly am. Some parts are very scary and initially hard to look at. And all of me is beautiful. As is every one.
Much love to all.
2. My adorable dog
3. Brown sugar
4. My bed
5. The possibility to be profound
6. Love, Trust, and Openness
7. Asking for what I want without attachment
8. Reaching out for connection with others
9. Sharing of myself
10. Awareness
Just watched The Devil Wears Prada thinking that I wouldn't like it at all. Well, when the movie came out I was not aware of my womaness. I would actually deny it. A left over survival mechanism. So, I recently have become aware of my femininity and a new perspective on my beauty and being a woman. I'm still not sure about all that fashion and beauty stuff. I do see the difference in the character Andy from the beginning to the end. And fashion is like art. I still don't like to have stuff on my face. I think that's why I still look so young is because I rarely have worn makeup.
I was going to write about Meryl Streep. I love seeing Meryl in anything because she reminds me so much of my friend Kerry. Even while playing Miranda, I see Kerry playing the part. There's something so similar about the two of them that I always think of Kerry when I see Meryl. And yet, I can't put my finger on what is similar. They kinda, not really, vaguely look . . . well not really. Then I think maybe gestures or voice lilt or . . . . . . I dunno. Maybe their aura or soul is the same, or kindred spirits.
Meryl's not the only one. Everytime I see Tom Hanks, I'm reminded of my brother Rick. Again, I'm probably the only person in the world that would put the two of them together as similar. There is something there . . . . .
Me? Who am I like? I'm finally getting to really know me in my deepest part. I think other people have been able to see it or sense it all along. I'm just now dropping the blocks and the walls to see me as I truly am. Some parts are very scary and initially hard to look at. And all of me is beautiful. As is every one.
Much love to all.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
3-18-10 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My amazing, wonderful, producer, noble friend
3. All my friends
4. All my emotions
5. Good sleep
6. My car running well
7. My video capture running on one computer
8. Creativity and collaboration
9. LOVE
10. Trust in the unknown
Again, a late post where I'm tired and want to go to bed. Actually I want some cereal and then I want to go to bed. I know I'm tired because it looks like the computer screen is waving back and forth like its on a boat in heavy seas.
I'm grateful to trust in the unknown. I am open to receive the next moment in my life, the next experience.
I'm going to bed. I need to rearrange my schedule and get this done in the morning.
Much love to all.
2. My amazing, wonderful, producer, noble friend
3. All my friends
4. All my emotions
5. Good sleep
6. My car running well
7. My video capture running on one computer
8. Creativity and collaboration
9. LOVE
10. Trust in the unknown
Again, a late post where I'm tired and want to go to bed. Actually I want some cereal and then I want to go to bed. I know I'm tired because it looks like the computer screen is waving back and forth like its on a boat in heavy seas.
I'm grateful to trust in the unknown. I am open to receive the next moment in my life, the next experience.
I'm going to bed. I need to rearrange my schedule and get this done in the morning.
Much love to all.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
3-17-10 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My good enough job
3. this blog
4. Love
5. Opportunity
6. Openness
7. Trust
8. My frustration and sadness
9. My creative abilities
10. Meditation and chanting
I really did not feel like making this list today. I came home with a list of have-to-dos in my head. I didn't do them and watched mindless TV instead (finally saw the beginning of RoadHouse, not a great accomplishment). I got myself stuck in old thinking. In old already defeated despair thinking. And frustration and sadness is on my grateful list today. I had been trying to avoid feeling that and distracting myself with TV. I am grateful having those emotions. They are my emotions and they are from my soul pointing out my warped old thinking to me. I am frustrated at myself. I have an opportunity to apply for a position at a TV station. It will be a foot in the door at PBS which I think would be so cool to work for. They have a lot more interesting shows that much of what is on TV. And best of all, no commercials. So, back to being frustrated with myself. I have to redo my resume, write a cover letter and send in the application. And the frustration comes with my old self-defeating thinking that I'm not good enough. That I don't have the abilities and who am I fooling. Which is very sad that these old thinking still comes up for me. I am very talented. I am more than able. I'm sure I can bring PBS to a whole new level and popularity. I'm slamming the door shut on myself before I even see what's on the other side. So, that is sad.
Which brings me back to forgiveness. I really need to forgive because the thought that is under everything is "YOU did this to ME". Forgiving is letting go of that. Forgiving is taking my power back. My power to put myself out there in the world for all the experiences that are good and wonderful for me.
I am grateful for this list. It was good for me to make this list when I was sitting here telling myself I could skip tonight because I couldn't think of anything to put on it. How was I going to come up with 10. So, I'm very grateful that I could come up with 10 things to be grateful about. And it reminds me of the days where I think, I only get to list only 10?!
Thats' my 15 minutes
2. My good enough job
3. this blog
4. Love
5. Opportunity
6. Openness
7. Trust
8. My frustration and sadness
9. My creative abilities
10. Meditation and chanting
I really did not feel like making this list today. I came home with a list of have-to-dos in my head. I didn't do them and watched mindless TV instead (finally saw the beginning of RoadHouse, not a great accomplishment). I got myself stuck in old thinking. In old already defeated despair thinking. And frustration and sadness is on my grateful list today. I had been trying to avoid feeling that and distracting myself with TV. I am grateful having those emotions. They are my emotions and they are from my soul pointing out my warped old thinking to me. I am frustrated at myself. I have an opportunity to apply for a position at a TV station. It will be a foot in the door at PBS which I think would be so cool to work for. They have a lot more interesting shows that much of what is on TV. And best of all, no commercials. So, back to being frustrated with myself. I have to redo my resume, write a cover letter and send in the application. And the frustration comes with my old self-defeating thinking that I'm not good enough. That I don't have the abilities and who am I fooling. Which is very sad that these old thinking still comes up for me. I am very talented. I am more than able. I'm sure I can bring PBS to a whole new level and popularity. I'm slamming the door shut on myself before I even see what's on the other side. So, that is sad.
Which brings me back to forgiveness. I really need to forgive because the thought that is under everything is "YOU did this to ME". Forgiving is letting go of that. Forgiving is taking my power back. My power to put myself out there in the world for all the experiences that are good and wonderful for me.
I am grateful for this list. It was good for me to make this list when I was sitting here telling myself I could skip tonight because I couldn't think of anything to put on it. How was I going to come up with 10. So, I'm very grateful that I could come up with 10 things to be grateful about. And it reminds me of the days where I think, I only get to list only 10?!
Thats' my 15 minutes
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
3-16-10 grateful for today
1. Opportunities
2. My 15 minute timer
3. Abundance
4. Cool weather
5. Sleep
6. Slow day at work
7. Chicken
8. My adorable dog
9. An evening to myself
10. Speed typing through my grateful list so I can go to bed.
I love my 15 minute timer tonight. I am so tired, and I had to get a few things done and it was so nice to know that I was only going to spend 15 minutes on each one. Tasks are so much more manageable for me when they are only 15 minutes. Abundance is continually showing up in my life and I am open to receive.
You guys are only getting 4 minutes from me tonight. I can't keep my eyes open. I commit to you and myself that I will post a full 15 minute blog tomorrow.
Good night.
2. My 15 minute timer
3. Abundance
4. Cool weather
5. Sleep
6. Slow day at work
7. Chicken
8. My adorable dog
9. An evening to myself
10. Speed typing through my grateful list so I can go to bed.
I love my 15 minute timer tonight. I am so tired, and I had to get a few things done and it was so nice to know that I was only going to spend 15 minutes on each one. Tasks are so much more manageable for me when they are only 15 minutes. Abundance is continually showing up in my life and I am open to receive.
You guys are only getting 4 minutes from me tonight. I can't keep my eyes open. I commit to you and myself that I will post a full 15 minute blog tomorrow.
Good night.
Monday, March 15, 2010
3-15-10 grateful for today
1. Abundance
2. Telephones
3. My adorable dog
4. Flexibility
5. Flowing with life
6. Sleep
7. Meditation
8. this blog
9. My passion
10. Creativity.
Sorry fans, I'm sleepy tired tonight. It looks like I need to be flexible with my schedule and go back to writing this blog in the mornings which is when I intended to do it. It has become later and later in the day to where I'm just so happy to crawl into my bed and that's all I'm thinking about.
'Till mornin' then.
2. Telephones
3. My adorable dog
4. Flexibility
5. Flowing with life
6. Sleep
7. Meditation
8. this blog
9. My passion
10. Creativity.
Sorry fans, I'm sleepy tired tonight. It looks like I need to be flexible with my schedule and go back to writing this blog in the mornings which is when I intended to do it. It has become later and later in the day to where I'm just so happy to crawl into my bed and that's all I'm thinking about.
'Till mornin' then.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
3-14-10 grateful for today
1. My release pillow
2. My adorable dog
3. Frustration
4. Life
5. Noble friends
6. Reaching out
7. My soul
8. Starting new, afresh, again
9. Shower
10. Having a bed to sleep in again
Two steps forward, one step back. That's not quite right. All the steps are forward, just some of them don't seem like it. Like walking on a sidewalk. Seems pretty easy for a while. Then abruptly the sidewalk ends I'm walking through waist deep of thorn covered brambles. Doesn't seem like I'm walking forward, or sometimes moving at all. I might not be moving out of fear of the thorns. I need to move, I want to move out of there. Instead of going straight, it may seem shorter if I go sideways for a while. Yes, I know, shortcuts don't work when moving through life. It's best to push right through the thick of it, right to the center of the thorny brambles. If I do that, a miracle happens. All the brambles are transformed into soft, silky long grasses.
Maybe "push" is not the right word. I've been trying to push to make things happen for a few weeks and I'm getting a lot of pushing back. I need to trust and follow the path that my soul is leading me down. I have to flow. Let my life unfold. Ask for what I desire and let go of the attachment to it. All in time. Choices give me power. It is all my choice. I may choose to follow others advice. I am my own person. I'm having a hard time with things becoming hardened rules with me. I make a choice that I'm going to follow this plan. This plan then becomes a hard fast rule, rigid and unbending. Then life doesn't follow this plan and I've given away my power to bend. I can choose again. I choose to bend. I choose to follow the guidelines, the path and bend with what life throws at me. I have choices. There are an infinite amount of choices in every situation. And yes, this situation is a gift.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. My adorable dog
3. Frustration
4. Life
5. Noble friends
6. Reaching out
7. My soul
8. Starting new, afresh, again
9. Shower
10. Having a bed to sleep in again
Two steps forward, one step back. That's not quite right. All the steps are forward, just some of them don't seem like it. Like walking on a sidewalk. Seems pretty easy for a while. Then abruptly the sidewalk ends I'm walking through waist deep of thorn covered brambles. Doesn't seem like I'm walking forward, or sometimes moving at all. I might not be moving out of fear of the thorns. I need to move, I want to move out of there. Instead of going straight, it may seem shorter if I go sideways for a while. Yes, I know, shortcuts don't work when moving through life. It's best to push right through the thick of it, right to the center of the thorny brambles. If I do that, a miracle happens. All the brambles are transformed into soft, silky long grasses.
Maybe "push" is not the right word. I've been trying to push to make things happen for a few weeks and I'm getting a lot of pushing back. I need to trust and follow the path that my soul is leading me down. I have to flow. Let my life unfold. Ask for what I desire and let go of the attachment to it. All in time. Choices give me power. It is all my choice. I may choose to follow others advice. I am my own person. I'm having a hard time with things becoming hardened rules with me. I make a choice that I'm going to follow this plan. This plan then becomes a hard fast rule, rigid and unbending. Then life doesn't follow this plan and I've given away my power to bend. I can choose again. I choose to bend. I choose to follow the guidelines, the path and bend with what life throws at me. I have choices. There are an infinite amount of choices in every situation. And yes, this situation is a gift.
That's my 15 minutes.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
3-13-10 grateful for today
1. Not being perfect and within that being perfect
2. My adorable dog
3. Beautiful weather
4. People and the good energy they have when they gather
5. My condo
6. Abundant work to do
7. My spirit
8. Courage and strength
9. Experiencing and processing and flowing
10. Forgiveness
D'oh, I forgot to start the timer again. Well, it's a late post (9:00 pm, late for me) and I'm ready for bed. I started running errands and the day was so beautiful, I went to the beach. It was a good decision. Spring break is in full swing and I so loved the boost of energy I got driving down A1A was heart opening and energy flowing. I have been telling my friend that want a job where I'm outside some of the time, doing something physical some of the time, and then inside working at a desk and computer some of the time. I just realized that I've described filmmaking.
It's time to get those creative juices flowing again and get a new project going. I love creativity.
Time for bed.
2. My adorable dog
3. Beautiful weather
4. People and the good energy they have when they gather
5. My condo
6. Abundant work to do
7. My spirit
8. Courage and strength
9. Experiencing and processing and flowing
10. Forgiveness
D'oh, I forgot to start the timer again. Well, it's a late post (9:00 pm, late for me) and I'm ready for bed. I started running errands and the day was so beautiful, I went to the beach. It was a good decision. Spring break is in full swing and I so loved the boost of energy I got driving down A1A was heart opening and energy flowing. I have been telling my friend that want a job where I'm outside some of the time, doing something physical some of the time, and then inside working at a desk and computer some of the time. I just realized that I've described filmmaking.
It's time to get those creative juices flowing again and get a new project going. I love creativity.
Time for bed.
Friday, March 12, 2010
3-12-10 grateful for today
1. The Academy Awards
2. Sandra Bullock
3. My passion
4. My creative abilities and talents
5. Letting go
6. A piece of me coming home again
7. All my emotions
8. My tears
9. My desires
10. Life and all the experiences and opportunities in it.
I so much love who I am and what I do. I am a Filmmaker and a creator and a person. I love me, I love the world. What am I waiting for? What am I afraid of? I have so much heard others tell me that I can't, that now is not the time, that you need to wait for the right opportunity. Other people do not know what I need. I know what I need. I know when it is the right time. I know that ALL the opportunities and possibilities are right. All experiences are good and have lessons in them for me. I know now that I can let go and let other people shine in their light. I don't have to be so controlling, I don't choose to do to them what was done to me. The idea, the creativity becomes so much greater when I, we all, let it flow like it does naturally.
I have something I need to do for myself. I have been putting it off because it is something I need and is currently very hard and scary for me. I desire to be free. I need to walk through where I have been with compassion, understanding, and forgiveness in order for me to see and feel the freedom I have right now in this present moment. I have been distracting myself with illusions of objects and circumstances outside of myself. I have been focusing outside of myself. Not completely, because I have much abundance and love coming into me. I know what I need and I know I have the courage and strength to face it and to do it. I know the world will open up to me when I choose to.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Sandra Bullock
3. My passion
4. My creative abilities and talents
5. Letting go
6. A piece of me coming home again
7. All my emotions
8. My tears
9. My desires
10. Life and all the experiences and opportunities in it.
I so much love who I am and what I do. I am a Filmmaker and a creator and a person. I love me, I love the world. What am I waiting for? What am I afraid of? I have so much heard others tell me that I can't, that now is not the time, that you need to wait for the right opportunity. Other people do not know what I need. I know what I need. I know when it is the right time. I know that ALL the opportunities and possibilities are right. All experiences are good and have lessons in them for me. I know now that I can let go and let other people shine in their light. I don't have to be so controlling, I don't choose to do to them what was done to me. The idea, the creativity becomes so much greater when I, we all, let it flow like it does naturally.
I have something I need to do for myself. I have been putting it off because it is something I need and is currently very hard and scary for me. I desire to be free. I need to walk through where I have been with compassion, understanding, and forgiveness in order for me to see and feel the freedom I have right now in this present moment. I have been distracting myself with illusions of objects and circumstances outside of myself. I have been focusing outside of myself. Not completely, because I have much abundance and love coming into me. I know what I need and I know I have the courage and strength to face it and to do it. I know the world will open up to me when I choose to.
That's my 15 minutes.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
3-11-10 grateful for today
1. Mastermind
2. Coworkers and my good enough job
3. endless possibilities and opportunities
4. experiences in life
5. every moment of every day
6. My adorable dog
7. Learning that a budget is flexible, not rigid
8. Desiring to sit on my balcony
9. More cool weather coming next week
10. Receiving the edited footage of the movie I shot three years ago!
I am so excited!! I feel like a part of me has come home. I will finally see the final edit of the movie I shot 3 years ago. I produced and was the cinematographer while my friend was the director and editor. After we wrapped shooting the movie, both of our lives were turned upside down. He moved away and I fell apart emotionally. Finally he sent me the backup drive of all the edits and raw footage. I have it loaded in my computer and I'm waiting for all the files to render! I'm so grateful that I finally get to wrap this production up and honor all of my promises of a finished movie to all that worked on the film. The people that were in it have moved to all corners of America.
It's interesting, that was my last big project and my last serious filmmaking project. I've dabbled with some fun shorts and nothing too involved. I've just this past couple of months been delving back into filmmaking and that community and that's when this shows up at my door. I have video transfer jobs to do again, and this, and I'm talking about productions with a producer friend of mine. I'm really ready to jump back in. This is my passion. This is my career. I LOVE MAKING MOVIES. I'm ready to jump in the deep end and enjoy splashing around.
Life is amazing when I am grateful for what I'm getting. I'm getting quite a lot.
Oh my gosh! I must be really excited. About to when I get through the third paragraph, the 15 minute timer is going off. I still have 5 minutes left! I'm typing very quickly and words are just pouring out. And so I don't just fill up the rest of the time with words, I'm going to say goodnight, now.
2. Coworkers and my good enough job
3. endless possibilities and opportunities
4. experiences in life
5. every moment of every day
6. My adorable dog
7. Learning that a budget is flexible, not rigid
8. Desiring to sit on my balcony
9. More cool weather coming next week
10. Receiving the edited footage of the movie I shot three years ago!
I am so excited!! I feel like a part of me has come home. I will finally see the final edit of the movie I shot 3 years ago. I produced and was the cinematographer while my friend was the director and editor. After we wrapped shooting the movie, both of our lives were turned upside down. He moved away and I fell apart emotionally. Finally he sent me the backup drive of all the edits and raw footage. I have it loaded in my computer and I'm waiting for all the files to render! I'm so grateful that I finally get to wrap this production up and honor all of my promises of a finished movie to all that worked on the film. The people that were in it have moved to all corners of America.
It's interesting, that was my last big project and my last serious filmmaking project. I've dabbled with some fun shorts and nothing too involved. I've just this past couple of months been delving back into filmmaking and that community and that's when this shows up at my door. I have video transfer jobs to do again, and this, and I'm talking about productions with a producer friend of mine. I'm really ready to jump back in. This is my passion. This is my career. I LOVE MAKING MOVIES. I'm ready to jump in the deep end and enjoy splashing around.
Life is amazing when I am grateful for what I'm getting. I'm getting quite a lot.
Oh my gosh! I must be really excited. About to when I get through the third paragraph, the 15 minute timer is going off. I still have 5 minutes left! I'm typing very quickly and words are just pouring out. And so I don't just fill up the rest of the time with words, I'm going to say goodnight, now.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
3-10-10 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My budget
3. Letting go of needing to have it NOW
4. Great friends
5. My best friend coming for a visit
6. Choices, endless choices
7. infinite possibilities
9. Opportunities
10. LOVE!
I'm getting back into being connected to feeling the wonderfulness of life and living. Every experience, every moment is a gift. The weather here has been beautiful! Just gorgeous. I have choices to live my life in the way that I feel naturally guided. I had been trying to force a path onto myself. There is a retreat that I've been going to every year and this year financial commitments are being honored. I had been scheming and budget crunching trying to be able to force the finances for the retreat this year. I realized that my focus on the money has been blocking my energy, my flow, my love. It's been blocking my enjoyment of life and everyday. I realize I've been working on my budget and not on my growth. Yes, a budget is helpful for me to be responsible for my money flow. I need to realize that it is a FLOW and it is linked with my energy and LOVE flow. So, I needed to let go of making sure I'd be in the retreat this year and trust that if I am meant to be, the abundance and path will appear to me. And I needed to remember that money started out as tokens of love and appreciation. I need to let my love flow and enjoy and celebrate each day and share my enjoyment and love with others.
I just remembered I wrote one of my items down this morning to put on my list: I'm grateful for my Vision Board. And I'm still working on my vision board since the last week in December. It is really big, 3 feet by 3 feet. I have a TON of pictures and phrases cut out to put on it. Everything won't fit, there is way too much. So, every day or every few days I spend some time on it, sorting through phrases, pasting some things on. It made me think of my Grandma who always had one of those big difficult puzzles set up on her dining room table. We would come to visit and study the pieces and put a few in for her, or help sort. That's what this vision board has turned into for me. And it's inspiring because it is inspiring phrases and pictures. It's my vision for myself. What I want to work on in me, in my business. To know that working on things even just a little bit every day gets me closer to accomplishing things.
That's my 15 minutes!
2. My budget
3. Letting go of needing to have it NOW
4. Great friends
5. My best friend coming for a visit
6. Choices, endless choices
7. infinite possibilities
9. Opportunities
10. LOVE!
I'm getting back into being connected to feeling the wonderfulness of life and living. Every experience, every moment is a gift. The weather here has been beautiful! Just gorgeous. I have choices to live my life in the way that I feel naturally guided. I had been trying to force a path onto myself. There is a retreat that I've been going to every year and this year financial commitments are being honored. I had been scheming and budget crunching trying to be able to force the finances for the retreat this year. I realized that my focus on the money has been blocking my energy, my flow, my love. It's been blocking my enjoyment of life and everyday. I realize I've been working on my budget and not on my growth. Yes, a budget is helpful for me to be responsible for my money flow. I need to realize that it is a FLOW and it is linked with my energy and LOVE flow. So, I needed to let go of making sure I'd be in the retreat this year and trust that if I am meant to be, the abundance and path will appear to me. And I needed to remember that money started out as tokens of love and appreciation. I need to let my love flow and enjoy and celebrate each day and share my enjoyment and love with others.
I just remembered I wrote one of my items down this morning to put on my list: I'm grateful for my Vision Board. And I'm still working on my vision board since the last week in December. It is really big, 3 feet by 3 feet. I have a TON of pictures and phrases cut out to put on it. Everything won't fit, there is way too much. So, every day or every few days I spend some time on it, sorting through phrases, pasting some things on. It made me think of my Grandma who always had one of those big difficult puzzles set up on her dining room table. We would come to visit and study the pieces and put a few in for her, or help sort. That's what this vision board has turned into for me. And it's inspiring because it is inspiring phrases and pictures. It's my vision for myself. What I want to work on in me, in my business. To know that working on things even just a little bit every day gets me closer to accomplishing things.
That's my 15 minutes!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
3-9-10 grateful for today
1. True connection with others
2. My open heart
3. Unconditional love
4. Focusing on my growth, wholly
5. Choices, everywhere
6. Open to infinite possibilities in every moment
7. Open to the possibility of the infinite opening to me slowly at a pace I can handle
8. Trust
9. Letting go and enjoying being me
10. My 15 minute timer
I'm grateful for this day and choosing to change my perspective and let things go at work. I do a good job and the work I do matters and at the same time I can hold space that in the big picture of my life it is a very small part. Small does not mean insignificant. In acting there are no small roles, only small actors. The past couple of days I have been feeling overwhelmed, as a scanner does from time to time. I'm behind in my work at my job, I'm behind on the projects I'm working on at home, and I had just signed on over the weekend two clients for camcorder tape transfers and my producer is sending me all the footage to burn copies for all cast and crew of the last movie that we did. I had felt a little overwhelmed. I'm much better now. I am grateful for all the abundance that is coming into my life in form and experience. Life is amazing. My life is amazing and wonderful. OH, I also opened back up to change (I hadn't realized I had closed off from it). So, I'm grateful that I am open again to change and I am growing and ever-changing.
Wow. 8 minutes left and I'm ready for bed. That will be it for tonight.
2. My open heart
3. Unconditional love
4. Focusing on my growth, wholly
5. Choices, everywhere
6. Open to infinite possibilities in every moment
7. Open to the possibility of the infinite opening to me slowly at a pace I can handle
8. Trust
9. Letting go and enjoying being me
10. My 15 minute timer
I'm grateful for this day and choosing to change my perspective and let things go at work. I do a good job and the work I do matters and at the same time I can hold space that in the big picture of my life it is a very small part. Small does not mean insignificant. In acting there are no small roles, only small actors. The past couple of days I have been feeling overwhelmed, as a scanner does from time to time. I'm behind in my work at my job, I'm behind on the projects I'm working on at home, and I had just signed on over the weekend two clients for camcorder tape transfers and my producer is sending me all the footage to burn copies for all cast and crew of the last movie that we did. I had felt a little overwhelmed. I'm much better now. I am grateful for all the abundance that is coming into my life in form and experience. Life is amazing. My life is amazing and wonderful. OH, I also opened back up to change (I hadn't realized I had closed off from it). So, I'm grateful that I am open again to change and I am growing and ever-changing.
Wow. 8 minutes left and I'm ready for bed. That will be it for tonight.
Monday, March 8, 2010
3-8-10 grateful for today
1. My current job
2. My co-workers
3. My creative abilities and talents
4. Helping others
5. My car running well
6. My adorable dog
7. Each and every day
8. Moving forward a step at a time
9. Being a scanner
10. My 15 minute timer (which I forgot to start)
I am a scanner. A scanner in the description that Barbara Sher has defined (check out the book excerpt from "Refuse to Choose" here: http://www.careerknowhow.com/improvement/choose.htm). I am a scanner. And I've had a day where I did not want to be a scanner. I have so many interests, I'm working on several projects at once, specs for a new flash website program, ideas for a new invention, music composition, pre-production for a short commercial, and PBS series, and editing home movies into collages, writing scripts and stories and articles, creating art, creating a vision board, physics equations and theory, astronomy, Taoism and Tai Chi, etc. (Which is why I love my 15 minute timer). Today I wanted to be excited about only one subject. I wanted to be a person that delves into a speciality. It seems so much easier to want and love to do that ONE THING!
I know what it is. It's me not accepting myself as who and what I am. I will never be happy with just ONE THING to do. I will get bored, I know that. I am a scanner. I will always be out scanning the horizon for that new interest that I'll get excited about. That new project. I am a scanner. I am grateful that I am a scanner and I love and accept myself.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. My co-workers
3. My creative abilities and talents
4. Helping others
5. My car running well
6. My adorable dog
7. Each and every day
8. Moving forward a step at a time
9. Being a scanner
10. My 15 minute timer (which I forgot to start)
I am a scanner. A scanner in the description that Barbara Sher has defined (check out the book excerpt from "Refuse to Choose" here: http://www.careerknowhow.com/improvement/choose.htm). I am a scanner. And I've had a day where I did not want to be a scanner. I have so many interests, I'm working on several projects at once, specs for a new flash website program, ideas for a new invention, music composition, pre-production for a short commercial, and PBS series, and editing home movies into collages, writing scripts and stories and articles, creating art, creating a vision board, physics equations and theory, astronomy, Taoism and Tai Chi, etc. (Which is why I love my 15 minute timer). Today I wanted to be excited about only one subject. I wanted to be a person that delves into a speciality. It seems so much easier to want and love to do that ONE THING!
I know what it is. It's me not accepting myself as who and what I am. I will never be happy with just ONE THING to do. I will get bored, I know that. I am a scanner. I will always be out scanning the horizon for that new interest that I'll get excited about. That new project. I am a scanner. I am grateful that I am a scanner and I love and accept myself.
That's my 15 minutes.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
3-7-10 grateful for today
1. Birthday party where friends get together
2. Joy
3. My couch
3. My car running well
4. Gifts
5. My adorable dog
6. The Oscars
7. My 15 minute timer
8. Extra jobs coming my way
9. Feeling tired
10. Not doing my full 15 minutes for this blog tonight.
Much love and light to the world. Goodnight.
2. Joy
3. My couch
3. My car running well
4. Gifts
5. My adorable dog
6. The Oscars
7. My 15 minute timer
8. Extra jobs coming my way
9. Feeling tired
10. Not doing my full 15 minutes for this blog tonight.
Much love and light to the world. Goodnight.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
3-6-10 grateful for today
1. Nap in the middle of the day
2. Walking through fear
3. Asking for help
4. Parks and nature
5. My adorable dog
6. My life
7. Making new agreements
8. Music
9. Available choices
10. Deciding
I was feeling a bit of my old self today. Some worthlessness, some terror, some depression. I was trying hard to change that feeling by changing my thought patterns, by being active, by doing things. And what helped was to just fall down into those feelings. There's where the nap came in. I let go of trying to fight it and I relaxed and slept for three hours. When I got up (and it was a long process getting up) I then made a call that I didn't know if it was a good decision or not. I have been debating it for a few weeks and putting it off. Telling myself to wait until I find out about this interview, or wait until I hear about that job application. I finally called (the credit card company) and asked for help. I stayed calm and I asked questions and stayed in the present moment. I made a new agreement with them. I keep wanting to type something here and I keep deleting it. I type "I still don't know if it was a good decision." Then I delete it. I've done that four times now. This is where my brain and my feelings differ. And "good decision" by whose standards? I'm pretty sure I'm talking about me. Is it a good decision for me. My feelings are telling me that every decision I make is a good decision because every choice is living life. Waiting for the possibilities and situations and issues and problems to just go away, is like waiting for death. I'm going to trust my decision and move forward from this point on. The deal has been struck.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Walking through fear
3. Asking for help
4. Parks and nature
5. My adorable dog
6. My life
7. Making new agreements
8. Music
9. Available choices
10. Deciding
I was feeling a bit of my old self today. Some worthlessness, some terror, some depression. I was trying hard to change that feeling by changing my thought patterns, by being active, by doing things. And what helped was to just fall down into those feelings. There's where the nap came in. I let go of trying to fight it and I relaxed and slept for three hours. When I got up (and it was a long process getting up) I then made a call that I didn't know if it was a good decision or not. I have been debating it for a few weeks and putting it off. Telling myself to wait until I find out about this interview, or wait until I hear about that job application. I finally called (the credit card company) and asked for help. I stayed calm and I asked questions and stayed in the present moment. I made a new agreement with them. I keep wanting to type something here and I keep deleting it. I type "I still don't know if it was a good decision." Then I delete it. I've done that four times now. This is where my brain and my feelings differ. And "good decision" by whose standards? I'm pretty sure I'm talking about me. Is it a good decision for me. My feelings are telling me that every decision I make is a good decision because every choice is living life. Waiting for the possibilities and situations and issues and problems to just go away, is like waiting for death. I'm going to trust my decision and move forward from this point on. The deal has been struck.
That's my 15 minutes.
Friday, March 5, 2010
3-5-10 grateful for today
1. Endless opportunities
2. All of life's experiences
3. My brothers
4. My adorable dog
5. The wonderful cool weather
6. Friday and the infinite possibilities the weekend holds
7. My budget
8. Responsibility
9. My passions
10. My creative abilities and talents
Is there a word that means infinite, endless, unlimited that does not have the negative add-on to a limited word that means the opposite? Infinite has "in" an add-on (which means "not") tacked onto "finite" which has an end. Endless has "less" an add-on to "end". Unlimited has "un" which means "not" tacked onto "limited." Let's look in the thesaurus. I love the thesaurus. That's my number 11 today, I'm grateful for the thesaurus. Hmmmm. The only one that seemed to become close to the meaning (and I really like it) is "all-embracing". Well, lets see, if I have infinite possibilities, does it mean the same that I have all-embracing possibilities?
The reason this came up was that I have been taught that the universe provides us with everything we ask for and does not know the meaning of "not". For instance, if I know what I do not want, I can't ask the universe for it "I do not want more financial problems" because the universe hears "I do want more financial problems" and that's what I get. I was wondering about "endless abundance and infinite prosperity" does the universe listen in the same way to those words since the add-on to the root is "not"? Probably not, I was just curious if there was a word that was all-encompassing without using the negative opposite of a root.
Basically, what you focus on, that's what the universe brings you more of. If you are focusing on what you do not want, you are still focusing on it. Focus and be mindful of what you want. And then you ask, well what DO I want? Which is where I'm at.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. All of life's experiences
3. My brothers
4. My adorable dog
5. The wonderful cool weather
6. Friday and the infinite possibilities the weekend holds
7. My budget
8. Responsibility
9. My passions
10. My creative abilities and talents
Is there a word that means infinite, endless, unlimited that does not have the negative add-on to a limited word that means the opposite? Infinite has "in" an add-on (which means "not") tacked onto "finite" which has an end. Endless has "less" an add-on to "end". Unlimited has "un" which means "not" tacked onto "limited." Let's look in the thesaurus. I love the thesaurus. That's my number 11 today, I'm grateful for the thesaurus. Hmmmm. The only one that seemed to become close to the meaning (and I really like it) is "all-embracing". Well, lets see, if I have infinite possibilities, does it mean the same that I have all-embracing possibilities?
The reason this came up was that I have been taught that the universe provides us with everything we ask for and does not know the meaning of "not". For instance, if I know what I do not want, I can't ask the universe for it "I do not want more financial problems" because the universe hears "I do want more financial problems" and that's what I get. I was wondering about "endless abundance and infinite prosperity" does the universe listen in the same way to those words since the add-on to the root is "not"? Probably not, I was just curious if there was a word that was all-encompassing without using the negative opposite of a root.
Basically, what you focus on, that's what the universe brings you more of. If you are focusing on what you do not want, you are still focusing on it. Focus and be mindful of what you want. And then you ask, well what DO I want? Which is where I'm at.
That's my 15 minutes.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
3-4-10 grateful for today
1. ALL my emotions (even annoyance and frustration)
2. Completing and mailing my application
3. Opportunities
4. Experiences
5. Love, Trust, and Openness
6. Busperdirtnabin
7. My adorable dog
8. Being true to myself
9. Meditation
10. Friends and honesty
I have mailed out my last fellowship application. I interviewed today for a promotion at work. I'm ready to go to bed. I send much love out into the universe. What I sometimes forget is to receive the love coming back towards me. There's that old training, give, give, give, give. I receive with love, I share with love. I am annoyed with love and frustrated with love. I am grateful that I have friends that have called me up and have triggered annoyance and frustration in me. I'm grateful for the trigger, there is more for me to learn. More for me to clear up in my emotional house. I'm also grateful that my friends have grown themselves and I know they do not take it personally. I take responsibility and own my annoyance and frustration.
If I don't process these emotions tonight, they will come up again. I can choose to let them go and learn their lesson at a later time. Now the trick is for me to know whether I'm letting them go as a healthy response because I am physically tired and in need of rest, or am I giving myself the illusion of tiredness so that I may avoid processing these feelings. Again, I take responsibility in knowing that and not delude myself. Meditation is so helpful in knowing myself truly. Get my brain to stop making all these logical arguments and pull up evidence for why I am tired now and prove that its okay for me to be tired now. For example: You've had a busy week, your work schedule is all screwy, you had more mental hoops to jump through this week, you've had meetings monday and one yesterday, you've been working hard on your application, etc. etc. etc. None of that really matters when I sit still, close my eyes, let me thoughts float away and just feel. I feel tired and sleepy and sad and love and a need to recharge.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Completing and mailing my application
3. Opportunities
4. Experiences
5. Love, Trust, and Openness
6. Busperdirtnabin
7. My adorable dog
8. Being true to myself
9. Meditation
10. Friends and honesty
I have mailed out my last fellowship application. I interviewed today for a promotion at work. I'm ready to go to bed. I send much love out into the universe. What I sometimes forget is to receive the love coming back towards me. There's that old training, give, give, give, give. I receive with love, I share with love. I am annoyed with love and frustrated with love. I am grateful that I have friends that have called me up and have triggered annoyance and frustration in me. I'm grateful for the trigger, there is more for me to learn. More for me to clear up in my emotional house. I'm also grateful that my friends have grown themselves and I know they do not take it personally. I take responsibility and own my annoyance and frustration.
If I don't process these emotions tonight, they will come up again. I can choose to let them go and learn their lesson at a later time. Now the trick is for me to know whether I'm letting them go as a healthy response because I am physically tired and in need of rest, or am I giving myself the illusion of tiredness so that I may avoid processing these feelings. Again, I take responsibility in knowing that and not delude myself. Meditation is so helpful in knowing myself truly. Get my brain to stop making all these logical arguments and pull up evidence for why I am tired now and prove that its okay for me to be tired now. For example: You've had a busy week, your work schedule is all screwy, you had more mental hoops to jump through this week, you've had meetings monday and one yesterday, you've been working hard on your application, etc. etc. etc. None of that really matters when I sit still, close my eyes, let me thoughts float away and just feel. I feel tired and sleepy and sad and love and a need to recharge.
That's my 15 minutes.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
3-3-10 grateful for today
1. Completing things
2. My adorable dog
3. Opportunities!
4. My 15 minute timer
5. Love, openness and trust
6. Letting go
7. Breathing
8. Movement
9. Ink for my printer
10. JOY!
Letting go. Boy, years ago when I first heard that phrase (in association with healthy processing), I was at a loss of comprehending what it really means. I saw an episode on Dharma & Greg where she tells people to "put it in a bubble and blow it away." Way back then I equated it with forgetting or denying it ever happened. That's not letting go at all. That's burying it and unhealthy. Quite a lot of people that have studied and lived their lives helping others have tried to explain this. I'm trying to now and I find that it is difficult for me to put into words. My process of letting go is acknowledging my emotions, feeling them fully and truly in order to release them. Letting go is remembering what happened, remembering what I felt as a memory and not the full force of those feelings as it was happening. That's just one part of letting go. I'm finishing up my last fellowship application tonight and when I mail it off I will let go of the outcome. I will send out this application as a desire of what I want and let go of the attachment of getting it or not. I am grateful for the opportunity to apply. It's like, I'm glad to just be nominated.
I am so glad to have learned to let go. I let go of what no longer serves me. 30 minutes ago my frustration served me. My dog was barking at the TV and I allowed my frustration to be projected on him. My frustration served to me wake me up to the truth that I was frustrated at myself for not working on my application, yet again. I felt my frustration fully and released my old habit of self-sabotage. My frustration no longer serves me, I let it go. My old way of doing things was to finish my application then spend much time remembering that I blew off completing it for a few days and stay frustrated with myself. And that definitely doesn't serve me anymore.
Sharing much love. That's my 15 minutes.
2. My adorable dog
3. Opportunities!
4. My 15 minute timer
5. Love, openness and trust
6. Letting go
7. Breathing
8. Movement
9. Ink for my printer
10. JOY!
Letting go. Boy, years ago when I first heard that phrase (in association with healthy processing), I was at a loss of comprehending what it really means. I saw an episode on Dharma & Greg where she tells people to "put it in a bubble and blow it away." Way back then I equated it with forgetting or denying it ever happened. That's not letting go at all. That's burying it and unhealthy. Quite a lot of people that have studied and lived their lives helping others have tried to explain this. I'm trying to now and I find that it is difficult for me to put into words. My process of letting go is acknowledging my emotions, feeling them fully and truly in order to release them. Letting go is remembering what happened, remembering what I felt as a memory and not the full force of those feelings as it was happening. That's just one part of letting go. I'm finishing up my last fellowship application tonight and when I mail it off I will let go of the outcome. I will send out this application as a desire of what I want and let go of the attachment of getting it or not. I am grateful for the opportunity to apply. It's like, I'm glad to just be nominated.
I am so glad to have learned to let go. I let go of what no longer serves me. 30 minutes ago my frustration served me. My dog was barking at the TV and I allowed my frustration to be projected on him. My frustration served to me wake me up to the truth that I was frustrated at myself for not working on my application, yet again. I felt my frustration fully and released my old habit of self-sabotage. My frustration no longer serves me, I let it go. My old way of doing things was to finish my application then spend much time remembering that I blew off completing it for a few days and stay frustrated with myself. And that definitely doesn't serve me anymore.
Sharing much love. That's my 15 minutes.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
3-2-10 grateful for today
1. Unlimited possibilities and amazement
2. Inspiration, other people being inspired
3. My 15 minute timer
4. My car running well
5. Meditating and taking a nap on my lunch hour
6. Time enough for everything
7. Being triggered
8. Collaboration
9. Silliness and fun
10. Connection with friends
Can it be done? YES! Where "it" is anything you can possibly think of or imagine. When I get stuck in that "no that's impossible" mode of limited thinking, I watch something where people are doing something physical that seems impossible. Watch what tricks skateboarders can do. Those high flying bikers. Just watch these 8 year old neighbors of mine on these wave boards, a board with two wheels on swivels!! Unicyclists. Just watch chinese acrobats! Or ANY acrobats! I hear those naysayers in the back of my head saying things like, "well yeah, but it takes lifetime of training and practice 12 hours a day." SO?! IT CAN BE DONE! Anything can be done. Watch what others can do, what others are inspired about, now what was it that you were inspired to do before the naysayers shut you down?
Now what was it that I was inspired to do? I have an application to finish and get out in the mail. And I'm so grateful that anything is possible in this universe. I can create anything, I can ask for help, I can collaborate, I can have a lot of projects going all at once. Life is a multitude of possibilities every moment. That is so cool!
Sharing much love with the universe. That's my 15 minutes.
2. Inspiration, other people being inspired
3. My 15 minute timer
4. My car running well
5. Meditating and taking a nap on my lunch hour
6. Time enough for everything
7. Being triggered
8. Collaboration
9. Silliness and fun
10. Connection with friends
Can it be done? YES! Where "it" is anything you can possibly think of or imagine. When I get stuck in that "no that's impossible" mode of limited thinking, I watch something where people are doing something physical that seems impossible. Watch what tricks skateboarders can do. Those high flying bikers. Just watch these 8 year old neighbors of mine on these wave boards, a board with two wheels on swivels!! Unicyclists. Just watch chinese acrobats! Or ANY acrobats! I hear those naysayers in the back of my head saying things like, "well yeah, but it takes lifetime of training and practice 12 hours a day." SO?! IT CAN BE DONE! Anything can be done. Watch what others can do, what others are inspired about, now what was it that you were inspired to do before the naysayers shut you down?
Now what was it that I was inspired to do? I have an application to finish and get out in the mail. And I'm so grateful that anything is possible in this universe. I can create anything, I can ask for help, I can collaborate, I can have a lot of projects going all at once. Life is a multitude of possibilities every moment. That is so cool!
Sharing much love with the universe. That's my 15 minutes.
Monday, March 1, 2010
3-1-10 grateful for today
1. My mom
2. The full moon
3. Cool weather
4. My 15 minute timer
5. All of my emotions
6. Connection and sharing with friends and people
7. Aware of love as a common truth
8. Projections and shadows
9. Trust
10. The unknown
I am in a very great space today. Yesterday I cried a lot. A small loss opened up lots of windows of repressed grief and I feel like I released a lot. I feel lighter and brighter. I am walking around in beauty, around beauty, and as beauty. Life is just great. It sounds like I'm in love. I am. With life and myself and with my friends and family and people. I'm trying not to sound like "cheese" and I just can't help it. *grin*
Okay, grateful of projections and shadows. I am so grateful when I become aware of the projections I'm putting out on people because it leads me to a part of myself that I haven't seen before. I part that I had chosen to be ashamed of and pushed into a corner and then didn't see it again. I know I'm projection when I have emotion and the thought that "that person made me feel this way." That's one of the clues. Like when I hear of a person threatening someone else. "If you don't [whatever], I'm going to [do something to you]." I have anger coming up. (Yes, something happened today and because of confidentiality I am not going to post the details here. You all have your own stories that you can put in the spaces provided. It all works the same). So, I have anger coming up. I am projecting my anger onto that person. My anger does not belong directed at that person. My anger is truly directed at myself and since I don't like that, I project it out. I'm angry with myself because what I saw that other person doing that I disapprove of, I have done and I have not felt good about myself about doing it. So I hid it in the shadow. Being aware takes it out of the shadow and I'm grateful for that.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. The full moon
3. Cool weather
4. My 15 minute timer
5. All of my emotions
6. Connection and sharing with friends and people
7. Aware of love as a common truth
8. Projections and shadows
9. Trust
10. The unknown
I am in a very great space today. Yesterday I cried a lot. A small loss opened up lots of windows of repressed grief and I feel like I released a lot. I feel lighter and brighter. I am walking around in beauty, around beauty, and as beauty. Life is just great. It sounds like I'm in love. I am. With life and myself and with my friends and family and people. I'm trying not to sound like "cheese" and I just can't help it. *grin*
Okay, grateful of projections and shadows. I am so grateful when I become aware of the projections I'm putting out on people because it leads me to a part of myself that I haven't seen before. I part that I had chosen to be ashamed of and pushed into a corner and then didn't see it again. I know I'm projection when I have emotion and the thought that "that person made me feel this way." That's one of the clues. Like when I hear of a person threatening someone else. "If you don't [whatever], I'm going to [do something to you]." I have anger coming up. (Yes, something happened today and because of confidentiality I am not going to post the details here. You all have your own stories that you can put in the spaces provided. It all works the same). So, I have anger coming up. I am projecting my anger onto that person. My anger does not belong directed at that person. My anger is truly directed at myself and since I don't like that, I project it out. I'm angry with myself because what I saw that other person doing that I disapprove of, I have done and I have not felt good about myself about doing it. So I hid it in the shadow. Being aware takes it out of the shadow and I'm grateful for that.
That's my 15 minutes.
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