3-17-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Chanting and meditating
4.  Being of service
5.  Choices and responsibility
6.  Crying and expressing and releasing
7.  My body and my abilities and filled with Light
8.  Water, cleansing and sinking
9.  Breathing clearly and openly
10.  Unconditional Love

I'm having a rough morning.  It's odd when I have rough times of feeling lost in life, in feeling overwhelmed with life where just surviving seems so much simpler.  Just surviving hurts more like a dull ache that I can't really pinpoint where I'm sore, I just know I can't find a position where I'm comfortable.  Living life fully is taking in and experiencing all that life has to offer.  Jumping in the deep end and having the tools to know how to swim, there is that refreshing coolness and embrace of the water, and using the tools, kicking swimming to breathe the life giving air is work to stay in the deep end.  Some days like today, I don't want to do the work.  I want to drag myself onto the beach and lie there not in the water completely and not on land completely.  Lie there and feel sorry for myself.  I want to feel that I don't belong anywhere because that is what I'm used to.  That is what I believed for many many years.  Belonging means my actions and behaviors affect other people, that other people affect me, that I am a part of something, that I have a purpose.  And with that, I am aware of my responsibility of a human being as a part of this world, I awaken caring about others and the earth.  I awaken my compassion.  And some days, like today, it seems so hard to awaken.
Love and Light.