1. My adorable dog
2. Music
3. Honoring and expressing my emotions
4. My wonderful job
5. Caring loving friends
6. Choices and responsibility
7. Unconditional Love
8. Compassion
9. Sacred Space
10. The Light
I spent Sunday and Monday holiday cleaning my apartment. To create sacred space for myself. I accomplished cleaning out and organizing a couple of corners. There is still more to go. Last night late I felt a lot of grief and loss and I sobbed for a while. I called a friend to share and talk. My noble friend listened. He didn't try to fix it or make me feel better. He let me feel and listened. He also said that a lot of energy has been stuck in my clutter in my house, and I have been cleaning out my inner self, and now cleaning my house externally will be kicking up a lot of energy. I believe that is part of what I was feeling. That moving around of energy, and clearing up my stuckness. And I needed to release a lot of emotion last night. Love and Light.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
9-3-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. The day off of work
3. Helping friends
4. Letting go
5. My car running well
6. Choices and responsibility
7. Unconditional Love
8. The Light
9. Sacred space
10. Honoring my emotions
Day 2 of intense cleaning and organizing and purging. I found an entire box of papers that I get to throw out. I need to shred it first and I have no paper shredder except for my own two hands. I like fire, but in a 4th floor condo, there really isn't a place to have a nice fire. So it's either my two hands or buy a cheap one at WalMart. I'm quite focused on my tasks to clean and organize my house today. I feel pressure of limited time to create my home as a sacred safe clean place for me. I'm afraid that if I don't get it all done today, I will believe that I don't deserve sacred space for me and go right back to my hoarding and filthy habits. I need to believe that I deserve sacred space and deserve all the time it takes me to give myself that space. Love and Light.
2. The day off of work
3. Helping friends
4. Letting go
5. My car running well
6. Choices and responsibility
7. Unconditional Love
8. The Light
9. Sacred space
10. Honoring my emotions
Day 2 of intense cleaning and organizing and purging. I found an entire box of papers that I get to throw out. I need to shred it first and I have no paper shredder except for my own two hands. I like fire, but in a 4th floor condo, there really isn't a place to have a nice fire. So it's either my two hands or buy a cheap one at WalMart. I'm quite focused on my tasks to clean and organize my house today. I feel pressure of limited time to create my home as a sacred safe clean place for me. I'm afraid that if I don't get it all done today, I will believe that I don't deserve sacred space for me and go right back to my hoarding and filthy habits. I need to believe that I deserve sacred space and deserve all the time it takes me to give myself that space. Love and Light.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
9-1-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. Choices and responsibility
4. Tai Chi
5. Strength and Courage
6. Friends
7. Compassion
8. The Light
9. Compassion
10. Coming from a place of love
I chose to come into work today. Yesterday evening while working late, I was deep in my "victim consciousness" where I make and see the world as out to get me. It was my boss giving me the older computer and moving the project I normally use his computer onto mine was for the purpose of making my life more complicated and harder. (just like the previous sentence). I was blaming the hard drive for not being big enough, the computer not being fast enough, my brain for not checking for space on the hard drive before crashing the computer, the marketing people upstairs for not being clear in what they wanted. I was mad and frustrated and hurt and sad and scared. And while driving away, I realized that I had created that entire experience to be what it was. And yes, it was all that . . . . AND MORE. The more was that this was life and growing pains of trying something new. My boss and I both wanted the project on my computer because we were running into scheduling problems with both of us using his. This was the first time doing the project on mind and I found out that I need more hard drive space and I need to get started on it earlier. There is learning and lessons. And while driving away I realized that I am not going to get fired for this, that it's not really a big deal that I don't have the new programming done. Things will continue to flow. I chose to come in to work on a Saturday so that my computer would be free on Tuesday to do editing and not continuing to render these shows that needed to be done yesterday. I'm not sure if this is really conveying my peace and confidence of taking responsibility of my choice, of realizing it is MY CHOICE to come in today. And viewing it this way from a place of personal power, frees me up to work on my own projects while the shows are rendering rather than spending my time waiting and fuming that "I'm stuck here at work on a Saturday." Now its time for me to work on my stuff. Love and Light.
2. My car running well
3. Choices and responsibility
4. Tai Chi
5. Strength and Courage
6. Friends
7. Compassion
8. The Light
9. Compassion
10. Coming from a place of love
I chose to come into work today. Yesterday evening while working late, I was deep in my "victim consciousness" where I make and see the world as out to get me. It was my boss giving me the older computer and moving the project I normally use his computer onto mine was for the purpose of making my life more complicated and harder. (just like the previous sentence). I was blaming the hard drive for not being big enough, the computer not being fast enough, my brain for not checking for space on the hard drive before crashing the computer, the marketing people upstairs for not being clear in what they wanted. I was mad and frustrated and hurt and sad and scared. And while driving away, I realized that I had created that entire experience to be what it was. And yes, it was all that . . . . AND MORE. The more was that this was life and growing pains of trying something new. My boss and I both wanted the project on my computer because we were running into scheduling problems with both of us using his. This was the first time doing the project on mind and I found out that I need more hard drive space and I need to get started on it earlier. There is learning and lessons. And while driving away I realized that I am not going to get fired for this, that it's not really a big deal that I don't have the new programming done. Things will continue to flow. I chose to come in to work on a Saturday so that my computer would be free on Tuesday to do editing and not continuing to render these shows that needed to be done yesterday. I'm not sure if this is really conveying my peace and confidence of taking responsibility of my choice, of realizing it is MY CHOICE to come in today. And viewing it this way from a place of personal power, frees me up to work on my own projects while the shows are rendering rather than spending my time waiting and fuming that "I'm stuck here at work on a Saturday." Now its time for me to work on my stuff. Love and Light.
Friday, August 31, 2012
8-31-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. The full moon
3. My car running well
4. Friends and connection heart to heart
5. Cross channel and end of month duties
6. Friday
7. Chanting
8. Silence
9. Unconditional Love
10. Ability and Talent
It is a Friday and a long busy week. I catch myself full of anxiety and worry about a few projects that have deadlines today. When that happens, I look back and count off all the mistakes I have made along the way to make the project late. This is an old habit. A lot of the time when I am making the mistakes, I tell myself I'm doing it on purpose just to screw up the project. Most of the time I am not making mistakes on purpose, other times I am. Especially when it is not a mistake, it's a decision that I'd rather play video games all day than work on the project. My excuse during those times is that I'm just to tired to get my brain functioning. Which there has been days where my brain and thinking seem very tired, very close to exhaustion. Am I just getting old? Or am I coming from a place of fear where my instinct is to sleep or play dead? I now consciously break my old habit and I "Start where I am, use what I have, and do what I can." I am living. Love and Light.
2. The full moon
3. My car running well
4. Friends and connection heart to heart
5. Cross channel and end of month duties
6. Friday
7. Chanting
8. Silence
9. Unconditional Love
10. Ability and Talent
It is a Friday and a long busy week. I catch myself full of anxiety and worry about a few projects that have deadlines today. When that happens, I look back and count off all the mistakes I have made along the way to make the project late. This is an old habit. A lot of the time when I am making the mistakes, I tell myself I'm doing it on purpose just to screw up the project. Most of the time I am not making mistakes on purpose, other times I am. Especially when it is not a mistake, it's a decision that I'd rather play video games all day than work on the project. My excuse during those times is that I'm just to tired to get my brain functioning. Which there has been days where my brain and thinking seem very tired, very close to exhaustion. Am I just getting old? Or am I coming from a place of fear where my instinct is to sleep or play dead? I now consciously break my old habit and I "Start where I am, use what I have, and do what I can." I am living. Love and Light.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
8-30-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. Noble friends
4. Ability and talent
5. Silence
6. Music
7. Working within a team
8. Unconditional Love
9. The Light
10. Honoring all my emotions
I have the office to myself again. I've had almost a whole week by myself. In one perspective it has been very nice for me. Quiet, with the TV off so that I can work and think creatively. In another perspective I am sad that I am by myself because my officemate has had a death in his family, which is why he is away. Life continues on in its tides and turnings. And I'm okay and healthy in enjoying my time alone in a quiet office, and at the same time hold sacred space and feel sad and compassion for my officemate who is away. Everything in the universe exists at one time, so it is with emotions and being human. Love and Light.
2. My car running well
3. Noble friends
4. Ability and talent
5. Silence
6. Music
7. Working within a team
8. Unconditional Love
9. The Light
10. Honoring all my emotions
I have the office to myself again. I've had almost a whole week by myself. In one perspective it has been very nice for me. Quiet, with the TV off so that I can work and think creatively. In another perspective I am sad that I am by myself because my officemate has had a death in his family, which is why he is away. Life continues on in its tides and turnings. And I'm okay and healthy in enjoying my time alone in a quiet office, and at the same time hold sacred space and feel sad and compassion for my officemate who is away. Everything in the universe exists at one time, so it is with emotions and being human. Love and Light.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
8-29-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. Noble, loving, gentle friends
4. Asking for help
5. All my emotions
6. Music
7. Chanting
8. Centering, grounding
9. Unconditional Love
10. Compassion for myself
I did it. I asked for help this morning. My house is a wreck, disorganized and dirty. And I asked some good friends to come over this holiday weekend to help kick off a major cleaning. I'm sitting at work and I'm feeling scared enough to cry. I'm scared of friends (with good hearts and good intentions) throwing out my stuff that I want to keep. And scared that my stuff is going to be put away in places where I don't know where it is. I like to see my stuff. And it's all over the place now. Not really organized. I'm safe and loved and supported. I don't know how people can say "it's just stuff". My stuff was my friends and support more so than people for way too long. Step one: Asking for help - completed. Love and Light.
2. My car running well
3. Noble, loving, gentle friends
4. Asking for help
5. All my emotions
6. Music
7. Chanting
8. Centering, grounding
9. Unconditional Love
10. Compassion for myself
I did it. I asked for help this morning. My house is a wreck, disorganized and dirty. And I asked some good friends to come over this holiday weekend to help kick off a major cleaning. I'm sitting at work and I'm feeling scared enough to cry. I'm scared of friends (with good hearts and good intentions) throwing out my stuff that I want to keep. And scared that my stuff is going to be put away in places where I don't know where it is. I like to see my stuff. And it's all over the place now. Not really organized. I'm safe and loved and supported. I don't know how people can say "it's just stuff". My stuff was my friends and support more so than people for way too long. Step one: Asking for help - completed. Love and Light.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
8-28-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. Creative projects to work on
4. Sleeping well
5. Breathing
6. Ability and talent
7. Unconditional love
9. My humanness
10. The Light
I'm ready to work today. It is the beginning of my work day and I'm excited and ready to finish up some projects today. I'm ready to work hard and not disappear into video games. Whenever I feel stuck, that's when I go to the video games. I need to practice and learn how to push through my "stuckness" to get unstuck. I've figured out how to do that when I have writer's block. That's when I put a timer for 10 or 15 minutes and my pen has to keep on writing with no stopping for that time. Even if I repeat over and over "I'm stuck" eventually something else comes out that looks awkward and not that great and then its followed by something better and better and usually something that amazes me gets written down. Then the timer goes off and I continue writing. Rarely do I stop when the timer goes off. And when I start the timer, I think I'm not going to make it, or I think about how relieved I will be when it goes off and I can stop. And I keep on going. That's what I need to do with other "stuck" places in my life. Here comes today!!
Love and Light,
Cathy
2. My car running well
3. Creative projects to work on
4. Sleeping well
5. Breathing
6. Ability and talent
7. Unconditional love
9. My humanness
10. The Light
I'm ready to work today. It is the beginning of my work day and I'm excited and ready to finish up some projects today. I'm ready to work hard and not disappear into video games. Whenever I feel stuck, that's when I go to the video games. I need to practice and learn how to push through my "stuckness" to get unstuck. I've figured out how to do that when I have writer's block. That's when I put a timer for 10 or 15 minutes and my pen has to keep on writing with no stopping for that time. Even if I repeat over and over "I'm stuck" eventually something else comes out that looks awkward and not that great and then its followed by something better and better and usually something that amazes me gets written down. Then the timer goes off and I continue writing. Rarely do I stop when the timer goes off. And when I start the timer, I think I'm not going to make it, or I think about how relieved I will be when it goes off and I can stop. And I keep on going. That's what I need to do with other "stuck" places in my life. Here comes today!!
Love and Light,
Cathy
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