3-4-10 grateful for today

1. ALL my emotions (even annoyance and frustration)
2. Completing and mailing my application
3. Opportunities
4. Experiences
5. Love, Trust, and Openness
6. Busperdirtnabin
7. My adorable dog
8. Being true to myself
9. Meditation
10. Friends and honesty

I have mailed out my last fellowship application. I interviewed today for a promotion at work. I'm ready to go to bed. I send much love out into the universe. What I sometimes forget is to receive the love coming back towards me. There's that old training, give, give, give, give. I receive with love, I share with love. I am annoyed with love and frustrated with love. I am grateful that I have friends that have called me up and have triggered annoyance and frustration in me. I'm grateful for the trigger, there is more for me to learn. More for me to clear up in my emotional house. I'm also grateful that my friends have grown themselves and I know they do not take it personally. I take responsibility and own my annoyance and frustration.

If I don't process these emotions tonight, they will come up again. I can choose to let them go and learn their lesson at a later time. Now the trick is for me to know whether I'm letting them go as a healthy response because I am physically tired and in need of rest, or am I giving myself the illusion of tiredness so that I may avoid processing these feelings. Again, I take responsibility in knowing that and not delude myself. Meditation is so helpful in knowing myself truly. Get my brain to stop making all these logical arguments and pull up evidence for why I am tired now and prove that its okay for me to be tired now. For example: You've had a busy week, your work schedule is all screwy, you had more mental hoops to jump through this week, you've had meetings monday and one yesterday, you've been working hard on your application, etc. etc. etc. None of that really matters when I sit still, close my eyes, let me thoughts float away and just feel. I feel tired and sleepy and sad and love and a need to recharge.

That's my 15 minutes.