4-14-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Quakers
3.  Chanting
4.  Meditation
5.  Nature, wind, sun, moon, trees
6.  Washing machine and dryer in my house
7.  Creating sacred space
8.  Innocence
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  That of the Light in every person and every thing.

In meditation this morning, and again at Meeting today, I struggled with connecting to the Light.  I struggled to feel Spirit flow through me, to feel the unconditional Love of the Universe, of God.  I was resisting it.  That seemed very strange to me that I was resisting was I very desperately wanted, connection with The Light.  To know and connect with that of God within me.  I resisted.  It didn't make sense.  I was feeling angry and resistant, I felt as the child having a temper tantrum because she is so very tired.  So very tired trying to understand this world and people, trying to understand the pain and terror that she grew up within.  I let go, I let myself feel anger and the pain and terror that came up behind it, I let go.  And I heard a voice saying one word over and over:  "Innocence, Innocence, Innocence "  To connect with the Light that is in all I need to let go of my past having a terrifying grip on my present moments.  Not forget.  Never forget.  I need to let go and step into the present with my Innocence.  With fresh eyes and an open heart to feel compassion and love now in this moment.  For a long time I felt I had lost my innocence at a very young age.  I had believed it was one of those things that when it was lost, I could never get it back.  I've learned that innocence is a feeling, well not quite, more like an openness, not quite that either, maybe the better words are a way to feel open.  I have innocence, I embody innocence whenever I choose to look at something fresh, when I choose to experience something or witness an experience with no judgement whatsoever.  NONE.  Try it, it's not easy.  Catch yourself as soon as you have a feeling or thought that says this is good or bad, this is beautiful or ugly, if you have any thoughts or feelings that start to separate the experience from what it is into boxes or categories or definitions.  Maybe this is what the mystical masters mean to have "a beginners mind".  Innocence.  Love and Light.