3-17-10 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. My good enough job
3. this blog
4. Love
5. Opportunity
6. Openness
7. Trust
8. My frustration and sadness
9. My creative abilities
10. Meditation and chanting

I really did not feel like making this list today. I came home with a list of have-to-dos in my head. I didn't do them and watched mindless TV instead (finally saw the beginning of RoadHouse, not a great accomplishment). I got myself stuck in old thinking. In old already defeated despair thinking. And frustration and sadness is on my grateful list today. I had been trying to avoid feeling that and distracting myself with TV. I am grateful having those emotions. They are my emotions and they are from my soul pointing out my warped old thinking to me. I am frustrated at myself. I have an opportunity to apply for a position at a TV station. It will be a foot in the door at PBS which I think would be so cool to work for. They have a lot more interesting shows that much of what is on TV. And best of all, no commercials. So, back to being frustrated with myself. I have to redo my resume, write a cover letter and send in the application. And the frustration comes with my old self-defeating thinking that I'm not good enough. That I don't have the abilities and who am I fooling. Which is very sad that these old thinking still comes up for me. I am very talented. I am more than able. I'm sure I can bring PBS to a whole new level and popularity. I'm slamming the door shut on myself before I even see what's on the other side. So, that is sad.

Which brings me back to forgiveness. I really need to forgive because the thought that is under everything is "YOU did this to ME". Forgiving is letting go of that. Forgiving is taking my power back. My power to put myself out there in the world for all the experiences that are good and wonderful for me.

I am grateful for this list. It was good for me to make this list when I was sitting here telling myself I could skip tonight because I couldn't think of anything to put on it. How was I going to come up with 10. So, I'm very grateful that I could come up with 10 things to be grateful about. And it reminds me of the days where I think, I only get to list only 10?!

Thats' my 15 minutes