1. Clarity
2. Illumination of my patterns of behavior
3. The full moon
4. Loss and my expression of Grief
5. Forgiveness
6. Mother Earth
7. The sun
8. The stars
9. The universe
10. All that there was, is, and will be
I asked for and received clarity yesterday on a very important relationship to me. That relationship is still very important to me and I'm grateful for the clarity because I'm able to allow the relationship to shift towards it's true nature. Clarity also brought a feeling of loss for me as I realize I will not be able to experience new feelings of romance and excitement with this man. I do celebrate and cherish my experiences and feelings of the possibility of romance with this man. I am grateful for this learning experience. It was good for me. I honor my loss and grief and also honor my new feelings that are forming as this relationship shifts to a good friendship. I celebrate this growth in myself and our relationship.
I'm reading that previous paragraph back and it reads to me as rhetoric, which is not my feeling nor intention behind it. In order to keep the person confidential, I have some learning to do in sharing my feelings while not revealing or betraying the other person in the relationship I'm talking about. Maybe my lesson here is that I don't need to share with other people about my relationships, only share with others my relationship with them and my feelings? Maybe my brain in its attempt to understand what my feelings and spirit already understand falls back on what it knows and how to communicate it.
I am feeling much love with sadness today. This is new for me. It's like I have longed for the feeling I have read about in every beautiful melancholy poem and finally feel it.
That's my 15 minutes.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
2-26-10 grateful for today
1. My business coach
2. GarageBand
3. My 15 minute timer
4. Sending out one finished fellowship application
5. Being aware of my self-sabotager and were I need to release that old "not good enough" feeling
6. Love, openness, and trust
7. Noble friends and support
8. My creative abilities
9. My organizational skills
10. Spinach
Yes, I've put on the list my organizational skills. I looked around my house just now and thought to myself "what organizational skills". That's because I was only looking at the piles of stuff that haven't found a place yet. And the stuff that has a place and needs to be organized within that space. A shift in my space needs to happen. I've been talking about a purge for some time now and I believe I'm going to put the "15 minute principle" into effect. Rather than go through and do one big purge (I've done that before and gotten carried away) because a comfortable safe space is important to me, I will go through for 15 minutes on the intent of finding things to purge (I know I have some socks with holes in them). Sometimes I think the 15 minutes doesn't stay ahead of (how do I phrase this) things that need to be done. Whenever I'm thinking like that, I know I haven't had the 15 minute timer out for a couple of days.
Oh, I also looked around my house and saw where I am very organized. My to do bulletin board, which I love. When I use it properly it really does help me with prioritization and my scannerishness when priorities shift around. I have a small bulletin board and 3x5 index cards. One task goes on one index card. The first column is "today" the second column is "tomorrow" and the third column is "upcoming". When the 15 minute timer goes off and I want something else to do, I go to the board and see what's on it. I have a small bin on the wall that holds all of those tasks that are really low priority or just something I want to do when I have free time. When I complete a task, I take the card and put it in my special "accomplishment box" so for those times where I think I don't get anything done, I can open the box and see all of these index cards of things that are complete!
So, I've got to go and make a task card for "purge for 15 minutes" and stick it on the board . . . to do tomorrow!
That's my 15 minutes!
2. GarageBand
3. My 15 minute timer
4. Sending out one finished fellowship application
5. Being aware of my self-sabotager and were I need to release that old "not good enough" feeling
6. Love, openness, and trust
7. Noble friends and support
8. My creative abilities
9. My organizational skills
10. Spinach
Yes, I've put on the list my organizational skills. I looked around my house just now and thought to myself "what organizational skills". That's because I was only looking at the piles of stuff that haven't found a place yet. And the stuff that has a place and needs to be organized within that space. A shift in my space needs to happen. I've been talking about a purge for some time now and I believe I'm going to put the "15 minute principle" into effect. Rather than go through and do one big purge (I've done that before and gotten carried away) because a comfortable safe space is important to me, I will go through for 15 minutes on the intent of finding things to purge (I know I have some socks with holes in them). Sometimes I think the 15 minutes doesn't stay ahead of (how do I phrase this) things that need to be done. Whenever I'm thinking like that, I know I haven't had the 15 minute timer out for a couple of days.
Oh, I also looked around my house and saw where I am very organized. My to do bulletin board, which I love. When I use it properly it really does help me with prioritization and my scannerishness when priorities shift around. I have a small bulletin board and 3x5 index cards. One task goes on one index card. The first column is "today" the second column is "tomorrow" and the third column is "upcoming". When the 15 minute timer goes off and I want something else to do, I go to the board and see what's on it. I have a small bin on the wall that holds all of those tasks that are really low priority or just something I want to do when I have free time. When I complete a task, I take the card and put it in my special "accomplishment box" so for those times where I think I don't get anything done, I can open the box and see all of these index cards of things that are complete!
So, I've got to go and make a task card for "purge for 15 minutes" and stick it on the board . . . to do tomorrow!
That's my 15 minutes!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
2-25-10 grateful for today
1. Knowing myself
2. Being completely caught up on all my bills
3. Having a financial plan while knowing I am complete and total abundance
4. My adorable dog
5. Opportunities that I can apply myself to
6. My abundant creativity
7. Life and experiences
8. Love, openness, and trust
9. My friends
10. My family
I received my abundance through the channel of my tax refund and I'm grateful that I am caught up and up to date on my bills. I have an affirmation that I've been saying probably only about a month now, back when my brain had no idea how it was going to figure out how to get up to date on everything: I pay all my bills easily on time with love and abundance including [here is where I put a few things that are currently not in my budget]. So, very soon after I started affirming that, I received word that my tax refund was going to be much larger than I expected. Very cool! I open myself to new channels of income.
I am just very grateful to enjoy each day. I'm learning more and more about my true needs and also about "illusionary needs". Things that I think I need and when I really look truthfully at them, it is not what I need. Like watching TV at night. There are some nights where I think I need it. I need to just veg out and watch some mindless TV, I've had a very mentally hard working day. When I stop and take a look at it, most of the time I am using watching TV to avoid doing something that I'm excited and scared about. Like applying to these fellowships. The shoot I had planned for tonight fell through and I suddenly have a free evening that I didn't think I had (abundance? I think so). So, I'm all jazzed about getting home and getting my applications all done and off my plate TONIGHT!! Yeah! Go Baby! I get home, and what do I want to do? Sit and watch TV and tell myself that I still have time. That is my illusion I am selling myself. That is the trap I put myself in. I take full responsibility and I own it. I choose to CHANGE IT NOW!
Life is wonderful!! That's my 15 minutes!
2. Being completely caught up on all my bills
3. Having a financial plan while knowing I am complete and total abundance
4. My adorable dog
5. Opportunities that I can apply myself to
6. My abundant creativity
7. Life and experiences
8. Love, openness, and trust
9. My friends
10. My family
I received my abundance through the channel of my tax refund and I'm grateful that I am caught up and up to date on my bills. I have an affirmation that I've been saying probably only about a month now, back when my brain had no idea how it was going to figure out how to get up to date on everything: I pay all my bills easily on time with love and abundance including [here is where I put a few things that are currently not in my budget]. So, very soon after I started affirming that, I received word that my tax refund was going to be much larger than I expected. Very cool! I open myself to new channels of income.
I am just very grateful to enjoy each day. I'm learning more and more about my true needs and also about "illusionary needs". Things that I think I need and when I really look truthfully at them, it is not what I need. Like watching TV at night. There are some nights where I think I need it. I need to just veg out and watch some mindless TV, I've had a very mentally hard working day. When I stop and take a look at it, most of the time I am using watching TV to avoid doing something that I'm excited and scared about. Like applying to these fellowships. The shoot I had planned for tonight fell through and I suddenly have a free evening that I didn't think I had (abundance? I think so). So, I'm all jazzed about getting home and getting my applications all done and off my plate TONIGHT!! Yeah! Go Baby! I get home, and what do I want to do? Sit and watch TV and tell myself that I still have time. That is my illusion I am selling myself. That is the trap I put myself in. I take full responsibility and I own it. I choose to CHANGE IT NOW!
Life is wonderful!! That's my 15 minutes!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
2-24-10 grateful for today
1. My 15 minute timer
2. My creative abilities
3. My job
4. Actively pursuing my career of passion
5. My adorable dog
6. Open to all possibilities
7. Opportunity
8. Love, Openness, and Trust
9. The work that is in front of me now
10. Being present in the moment
My 15 minute timer has another wonderful purpose! Not only does it help me to not get "absent minded professor" on one of my many projects I have going on. It works wonderfully on a motivator for those tasks that I don't want to do, or those that I'm scared of doing. It's a great little jump-start tool. Like tonight, for instance, I need to get my application for this fellowship done. The deadline is looming. I have to write wonderful things about myself, which is pushing the envelope of my comfort zone. I have made great strides in loving myself and knowing that I deserve all good in this universe and that I am a wonderful, talented, intelligent, beautiful woman. Writing something to tell other people is quite new also and therefore a bit uncomfortable for me. I had been avoiding doing it for a few days. My number one excuse: I'm too tired. Well, I got out my handy-dandy 15 minute timer and told myself to focus on it for 15 minutes only. That got me started. I reset the timer three times. The application isn't finished and I have a great start on one of the sections. Yay for me.
There was another application for another fellowship and the deadline for that one is this Friday. That's when it needs to BE there, not postmarked. I've decided to let that one go. I know what I need to do to take care of myself and right now it is to follow though on what I've committed to. The fellowship that I've let go was not one that I committed to. It came to me after I had already committed to applying to the other one. It's the same kind of fellowship and when I heard of it, I thought, okay, since I'm already applying to the other one, I'll do this one too. I don't feel like I was committed to it. This may sound like a lot of excuses to justify my missing the deadline. It may be, I'm still trying to sort out all of these choices and decisions that are all my responsibility. I'm okay with letting it go. I am committed to the other one, which I need to have done . . . oh man, I just looked at the calendar.
I realize I don't like the word deadline. I'm going to change it to goal or goaltime. I will have this application in by the goaltime.
I'm tired and going to bed. Much love to all.
2. My creative abilities
3. My job
4. Actively pursuing my career of passion
5. My adorable dog
6. Open to all possibilities
7. Opportunity
8. Love, Openness, and Trust
9. The work that is in front of me now
10. Being present in the moment
My 15 minute timer has another wonderful purpose! Not only does it help me to not get "absent minded professor" on one of my many projects I have going on. It works wonderfully on a motivator for those tasks that I don't want to do, or those that I'm scared of doing. It's a great little jump-start tool. Like tonight, for instance, I need to get my application for this fellowship done. The deadline is looming. I have to write wonderful things about myself, which is pushing the envelope of my comfort zone. I have made great strides in loving myself and knowing that I deserve all good in this universe and that I am a wonderful, talented, intelligent, beautiful woman. Writing something to tell other people is quite new also and therefore a bit uncomfortable for me. I had been avoiding doing it for a few days. My number one excuse: I'm too tired. Well, I got out my handy-dandy 15 minute timer and told myself to focus on it for 15 minutes only. That got me started. I reset the timer three times. The application isn't finished and I have a great start on one of the sections. Yay for me.
There was another application for another fellowship and the deadline for that one is this Friday. That's when it needs to BE there, not postmarked. I've decided to let that one go. I know what I need to do to take care of myself and right now it is to follow though on what I've committed to. The fellowship that I've let go was not one that I committed to. It came to me after I had already committed to applying to the other one. It's the same kind of fellowship and when I heard of it, I thought, okay, since I'm already applying to the other one, I'll do this one too. I don't feel like I was committed to it. This may sound like a lot of excuses to justify my missing the deadline. It may be, I'm still trying to sort out all of these choices and decisions that are all my responsibility. I'm okay with letting it go. I am committed to the other one, which I need to have done . . . oh man, I just looked at the calendar.
I realize I don't like the word deadline. I'm going to change it to goal or goaltime. I will have this application in by the goaltime.
I'm tired and going to bed. Much love to all.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
2-23-10 grateful for today
1. My friend back at work with me today
2. Awareness of my comfort zone and stepping out of it
3. Physicalness
4. Being present in this day
5. Celebration
6. Unconditional Love, Openness, and Trust
7. True connection
8. Open structure
9. My creative abilities
10. My new foundation of open to possibilities
I need to stay present in the moment. I have a lot of things in the works that require me to wait for them. For instance, my tax refund, an interview coming up, popular awareness of this blog, a video shoot this week, a second job as a census taker. I have things that need my attention today, and one of my old habits is to visualize and daydream about these upcoming things and what I'm going to do once this comes through or that is offered to me. All that does is rob me of my present moment and each and every moment is precious. I'm not present for the sun coming up, for my dog that just wants to love me in this moment. I'm not present enjoying the breakfast I made for myself, and I'm not present in taking care of myself. The things that I do not need to wait for money to do, clean my bathrooms, vaccuum, pick up my "business planning" and organize it. At work yesterday, I was thinking about the new position I have an interview scheduled for and I lost my motivation to do the job I currently have. That is not the new person I am. I celebrate the work that is in front of me everyday and I am grateful for it.
I am in the present moment with love, openness, and trust.
2. Awareness of my comfort zone and stepping out of it
3. Physicalness
4. Being present in this day
5. Celebration
6. Unconditional Love, Openness, and Trust
7. True connection
8. Open structure
9. My creative abilities
10. My new foundation of open to possibilities
I need to stay present in the moment. I have a lot of things in the works that require me to wait for them. For instance, my tax refund, an interview coming up, popular awareness of this blog, a video shoot this week, a second job as a census taker. I have things that need my attention today, and one of my old habits is to visualize and daydream about these upcoming things and what I'm going to do once this comes through or that is offered to me. All that does is rob me of my present moment and each and every moment is precious. I'm not present for the sun coming up, for my dog that just wants to love me in this moment. I'm not present enjoying the breakfast I made for myself, and I'm not present in taking care of myself. The things that I do not need to wait for money to do, clean my bathrooms, vaccuum, pick up my "business planning" and organize it. At work yesterday, I was thinking about the new position I have an interview scheduled for and I lost my motivation to do the job I currently have. That is not the new person I am. I celebrate the work that is in front of me everyday and I am grateful for it.
I am in the present moment with love, openness, and trust.
Monday, February 22, 2010
2-22-10 grateful for today
1. Starting over
2. Abundance
3. Tai Chi/Qi Gong
4. Trees, plants and nature; Mother Earth
5. Open to all possibilities
6. My car running well
7. My adorable dog
8. My family
9. Love, Openness, and Trust
10. My 15 minute timer
I am starting my commitment again, for a few things. I am starting my commitment again to this daily blog. I missed yesterday. I was traveling and out of town and I realize that that is not an excuse. Even if I do not have access to the internet, I have the ability to handwrite out my list and put it up on the blog at a later time. So, I believe I had to miss a day to receive that realization.
I am starting my commitment over to my 40-day prosperity plan. Yesterday would have been day 16. I started to do my meditation last night and realized that I have not once started over any of my 40-day meditation plans. That's good, you tell me! That's an accomplishment, you tell me! I wanted . . . I needed the experience of starting over. I needed to allow myself to make a mistake in this area of what I'm doing. I already tied in doing 40-day Tai Chi in with this 40-day prosperity and I stopped doing the Tai Chi on day 2. So, last night, I'm really tired. I did not do any of my morning rituals because I was traveling, because I was staying over at my Grandpa's house. I realize that I used the excuse of, "I'll have time to do them when I get home tonight" to cover up my shame for having these morning rituals. So, I've learned another valuable lesson. Be myself and do what I NEED to do for my well-being regardless of who I'm going to embarrass. I realize now that I was uncomfortable doing my morning rituals at my Grandpa's because of my new self, my new way of "be-ing" doesn't fit in with the "role" I grew up with. I need to acknowledge my feelings that came up over the weekend and it's practice. Practicing is making mistakes and learning from them. I now know about myself and have learned about myself, that I have morning rituals that ARE very important to me. I NOW accept that about myself. I love and accept my rituals are a part of me.
I share much unconditional love with all the world.
Thanks, that's my 15 minutes.
2. Abundance
3. Tai Chi/Qi Gong
4. Trees, plants and nature; Mother Earth
5. Open to all possibilities
6. My car running well
7. My adorable dog
8. My family
9. Love, Openness, and Trust
10. My 15 minute timer
I am starting my commitment again, for a few things. I am starting my commitment again to this daily blog. I missed yesterday. I was traveling and out of town and I realize that that is not an excuse. Even if I do not have access to the internet, I have the ability to handwrite out my list and put it up on the blog at a later time. So, I believe I had to miss a day to receive that realization.
I am starting my commitment over to my 40-day prosperity plan. Yesterday would have been day 16. I started to do my meditation last night and realized that I have not once started over any of my 40-day meditation plans. That's good, you tell me! That's an accomplishment, you tell me! I wanted . . . I needed the experience of starting over. I needed to allow myself to make a mistake in this area of what I'm doing. I already tied in doing 40-day Tai Chi in with this 40-day prosperity and I stopped doing the Tai Chi on day 2. So, last night, I'm really tired. I did not do any of my morning rituals because I was traveling, because I was staying over at my Grandpa's house. I realize that I used the excuse of, "I'll have time to do them when I get home tonight" to cover up my shame for having these morning rituals. So, I've learned another valuable lesson. Be myself and do what I NEED to do for my well-being regardless of who I'm going to embarrass. I realize now that I was uncomfortable doing my morning rituals at my Grandpa's because of my new self, my new way of "be-ing" doesn't fit in with the "role" I grew up with. I need to acknowledge my feelings that came up over the weekend and it's practice. Practicing is making mistakes and learning from them. I now know about myself and have learned about myself, that I have morning rituals that ARE very important to me. I NOW accept that about myself. I love and accept my rituals are a part of me.
I share much unconditional love with all the world.
Thanks, that's my 15 minutes.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
2-20-10 grateful for today
1. Road Trip!
2. My car running well
3. My Grandpa
4. My Aunt
5. Unconditional love
6. Openness
7. Trust
8. Google maps
9. My adorable dog
10. Forgiveness
I'm on a road trip today to go visit my Grandpa and my Aunt. I'm very excited to go and see them and show off my Didgeridoo that I made. It's early this morning and I still have to pack and get going. It's a 3-4 hour drive. My dog does not like riding in the car. In the past I would not feed him the morning of a trip as he tends to get sick in the car. I didn't like the idea of denying him food this morning when he was very hungry. So, we will see what happens today in the car. I'm up to an adventure (and taking lots of towels with me). I'm not going to take up my full 15 minutes this morning as I'm anxious to get on the road.
Sending much love to all the world.
2. My car running well
3. My Grandpa
4. My Aunt
5. Unconditional love
6. Openness
7. Trust
8. Google maps
9. My adorable dog
10. Forgiveness
I'm on a road trip today to go visit my Grandpa and my Aunt. I'm very excited to go and see them and show off my Didgeridoo that I made. It's early this morning and I still have to pack and get going. It's a 3-4 hour drive. My dog does not like riding in the car. In the past I would not feed him the morning of a trip as he tends to get sick in the car. I didn't like the idea of denying him food this morning when he was very hungry. So, we will see what happens today in the car. I'm up to an adventure (and taking lots of towels with me). I'm not going to take up my full 15 minutes this morning as I'm anxious to get on the road.
Sending much love to all the world.
Friday, February 19, 2010
2-19-10 grateful for today
1. I am total and complete Abundance and Prosperity
2. Forgiveness
3. Dave Ramsey's book The Total Money Makeover
4. My life and all my experiences and feelings
5. My adorable dog.
6. Friends
7. The light that is within every person and every thing
8. Stars
9. Change
10. Following my path at my pace.
I've had a wonderful beautiful day filled with joy and seeing "life changing events" are every moment if I choose them to be. I've had an emotional evening working on forgiveness, my process of forgiveness. I have started my process of forgiveness with a person in my life. I'm not too far along and I know from within that that is okay. I have received insight that forgiveness is taking back my power. Forgiveness changes how I feel about a situation in the present moment. It doesn't erase the situation or erase how I felt at the time the situation occurred. It does not erase nor condone nor ignore nor forget the hurtful behavior of the other person. It only changes how I feel in this present moment. Forgiveness is my choice to be free of the burden of my feelings when it happened. I can choose to continue to carry the feelings of the moment. This happened a very long time ago, and when it happened I was safer to choose to hide my emotions within myself and not express them. I survived by holding my feelings about what happened deep down inside me. I am used to, I am conditioned to, I am comfortable with carrying my emotions forward with me from day to day to day. I realize that I have the choice now to express them AND release them. I feel uncomfortable doing that because that is a new way to process my feelings. I have been practicing with new situations in my life. Feel my feelings, honor them with healthy expression and let them lead me to my next step, my next lesson in growth and let them go with love. I'm learning. I'm practicing. And I will be able to apply these practices to those feelings that I've held for so long.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Forgiveness
3. Dave Ramsey's book The Total Money Makeover
4. My life and all my experiences and feelings
5. My adorable dog.
6. Friends
7. The light that is within every person and every thing
8. Stars
9. Change
10. Following my path at my pace.
I've had a wonderful beautiful day filled with joy and seeing "life changing events" are every moment if I choose them to be. I've had an emotional evening working on forgiveness, my process of forgiveness. I have started my process of forgiveness with a person in my life. I'm not too far along and I know from within that that is okay. I have received insight that forgiveness is taking back my power. Forgiveness changes how I feel about a situation in the present moment. It doesn't erase the situation or erase how I felt at the time the situation occurred. It does not erase nor condone nor ignore nor forget the hurtful behavior of the other person. It only changes how I feel in this present moment. Forgiveness is my choice to be free of the burden of my feelings when it happened. I can choose to continue to carry the feelings of the moment. This happened a very long time ago, and when it happened I was safer to choose to hide my emotions within myself and not express them. I survived by holding my feelings about what happened deep down inside me. I am used to, I am conditioned to, I am comfortable with carrying my emotions forward with me from day to day to day. I realize that I have the choice now to express them AND release them. I feel uncomfortable doing that because that is a new way to process my feelings. I have been practicing with new situations in my life. Feel my feelings, honor them with healthy expression and let them lead me to my next step, my next lesson in growth and let them go with love. I'm learning. I'm practicing. And I will be able to apply these practices to those feelings that I've held for so long.
That's my 15 minutes.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
2-18-10 grateful for today
1. Balance
2. Dave Ramsey
3. Abundance
4. Prosperity
5. Knowing I'm ok
6. Generous noble friends
7. My adorable dog
8. Movies!
9. IM chat at work
10. Letting go of "needing"
My good friend dropped of Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. She had an over abundance of two of these books and I received this gift from her. Interestingly enough, it was literally two minutes before I had a phone conference appointment with a debt consolidation counseling service. Before all of this, I had to download and fill out the financial worksheets before the debt consolidation counseling session. By filling out there worksheets, which prompted me to go back to my budget spreadsheets that I had been working for myself since 2002, and that I had ignored completely for the last two years. By going back and looking at my spreadsheets and their worksheets, I found that I'm okay. Not spilling over with money, but not drowning in debt either. I'm okay. My budget is simple, it has stayed simple. I know when I work it, I can become debt free. It's hard in the beginning, and as things become paid off, it becomes easier.
I'm so looking forward to working Dave's plan. It's a lot like how I think anyway, and I've been led astray by my own fears and demons of wanting to punish myself. So, I'm already sold on it. Some of the myths he talks about I wonder how people think that way to begin with. Some of the myths I say, oh yeah, I used to think like that and now NEVER AGAIN! One myth I skipped over completely because I never understood leasing a car. I'm very excited about learning and implementing his plan because there are things on there that I've never thought about before, like saving, and retirement, and abundant wealth. So, I'm ready to get down to the nitty gritty and get going!
I am completely and totally the individualized realization of abundance and prosperity!
That's my 15 minutes (for today).
2. Dave Ramsey
3. Abundance
4. Prosperity
5. Knowing I'm ok
6. Generous noble friends
7. My adorable dog
8. Movies!
9. IM chat at work
10. Letting go of "needing"
My good friend dropped of Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. She had an over abundance of two of these books and I received this gift from her. Interestingly enough, it was literally two minutes before I had a phone conference appointment with a debt consolidation counseling service. Before all of this, I had to download and fill out the financial worksheets before the debt consolidation counseling session. By filling out there worksheets, which prompted me to go back to my budget spreadsheets that I had been working for myself since 2002, and that I had ignored completely for the last two years. By going back and looking at my spreadsheets and their worksheets, I found that I'm okay. Not spilling over with money, but not drowning in debt either. I'm okay. My budget is simple, it has stayed simple. I know when I work it, I can become debt free. It's hard in the beginning, and as things become paid off, it becomes easier.
I'm so looking forward to working Dave's plan. It's a lot like how I think anyway, and I've been led astray by my own fears and demons of wanting to punish myself. So, I'm already sold on it. Some of the myths he talks about I wonder how people think that way to begin with. Some of the myths I say, oh yeah, I used to think like that and now NEVER AGAIN! One myth I skipped over completely because I never understood leasing a car. I'm very excited about learning and implementing his plan because there are things on there that I've never thought about before, like saving, and retirement, and abundant wealth. So, I'm ready to get down to the nitty gritty and get going!
I am completely and totally the individualized realization of abundance and prosperity!
That's my 15 minutes (for today).
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
2-17-10 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Love
3. Openness
4. Trust
5. My journey through life
6. Noble friends
7. Abundance
8. Prosperity
9. Generosity
10. Smiles
I am rearranging my budget and getting ready for an hour long session with a debt management counselor. I have asked for help and I am receiving help. Also, Dave Ramsey's name keeps coming at me from all directions. His website is very cool along with his 7 baby steps for becoming debt free. I am receiving his book tomorrow as a friend of mine ended up with two copies and she is giving me one. Abundance is everywhere. I am open and loving and trust that I am already in abundance and prospering. All good is coming my way and I deserve it. I've had to remind myself of that all day. My old habit is to worry about how I'm going to pay for this or that, or where is the money going to come from. I am already in abundance and prospering. I'm not sure how it works, I don't need to know why or how. I am the person responsible for my happiness and success. All opportunities are possible. I have the power within me to drastically change my financial, emotional, and spiritual space at any time.
Does it sound like I'm trying to convince myself? It feels odd and strange. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to convince myself and there are other times when I believe and I feel this energy flowing. It's an uncomfortable feeling only because it is new. It feels like a sense of peace with activity. It's interesting and cool. I equate it to "if you build it, they will come." Funny, I don't think I've put movies on my list at all. I'll have to go back and reread old ones to see if I have. Maybe I'll remember tomorrow to put it on there.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Love
3. Openness
4. Trust
5. My journey through life
6. Noble friends
7. Abundance
8. Prosperity
9. Generosity
10. Smiles
I am rearranging my budget and getting ready for an hour long session with a debt management counselor. I have asked for help and I am receiving help. Also, Dave Ramsey's name keeps coming at me from all directions. His website is very cool along with his 7 baby steps for becoming debt free. I am receiving his book tomorrow as a friend of mine ended up with two copies and she is giving me one. Abundance is everywhere. I am open and loving and trust that I am already in abundance and prospering. All good is coming my way and I deserve it. I've had to remind myself of that all day. My old habit is to worry about how I'm going to pay for this or that, or where is the money going to come from. I am already in abundance and prospering. I'm not sure how it works, I don't need to know why or how. I am the person responsible for my happiness and success. All opportunities are possible. I have the power within me to drastically change my financial, emotional, and spiritual space at any time.
Does it sound like I'm trying to convince myself? It feels odd and strange. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to convince myself and there are other times when I believe and I feel this energy flowing. It's an uncomfortable feeling only because it is new. It feels like a sense of peace with activity. It's interesting and cool. I equate it to "if you build it, they will come." Funny, I don't think I've put movies on my list at all. I'll have to go back and reread old ones to see if I have. Maybe I'll remember tomorrow to put it on there.
That's my 15 minutes.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
2-16-10 grateful for today
1. 20 pounds of chicken leg quarters for $10
2. Being open to all possibilities
3. The sun, the moon, the earth.
4. My adorable dog.
5. the possibility of forgiveness
6. Compassion
7. Believing in the gift in everything
8. People
9. Trees
10. Mountains
Every experience is a gift. It may not seem like it at the time. I'm shifting my beliefs and I'm willing to believe every experience is a gift. Trust me, I have a few experiences in my past that don't seem like gifts at all. I'm open to all possibilities. My job this week is to bring Love, Openness, and Trust to all that I do. Sharing love, openness and trust will bring me even more love openness and trust. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I fall back into the terror that I know so well. What am I scared of? Childhood nightmares to come back and haunt me. I need to remember that I'm far away from that now, in time, in power. I'm here now and my emotions may be coming out of me finally to be released, and I am able to do that now safely. I am able to take care of myself and honor my emotions. I have the power now to choose to release my past. My past is me. I have the power to have my past release me. I'm the only one hurting myself now, in this present day.
I share much love with all the world. Because I have that much and more within me. As do each of us.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Being open to all possibilities
3. The sun, the moon, the earth.
4. My adorable dog.
5. the possibility of forgiveness
6. Compassion
7. Believing in the gift in everything
8. People
9. Trees
10. Mountains
Every experience is a gift. It may not seem like it at the time. I'm shifting my beliefs and I'm willing to believe every experience is a gift. Trust me, I have a few experiences in my past that don't seem like gifts at all. I'm open to all possibilities. My job this week is to bring Love, Openness, and Trust to all that I do. Sharing love, openness and trust will bring me even more love openness and trust. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I fall back into the terror that I know so well. What am I scared of? Childhood nightmares to come back and haunt me. I need to remember that I'm far away from that now, in time, in power. I'm here now and my emotions may be coming out of me finally to be released, and I am able to do that now safely. I am able to take care of myself and honor my emotions. I have the power now to choose to release my past. My past is me. I have the power to have my past release me. I'm the only one hurting myself now, in this present day.
I share much love with all the world. Because I have that much and more within me. As do each of us.
That's my 15 minutes.
Monday, February 15, 2010
2-15-10 grateful for today
1. My Joyful Business Coach
2. Tax Refund
3. Relaxation time
4. Day off from my "good enough" job!
5. Life and experiences
6. Asking for what I want without attachment
7. Flowing with life
8. Enjoyment of all experiences
9. Knowing gifts are everywhere
10. Compassion
Flowing with life. I had an excellent session with my business coach this morning. It was insightful to me to learn that when I'm doing what I'm passionate about, it doesn't feel like work. I can go 10-12 hour workdays when it is a project I am really turned on about. My relaxation doesn't HAVE to be sitting on my balcony with a cup of tea feeling the air move around me. I can be relaxed by going through my journals, I can relax re-organizing my personal growth notebook. I've learned that relaxing to me is NOT watching TV or movies. It's enjoyable. It's something I like and when the show or movie is really good, I really love to do. I know now that I'm not relaxed when I do it. I'm not everybody. It always amazed me that some people can sleep with the TV on. To them I would guess that it is relaxing. Doing something calming that nurtures me is relaxing. Listening to music, really listening and picking out the instruments and melodies and counter melodies and supporting "voices" of instruments is relaxing to me. Playing music is relaxing. Yes, and sitting in nature and just feeling the natural energy around me is relaxing.
What's interesting as I write this is that the things that are relaxing for me are also inspiring. That's an interesting connection for me to make. I'm not sure where this connection is going to take me and I'm open to following it. Am I more inspired and creative in a relaxed state than a frenzied one? I am, at this point in my life, attracted to activities that are more grounding for my energy than excitable. For instance, Tai Chi, Meditation, Chanting, this blog. It's weird, a thought just came to me: "I am the balance of imbalance." I'm not sure what that means. My passion is to be in the television/movie industry. That is my passion and I love to create movies and (hopefully soon) some webisodes and TV series. On the other side of that is that I have an addiction to TV. I have unplugged my TV for months at a time knowing that I was using it to abuse myself. And I know that movies and TV shows have the ability to reach millions to educate them (PBS, History, Discovery) or to inspire them and give hope (Pursuit of Happyness) and to move people and point out the shadow sides of our society and lead people to spirituality (Avatar). My intention is to create fulfilling pieces that bring light into this world. When watching your next TV show, maybe ask yourself, what is your intention in watching this show? What do you expect to get out of it? If you can stretch yourself, maybe ask, what was the intention behind the creation of this show?
That's my 15 minutes!
2. Tax Refund
3. Relaxation time
4. Day off from my "good enough" job!
5. Life and experiences
6. Asking for what I want without attachment
7. Flowing with life
8. Enjoyment of all experiences
9. Knowing gifts are everywhere
10. Compassion
Flowing with life. I had an excellent session with my business coach this morning. It was insightful to me to learn that when I'm doing what I'm passionate about, it doesn't feel like work. I can go 10-12 hour workdays when it is a project I am really turned on about. My relaxation doesn't HAVE to be sitting on my balcony with a cup of tea feeling the air move around me. I can be relaxed by going through my journals, I can relax re-organizing my personal growth notebook. I've learned that relaxing to me is NOT watching TV or movies. It's enjoyable. It's something I like and when the show or movie is really good, I really love to do. I know now that I'm not relaxed when I do it. I'm not everybody. It always amazed me that some people can sleep with the TV on. To them I would guess that it is relaxing. Doing something calming that nurtures me is relaxing. Listening to music, really listening and picking out the instruments and melodies and counter melodies and supporting "voices" of instruments is relaxing to me. Playing music is relaxing. Yes, and sitting in nature and just feeling the natural energy around me is relaxing.
What's interesting as I write this is that the things that are relaxing for me are also inspiring. That's an interesting connection for me to make. I'm not sure where this connection is going to take me and I'm open to following it. Am I more inspired and creative in a relaxed state than a frenzied one? I am, at this point in my life, attracted to activities that are more grounding for my energy than excitable. For instance, Tai Chi, Meditation, Chanting, this blog. It's weird, a thought just came to me: "I am the balance of imbalance." I'm not sure what that means. My passion is to be in the television/movie industry. That is my passion and I love to create movies and (hopefully soon) some webisodes and TV series. On the other side of that is that I have an addiction to TV. I have unplugged my TV for months at a time knowing that I was using it to abuse myself. And I know that movies and TV shows have the ability to reach millions to educate them (PBS, History, Discovery) or to inspire them and give hope (Pursuit of Happyness) and to move people and point out the shadow sides of our society and lead people to spirituality (Avatar). My intention is to create fulfilling pieces that bring light into this world. When watching your next TV show, maybe ask yourself, what is your intention in watching this show? What do you expect to get out of it? If you can stretch yourself, maybe ask, what was the intention behind the creation of this show?
That's my 15 minutes!
2-14-10 grateful for today
1. Oprah
2. Cool beautiful weather
3. My vision story
4. My vision board
5. Infinite possibilities
6. My power of choice
7. Tax Refund!!
8. Brown sugar and pie dough
9. My 15 minute timer
10. My adorable dog
I forget every year that I will most likely get a tax refund. I don't count on it. I don't budget for it to come in. I send all my tax info to my brother and then forget again until he calls me and tells me I'm getting money back. It's a BONUS! It's a surprise gift! To help me get out of this financial bind that I'm in now. It's a cause for celebration. Most everything in my life is now a cause for celebration. Even things that are seemingly challenging at the time, I now realize are gifts of learning and of growth within me. I am so grateful for life and love and energy flowing through the whole universe.
I gotta go make some tea. More later.
2. Cool beautiful weather
3. My vision story
4. My vision board
5. Infinite possibilities
6. My power of choice
7. Tax Refund!!
8. Brown sugar and pie dough
9. My 15 minute timer
10. My adorable dog
I forget every year that I will most likely get a tax refund. I don't count on it. I don't budget for it to come in. I send all my tax info to my brother and then forget again until he calls me and tells me I'm getting money back. It's a BONUS! It's a surprise gift! To help me get out of this financial bind that I'm in now. It's a cause for celebration. Most everything in my life is now a cause for celebration. Even things that are seemingly challenging at the time, I now realize are gifts of learning and of growth within me. I am so grateful for life and love and energy flowing through the whole universe.
I gotta go make some tea. More later.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
2-13-10
1. Qi Gong/Tai Chi class
2. Chinese new year of the Metal Tiger, should be a good year for us Dogs
3. Openness
4. Sharing
5. Insight into how I sabotage myself
6. My adorable dog
7. Noble friends
8. Holding Space
9. Native Radio (www.nativeradio.com)
10. Chicken
Tomorrow is the start of the Chinese New Year 4708, the year of the Metal Tiger. My Qi Gong/Tai Chi class (www.whitecranehealingarts.com) had a wonderful little celebration today. I learned about the Chinese new year and their "astrological" predictions for the upcoming year for the earth and for each individual "sign". I also learned that I'm a Double Metal Dog. Which Metal has to do with the lung and metal people (or Dog people) tend to worry a lot. I have had many respiratory problems throughout my life and currently I'm working very hard at not worrying about my finances and letting go. This upcoming year of the Metal Tiger promises prosperity and good business and romance for Dogs. I'm going with that.
I'm very relaxed right now and thoughts are floating through my brain. . . . I guess I'm not in the mood for much more blogging. I don't have to use the whole 15 minutes if I don't want to. Flow is better than force.
Well that's my 10 minutes. :-)
2. Chinese new year of the Metal Tiger, should be a good year for us Dogs
3. Openness
4. Sharing
5. Insight into how I sabotage myself
6. My adorable dog
7. Noble friends
8. Holding Space
9. Native Radio (www.nativeradio.com)
10. Chicken
Tomorrow is the start of the Chinese New Year 4708, the year of the Metal Tiger. My Qi Gong/Tai Chi class (www.whitecranehealingarts.com) had a wonderful little celebration today. I learned about the Chinese new year and their "astrological" predictions for the upcoming year for the earth and for each individual "sign". I also learned that I'm a Double Metal Dog. Which Metal has to do with the lung and metal people (or Dog people) tend to worry a lot. I have had many respiratory problems throughout my life and currently I'm working very hard at not worrying about my finances and letting go. This upcoming year of the Metal Tiger promises prosperity and good business and romance for Dogs. I'm going with that.
I'm very relaxed right now and thoughts are floating through my brain. . . . I guess I'm not in the mood for much more blogging. I don't have to use the whole 15 minutes if I don't want to. Flow is better than force.
Well that's my 10 minutes. :-)
Friday, February 12, 2010
2-12-10 grateful for today
1. Hitting the "alarm off" button by mistake and still getting up in time for work
2. People of all kinds
3. Close friends learning awareness of themselves
4. My good enough job
5. Opportunities
6. Unconditional love
7. The light that is born with every person
8. FRIDAY!
9. Constant creative ideas
10. My creative abilities
I forgot to post here yesterday. So, I figured it was okay for me to miss one day every once in a great while. I don't have a time frame set on how long I'm going to be doing 10 things daily. I don't know if I need one. I know for other things I want to accomplish and I have some difficulty with my discipline, I set a 40 day window. I do the thing everyday for 40 days and if I skip a day I have to set the counter back to day one. I really like that format for a lot of things, like taking the stairs to my apartment rather than the elevator. However, I did not set that parameter when I started this daily blog. So I missed a day . . . now what? I start again the next day with apologies to you.
I also had the idea when I started that these would be posted every morning to start my day. And I've found that as long as I get it in somewhere in the 24 hours of the day, I'm good. If I do this list in the morning, I'm thinking of what I listed and it helps me to be grateful for this day. If I do this list at night, I thinking of what I'm going to put into this list and it also helps me to be grateful for this day in a slightly different way. It all works.
I am grateful for yesterday and I do feel badly that I didn't post a list. A couple of highlights that I'm grateful for: US Census Taker Testing. Closeness with friends. Payday. A friend called after getting a pretty harsh awareness of a look of himself and I'm grateful that he received that harsh look with love and I send much love and support to him while he goes through his process.
That's my 15 minutes. Much love to all.
2. People of all kinds
3. Close friends learning awareness of themselves
4. My good enough job
5. Opportunities
6. Unconditional love
7. The light that is born with every person
8. FRIDAY!
9. Constant creative ideas
10. My creative abilities
I forgot to post here yesterday. So, I figured it was okay for me to miss one day every once in a great while. I don't have a time frame set on how long I'm going to be doing 10 things daily. I don't know if I need one. I know for other things I want to accomplish and I have some difficulty with my discipline, I set a 40 day window. I do the thing everyday for 40 days and if I skip a day I have to set the counter back to day one. I really like that format for a lot of things, like taking the stairs to my apartment rather than the elevator. However, I did not set that parameter when I started this daily blog. So I missed a day . . . now what? I start again the next day with apologies to you.
I also had the idea when I started that these would be posted every morning to start my day. And I've found that as long as I get it in somewhere in the 24 hours of the day, I'm good. If I do this list in the morning, I'm thinking of what I listed and it helps me to be grateful for this day. If I do this list at night, I thinking of what I'm going to put into this list and it also helps me to be grateful for this day in a slightly different way. It all works.
I am grateful for yesterday and I do feel badly that I didn't post a list. A couple of highlights that I'm grateful for: US Census Taker Testing. Closeness with friends. Payday. A friend called after getting a pretty harsh awareness of a look of himself and I'm grateful that he received that harsh look with love and I send much love and support to him while he goes through his process.
That's my 15 minutes. Much love to all.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
2-10-10 grateful for today
1. Opportunities
2. Possibilities
3. Cold weather
4. Warm blankets
5. Openness
6. Honesty
7. ALL of my feelings the whole range
8. A comfy bed
9. LIFE and all experiences!
10. A new day
I am grateful for my life. All of my experiences. I get it now. Everything is a gift. ALL emotions are experiences. All experiences are changes. Changes are ever-present. Everything, the whole universe is shifting and changing and moving. Some smooth, some jagged, some crashing into each other. All my emotions from the fun ones to the sad and hurting ones are all gifts for me. Each of my emotions leads me to another lesson, another gift in this life of a challenge, an opportunity. It is all perspective.
I didn't understand this fully until now. I remember way back when I would feel hurt and frustrated when, for example, I didn't have enough money to pay my bills at that time. I was told and guided by those that said that it is all perspective, that I have something to learn from this experience. At that time I would then pile on about feeling bad about myself that if I changed my perspective and think of it as a gift I SHOULDN'T feel hurt and frustrated. So, I denied those feelings and stuffed them doing telling everybody that I'm looking at it from the perspective of learning from this experience . . . . and deep down not feeling any better. So, fast forward to the present, I am in the same financial situation (the universe will continue to provide the experience until we learn what we need to) and I realize now and HONOR my feelings of hurt and frustration and I let those emotions guide me to where my lesson lies. So, I have the opportunity for this experience and to look at ALL perspectives, HONOR what I am feeling at this present moment so that I can release those feelings and have them guide me to wisdom. I am grateful. I'll let you know what I learn from this financial situation that is repeated. I do know that Dave Ramsey has been popping up from a lot of people in my life. I'm thinking of checking out one of his books from the library . . . . when I'm able to pay the late fee on the book that I returned on time and they never checked in. Hmmmmmm, something else to work on?
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Possibilities
3. Cold weather
4. Warm blankets
5. Openness
6. Honesty
7. ALL of my feelings the whole range
8. A comfy bed
9. LIFE and all experiences!
10. A new day
I am grateful for my life. All of my experiences. I get it now. Everything is a gift. ALL emotions are experiences. All experiences are changes. Changes are ever-present. Everything, the whole universe is shifting and changing and moving. Some smooth, some jagged, some crashing into each other. All my emotions from the fun ones to the sad and hurting ones are all gifts for me. Each of my emotions leads me to another lesson, another gift in this life of a challenge, an opportunity. It is all perspective.
I didn't understand this fully until now. I remember way back when I would feel hurt and frustrated when, for example, I didn't have enough money to pay my bills at that time. I was told and guided by those that said that it is all perspective, that I have something to learn from this experience. At that time I would then pile on about feeling bad about myself that if I changed my perspective and think of it as a gift I SHOULDN'T feel hurt and frustrated. So, I denied those feelings and stuffed them doing telling everybody that I'm looking at it from the perspective of learning from this experience . . . . and deep down not feeling any better. So, fast forward to the present, I am in the same financial situation (the universe will continue to provide the experience until we learn what we need to) and I realize now and HONOR my feelings of hurt and frustration and I let those emotions guide me to where my lesson lies. So, I have the opportunity for this experience and to look at ALL perspectives, HONOR what I am feeling at this present moment so that I can release those feelings and have them guide me to wisdom. I am grateful. I'll let you know what I learn from this financial situation that is repeated. I do know that Dave Ramsey has been popping up from a lot of people in my life. I'm thinking of checking out one of his books from the library . . . . when I'm able to pay the late fee on the book that I returned on time and they never checked in. Hmmmmmm, something else to work on?
That's my 15 minutes.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
2-9-10 grateful for today
1. 15 minute timer
2. Sleep
3. My fixed and comfortable bed
4. Doing my best
5. Food gifts from friends
6. My breath
7. Life
8. Unconditional love
9. Choices
10. Opportunities
I am currently very tired. An amazing, emotional, powerful breakthrough last night. I went right to sleep when I hit the pillow and feel like I slept very well. I woke up feeling like I still needed sleep and let myself skip some morning rituals and sleep for an extra half hour. Maybe I needed more sleep than that, maybe I needed to do my rituals instead because I have been struggling all day to keep my eyes open. Have you ever watched a dog fight sleep? That's what I've been doing all day. I don't even know if I did nod off a couple of times at work because I have spans of time where I don't know if I did anything. I am grateful for sleep. I know sleep is waiting for me tonight. I have one more commitment to follow through on for tonight, and then it's straight to bed.
Sending much unconditional love to all the lights in the universe. There's 8 minutes left on my timer, and I'm signing off for now.
2. Sleep
3. My fixed and comfortable bed
4. Doing my best
5. Food gifts from friends
6. My breath
7. Life
8. Unconditional love
9. Choices
10. Opportunities
I am currently very tired. An amazing, emotional, powerful breakthrough last night. I went right to sleep when I hit the pillow and feel like I slept very well. I woke up feeling like I still needed sleep and let myself skip some morning rituals and sleep for an extra half hour. Maybe I needed more sleep than that, maybe I needed to do my rituals instead because I have been struggling all day to keep my eyes open. Have you ever watched a dog fight sleep? That's what I've been doing all day. I don't even know if I did nod off a couple of times at work because I have spans of time where I don't know if I did anything. I am grateful for sleep. I know sleep is waiting for me tonight. I have one more commitment to follow through on for tonight, and then it's straight to bed.
Sending much unconditional love to all the lights in the universe. There's 8 minutes left on my timer, and I'm signing off for now.
Monday, February 8, 2010
2-8-10 grateful for today
1. My Mom.
2. Tears
3. Release and transformation
4. Sadness and hurt
5. Life
6. My adorable dog
7. My strength
8. Universal energy
9. The light that is within every person
10. My light.
I'm not setting the 15 minute timer tonight. This will be short. I have had an amazing, powerful, emotional connection and am releasing much pain and hurt and sadness. I am grateful for this beautiful gift that has been put in my life for me to experience.
Much love and light to all the world.
2. Tears
3. Release and transformation
4. Sadness and hurt
5. Life
6. My adorable dog
7. My strength
8. Universal energy
9. The light that is within every person
10. My light.
I'm not setting the 15 minute timer tonight. This will be short. I have had an amazing, powerful, emotional connection and am releasing much pain and hurt and sadness. I am grateful for this beautiful gift that has been put in my life for me to experience.
Much love and light to all the world.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
2-7-10 grateful for today
1. Asking for what I want without attachment
2. True friends
3. My writing ability
4. Cool weather
5. My adorable dog
6. Showers
7. Sweat pants
8. Motivation
9. Excitement
10. Accomplishment
My writing ability. I live for the edit! To know that I can go back and edit something lets me write fearlessly, putting thought to paper without "the committee" getting involved to block it. What I have found out is that a lot of what I write is quite good the first go round. I'm usually just rearranging the sentences for flow and changing wording here and there to make what I'm writing just a bit clearer.
I wrote some difficult, required things today. I wrote several paragraphs recommending myself for a program that I have a strong desire to be invited to participate in. I also wrote requests to people I would like letters of recommendation from. Both forms of that writing have one thing in common: forcing me to look at what is good and talented about me. I'm getting better at it. There's only the tiniest shadow of myself yelling at me that I'm not good enough, nobody would recommend me. I'm grateful that that part of myself is so tiny that it is getting really hard to hear. I am wonderful and amazingly talented. You'll see quite often that I have put "My creative abilities" on my gratitude lists. It is on my list so often because I am grateful, and to remind me that I have them.
The flip-side of that coin is being humble. I have in the past gotten a big head with praise and knowing I have produced an amazing piece of work. I'll be in my head thinking that I'm the only person in the world capable of producing such work. I've recently become aware that I have no working definition for humble. I realize that this is a quality that I desire and it feels kind of weird to have a desire for a quality that I don't have a working definition for. I feel like I have the seed beginnings of understanding what humble feels like. I've started with discarding what I thought it was. I know being humble is not feeling shame. Hopefully I'll be able to put Humble on my gratitude list soon.
That's my 15 minutes (no time to edit, it's a first draft).
2. True friends
3. My writing ability
4. Cool weather
5. My adorable dog
6. Showers
7. Sweat pants
8. Motivation
9. Excitement
10. Accomplishment
My writing ability. I live for the edit! To know that I can go back and edit something lets me write fearlessly, putting thought to paper without "the committee" getting involved to block it. What I have found out is that a lot of what I write is quite good the first go round. I'm usually just rearranging the sentences for flow and changing wording here and there to make what I'm writing just a bit clearer.
I wrote some difficult, required things today. I wrote several paragraphs recommending myself for a program that I have a strong desire to be invited to participate in. I also wrote requests to people I would like letters of recommendation from. Both forms of that writing have one thing in common: forcing me to look at what is good and talented about me. I'm getting better at it. There's only the tiniest shadow of myself yelling at me that I'm not good enough, nobody would recommend me. I'm grateful that that part of myself is so tiny that it is getting really hard to hear. I am wonderful and amazingly talented. You'll see quite often that I have put "My creative abilities" on my gratitude lists. It is on my list so often because I am grateful, and to remind me that I have them.
The flip-side of that coin is being humble. I have in the past gotten a big head with praise and knowing I have produced an amazing piece of work. I'll be in my head thinking that I'm the only person in the world capable of producing such work. I've recently become aware that I have no working definition for humble. I realize that this is a quality that I desire and it feels kind of weird to have a desire for a quality that I don't have a working definition for. I feel like I have the seed beginnings of understanding what humble feels like. I've started with discarding what I thought it was. I know being humble is not feeling shame. Hopefully I'll be able to put Humble on my gratitude list soon.
That's my 15 minutes (no time to edit, it's a first draft).
2-6-10 grateful for today
1. A day packed with wonderful friends and amazing events
2. Learning
3. Playing
4. Opening spiritually
5. Infinite Possibilities
6. A humbling experience (or two)
7. My adorable dog
8. Riding in a car (not driving)
9. Love
10. Tai Chi
This is actually the morning of 2-8-10 and my list for yesterday. My day was packed full, I didn't get home until after midnight. It was a day of learning, playing and openness. I'm learning to let my emotions lead me to my next growth step, spiritual and emotional. I admit I have quite a few days where I feel like I'm spiritually and emotionally enlightened. It's very akin to the feeling when I was a teenager and felt I knew everything and had it all figured out. That's my trap, thinking I have it all figured out. I need to trust in not knowing, not understanding. I need to trust in the mystery and magic that is in life. I remember having that trust a very long time ago as a child. Having natural abilities that were in tune with the flow of the universe. I shunned them from myself out of fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of rejection. Because those natural abilities didn't lessen the terror that was in my life then.
I am discovering them again and I am humbled by my struggle to relearn them. I am humbled by discovering that there is still a lot of jealousy in me (which is fear again). I am humbled by my struggle to reconnect to spirituality.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Learning
3. Playing
4. Opening spiritually
5. Infinite Possibilities
6. A humbling experience (or two)
7. My adorable dog
8. Riding in a car (not driving)
9. Love
10. Tai Chi
This is actually the morning of 2-8-10 and my list for yesterday. My day was packed full, I didn't get home until after midnight. It was a day of learning, playing and openness. I'm learning to let my emotions lead me to my next growth step, spiritual and emotional. I admit I have quite a few days where I feel like I'm spiritually and emotionally enlightened. It's very akin to the feeling when I was a teenager and felt I knew everything and had it all figured out. That's my trap, thinking I have it all figured out. I need to trust in not knowing, not understanding. I need to trust in the mystery and magic that is in life. I remember having that trust a very long time ago as a child. Having natural abilities that were in tune with the flow of the universe. I shunned them from myself out of fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of rejection. Because those natural abilities didn't lessen the terror that was in my life then.
I am discovering them again and I am humbled by my struggle to relearn them. I am humbled by discovering that there is still a lot of jealousy in me (which is fear again). I am humbled by my struggle to reconnect to spirituality.
That's my 15 minutes.
Friday, February 5, 2010
2-5-10 grateful for today
1. Thunderstorms
2. Affirmations
3. Meditation
4. The ability to start again at any time
5. My adorable dog
6. My creative abilities
7. My bed
8. Friday
9. Plans for the weekend
10. My accomplishments
The ability to start again at any time. I am addicted to TV. I have in the past unplugged my cable from my TV. Well let me explain, cable is in my apartment to begin with because it is included in the maintenance fees. I also have my internet through it. Anyway, I have unplugged before and made it rather difficult to plug back in. That has worked well for me. I plug it in when there is a major event or show I am allowing myself to watch, like the oscars, football, or a friend guest starring on a show. I have had it plugged in since December and I was doing really well and only watching TV when there was something very substantial for me to watch. And turning it off right afterwards. Which is very productive because I like doing a lot of creative projects on my own time and time is precious to me. Lately I have been "falling off the wagon" spending a half an hour flipping through channels not even watching anything. Tonight I turned it on just to sit in front of it and the things I had wanted to get done are still sitting undone. When I spend my time in front of the TV, I fall back into my old mode of not liking myself, of beating myself up for not doing interesting fun things I want to do, its an addiction.
I am grateful for my ability to start again. To turn off the TV and start fresh with new resolve and new intention to do the things that are self-caring for me. To be present in my life and my feelings now. Some shows are thought provoking and can help me move forward in my personal growth. I need to be present and aware of my intention when turning it on and watching it.
Nothing in my life is beyond repair. Nothing that has happened in my past is beyond healing. No mistake I make will ever make me worthless and undeserving of life. I am deserving of all experience of life in its fullest, most abundant, loving form. I choose to start again.
Thats my 15 minutes.
2. Affirmations
3. Meditation
4. The ability to start again at any time
5. My adorable dog
6. My creative abilities
7. My bed
8. Friday
9. Plans for the weekend
10. My accomplishments
The ability to start again at any time. I am addicted to TV. I have in the past unplugged my cable from my TV. Well let me explain, cable is in my apartment to begin with because it is included in the maintenance fees. I also have my internet through it. Anyway, I have unplugged before and made it rather difficult to plug back in. That has worked well for me. I plug it in when there is a major event or show I am allowing myself to watch, like the oscars, football, or a friend guest starring on a show. I have had it plugged in since December and I was doing really well and only watching TV when there was something very substantial for me to watch. And turning it off right afterwards. Which is very productive because I like doing a lot of creative projects on my own time and time is precious to me. Lately I have been "falling off the wagon" spending a half an hour flipping through channels not even watching anything. Tonight I turned it on just to sit in front of it and the things I had wanted to get done are still sitting undone. When I spend my time in front of the TV, I fall back into my old mode of not liking myself, of beating myself up for not doing interesting fun things I want to do, its an addiction.
I am grateful for my ability to start again. To turn off the TV and start fresh with new resolve and new intention to do the things that are self-caring for me. To be present in my life and my feelings now. Some shows are thought provoking and can help me move forward in my personal growth. I need to be present and aware of my intention when turning it on and watching it.
Nothing in my life is beyond repair. Nothing that has happened in my past is beyond healing. No mistake I make will ever make me worthless and undeserving of life. I am deserving of all experience of life in its fullest, most abundant, loving form. I choose to start again.
Thats my 15 minutes.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
2-4-10 grateful for today
1. Goodbye
2. Putting jammies on right when I get home from work
3. My adorable dog
4. Freedom
5. Honest sharing from the heart
6. Trust in my personal growth
7. My creative abilities
8. Abundance
9. Money
10. Co-workers whom I love and who love and respect me
Goodbye. Yes, I'm thankful for goodbye. I realized this because I have a few friends that are afraid of, or don't like, or refuse to use that word. Saying goodbye is not forever. It is a close to the sharing that we just enjoyed, or whatever was felt or experienced.
Okay, for example, my friends on a phone conversation. We talk about all kinds of things. I feel like I've shared all that I wanted to or needed to and so has she. The conversation is naturally winding down. Ya'll can feel when a conversation is spent. I say my "I love you"s and "Goodbye." My friend says, "Call me tomorrow." This is when I reply with, "We can talk more if you have something you need to share." or something along those lines (as this pattern was continuously repeated, I started to just reply with, "Why?"). At which she would laugh and say that I was so funny and hang up. Leaving me perplexed until this pattern was repeated enough for me to know that she didn't want to say goodbye. I also realized that she didn't really want me to call tomorrow, because when I would follow through on that request she would ask why I was calling. To which I would reply, "Because you asked me to." Then sometimes we would awkwardly be on the phone because I didn't have anything new to share from yesterday. Are you all following this line of thought?
So, I am grateful to goodbye. I am grateful for my ability to say it and know that I am still open to connecting with that person again and always look forward to connecting with them. I am grateful when a person is able to say it to me. Sometimes a goodbye is final and I'm also grateful for that. I'm grateful for closure.
That's my 15 minutes. (How's that for closure?)
2. Putting jammies on right when I get home from work
3. My adorable dog
4. Freedom
5. Honest sharing from the heart
6. Trust in my personal growth
7. My creative abilities
8. Abundance
9. Money
10. Co-workers whom I love and who love and respect me
Goodbye. Yes, I'm thankful for goodbye. I realized this because I have a few friends that are afraid of, or don't like, or refuse to use that word. Saying goodbye is not forever. It is a close to the sharing that we just enjoyed, or whatever was felt or experienced.
Okay, for example, my friends on a phone conversation. We talk about all kinds of things. I feel like I've shared all that I wanted to or needed to and so has she. The conversation is naturally winding down. Ya'll can feel when a conversation is spent. I say my "I love you"s and "Goodbye." My friend says, "Call me tomorrow." This is when I reply with, "We can talk more if you have something you need to share." or something along those lines (as this pattern was continuously repeated, I started to just reply with, "Why?"). At which she would laugh and say that I was so funny and hang up. Leaving me perplexed until this pattern was repeated enough for me to know that she didn't want to say goodbye. I also realized that she didn't really want me to call tomorrow, because when I would follow through on that request she would ask why I was calling. To which I would reply, "Because you asked me to." Then sometimes we would awkwardly be on the phone because I didn't have anything new to share from yesterday. Are you all following this line of thought?
So, I am grateful to goodbye. I am grateful for my ability to say it and know that I am still open to connecting with that person again and always look forward to connecting with them. I am grateful when a person is able to say it to me. Sometimes a goodbye is final and I'm also grateful for that. I'm grateful for closure.
That's my 15 minutes. (How's that for closure?)
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
2-3-10 grateful for today
1. My wonderful friend who is more of a producer than I am
2. My emotional growth
3. My adorable dog
4. My car running well
5. My creative abilities and talents that fill my life with abundance
6. My life
7. Amazement
8. Acceptance of all that is (not just the good stuff)
9. Hot dogs!!
10. Music
I got up to number 6 and I noticed how self-centered I am. All of 1 through 6 start with "My". As if I own all of these things. Okay, I do own 2, 4, 5, and 6 (and also 3 depending on which perspective I'm looking at him). I do not "own" my wonderful friend. I am very grateful that she is in my life and we are able to share our lives and our passions and our "scannerisms" with each other. I do "own" my dog in the legal sense of owning a dog. I am very grateful that he is a part of my life. Mostly he is not presented with a choice of being with me, I live in an apartment and am required to walk him on a leash. There have been three times in his life where he was presented with a choice. He was off his leash (all 3 times by mistake) and started to run away. All three times he came right back to me within seconds of running away.
I do have an intense fear of losing my dog. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with cancer. They told me it was an aggressive one and gave him only a few months to live. Yes, do the math, a year and a half is much much longer than a few months. I decided against treatment and chose instead to do affirmations with him daily. I chose the cancer affirmation from Louise Hayes "You can Heal your Life". And I came up with two others on my own and I held him and we stood in front of a mirror. I said them to him every morning 7 times and every night 7 times. I also started doing ones for myself. My dog is still around and shows no symptoms. He is full of life and love. I don't do the affirmations much anymore. Only occasionally out of gratitude and a ritual of honor do I hold him in front of the mirror and do them. I'm incredibly grateful for my dog.
Well, that's my 15 minutes!
2. My emotional growth
3. My adorable dog
4. My car running well
5. My creative abilities and talents that fill my life with abundance
6. My life
7. Amazement
8. Acceptance of all that is (not just the good stuff)
9. Hot dogs!!
10. Music
I got up to number 6 and I noticed how self-centered I am. All of 1 through 6 start with "My". As if I own all of these things. Okay, I do own 2, 4, 5, and 6 (and also 3 depending on which perspective I'm looking at him). I do not "own" my wonderful friend. I am very grateful that she is in my life and we are able to share our lives and our passions and our "scannerisms" with each other. I do "own" my dog in the legal sense of owning a dog. I am very grateful that he is a part of my life. Mostly he is not presented with a choice of being with me, I live in an apartment and am required to walk him on a leash. There have been three times in his life where he was presented with a choice. He was off his leash (all 3 times by mistake) and started to run away. All three times he came right back to me within seconds of running away.
I do have an intense fear of losing my dog. A year and a half ago he was diagnosed with cancer. They told me it was an aggressive one and gave him only a few months to live. Yes, do the math, a year and a half is much much longer than a few months. I decided against treatment and chose instead to do affirmations with him daily. I chose the cancer affirmation from Louise Hayes "You can Heal your Life". And I came up with two others on my own and I held him and we stood in front of a mirror. I said them to him every morning 7 times and every night 7 times. I also started doing ones for myself. My dog is still around and shows no symptoms. He is full of life and love. I don't do the affirmations much anymore. Only occasionally out of gratitude and a ritual of honor do I hold him in front of the mirror and do them. I'm incredibly grateful for my dog.
Well, that's my 15 minutes!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
2-2-10 grateful for today
1. Steak!
2. Sleep
3. My bed
4. Buy one get one free
5. My car running well
6. My adorable dog
7. Connecting with friends of all ages
8. Letters
9. Possibilities
10. Time
Steak! I needed steak. I had to have steak. I craved it. I was exhausted all day at work. I was having trouble thinking straight, focusing, understanding. At a couple of points I was having trouble forming sentences. I was tired! My friend (who knows my eating habits are not the greatest) thought that I might be iron deficient since I was craving steak. Well, I think I confirmed that because I felt so much better after eating a steak.
Another great thing is that they were on SALE! The price was cut to where it was almost buy one get one free . . . so I bought two. The other steak is in the freezer for the next iron deficiency emergency. I was talking to my best friend on the phone who knows I love spinach out of the can and she was surprised that I would be iron deficient because when she was my roommate, I would eat spinach all the time. I have not been buying spinach because of the raising of all the grocery prices. So, I'm back to generally eating like I did in college. Chicken leg quarters (10 pounds for $5), Ramen noodles, and egg noodles and some mac and cheese thrown in. Yeah, maybe I need to rethink my relationship with food including my relationship with my grocery budget.
I am definitely a carnivore. I love steak. Chicken. Pork. Turkey. All good. Somebody asked me if I would still be a carnivore if I had to kill the animal to get to the meat. I think I could. I haven't had to, yet. When I was in a really bad financial situation, I started looking at the ducks that wander around my apartment complex. They are all over the place. I don't think anybody would miss one, especially if it was tasty.
Well, that's my 15 minutes.
2. Sleep
3. My bed
4. Buy one get one free
5. My car running well
6. My adorable dog
7. Connecting with friends of all ages
8. Letters
9. Possibilities
10. Time
Steak! I needed steak. I had to have steak. I craved it. I was exhausted all day at work. I was having trouble thinking straight, focusing, understanding. At a couple of points I was having trouble forming sentences. I was tired! My friend (who knows my eating habits are not the greatest) thought that I might be iron deficient since I was craving steak. Well, I think I confirmed that because I felt so much better after eating a steak.
Another great thing is that they were on SALE! The price was cut to where it was almost buy one get one free . . . so I bought two. The other steak is in the freezer for the next iron deficiency emergency. I was talking to my best friend on the phone who knows I love spinach out of the can and she was surprised that I would be iron deficient because when she was my roommate, I would eat spinach all the time. I have not been buying spinach because of the raising of all the grocery prices. So, I'm back to generally eating like I did in college. Chicken leg quarters (10 pounds for $5), Ramen noodles, and egg noodles and some mac and cheese thrown in. Yeah, maybe I need to rethink my relationship with food including my relationship with my grocery budget.
I am definitely a carnivore. I love steak. Chicken. Pork. Turkey. All good. Somebody asked me if I would still be a carnivore if I had to kill the animal to get to the meat. I think I could. I haven't had to, yet. When I was in a really bad financial situation, I started looking at the ducks that wander around my apartment complex. They are all over the place. I don't think anybody would miss one, especially if it was tasty.
Well, that's my 15 minutes.
Monday, February 1, 2010
2-1-10 grateful for today
1. My bed
2. My adorable dog
3. My vision board
4. My “good enough” job
5. My car running well
6. My co-working bringing me food for lunch
7. My intelligence
8. Being able to skip a meeting at work
9. Unconditional love
10. Loving and generous friends
My adorable dog is Jack Russell terrier named Chaplin. I wrote this earlier while I was at work and I'm very grateful for my dog right at this moment because he is eating his food unassisted. No, there is nothing physically wrong with him, he is perfectly healthy and able to eat his food unassisted . . . he usually chooses to bug the living daylights out of me to make a game or I don't know what he is doing with his food. Yes, I will accept responsibility and culpability that I have manifested and/or continued this behavior in my dog by not applying one of the many tried and true dog training techniques. That disclaimer aside, this dog has some of the most annoying high pitched chirping noises coming out of him. What happens is that I have to have the food wherever I am. It cannot be in the other room. Then he must bark at me (or what I lovingly call chirp) and interrupt anything that I'm doing so that I may hand feed him one morsel at a time until such time he deems that it is okay for him to eat out of his bowl. At that time I need to keep watching him because if I move or stop watching him this whole process starts over. My Mom was here visiting and she was subjected to it and was trained quite quickly by my dog.
I am very grateful that tonight it was only 5 minutes of chirp-barks until he ate his food out of his dish all by himself. It did help me that I was determined to get my daily blog out so I was focused on my list. I did forget to set the timer, though. So, I'm going to say that that's about 15 minutes.
2. My adorable dog
3. My vision board
4. My “good enough” job
5. My car running well
6. My co-working bringing me food for lunch
7. My intelligence
8. Being able to skip a meeting at work
9. Unconditional love
10. Loving and generous friends
My adorable dog is Jack Russell terrier named Chaplin. I wrote this earlier while I was at work and I'm very grateful for my dog right at this moment because he is eating his food unassisted. No, there is nothing physically wrong with him, he is perfectly healthy and able to eat his food unassisted . . . he usually chooses to bug the living daylights out of me to make a game or I don't know what he is doing with his food. Yes, I will accept responsibility and culpability that I have manifested and/or continued this behavior in my dog by not applying one of the many tried and true dog training techniques. That disclaimer aside, this dog has some of the most annoying high pitched chirping noises coming out of him. What happens is that I have to have the food wherever I am. It cannot be in the other room. Then he must bark at me (or what I lovingly call chirp) and interrupt anything that I'm doing so that I may hand feed him one morsel at a time until such time he deems that it is okay for him to eat out of his bowl. At that time I need to keep watching him because if I move or stop watching him this whole process starts over. My Mom was here visiting and she was subjected to it and was trained quite quickly by my dog.
I am very grateful that tonight it was only 5 minutes of chirp-barks until he ate his food out of his dish all by himself. It did help me that I was determined to get my daily blog out so I was focused on my list. I did forget to set the timer, though. So, I'm going to say that that's about 15 minutes.
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