2-24-10 grateful for today

1. My 15 minute timer
2. My creative abilities
3. My job
4. Actively pursuing my career of passion
5. My adorable dog
6. Open to all possibilities
7. Opportunity
8. Love, Openness, and Trust
9. The work that is in front of me now
10. Being present in the moment

My 15 minute timer has another wonderful purpose! Not only does it help me to not get "absent minded professor" on one of my many projects I have going on. It works wonderfully on a motivator for those tasks that I don't want to do, or those that I'm scared of doing. It's a great little jump-start tool. Like tonight, for instance, I need to get my application for this fellowship done. The deadline is looming. I have to write wonderful things about myself, which is pushing the envelope of my comfort zone. I have made great strides in loving myself and knowing that I deserve all good in this universe and that I am a wonderful, talented, intelligent, beautiful woman. Writing something to tell other people is quite new also and therefore a bit uncomfortable for me. I had been avoiding doing it for a few days. My number one excuse: I'm too tired. Well, I got out my handy-dandy 15 minute timer and told myself to focus on it for 15 minutes only. That got me started. I reset the timer three times. The application isn't finished and I have a great start on one of the sections. Yay for me.

There was another application for another fellowship and the deadline for that one is this Friday. That's when it needs to BE there, not postmarked. I've decided to let that one go. I know what I need to do to take care of myself and right now it is to follow though on what I've committed to. The fellowship that I've let go was not one that I committed to. It came to me after I had already committed to applying to the other one. It's the same kind of fellowship and when I heard of it, I thought, okay, since I'm already applying to the other one, I'll do this one too. I don't feel like I was committed to it. This may sound like a lot of excuses to justify my missing the deadline. It may be, I'm still trying to sort out all of these choices and decisions that are all my responsibility. I'm okay with letting it go. I am committed to the other one, which I need to have done . . . oh man, I just looked at the calendar.

I realize I don't like the word deadline. I'm going to change it to goal or goaltime. I will have this application in by the goaltime.

I'm tired and going to bed. Much love to all.