4-23-10 grateful for today

1. Water
2. Breathing
3. Choices
4. Opportunities to allow my healthy adult to step in
5. Ability to change my mind
6. Chanting
7. Meditation
8. Change
9. Sharing
10. Journals

Got out of bed this morning and the first word I uttered was "Dammit!" I had stepped on one of the many things I have had lying on my floor for weeks. A teacher had mentioned that I pay attention to my dreams, so I have been. And feeling like I'm not sleeping at all. These things are my responsibility. I put all those papers and things on the floor because I couldn't decide where their place was in my house. I'm the one paying intense attention to my dreams and missing sleep and the message.

So, lets look that just those two things this morning. I couldn't decide where to put these things that are on my floor (and throughout my house). And the deep root of that in me is I can't be wrong. What if I put them somewhere and then I figure out that its not the right place for them? What a horrible person I am. I can't even figure out where to put my backup CDs. My brain knows and understands if I put them someplace and that place doesn't work out, I can move them to another place. My emotions, on the other hand, I'll feel like a failure if I don't put them in the perfect spot the very first time. That's where "grateful for the ability to change my mind" comes from.

I'm the one paying intense attention to my dreams because my teacher suggested that I will have messages coming to me through my dreams. This is similar to the one before. Instead of just letting myself sleep with a little bit of extra awareness and reflection when I get up in the morning. I make it something that I HAVE to do and I HAVE to do correctly. What if I miss something. I'm going to miss the message. I need to slow down and trust that if I miss it, it will come around again. That me living my life is okay, it's safe, I'm not wrong. I am perfect for my life. My life is perfect for me.

That's my 15 minutes.