8-5-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Quakers
4.  Letting go to allow The Light in
5.  Transformation
6.  Expression of all my emotions
7.  Music
8.  Friends
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  Compassion

There is difference between making or accomplishing things or being of service because I want to prove that I have overcome my inherent horribleness and making or accomplishing things or being of service because I know that I am truly part of The Light and have gifts to give to the world.  There is a big difference between those reasons.  A casual observer on the outside might not see any difference in my actions or the product of my behavior.  I can tell you that this difference feels like it is tearing my world apart.  I've done the therapy, the personal growth work, I've said the affirmations: "I am pure Love and Light", I'm a Quaker that believes there is that of The Light in every person.  I've been doing this.  I say I believe this because I want so badly to believe that who I truly am is Love and Light and Compassion and that I personally have amazing gifts to give to the world.  I want so badly to believe this.  What I've learned in the past week, what I've come face to face with, is that I believe that who I truly am is so horrible and monstrous.  That's why the difference is so huge.  I've been doing all this stuff to prove that I have overcome who I truly am.  That's not the purpose for me to be here.  That's not the purpose for anybody to be here on earth.  My purpose, your purpose, everybody and everybody's purpose is to be who they truly are.  That's scary to me.  I guess Faith is to let go and let who I truly am out whatever that is and have faith that I truly am Light.  I won't know until I let it out and see what comes out, Light or monster.  Love and Light.