3-6-10 grateful for today

1. Nap in the middle of the day
2. Walking through fear
3. Asking for help
4. Parks and nature
5. My adorable dog
6. My life
7. Making new agreements
8. Music
9. Available choices
10. Deciding

I was feeling a bit of my old self today. Some worthlessness, some terror, some depression. I was trying hard to change that feeling by changing my thought patterns, by being active, by doing things. And what helped was to just fall down into those feelings. There's where the nap came in. I let go of trying to fight it and I relaxed and slept for three hours. When I got up (and it was a long process getting up) I then made a call that I didn't know if it was a good decision or not. I have been debating it for a few weeks and putting it off. Telling myself to wait until I find out about this interview, or wait until I hear about that job application. I finally called (the credit card company) and asked for help. I stayed calm and I asked questions and stayed in the present moment. I made a new agreement with them. I keep wanting to type something here and I keep deleting it. I type "I still don't know if it was a good decision." Then I delete it. I've done that four times now. This is where my brain and my feelings differ. And "good decision" by whose standards? I'm pretty sure I'm talking about me. Is it a good decision for me. My feelings are telling me that every decision I make is a good decision because every choice is living life. Waiting for the possibilities and situations and issues and problems to just go away, is like waiting for death. I'm going to trust my decision and move forward from this point on. The deal has been struck.

That's my 15 minutes.