1. Beautiful breezy lazy Sundays
2. Time to relax and reflect
3. Connection
4. Playing at the park yesterday
5. Sore muscles today
6. Being present in each moment
7. Letting my life unfold
8. Allowing others to be who they are and holding space
9. infinite possibilities
10. Abundance
Oh, I just looked around for my 15 minute timer because I forgot to set it at the beginning of this. It's not in this room. I'm much too relaxed to go and get it, so we'll just wing it today.
I had a great time at the park yesterday playing with my friend and her family: kickball, frisbee, monkey in the middle, walks, talks, and connection. We attempted to cut my dogs nails which was a trauma for me. My friend assures me that I was more traumatized than my dog. We got the front nails clipped. The rest of the time was playing and me trying to remember to breathe when I run. I learned to run way a long time ago and I would hold my breath in terror. It took my a very long time to understand why people like to "go for a run". I figured they liked to torture themselves with terror, because that was what it felt like to me to run. I'm much better now, I have grown and let go of my old belief and have a new belief that running is fun and feels good . . . . now is the practice to get my body to believe that too. Breathe when I run. I repeated it a lot today.
I've found that I repeat out loud a lot of my new beliefs. A friend of mine got annoyed with me the other day because he reacted to it like I was preaching to him. So, he heard me telling him that he's wrong for his beliefs. I hadn't realized that I've been telling myself aloud my new beliefs, while my friends are present . . . . or rather, that they would not realize that I'm speaking aloud to myself my new beliefs while they are present. So, that was interesting.
I'm going to say that's my 15 minutes, even though I hadn't been keeping track of the time.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
4-23-10 grateful for today
1. Water
2. Breathing
3. Choices
4. Opportunities to allow my healthy adult to step in
5. Ability to change my mind
6. Chanting
7. Meditation
8. Change
9. Sharing
10. Journals
Got out of bed this morning and the first word I uttered was "Dammit!" I had stepped on one of the many things I have had lying on my floor for weeks. A teacher had mentioned that I pay attention to my dreams, so I have been. And feeling like I'm not sleeping at all. These things are my responsibility. I put all those papers and things on the floor because I couldn't decide where their place was in my house. I'm the one paying intense attention to my dreams and missing sleep and the message.
So, lets look that just those two things this morning. I couldn't decide where to put these things that are on my floor (and throughout my house). And the deep root of that in me is I can't be wrong. What if I put them somewhere and then I figure out that its not the right place for them? What a horrible person I am. I can't even figure out where to put my backup CDs. My brain knows and understands if I put them someplace and that place doesn't work out, I can move them to another place. My emotions, on the other hand, I'll feel like a failure if I don't put them in the perfect spot the very first time. That's where "grateful for the ability to change my mind" comes from.
I'm the one paying intense attention to my dreams because my teacher suggested that I will have messages coming to me through my dreams. This is similar to the one before. Instead of just letting myself sleep with a little bit of extra awareness and reflection when I get up in the morning. I make it something that I HAVE to do and I HAVE to do correctly. What if I miss something. I'm going to miss the message. I need to slow down and trust that if I miss it, it will come around again. That me living my life is okay, it's safe, I'm not wrong. I am perfect for my life. My life is perfect for me.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Breathing
3. Choices
4. Opportunities to allow my healthy adult to step in
5. Ability to change my mind
6. Chanting
7. Meditation
8. Change
9. Sharing
10. Journals
Got out of bed this morning and the first word I uttered was "Dammit!" I had stepped on one of the many things I have had lying on my floor for weeks. A teacher had mentioned that I pay attention to my dreams, so I have been. And feeling like I'm not sleeping at all. These things are my responsibility. I put all those papers and things on the floor because I couldn't decide where their place was in my house. I'm the one paying intense attention to my dreams and missing sleep and the message.
So, lets look that just those two things this morning. I couldn't decide where to put these things that are on my floor (and throughout my house). And the deep root of that in me is I can't be wrong. What if I put them somewhere and then I figure out that its not the right place for them? What a horrible person I am. I can't even figure out where to put my backup CDs. My brain knows and understands if I put them someplace and that place doesn't work out, I can move them to another place. My emotions, on the other hand, I'll feel like a failure if I don't put them in the perfect spot the very first time. That's where "grateful for the ability to change my mind" comes from.
I'm the one paying intense attention to my dreams because my teacher suggested that I will have messages coming to me through my dreams. This is similar to the one before. Instead of just letting myself sleep with a little bit of extra awareness and reflection when I get up in the morning. I make it something that I HAVE to do and I HAVE to do correctly. What if I miss something. I'm going to miss the message. I need to slow down and trust that if I miss it, it will come around again. That me living my life is okay, it's safe, I'm not wrong. I am perfect for my life. My life is perfect for me.
That's my 15 minutes.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
4-22-10 grateful for today
1. Breath
2. Life
3. My soul
4. Open to all possibilities
5. Choices
6. Taking full responsibility for my life now
7. Love
8. Asking without attachment
9. Receiving help I've asked for
10. Insights
I'm grateful today for my bed and my adorable (currently noisy) dog. I am exhausted. I'm going to sleep. I trust my soul. I trust my soul to take me on an exploration of my spirituality.
Love and light to the world.
2. Life
3. My soul
4. Open to all possibilities
5. Choices
6. Taking full responsibility for my life now
7. Love
8. Asking without attachment
9. Receiving help I've asked for
10. Insights
I'm grateful today for my bed and my adorable (currently noisy) dog. I am exhausted. I'm going to sleep. I trust my soul. I trust my soul to take me on an exploration of my spirituality.
Love and light to the world.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
4-20-10 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My mom helping me out
3. My progress I've made
4. My car running well
5. Financial abundance
6. My creative abilities and talents
7. My dedication
8. Honesty
9. Trust in the unknown
10. My good enough job that currently pays my bills
The last week or so, I haven't been keeping my grateful list in my heart as I go through my day. I'm aware of it when I make the list, and then that task is done so I put it out of my mind until the next time I write it. That is not the purpose of me writing this list. It is so I can take this gratitude with me throughout my day and add to it. I need to get back to that purpose of this list, rather than "getting my gratitude done and out of the way". I had turned it into something to be completed, rather than a seed to grow and flourish.
I set my intention to take this list with me and my gratitude with me today and feel gratitude growing inside me throughout my day.
Much love and light.
2. My mom helping me out
3. My progress I've made
4. My car running well
5. Financial abundance
6. My creative abilities and talents
7. My dedication
8. Honesty
9. Trust in the unknown
10. My good enough job that currently pays my bills
The last week or so, I haven't been keeping my grateful list in my heart as I go through my day. I'm aware of it when I make the list, and then that task is done so I put it out of my mind until the next time I write it. That is not the purpose of me writing this list. It is so I can take this gratitude with me throughout my day and add to it. I need to get back to that purpose of this list, rather than "getting my gratitude done and out of the way". I had turned it into something to be completed, rather than a seed to grow and flourish.
I set my intention to take this list with me and my gratitude with me today and feel gratitude growing inside me throughout my day.
Much love and light.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
4-18-10 grateful for today
1. The dog food store being open today
2. Supportive responses from my friends
3. Every new moment a possibility to shift and change
4. Change
5. Open to possibilities
6. Choices
7. Adventure and risks
8. Wonderful cool cloudy weather
9. Connected inside and to the world
10. Unconditional love.
I started out yesterday pretty well. Then I turned into loser mode. I know it was my choice. Looking back, I believe I spent too much time trying to figure out my budget. I'm trying to do it a new way and I'm confusing myself. Instead of taking a break (or using my 15 minute timer), I pounded myself on the budget from 9 am till 2 pm until I was so frustrated and annoyed with myself. I then chose to spend the rest of my day reading a novel and watching mindless TV and feeling sorry for myself.
So, today is a fresh start. I do feel some leftover "loser" emotions from yesterday. My urge to crawl under a rock and not move is very strong. So, I'm going to arm myself with my 15 minute timer. I can do anything for 15 minutes. I choose to embrace this day with love, joy, openness, and trust.
I have some changes happening. I've put myself back out there as a video editor. I have a temp second job starting in a week. I have a very good close friend leaving this area to pursue her dreams (which points out to me how much I talk about my dreams and how little I do towards them). I have changes happening physically, emotionally, and spiritually that I need to remember that I'm not alone. I can take care of myself. I need to remember the forward progress that I've made (some days I feel like I'm all the way back at square one).
Maybe I should start taking risks, or being aware of what risks I do take. What's a risk I can take today? Finish my short script and send it out to the actors I have lined up and schedule the dates for the shoot.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Supportive responses from my friends
3. Every new moment a possibility to shift and change
4. Change
5. Open to possibilities
6. Choices
7. Adventure and risks
8. Wonderful cool cloudy weather
9. Connected inside and to the world
10. Unconditional love.
I started out yesterday pretty well. Then I turned into loser mode. I know it was my choice. Looking back, I believe I spent too much time trying to figure out my budget. I'm trying to do it a new way and I'm confusing myself. Instead of taking a break (or using my 15 minute timer), I pounded myself on the budget from 9 am till 2 pm until I was so frustrated and annoyed with myself. I then chose to spend the rest of my day reading a novel and watching mindless TV and feeling sorry for myself.
So, today is a fresh start. I do feel some leftover "loser" emotions from yesterday. My urge to crawl under a rock and not move is very strong. So, I'm going to arm myself with my 15 minute timer. I can do anything for 15 minutes. I choose to embrace this day with love, joy, openness, and trust.
I have some changes happening. I've put myself back out there as a video editor. I have a temp second job starting in a week. I have a very good close friend leaving this area to pursue her dreams (which points out to me how much I talk about my dreams and how little I do towards them). I have changes happening physically, emotionally, and spiritually that I need to remember that I'm not alone. I can take care of myself. I need to remember the forward progress that I've made (some days I feel like I'm all the way back at square one).
Maybe I should start taking risks, or being aware of what risks I do take. What's a risk I can take today? Finish my short script and send it out to the actors I have lined up and schedule the dates for the shoot.
That's my 15 minutes.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
4-17-10 grateful for today
1. Honesty
2. Wonderful cool cloudy weather
3. Getting out of the house
4. Friends
5. My adorable dog
6. My body
7. Every moment of life
8. My choices and decisions
9. Ability to change my mind
10. Negotiation and collaboration
Honesty with myself is beautiful. The things I'm being honest with myself may not be beautiful, may be hard for me to look at, and hard for me to say aloud or write down. The act of being honest with myself is beautiful. And necessary. There have been things in my life that I have done that I have made taboo of speaking about or acknowledging. Now, your imagination may run wild, and these things are not that crazy out there. I am not comfortable speaking about them here in this open forum and I will tell you that other healthy adults do not have a problem about speaking of these things in trusted company. A lot of people acknowledge these things privately to themselves. So, today, this morning, I have been able to finally acknowledge to myself that I am human and have these "things" also. As you can tell from my round-a-bout way of speaking that I'm still uncomfortable with acknowledging these "things" and also how I'm feeling about it. More work for me to process. I am celebrating that I am finally able to be honest with myself and acknowledge them and my feelings. I need to be aware in order to process or change. So that's a step.
I'm looking forward to going to the park with my dog and meeting a friend and her dog. It will be good to get out of the house. A major PURGE and SHIFT of my physical living space is in order so that I enjoy being in my space more and enjoy going out to enjoy nature more. Rather than my going out is to escape how my house currently feels to me.
Well, I gotta get a move on and call my friend. Much love and light to all.
2. Wonderful cool cloudy weather
3. Getting out of the house
4. Friends
5. My adorable dog
6. My body
7. Every moment of life
8. My choices and decisions
9. Ability to change my mind
10. Negotiation and collaboration
Honesty with myself is beautiful. The things I'm being honest with myself may not be beautiful, may be hard for me to look at, and hard for me to say aloud or write down. The act of being honest with myself is beautiful. And necessary. There have been things in my life that I have done that I have made taboo of speaking about or acknowledging. Now, your imagination may run wild, and these things are not that crazy out there. I am not comfortable speaking about them here in this open forum and I will tell you that other healthy adults do not have a problem about speaking of these things in trusted company. A lot of people acknowledge these things privately to themselves. So, today, this morning, I have been able to finally acknowledge to myself that I am human and have these "things" also. As you can tell from my round-a-bout way of speaking that I'm still uncomfortable with acknowledging these "things" and also how I'm feeling about it. More work for me to process. I am celebrating that I am finally able to be honest with myself and acknowledge them and my feelings. I need to be aware in order to process or change. So that's a step.
I'm looking forward to going to the park with my dog and meeting a friend and her dog. It will be good to get out of the house. A major PURGE and SHIFT of my physical living space is in order so that I enjoy being in my space more and enjoy going out to enjoy nature more. Rather than my going out is to escape how my house currently feels to me.
Well, I gotta get a move on and call my friend. Much love and light to all.
Friday, April 16, 2010
4-16-10 grateful for today
1. My therapist
2. My body
3. My adorable dog
4. The cool weather
5. Acceptance
6. Connection
7. My car running well
8. Water
9. Abundance and prosperity
10. Time
My dog is barking at me, wanting my attention. I want to meditate this morning and am wondering if I have enough time before work. I've had an interesting couple of days.
I am grateful for my therapist. I almost didn't put it down on my list. I was afraid that people would know I go to a therapist and therefore would judge me as unstable. Even though I state repeatedly that everybody could use a little therapy. The other resistance of putting it on my list is if it is appropriate. Confidentiality is very big for me to be able to do the therapy work that I do. Sometimes I do a little dance and struggle in my head as to what is appropriate to share and what isn't.
I have many tools that I have learned from my therapist that I use to process feelings, to understand situations, to remain true to myself and calm and loving to others. Something came up that I was at a loss as to how to process it and I'm grateful to my therapist for being there with me and helping me through it and teaching me a new way to process. I felt a huge shift within me and I asked a friend of mine who sees me everyday and she said it was a major shift. And I'm grateful I have a new tool to process things with.
I'm not taking the full 15 minutes as I want to chant and meditate before going to work. Love and light to all.
2. My body
3. My adorable dog
4. The cool weather
5. Acceptance
6. Connection
7. My car running well
8. Water
9. Abundance and prosperity
10. Time
My dog is barking at me, wanting my attention. I want to meditate this morning and am wondering if I have enough time before work. I've had an interesting couple of days.
I am grateful for my therapist. I almost didn't put it down on my list. I was afraid that people would know I go to a therapist and therefore would judge me as unstable. Even though I state repeatedly that everybody could use a little therapy. The other resistance of putting it on my list is if it is appropriate. Confidentiality is very big for me to be able to do the therapy work that I do. Sometimes I do a little dance and struggle in my head as to what is appropriate to share and what isn't.
I have many tools that I have learned from my therapist that I use to process feelings, to understand situations, to remain true to myself and calm and loving to others. Something came up that I was at a loss as to how to process it and I'm grateful to my therapist for being there with me and helping me through it and teaching me a new way to process. I felt a huge shift within me and I asked a friend of mine who sees me everyday and she said it was a major shift. And I'm grateful I have a new tool to process things with.
I'm not taking the full 15 minutes as I want to chant and meditate before going to work. Love and light to all.
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