1. The ocean with it's waves.
2. Breath of life
3. My adorable dog
4. Wonderful friends
5. Nature, trees, sun, water
6. My creative job
7. Boundaries
8. Unconditional Love
9. Endless opportunities
10. Scanning all my varied interests
I had a great day yesterday and a wonderful weekend. I did not do any of the personal "projects" or "needs" that I had planned, like paying bills, organizing and purging my files, books and life. I spent quality, sharing time with friends and nature and I feel renewed and refreshed. There is an interesting lesson in balance in this as I wanted to continue my free-flowing spontaneous communion with nature and friends. Yet, there are needs to take care of myself in our culture that I need to attend to. So even though I would rather be outside following the wind where it will take me, today I need to walk against the wind and into my office, letting the wind of my creativity come out in the container boundaries of my workplace. And I need the energy of the sun I soaked up over the weekend, to pour out in taking care of my needs at home, laundry and organizing and paying bills. There is balance if I allow myself to see it and live it.
Love and Light.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
5-29-11 grateful for today
1. The sun, warmth and light
2. Friends, visiting, sharing, holding space
3. Myself
4. My Quaker meeting
5. Chanting
6. Tai Chi
7. The mysteries and spirituality of life
8. Purging and letting go to allow space for something new
9. Tea
10. Unconditional love
This is the first time I've put myself in my list. I've put pieces of myself in the list before, like my creativity, and today I put all of me in the list. I am grateful for all of me and everything that has happened to lead me to this day, this moment in my life. I feel scared as there are big, painful, events in my past that are still gaping wounds, and I'm scared to feel grateful for those events. It's very weird. I'm fighting with myself right now to delete this whole post and start over. Because I'm afraid that my feeling grateful for my entire life, which means accepting all that has happened to me, will mean that it was all okay. Which it does not! The big painful horrible wounding events in my past will never be "okay". I do not want things like that to ever happen to anybody ever again. My being grateful of all of myself now, helps me to accept those events as unchangeable and a part of me now. I let go of my wish to have had a different past. Hopefully that made sense.
Love and light.
2. Friends, visiting, sharing, holding space
3. Myself
4. My Quaker meeting
5. Chanting
6. Tai Chi
7. The mysteries and spirituality of life
8. Purging and letting go to allow space for something new
9. Tea
10. Unconditional love
This is the first time I've put myself in my list. I've put pieces of myself in the list before, like my creativity, and today I put all of me in the list. I am grateful for all of me and everything that has happened to lead me to this day, this moment in my life. I feel scared as there are big, painful, events in my past that are still gaping wounds, and I'm scared to feel grateful for those events. It's very weird. I'm fighting with myself right now to delete this whole post and start over. Because I'm afraid that my feeling grateful for my entire life, which means accepting all that has happened to me, will mean that it was all okay. Which it does not! The big painful horrible wounding events in my past will never be "okay". I do not want things like that to ever happen to anybody ever again. My being grateful of all of myself now, helps me to accept those events as unchangeable and a part of me now. I let go of my wish to have had a different past. Hopefully that made sense.
Love and light.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
5-26-11 grateful for today
1. My computer running well
2. My car running well
3. My adorable dog
4. This beautiful morning and day
5. Lots of project to work on
6. Tea and coffee
7. My spiritual awakening
8. Working at a job of my passion
9. Abundance
10. Unconditional love
Yes, I put tea and coffee on the list today. I'm trying to drink more and more clear water. I gave up coffee a few years ago and only have it once in a while. And lately I've been drinking coffee every morning because it is offered free at work. This morning I am tired. My sleep was very broken last night and I have the urge to crawl back into bed and sleep this day away. I need to go into work and I'm looking forward to some coffee. So, yes, tea and coffee is on my list today. And that's okay, life is ever changing and my needs change and I change.
Love and light.
2. My car running well
3. My adorable dog
4. This beautiful morning and day
5. Lots of project to work on
6. Tea and coffee
7. My spiritual awakening
8. Working at a job of my passion
9. Abundance
10. Unconditional love
Yes, I put tea and coffee on the list today. I'm trying to drink more and more clear water. I gave up coffee a few years ago and only have it once in a while. And lately I've been drinking coffee every morning because it is offered free at work. This morning I am tired. My sleep was very broken last night and I have the urge to crawl back into bed and sleep this day away. I need to go into work and I'm looking forward to some coffee. So, yes, tea and coffee is on my list today. And that's okay, life is ever changing and my needs change and I change.
Love and light.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
5-25-11 grateful for today
1. Happy Hour!
2. My adorable dog
3. Noble, vulnerable, aware friends
4. Listening to myself, my inner true self
5. My amazing wonderful job of doing what I love
6. A fresh start, a new day
7. Love, unconditional love everywhere
8. Music
9. Creativity, creating space for the future to move into
10. Spiritual meaning.
I'm feeling amazingly a part of this world today. I am a part of a greater piece of moving, changing, transforming art that is this day and all of us moving through it. I am an active participant in creating this day. Before, I would sit on the outside and watch, observe what was going on and find the blank, dull, dead spaces to jump into, to get through the day and not really be part of it, but look like it. Now I'm in the mix, walking fully into the energy and my walking into the energy transforms it and changes it. This is a grand new perspective for me.
Love and light.
2. My adorable dog
3. Noble, vulnerable, aware friends
4. Listening to myself, my inner true self
5. My amazing wonderful job of doing what I love
6. A fresh start, a new day
7. Love, unconditional love everywhere
8. Music
9. Creativity, creating space for the future to move into
10. Spiritual meaning.
I'm feeling amazingly a part of this world today. I am a part of a greater piece of moving, changing, transforming art that is this day and all of us moving through it. I am an active participant in creating this day. Before, I would sit on the outside and watch, observe what was going on and find the blank, dull, dead spaces to jump into, to get through the day and not really be part of it, but look like it. Now I'm in the mix, walking fully into the energy and my walking into the energy transforms it and changes it. This is a grand new perspective for me.
Love and light.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
5-24-11 grateful for today
1. My Quaker meeting
2. Being open to give of my true self
3. Being open to receive and feel spiritual meaning in every moment
4. Having the office to myself this morning
5. Quiet
6. Unconditional Love
7. My adorable dog
8. My car running well
9. Creative freedom
10. This entire day.
I know my Quaker meeting isn't today, this is a Tuesday. We meet on Sundays (or first days). I am feeling grateful for that meeting today and the people in it. I am happy that I have been able to go and sit with them knowing that we all know who sit in the circle that there is that of god in all of us. I have been having feelings of terror come up in me when I have shone my inner light. I remember processing the concept and skipping over feeling my terror and went straight to logically understanding that it is safe for me to be open, and that logical bypass took the spiritual "meaning" out of my experiences and left them hollow. So, I embrace my terror of being open to share of myself and receive, and walk through that terror to know the "meaning" and feel safe.
Love and light.
2. Being open to give of my true self
3. Being open to receive and feel spiritual meaning in every moment
4. Having the office to myself this morning
5. Quiet
6. Unconditional Love
7. My adorable dog
8. My car running well
9. Creative freedom
10. This entire day.
I know my Quaker meeting isn't today, this is a Tuesday. We meet on Sundays (or first days). I am feeling grateful for that meeting today and the people in it. I am happy that I have been able to go and sit with them knowing that we all know who sit in the circle that there is that of god in all of us. I have been having feelings of terror come up in me when I have shone my inner light. I remember processing the concept and skipping over feeling my terror and went straight to logically understanding that it is safe for me to be open, and that logical bypass took the spiritual "meaning" out of my experiences and left them hollow. So, I embrace my terror of being open to share of myself and receive, and walk through that terror to know the "meaning" and feel safe.
Love and light.
Monday, May 23, 2011
5-23-11 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My wonderful career of my passion
3. Trust in my creativity and talent
4. A session with my therapist
5. Unconditional love
6. Courage to be open to my experiences
7. All my emotions
8. Breathing in life
9. Choices
10. My car running well.
I'm so glad that I'm doing better in getting this list posted. My goal is to post this daily with gratitude. Makes sense, a grateful list posted with gratitude. Sometimes in the past I would post it . . . well, maybe not post it with resentment, but start making it with resentment ("I gotta make this list again today?!). I'm now looking forward to writing up this list and post. And I feel bad when I forget to do it (like yesterday). Or when I'm too tired or exhausted to do it (like Saturday). When Saturday I had a lot to be grateful for and it would have been little effort to post it. There is still part of me that when I enjoy my day, I have a need to punish myself a little bit for it. I'm working on releasing that.
Love and light.
2. My wonderful career of my passion
3. Trust in my creativity and talent
4. A session with my therapist
5. Unconditional love
6. Courage to be open to my experiences
7. All my emotions
8. Breathing in life
9. Choices
10. My car running well.
I'm so glad that I'm doing better in getting this list posted. My goal is to post this daily with gratitude. Makes sense, a grateful list posted with gratitude. Sometimes in the past I would post it . . . well, maybe not post it with resentment, but start making it with resentment ("I gotta make this list again today?!). I'm now looking forward to writing up this list and post. And I feel bad when I forget to do it (like yesterday). Or when I'm too tired or exhausted to do it (like Saturday). When Saturday I had a lot to be grateful for and it would have been little effort to post it. There is still part of me that when I enjoy my day, I have a need to punish myself a little bit for it. I'm working on releasing that.
Love and light.
Friday, May 20, 2011
5-20-11 grateful for today
1. My car running well
2. Being aware of my defenses that dull my inner light
3. My wonderful job
4. Showing my short film last night
5. Open to receive
6. Communication
7. Meaning in life
8. All my emotions
9. Freeing myself from my encasements
10. Unconditional love
I realized yesterday how I use logic and rationalization to disconnect myself from the present moment. Looking at an experience logically, dulls the rainbow of colors and feelings and takes the deeper meaning out of the experience. I now search for the feeling and deeper meaning in every experience.
Love and Light.
2. Being aware of my defenses that dull my inner light
3. My wonderful job
4. Showing my short film last night
5. Open to receive
6. Communication
7. Meaning in life
8. All my emotions
9. Freeing myself from my encasements
10. Unconditional love
I realized yesterday how I use logic and rationalization to disconnect myself from the present moment. Looking at an experience logically, dulls the rainbow of colors and feelings and takes the deeper meaning out of the experience. I now search for the feeling and deeper meaning in every experience.
Love and Light.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
5-18-11 grateful for today
1. Breath of Life
2. Nature, the world, the universe
3. My car running well
4. My adorable dog
5. My wonderful career following my passion
6. Endless opportunities
7. Choices
9. Emotions
10. Kleenex
I had an insight this morning of being "grateful to god", or to be aware of Grace. In the past, I always had the vision of giving thanks to god as in thanking some puppet master, visualizing a mean tyrant pulling the strings, making the rules, and all of us powerless and punished to think for ourselves, or make our own choices. That's what I used to believe, because that is all I knew in the world. This morning while I was driving along, I saw the trees growing, the sky blue, felt the earth turning and I realized that for me, for now, being grateful to god is this feeling of grateful to have nature, this earth, this world, as a construct for me to live in. As a place and life for me to make my choices, to choose to follow my path or turn off in exploration. I am grateful to this, the world, the universe, my life and experiences. I understand now when one is applauded for their accomplishment, why they give that applause back to god, because without all this, without everybody, without everything there is as it is, they wouldn't have been able to accomplish anything.
Love and light.
2. Nature, the world, the universe
3. My car running well
4. My adorable dog
5. My wonderful career following my passion
6. Endless opportunities
7. Choices
9. Emotions
10. Kleenex
I had an insight this morning of being "grateful to god", or to be aware of Grace. In the past, I always had the vision of giving thanks to god as in thanking some puppet master, visualizing a mean tyrant pulling the strings, making the rules, and all of us powerless and punished to think for ourselves, or make our own choices. That's what I used to believe, because that is all I knew in the world. This morning while I was driving along, I saw the trees growing, the sky blue, felt the earth turning and I realized that for me, for now, being grateful to god is this feeling of grateful to have nature, this earth, this world, as a construct for me to live in. As a place and life for me to make my choices, to choose to follow my path or turn off in exploration. I am grateful to this, the world, the universe, my life and experiences. I understand now when one is applauded for their accomplishment, why they give that applause back to god, because without all this, without everybody, without everything there is as it is, they wouldn't have been able to accomplish anything.
Love and light.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
5-15-11 grateful for today
1. Sleeping deeply through the night
2. My adorable dog
3. Friends from far away visiting
4. Unconditional love
5. Meditation
6. Perseverance
7. My car running well
8. Abundance
9. Endless possibilities
10. My Quaker group
I'm in one of those days where I need to take care of myself and complete necessary things to be loving to myself, and where I want to disconnect and hurt myself by watching tv and movies all day lying on the couch.
Love and light.
2. My adorable dog
3. Friends from far away visiting
4. Unconditional love
5. Meditation
6. Perseverance
7. My car running well
8. Abundance
9. Endless possibilities
10. My Quaker group
I'm in one of those days where I need to take care of myself and complete necessary things to be loving to myself, and where I want to disconnect and hurt myself by watching tv and movies all day lying on the couch.
Love and light.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
5-8-11 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Waking up naturally without an alarm
3. My car running well
4. A fresh new day clean and ready to be lived
5. Unconditional love
6. The Light
7. Abundance of everything
8. My emotions coming up from where they have been buried for too long
9. Knowing courage is what I find after walking through my fear
10. Music
I woke up stiff and sore. Moving about brings sharper pains than lying still. Lying still and not moving has its dull ache to it. I know that moving and experiencing the sharp pains brings lubrication back to my stiff joints and the easier it will be for me to flow through and experience my day. I become stiff because I tense up. I tense and form a muscle wall so that my experiences don't really touch me. I need to open up and allow my life experiences to change me. Change in a healthy good way.
Love and light.
2. Waking up naturally without an alarm
3. My car running well
4. A fresh new day clean and ready to be lived
5. Unconditional love
6. The Light
7. Abundance of everything
8. My emotions coming up from where they have been buried for too long
9. Knowing courage is what I find after walking through my fear
10. Music
I woke up stiff and sore. Moving about brings sharper pains than lying still. Lying still and not moving has its dull ache to it. I know that moving and experiencing the sharp pains brings lubrication back to my stiff joints and the easier it will be for me to flow through and experience my day. I become stiff because I tense up. I tense and form a muscle wall so that my experiences don't really touch me. I need to open up and allow my life experiences to change me. Change in a healthy good way.
Love and light.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
5-5-11 grateful for today
1. Hugs
2. My job in my career of choice
3. My adorable dog
4. Caring friends
5. Chanting
6. Drumming
7. My creative talents and abilities
8. Endless possibilities and choices
9. Life experiences
10. Expressing and honoring emotions, mine and others
I'm getting better at doing this list every day. There were long gaps and the gaps are getting shorter. I loved last night at my chanting circle. I recieved and gave many hugs. My life through most of the month doesn't have many hugs in it. I would like to have more hugs. I would like to be able to hug every day. I'm the only one that can make it happen. I am the one to decide to give hugs. Am I a pack animal or a lone wolf? I have been living as a person alone and outside, am I now craving to be within a circle of a tribe every day?
Love and light.
2. My job in my career of choice
3. My adorable dog
4. Caring friends
5. Chanting
6. Drumming
7. My creative talents and abilities
8. Endless possibilities and choices
9. Life experiences
10. Expressing and honoring emotions, mine and others
I'm getting better at doing this list every day. There were long gaps and the gaps are getting shorter. I loved last night at my chanting circle. I recieved and gave many hugs. My life through most of the month doesn't have many hugs in it. I would like to have more hugs. I would like to be able to hug every day. I'm the only one that can make it happen. I am the one to decide to give hugs. Am I a pack animal or a lone wolf? I have been living as a person alone and outside, am I now craving to be within a circle of a tribe every day?
Love and light.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
5-3-11 grateful for today
1. My wonderful job
2. My creative abilities and talents
3. My adorable dog
4. Freedom and responsibility in my decisions
5. Unconditional love
6. Transformational experiences
7. A spiritual week full of ritual and connection
8. My car running well
9. My computer running well
10. Endless possibilites.
There is freedom when I take full responsibility of my decisions. My decision to have a messy kitchen. My decision to wait until the last minute to get my submission to a film festival. I realize that I am the only one procrastinating, and really trying to treat myself by how I feel about myself inside. I have a new way of taking care of myself. I'm going to take care of myself as if I am a person that I love and want to take care of. This is new. I have been waiting until I love every part of me to be able to take care of myself, so now I'm waiting no longer. And by acting "as if" I believe I will love myself, even the parts I think I can't.
Love and light.
2. My creative abilities and talents
3. My adorable dog
4. Freedom and responsibility in my decisions
5. Unconditional love
6. Transformational experiences
7. A spiritual week full of ritual and connection
8. My car running well
9. My computer running well
10. Endless possibilites.
There is freedom when I take full responsibility of my decisions. My decision to have a messy kitchen. My decision to wait until the last minute to get my submission to a film festival. I realize that I am the only one procrastinating, and really trying to treat myself by how I feel about myself inside. I have a new way of taking care of myself. I'm going to take care of myself as if I am a person that I love and want to take care of. This is new. I have been waiting until I love every part of me to be able to take care of myself, so now I'm waiting no longer. And by acting "as if" I believe I will love myself, even the parts I think I can't.
Love and light.
Monday, May 2, 2011
5-2-11 grateful for today
1. My creative wonderful job
2. My car running well
3. My adorable dog
4. Trust in friends
5. Unconditional love
6. Tai Chi
7. Meditation
8. The Light
9. Guidance
10. Connection
Trust is a big issue for me. A lot of the time I need to remind myself to trust myself. Trust my inner knowing, trust that I am on my path, trust the day that I am in and the body I inhabit. That's a LOT for me. I've been doing a lot of things to avoid knowing that I'm even in my body, let alone trust it. Distracting myself with TV shows and movies to watch other people make connections and experience thing, rather than trust my own experience and connection in the world. I've been procrastinating and not doing things to take care of myself, so I won't have the chance to trust my inner knowing. Trusting myself is a big deal. It takes pressure off of trusting others. Yes, trust in others is important. If I'm betraying my own trust, there is nothing to give to others. In order to gain trust, you have to give trust. I need to give trust to myself.
2. My car running well
3. My adorable dog
4. Trust in friends
5. Unconditional love
6. Tai Chi
7. Meditation
8. The Light
9. Guidance
10. Connection
Trust is a big issue for me. A lot of the time I need to remind myself to trust myself. Trust my inner knowing, trust that I am on my path, trust the day that I am in and the body I inhabit. That's a LOT for me. I've been doing a lot of things to avoid knowing that I'm even in my body, let alone trust it. Distracting myself with TV shows and movies to watch other people make connections and experience thing, rather than trust my own experience and connection in the world. I've been procrastinating and not doing things to take care of myself, so I won't have the chance to trust my inner knowing. Trusting myself is a big deal. It takes pressure off of trusting others. Yes, trust in others is important. If I'm betraying my own trust, there is nothing to give to others. In order to gain trust, you have to give trust. I need to give trust to myself.
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