1. Birthday party where friends get together
2. Joy
3. My couch
3. My car running well
4. Gifts
5. My adorable dog
6. The Oscars
7. My 15 minute timer
8. Extra jobs coming my way
9. Feeling tired
10. Not doing my full 15 minutes for this blog tonight.
Much love and light to the world. Goodnight.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
3-6-10 grateful for today
1. Nap in the middle of the day
2. Walking through fear
3. Asking for help
4. Parks and nature
5. My adorable dog
6. My life
7. Making new agreements
8. Music
9. Available choices
10. Deciding
I was feeling a bit of my old self today. Some worthlessness, some terror, some depression. I was trying hard to change that feeling by changing my thought patterns, by being active, by doing things. And what helped was to just fall down into those feelings. There's where the nap came in. I let go of trying to fight it and I relaxed and slept for three hours. When I got up (and it was a long process getting up) I then made a call that I didn't know if it was a good decision or not. I have been debating it for a few weeks and putting it off. Telling myself to wait until I find out about this interview, or wait until I hear about that job application. I finally called (the credit card company) and asked for help. I stayed calm and I asked questions and stayed in the present moment. I made a new agreement with them. I keep wanting to type something here and I keep deleting it. I type "I still don't know if it was a good decision." Then I delete it. I've done that four times now. This is where my brain and my feelings differ. And "good decision" by whose standards? I'm pretty sure I'm talking about me. Is it a good decision for me. My feelings are telling me that every decision I make is a good decision because every choice is living life. Waiting for the possibilities and situations and issues and problems to just go away, is like waiting for death. I'm going to trust my decision and move forward from this point on. The deal has been struck.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Walking through fear
3. Asking for help
4. Parks and nature
5. My adorable dog
6. My life
7. Making new agreements
8. Music
9. Available choices
10. Deciding
I was feeling a bit of my old self today. Some worthlessness, some terror, some depression. I was trying hard to change that feeling by changing my thought patterns, by being active, by doing things. And what helped was to just fall down into those feelings. There's where the nap came in. I let go of trying to fight it and I relaxed and slept for three hours. When I got up (and it was a long process getting up) I then made a call that I didn't know if it was a good decision or not. I have been debating it for a few weeks and putting it off. Telling myself to wait until I find out about this interview, or wait until I hear about that job application. I finally called (the credit card company) and asked for help. I stayed calm and I asked questions and stayed in the present moment. I made a new agreement with them. I keep wanting to type something here and I keep deleting it. I type "I still don't know if it was a good decision." Then I delete it. I've done that four times now. This is where my brain and my feelings differ. And "good decision" by whose standards? I'm pretty sure I'm talking about me. Is it a good decision for me. My feelings are telling me that every decision I make is a good decision because every choice is living life. Waiting for the possibilities and situations and issues and problems to just go away, is like waiting for death. I'm going to trust my decision and move forward from this point on. The deal has been struck.
That's my 15 minutes.
Friday, March 5, 2010
3-5-10 grateful for today
1. Endless opportunities
2. All of life's experiences
3. My brothers
4. My adorable dog
5. The wonderful cool weather
6. Friday and the infinite possibilities the weekend holds
7. My budget
8. Responsibility
9. My passions
10. My creative abilities and talents
Is there a word that means infinite, endless, unlimited that does not have the negative add-on to a limited word that means the opposite? Infinite has "in" an add-on (which means "not") tacked onto "finite" which has an end. Endless has "less" an add-on to "end". Unlimited has "un" which means "not" tacked onto "limited." Let's look in the thesaurus. I love the thesaurus. That's my number 11 today, I'm grateful for the thesaurus. Hmmmm. The only one that seemed to become close to the meaning (and I really like it) is "all-embracing". Well, lets see, if I have infinite possibilities, does it mean the same that I have all-embracing possibilities?
The reason this came up was that I have been taught that the universe provides us with everything we ask for and does not know the meaning of "not". For instance, if I know what I do not want, I can't ask the universe for it "I do not want more financial problems" because the universe hears "I do want more financial problems" and that's what I get. I was wondering about "endless abundance and infinite prosperity" does the universe listen in the same way to those words since the add-on to the root is "not"? Probably not, I was just curious if there was a word that was all-encompassing without using the negative opposite of a root.
Basically, what you focus on, that's what the universe brings you more of. If you are focusing on what you do not want, you are still focusing on it. Focus and be mindful of what you want. And then you ask, well what DO I want? Which is where I'm at.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. All of life's experiences
3. My brothers
4. My adorable dog
5. The wonderful cool weather
6. Friday and the infinite possibilities the weekend holds
7. My budget
8. Responsibility
9. My passions
10. My creative abilities and talents
Is there a word that means infinite, endless, unlimited that does not have the negative add-on to a limited word that means the opposite? Infinite has "in" an add-on (which means "not") tacked onto "finite" which has an end. Endless has "less" an add-on to "end". Unlimited has "un" which means "not" tacked onto "limited." Let's look in the thesaurus. I love the thesaurus. That's my number 11 today, I'm grateful for the thesaurus. Hmmmm. The only one that seemed to become close to the meaning (and I really like it) is "all-embracing". Well, lets see, if I have infinite possibilities, does it mean the same that I have all-embracing possibilities?
The reason this came up was that I have been taught that the universe provides us with everything we ask for and does not know the meaning of "not". For instance, if I know what I do not want, I can't ask the universe for it "I do not want more financial problems" because the universe hears "I do want more financial problems" and that's what I get. I was wondering about "endless abundance and infinite prosperity" does the universe listen in the same way to those words since the add-on to the root is "not"? Probably not, I was just curious if there was a word that was all-encompassing without using the negative opposite of a root.
Basically, what you focus on, that's what the universe brings you more of. If you are focusing on what you do not want, you are still focusing on it. Focus and be mindful of what you want. And then you ask, well what DO I want? Which is where I'm at.
That's my 15 minutes.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
3-4-10 grateful for today
1. ALL my emotions (even annoyance and frustration)
2. Completing and mailing my application
3. Opportunities
4. Experiences
5. Love, Trust, and Openness
6. Busperdirtnabin
7. My adorable dog
8. Being true to myself
9. Meditation
10. Friends and honesty
I have mailed out my last fellowship application. I interviewed today for a promotion at work. I'm ready to go to bed. I send much love out into the universe. What I sometimes forget is to receive the love coming back towards me. There's that old training, give, give, give, give. I receive with love, I share with love. I am annoyed with love and frustrated with love. I am grateful that I have friends that have called me up and have triggered annoyance and frustration in me. I'm grateful for the trigger, there is more for me to learn. More for me to clear up in my emotional house. I'm also grateful that my friends have grown themselves and I know they do not take it personally. I take responsibility and own my annoyance and frustration.
If I don't process these emotions tonight, they will come up again. I can choose to let them go and learn their lesson at a later time. Now the trick is for me to know whether I'm letting them go as a healthy response because I am physically tired and in need of rest, or am I giving myself the illusion of tiredness so that I may avoid processing these feelings. Again, I take responsibility in knowing that and not delude myself. Meditation is so helpful in knowing myself truly. Get my brain to stop making all these logical arguments and pull up evidence for why I am tired now and prove that its okay for me to be tired now. For example: You've had a busy week, your work schedule is all screwy, you had more mental hoops to jump through this week, you've had meetings monday and one yesterday, you've been working hard on your application, etc. etc. etc. None of that really matters when I sit still, close my eyes, let me thoughts float away and just feel. I feel tired and sleepy and sad and love and a need to recharge.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. Completing and mailing my application
3. Opportunities
4. Experiences
5. Love, Trust, and Openness
6. Busperdirtnabin
7. My adorable dog
8. Being true to myself
9. Meditation
10. Friends and honesty
I have mailed out my last fellowship application. I interviewed today for a promotion at work. I'm ready to go to bed. I send much love out into the universe. What I sometimes forget is to receive the love coming back towards me. There's that old training, give, give, give, give. I receive with love, I share with love. I am annoyed with love and frustrated with love. I am grateful that I have friends that have called me up and have triggered annoyance and frustration in me. I'm grateful for the trigger, there is more for me to learn. More for me to clear up in my emotional house. I'm also grateful that my friends have grown themselves and I know they do not take it personally. I take responsibility and own my annoyance and frustration.
If I don't process these emotions tonight, they will come up again. I can choose to let them go and learn their lesson at a later time. Now the trick is for me to know whether I'm letting them go as a healthy response because I am physically tired and in need of rest, or am I giving myself the illusion of tiredness so that I may avoid processing these feelings. Again, I take responsibility in knowing that and not delude myself. Meditation is so helpful in knowing myself truly. Get my brain to stop making all these logical arguments and pull up evidence for why I am tired now and prove that its okay for me to be tired now. For example: You've had a busy week, your work schedule is all screwy, you had more mental hoops to jump through this week, you've had meetings monday and one yesterday, you've been working hard on your application, etc. etc. etc. None of that really matters when I sit still, close my eyes, let me thoughts float away and just feel. I feel tired and sleepy and sad and love and a need to recharge.
That's my 15 minutes.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
3-3-10 grateful for today
1. Completing things
2. My adorable dog
3. Opportunities!
4. My 15 minute timer
5. Love, openness and trust
6. Letting go
7. Breathing
8. Movement
9. Ink for my printer
10. JOY!
Letting go. Boy, years ago when I first heard that phrase (in association with healthy processing), I was at a loss of comprehending what it really means. I saw an episode on Dharma & Greg where she tells people to "put it in a bubble and blow it away." Way back then I equated it with forgetting or denying it ever happened. That's not letting go at all. That's burying it and unhealthy. Quite a lot of people that have studied and lived their lives helping others have tried to explain this. I'm trying to now and I find that it is difficult for me to put into words. My process of letting go is acknowledging my emotions, feeling them fully and truly in order to release them. Letting go is remembering what happened, remembering what I felt as a memory and not the full force of those feelings as it was happening. That's just one part of letting go. I'm finishing up my last fellowship application tonight and when I mail it off I will let go of the outcome. I will send out this application as a desire of what I want and let go of the attachment of getting it or not. I am grateful for the opportunity to apply. It's like, I'm glad to just be nominated.
I am so glad to have learned to let go. I let go of what no longer serves me. 30 minutes ago my frustration served me. My dog was barking at the TV and I allowed my frustration to be projected on him. My frustration served to me wake me up to the truth that I was frustrated at myself for not working on my application, yet again. I felt my frustration fully and released my old habit of self-sabotage. My frustration no longer serves me, I let it go. My old way of doing things was to finish my application then spend much time remembering that I blew off completing it for a few days and stay frustrated with myself. And that definitely doesn't serve me anymore.
Sharing much love. That's my 15 minutes.
2. My adorable dog
3. Opportunities!
4. My 15 minute timer
5. Love, openness and trust
6. Letting go
7. Breathing
8. Movement
9. Ink for my printer
10. JOY!
Letting go. Boy, years ago when I first heard that phrase (in association with healthy processing), I was at a loss of comprehending what it really means. I saw an episode on Dharma & Greg where she tells people to "put it in a bubble and blow it away." Way back then I equated it with forgetting or denying it ever happened. That's not letting go at all. That's burying it and unhealthy. Quite a lot of people that have studied and lived their lives helping others have tried to explain this. I'm trying to now and I find that it is difficult for me to put into words. My process of letting go is acknowledging my emotions, feeling them fully and truly in order to release them. Letting go is remembering what happened, remembering what I felt as a memory and not the full force of those feelings as it was happening. That's just one part of letting go. I'm finishing up my last fellowship application tonight and when I mail it off I will let go of the outcome. I will send out this application as a desire of what I want and let go of the attachment of getting it or not. I am grateful for the opportunity to apply. It's like, I'm glad to just be nominated.
I am so glad to have learned to let go. I let go of what no longer serves me. 30 minutes ago my frustration served me. My dog was barking at the TV and I allowed my frustration to be projected on him. My frustration served to me wake me up to the truth that I was frustrated at myself for not working on my application, yet again. I felt my frustration fully and released my old habit of self-sabotage. My frustration no longer serves me, I let it go. My old way of doing things was to finish my application then spend much time remembering that I blew off completing it for a few days and stay frustrated with myself. And that definitely doesn't serve me anymore.
Sharing much love. That's my 15 minutes.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
3-2-10 grateful for today
1. Unlimited possibilities and amazement
2. Inspiration, other people being inspired
3. My 15 minute timer
4. My car running well
5. Meditating and taking a nap on my lunch hour
6. Time enough for everything
7. Being triggered
8. Collaboration
9. Silliness and fun
10. Connection with friends
Can it be done? YES! Where "it" is anything you can possibly think of or imagine. When I get stuck in that "no that's impossible" mode of limited thinking, I watch something where people are doing something physical that seems impossible. Watch what tricks skateboarders can do. Those high flying bikers. Just watch these 8 year old neighbors of mine on these wave boards, a board with two wheels on swivels!! Unicyclists. Just watch chinese acrobats! Or ANY acrobats! I hear those naysayers in the back of my head saying things like, "well yeah, but it takes lifetime of training and practice 12 hours a day." SO?! IT CAN BE DONE! Anything can be done. Watch what others can do, what others are inspired about, now what was it that you were inspired to do before the naysayers shut you down?
Now what was it that I was inspired to do? I have an application to finish and get out in the mail. And I'm so grateful that anything is possible in this universe. I can create anything, I can ask for help, I can collaborate, I can have a lot of projects going all at once. Life is a multitude of possibilities every moment. That is so cool!
Sharing much love with the universe. That's my 15 minutes.
2. Inspiration, other people being inspired
3. My 15 minute timer
4. My car running well
5. Meditating and taking a nap on my lunch hour
6. Time enough for everything
7. Being triggered
8. Collaboration
9. Silliness and fun
10. Connection with friends
Can it be done? YES! Where "it" is anything you can possibly think of or imagine. When I get stuck in that "no that's impossible" mode of limited thinking, I watch something where people are doing something physical that seems impossible. Watch what tricks skateboarders can do. Those high flying bikers. Just watch these 8 year old neighbors of mine on these wave boards, a board with two wheels on swivels!! Unicyclists. Just watch chinese acrobats! Or ANY acrobats! I hear those naysayers in the back of my head saying things like, "well yeah, but it takes lifetime of training and practice 12 hours a day." SO?! IT CAN BE DONE! Anything can be done. Watch what others can do, what others are inspired about, now what was it that you were inspired to do before the naysayers shut you down?
Now what was it that I was inspired to do? I have an application to finish and get out in the mail. And I'm so grateful that anything is possible in this universe. I can create anything, I can ask for help, I can collaborate, I can have a lot of projects going all at once. Life is a multitude of possibilities every moment. That is so cool!
Sharing much love with the universe. That's my 15 minutes.
Monday, March 1, 2010
3-1-10 grateful for today
1. My mom
2. The full moon
3. Cool weather
4. My 15 minute timer
5. All of my emotions
6. Connection and sharing with friends and people
7. Aware of love as a common truth
8. Projections and shadows
9. Trust
10. The unknown
I am in a very great space today. Yesterday I cried a lot. A small loss opened up lots of windows of repressed grief and I feel like I released a lot. I feel lighter and brighter. I am walking around in beauty, around beauty, and as beauty. Life is just great. It sounds like I'm in love. I am. With life and myself and with my friends and family and people. I'm trying not to sound like "cheese" and I just can't help it. *grin*
Okay, grateful of projections and shadows. I am so grateful when I become aware of the projections I'm putting out on people because it leads me to a part of myself that I haven't seen before. I part that I had chosen to be ashamed of and pushed into a corner and then didn't see it again. I know I'm projection when I have emotion and the thought that "that person made me feel this way." That's one of the clues. Like when I hear of a person threatening someone else. "If you don't [whatever], I'm going to [do something to you]." I have anger coming up. (Yes, something happened today and because of confidentiality I am not going to post the details here. You all have your own stories that you can put in the spaces provided. It all works the same). So, I have anger coming up. I am projecting my anger onto that person. My anger does not belong directed at that person. My anger is truly directed at myself and since I don't like that, I project it out. I'm angry with myself because what I saw that other person doing that I disapprove of, I have done and I have not felt good about myself about doing it. So I hid it in the shadow. Being aware takes it out of the shadow and I'm grateful for that.
That's my 15 minutes.
2. The full moon
3. Cool weather
4. My 15 minute timer
5. All of my emotions
6. Connection and sharing with friends and people
7. Aware of love as a common truth
8. Projections and shadows
9. Trust
10. The unknown
I am in a very great space today. Yesterday I cried a lot. A small loss opened up lots of windows of repressed grief and I feel like I released a lot. I feel lighter and brighter. I am walking around in beauty, around beauty, and as beauty. Life is just great. It sounds like I'm in love. I am. With life and myself and with my friends and family and people. I'm trying not to sound like "cheese" and I just can't help it. *grin*
Okay, grateful of projections and shadows. I am so grateful when I become aware of the projections I'm putting out on people because it leads me to a part of myself that I haven't seen before. I part that I had chosen to be ashamed of and pushed into a corner and then didn't see it again. I know I'm projection when I have emotion and the thought that "that person made me feel this way." That's one of the clues. Like when I hear of a person threatening someone else. "If you don't [whatever], I'm going to [do something to you]." I have anger coming up. (Yes, something happened today and because of confidentiality I am not going to post the details here. You all have your own stories that you can put in the spaces provided. It all works the same). So, I have anger coming up. I am projecting my anger onto that person. My anger does not belong directed at that person. My anger is truly directed at myself and since I don't like that, I project it out. I'm angry with myself because what I saw that other person doing that I disapprove of, I have done and I have not felt good about myself about doing it. So I hid it in the shadow. Being aware takes it out of the shadow and I'm grateful for that.
That's my 15 minutes.
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