1. Clarity
2. Illumination of my patterns of behavior
3. The full moon
4. Loss and my expression of Grief
5. Forgiveness
6. Mother Earth
7. The sun
8. The stars
9. The universe
10. All that there was, is, and will be
I asked for and received clarity yesterday on a very important relationship to me. That relationship is still very important to me and I'm grateful for the clarity because I'm able to allow the relationship to shift towards it's true nature. Clarity also brought a feeling of loss for me as I realize I will not be able to experience new feelings of romance and excitement with this man. I do celebrate and cherish my experiences and feelings of the possibility of romance with this man. I am grateful for this learning experience. It was good for me. I honor my loss and grief and also honor my new feelings that are forming as this relationship shifts to a good friendship. I celebrate this growth in myself and our relationship.
I'm reading that previous paragraph back and it reads to me as rhetoric, which is not my feeling nor intention behind it. In order to keep the person confidential, I have some learning to do in sharing my feelings while not revealing or betraying the other person in the relationship I'm talking about. Maybe my lesson here is that I don't need to share with other people about my relationships, only share with others my relationship with them and my feelings? Maybe my brain in its attempt to understand what my feelings and spirit already understand falls back on what it knows and how to communicate it.
I am feeling much love with sadness today. This is new for me. It's like I have longed for the feeling I have read about in every beautiful melancholy poem and finally feel it.
That's my 15 minutes.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
2-26-10 grateful for today
1. My business coach
2. GarageBand
3. My 15 minute timer
4. Sending out one finished fellowship application
5. Being aware of my self-sabotager and were I need to release that old "not good enough" feeling
6. Love, openness, and trust
7. Noble friends and support
8. My creative abilities
9. My organizational skills
10. Spinach
Yes, I've put on the list my organizational skills. I looked around my house just now and thought to myself "what organizational skills". That's because I was only looking at the piles of stuff that haven't found a place yet. And the stuff that has a place and needs to be organized within that space. A shift in my space needs to happen. I've been talking about a purge for some time now and I believe I'm going to put the "15 minute principle" into effect. Rather than go through and do one big purge (I've done that before and gotten carried away) because a comfortable safe space is important to me, I will go through for 15 minutes on the intent of finding things to purge (I know I have some socks with holes in them). Sometimes I think the 15 minutes doesn't stay ahead of (how do I phrase this) things that need to be done. Whenever I'm thinking like that, I know I haven't had the 15 minute timer out for a couple of days.
Oh, I also looked around my house and saw where I am very organized. My to do bulletin board, which I love. When I use it properly it really does help me with prioritization and my scannerishness when priorities shift around. I have a small bulletin board and 3x5 index cards. One task goes on one index card. The first column is "today" the second column is "tomorrow" and the third column is "upcoming". When the 15 minute timer goes off and I want something else to do, I go to the board and see what's on it. I have a small bin on the wall that holds all of those tasks that are really low priority or just something I want to do when I have free time. When I complete a task, I take the card and put it in my special "accomplishment box" so for those times where I think I don't get anything done, I can open the box and see all of these index cards of things that are complete!
So, I've got to go and make a task card for "purge for 15 minutes" and stick it on the board . . . to do tomorrow!
That's my 15 minutes!
2. GarageBand
3. My 15 minute timer
4. Sending out one finished fellowship application
5. Being aware of my self-sabotager and were I need to release that old "not good enough" feeling
6. Love, openness, and trust
7. Noble friends and support
8. My creative abilities
9. My organizational skills
10. Spinach
Yes, I've put on the list my organizational skills. I looked around my house just now and thought to myself "what organizational skills". That's because I was only looking at the piles of stuff that haven't found a place yet. And the stuff that has a place and needs to be organized within that space. A shift in my space needs to happen. I've been talking about a purge for some time now and I believe I'm going to put the "15 minute principle" into effect. Rather than go through and do one big purge (I've done that before and gotten carried away) because a comfortable safe space is important to me, I will go through for 15 minutes on the intent of finding things to purge (I know I have some socks with holes in them). Sometimes I think the 15 minutes doesn't stay ahead of (how do I phrase this) things that need to be done. Whenever I'm thinking like that, I know I haven't had the 15 minute timer out for a couple of days.
Oh, I also looked around my house and saw where I am very organized. My to do bulletin board, which I love. When I use it properly it really does help me with prioritization and my scannerishness when priorities shift around. I have a small bulletin board and 3x5 index cards. One task goes on one index card. The first column is "today" the second column is "tomorrow" and the third column is "upcoming". When the 15 minute timer goes off and I want something else to do, I go to the board and see what's on it. I have a small bin on the wall that holds all of those tasks that are really low priority or just something I want to do when I have free time. When I complete a task, I take the card and put it in my special "accomplishment box" so for those times where I think I don't get anything done, I can open the box and see all of these index cards of things that are complete!
So, I've got to go and make a task card for "purge for 15 minutes" and stick it on the board . . . to do tomorrow!
That's my 15 minutes!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
2-25-10 grateful for today
1. Knowing myself
2. Being completely caught up on all my bills
3. Having a financial plan while knowing I am complete and total abundance
4. My adorable dog
5. Opportunities that I can apply myself to
6. My abundant creativity
7. Life and experiences
8. Love, openness, and trust
9. My friends
10. My family
I received my abundance through the channel of my tax refund and I'm grateful that I am caught up and up to date on my bills. I have an affirmation that I've been saying probably only about a month now, back when my brain had no idea how it was going to figure out how to get up to date on everything: I pay all my bills easily on time with love and abundance including [here is where I put a few things that are currently not in my budget]. So, very soon after I started affirming that, I received word that my tax refund was going to be much larger than I expected. Very cool! I open myself to new channels of income.
I am just very grateful to enjoy each day. I'm learning more and more about my true needs and also about "illusionary needs". Things that I think I need and when I really look truthfully at them, it is not what I need. Like watching TV at night. There are some nights where I think I need it. I need to just veg out and watch some mindless TV, I've had a very mentally hard working day. When I stop and take a look at it, most of the time I am using watching TV to avoid doing something that I'm excited and scared about. Like applying to these fellowships. The shoot I had planned for tonight fell through and I suddenly have a free evening that I didn't think I had (abundance? I think so). So, I'm all jazzed about getting home and getting my applications all done and off my plate TONIGHT!! Yeah! Go Baby! I get home, and what do I want to do? Sit and watch TV and tell myself that I still have time. That is my illusion I am selling myself. That is the trap I put myself in. I take full responsibility and I own it. I choose to CHANGE IT NOW!
Life is wonderful!! That's my 15 minutes!
2. Being completely caught up on all my bills
3. Having a financial plan while knowing I am complete and total abundance
4. My adorable dog
5. Opportunities that I can apply myself to
6. My abundant creativity
7. Life and experiences
8. Love, openness, and trust
9. My friends
10. My family
I received my abundance through the channel of my tax refund and I'm grateful that I am caught up and up to date on my bills. I have an affirmation that I've been saying probably only about a month now, back when my brain had no idea how it was going to figure out how to get up to date on everything: I pay all my bills easily on time with love and abundance including [here is where I put a few things that are currently not in my budget]. So, very soon after I started affirming that, I received word that my tax refund was going to be much larger than I expected. Very cool! I open myself to new channels of income.
I am just very grateful to enjoy each day. I'm learning more and more about my true needs and also about "illusionary needs". Things that I think I need and when I really look truthfully at them, it is not what I need. Like watching TV at night. There are some nights where I think I need it. I need to just veg out and watch some mindless TV, I've had a very mentally hard working day. When I stop and take a look at it, most of the time I am using watching TV to avoid doing something that I'm excited and scared about. Like applying to these fellowships. The shoot I had planned for tonight fell through and I suddenly have a free evening that I didn't think I had (abundance? I think so). So, I'm all jazzed about getting home and getting my applications all done and off my plate TONIGHT!! Yeah! Go Baby! I get home, and what do I want to do? Sit and watch TV and tell myself that I still have time. That is my illusion I am selling myself. That is the trap I put myself in. I take full responsibility and I own it. I choose to CHANGE IT NOW!
Life is wonderful!! That's my 15 minutes!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
2-24-10 grateful for today
1. My 15 minute timer
2. My creative abilities
3. My job
4. Actively pursuing my career of passion
5. My adorable dog
6. Open to all possibilities
7. Opportunity
8. Love, Openness, and Trust
9. The work that is in front of me now
10. Being present in the moment
My 15 minute timer has another wonderful purpose! Not only does it help me to not get "absent minded professor" on one of my many projects I have going on. It works wonderfully on a motivator for those tasks that I don't want to do, or those that I'm scared of doing. It's a great little jump-start tool. Like tonight, for instance, I need to get my application for this fellowship done. The deadline is looming. I have to write wonderful things about myself, which is pushing the envelope of my comfort zone. I have made great strides in loving myself and knowing that I deserve all good in this universe and that I am a wonderful, talented, intelligent, beautiful woman. Writing something to tell other people is quite new also and therefore a bit uncomfortable for me. I had been avoiding doing it for a few days. My number one excuse: I'm too tired. Well, I got out my handy-dandy 15 minute timer and told myself to focus on it for 15 minutes only. That got me started. I reset the timer three times. The application isn't finished and I have a great start on one of the sections. Yay for me.
There was another application for another fellowship and the deadline for that one is this Friday. That's when it needs to BE there, not postmarked. I've decided to let that one go. I know what I need to do to take care of myself and right now it is to follow though on what I've committed to. The fellowship that I've let go was not one that I committed to. It came to me after I had already committed to applying to the other one. It's the same kind of fellowship and when I heard of it, I thought, okay, since I'm already applying to the other one, I'll do this one too. I don't feel like I was committed to it. This may sound like a lot of excuses to justify my missing the deadline. It may be, I'm still trying to sort out all of these choices and decisions that are all my responsibility. I'm okay with letting it go. I am committed to the other one, which I need to have done . . . oh man, I just looked at the calendar.
I realize I don't like the word deadline. I'm going to change it to goal or goaltime. I will have this application in by the goaltime.
I'm tired and going to bed. Much love to all.
2. My creative abilities
3. My job
4. Actively pursuing my career of passion
5. My adorable dog
6. Open to all possibilities
7. Opportunity
8. Love, Openness, and Trust
9. The work that is in front of me now
10. Being present in the moment
My 15 minute timer has another wonderful purpose! Not only does it help me to not get "absent minded professor" on one of my many projects I have going on. It works wonderfully on a motivator for those tasks that I don't want to do, or those that I'm scared of doing. It's a great little jump-start tool. Like tonight, for instance, I need to get my application for this fellowship done. The deadline is looming. I have to write wonderful things about myself, which is pushing the envelope of my comfort zone. I have made great strides in loving myself and knowing that I deserve all good in this universe and that I am a wonderful, talented, intelligent, beautiful woman. Writing something to tell other people is quite new also and therefore a bit uncomfortable for me. I had been avoiding doing it for a few days. My number one excuse: I'm too tired. Well, I got out my handy-dandy 15 minute timer and told myself to focus on it for 15 minutes only. That got me started. I reset the timer three times. The application isn't finished and I have a great start on one of the sections. Yay for me.
There was another application for another fellowship and the deadline for that one is this Friday. That's when it needs to BE there, not postmarked. I've decided to let that one go. I know what I need to do to take care of myself and right now it is to follow though on what I've committed to. The fellowship that I've let go was not one that I committed to. It came to me after I had already committed to applying to the other one. It's the same kind of fellowship and when I heard of it, I thought, okay, since I'm already applying to the other one, I'll do this one too. I don't feel like I was committed to it. This may sound like a lot of excuses to justify my missing the deadline. It may be, I'm still trying to sort out all of these choices and decisions that are all my responsibility. I'm okay with letting it go. I am committed to the other one, which I need to have done . . . oh man, I just looked at the calendar.
I realize I don't like the word deadline. I'm going to change it to goal or goaltime. I will have this application in by the goaltime.
I'm tired and going to bed. Much love to all.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
2-23-10 grateful for today
1. My friend back at work with me today
2. Awareness of my comfort zone and stepping out of it
3. Physicalness
4. Being present in this day
5. Celebration
6. Unconditional Love, Openness, and Trust
7. True connection
8. Open structure
9. My creative abilities
10. My new foundation of open to possibilities
I need to stay present in the moment. I have a lot of things in the works that require me to wait for them. For instance, my tax refund, an interview coming up, popular awareness of this blog, a video shoot this week, a second job as a census taker. I have things that need my attention today, and one of my old habits is to visualize and daydream about these upcoming things and what I'm going to do once this comes through or that is offered to me. All that does is rob me of my present moment and each and every moment is precious. I'm not present for the sun coming up, for my dog that just wants to love me in this moment. I'm not present enjoying the breakfast I made for myself, and I'm not present in taking care of myself. The things that I do not need to wait for money to do, clean my bathrooms, vaccuum, pick up my "business planning" and organize it. At work yesterday, I was thinking about the new position I have an interview scheduled for and I lost my motivation to do the job I currently have. That is not the new person I am. I celebrate the work that is in front of me everyday and I am grateful for it.
I am in the present moment with love, openness, and trust.
2. Awareness of my comfort zone and stepping out of it
3. Physicalness
4. Being present in this day
5. Celebration
6. Unconditional Love, Openness, and Trust
7. True connection
8. Open structure
9. My creative abilities
10. My new foundation of open to possibilities
I need to stay present in the moment. I have a lot of things in the works that require me to wait for them. For instance, my tax refund, an interview coming up, popular awareness of this blog, a video shoot this week, a second job as a census taker. I have things that need my attention today, and one of my old habits is to visualize and daydream about these upcoming things and what I'm going to do once this comes through or that is offered to me. All that does is rob me of my present moment and each and every moment is precious. I'm not present for the sun coming up, for my dog that just wants to love me in this moment. I'm not present enjoying the breakfast I made for myself, and I'm not present in taking care of myself. The things that I do not need to wait for money to do, clean my bathrooms, vaccuum, pick up my "business planning" and organize it. At work yesterday, I was thinking about the new position I have an interview scheduled for and I lost my motivation to do the job I currently have. That is not the new person I am. I celebrate the work that is in front of me everyday and I am grateful for it.
I am in the present moment with love, openness, and trust.
Monday, February 22, 2010
2-22-10 grateful for today
1. Starting over
2. Abundance
3. Tai Chi/Qi Gong
4. Trees, plants and nature; Mother Earth
5. Open to all possibilities
6. My car running well
7. My adorable dog
8. My family
9. Love, Openness, and Trust
10. My 15 minute timer
I am starting my commitment again, for a few things. I am starting my commitment again to this daily blog. I missed yesterday. I was traveling and out of town and I realize that that is not an excuse. Even if I do not have access to the internet, I have the ability to handwrite out my list and put it up on the blog at a later time. So, I believe I had to miss a day to receive that realization.
I am starting my commitment over to my 40-day prosperity plan. Yesterday would have been day 16. I started to do my meditation last night and realized that I have not once started over any of my 40-day meditation plans. That's good, you tell me! That's an accomplishment, you tell me! I wanted . . . I needed the experience of starting over. I needed to allow myself to make a mistake in this area of what I'm doing. I already tied in doing 40-day Tai Chi in with this 40-day prosperity and I stopped doing the Tai Chi on day 2. So, last night, I'm really tired. I did not do any of my morning rituals because I was traveling, because I was staying over at my Grandpa's house. I realize that I used the excuse of, "I'll have time to do them when I get home tonight" to cover up my shame for having these morning rituals. So, I've learned another valuable lesson. Be myself and do what I NEED to do for my well-being regardless of who I'm going to embarrass. I realize now that I was uncomfortable doing my morning rituals at my Grandpa's because of my new self, my new way of "be-ing" doesn't fit in with the "role" I grew up with. I need to acknowledge my feelings that came up over the weekend and it's practice. Practicing is making mistakes and learning from them. I now know about myself and have learned about myself, that I have morning rituals that ARE very important to me. I NOW accept that about myself. I love and accept my rituals are a part of me.
I share much unconditional love with all the world.
Thanks, that's my 15 minutes.
2. Abundance
3. Tai Chi/Qi Gong
4. Trees, plants and nature; Mother Earth
5. Open to all possibilities
6. My car running well
7. My adorable dog
8. My family
9. Love, Openness, and Trust
10. My 15 minute timer
I am starting my commitment again, for a few things. I am starting my commitment again to this daily blog. I missed yesterday. I was traveling and out of town and I realize that that is not an excuse. Even if I do not have access to the internet, I have the ability to handwrite out my list and put it up on the blog at a later time. So, I believe I had to miss a day to receive that realization.
I am starting my commitment over to my 40-day prosperity plan. Yesterday would have been day 16. I started to do my meditation last night and realized that I have not once started over any of my 40-day meditation plans. That's good, you tell me! That's an accomplishment, you tell me! I wanted . . . I needed the experience of starting over. I needed to allow myself to make a mistake in this area of what I'm doing. I already tied in doing 40-day Tai Chi in with this 40-day prosperity and I stopped doing the Tai Chi on day 2. So, last night, I'm really tired. I did not do any of my morning rituals because I was traveling, because I was staying over at my Grandpa's house. I realize that I used the excuse of, "I'll have time to do them when I get home tonight" to cover up my shame for having these morning rituals. So, I've learned another valuable lesson. Be myself and do what I NEED to do for my well-being regardless of who I'm going to embarrass. I realize now that I was uncomfortable doing my morning rituals at my Grandpa's because of my new self, my new way of "be-ing" doesn't fit in with the "role" I grew up with. I need to acknowledge my feelings that came up over the weekend and it's practice. Practicing is making mistakes and learning from them. I now know about myself and have learned about myself, that I have morning rituals that ARE very important to me. I NOW accept that about myself. I love and accept my rituals are a part of me.
I share much unconditional love with all the world.
Thanks, that's my 15 minutes.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
2-20-10 grateful for today
1. Road Trip!
2. My car running well
3. My Grandpa
4. My Aunt
5. Unconditional love
6. Openness
7. Trust
8. Google maps
9. My adorable dog
10. Forgiveness
I'm on a road trip today to go visit my Grandpa and my Aunt. I'm very excited to go and see them and show off my Didgeridoo that I made. It's early this morning and I still have to pack and get going. It's a 3-4 hour drive. My dog does not like riding in the car. In the past I would not feed him the morning of a trip as he tends to get sick in the car. I didn't like the idea of denying him food this morning when he was very hungry. So, we will see what happens today in the car. I'm up to an adventure (and taking lots of towels with me). I'm not going to take up my full 15 minutes this morning as I'm anxious to get on the road.
Sending much love to all the world.
2. My car running well
3. My Grandpa
4. My Aunt
5. Unconditional love
6. Openness
7. Trust
8. Google maps
9. My adorable dog
10. Forgiveness
I'm on a road trip today to go visit my Grandpa and my Aunt. I'm very excited to go and see them and show off my Didgeridoo that I made. It's early this morning and I still have to pack and get going. It's a 3-4 hour drive. My dog does not like riding in the car. In the past I would not feed him the morning of a trip as he tends to get sick in the car. I didn't like the idea of denying him food this morning when he was very hungry. So, we will see what happens today in the car. I'm up to an adventure (and taking lots of towels with me). I'm not going to take up my full 15 minutes this morning as I'm anxious to get on the road.
Sending much love to all the world.
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