1. New experiences on my path
2. New, more complete perspectives on everyday experiences
3. Being present in the moment
4. My adorable dog
5. Acupuncture
6. Eating
7. Breathing
8. Choices and opportunities
9. Love
10. Healing
Today I will be working on extinguishing my fear and shame. An everyday necessary activity that I turned into punishment of myself. Eating. I continued the patterns I learned and created from my childhood. There wasn't much I could do as a kid. Putting things in my mouth was horrible and I made eating one of those horrible things. 35 years later and I'm strong enough and faced my beliefs last night. And I'm strong enough to face them every meal. I am relearning to nurture and care for myself with food. I am experiencing what having food in my mouth feels like, what chewing and tasting is all about. I never was present or aware before. I did the psychological equivalent of closing my eyes and holding my nose and shoveling the food in and completing the evil deed with as much detachment. It's where survival instinct took over and it didn't matter what I ate, just that I survived. I would eat until the food tasted as disgusting as I felt. I would eat not knowing what full or hungry felt like or not know how much. Now, I am strong to choose and be aware of what goes into my mouth. I am safe. Finally, I am safe.
Love and light.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
2-22-11 grateful for today
1. A new opportunity working on my passion
2. My adorable dog
3. My car running well
4. My creative ability and talent
5. Healing
6. Unconditional love
7. Trust
8. Courage
9. Noble friends
10. My journey in life
The offer of my new career path in video production isn't on the table yet, however, there is a good possibility I will be starting a new position in the middle of March. I'm allowing myself to want this. I'm allowing myself to be excited for this change in my life in a positive direction. Change is scary. I'm making this mean a whole lot more than what it is. I'm making it mean that I will have to stay in South Florida forever. That's not true. Nothing is set down as a hard rule. I'm open to all the endless possibilities that are before me. I am in this moment and this moment is precious.
Love and light.
2. My adorable dog
3. My car running well
4. My creative ability and talent
5. Healing
6. Unconditional love
7. Trust
8. Courage
9. Noble friends
10. My journey in life
The offer of my new career path in video production isn't on the table yet, however, there is a good possibility I will be starting a new position in the middle of March. I'm allowing myself to want this. I'm allowing myself to be excited for this change in my life in a positive direction. Change is scary. I'm making this mean a whole lot more than what it is. I'm making it mean that I will have to stay in South Florida forever. That's not true. Nothing is set down as a hard rule. I'm open to all the endless possibilities that are before me. I am in this moment and this moment is precious.
Love and light.
Monday, February 21, 2011
2-21-11 grateful for today
1. A day off
2. My adorable dog
3. Openness to possibilities
4. Starting new at any time
5. Change and choosing
6. Love and compassion
7. Relaxation
8. Enjoyment of this day, this moment
9. Courage
10. My car running well
I want change and I can feel my fear of change. That choice of mine between anxiety and excitement. Changing my patterns for something new. For a new experience, for a new way to live. Life will continue. Experiences will help me grow. I trust. I trust.
Love and light.
2. My adorable dog
3. Openness to possibilities
4. Starting new at any time
5. Change and choosing
6. Love and compassion
7. Relaxation
8. Enjoyment of this day, this moment
9. Courage
10. My car running well
I want change and I can feel my fear of change. That choice of mine between anxiety and excitement. Changing my patterns for something new. For a new experience, for a new way to live. Life will continue. Experiences will help me grow. I trust. I trust.
Love and light.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
2-20-11 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. Road trips visiting family and friends
4. Back home again
5. Openness to meet new people
6. Trust in my life's path
7. Trust in what is in front of me is real
8. Unconditional love
9. Divine light
10. Courage
I have a tri-county picnic to go to today. The time for me to leave is getting closer and I'm dragging my feet. This is called self-sabotage. I have certain things I need to get done before I go (like shower, and make a dish to pass) and I'm grumbling about my back hurting and not feeling like I want to go. The feeling when I am completely true, is fear. Fear of meeting new Quakers, fear of not belonging, fear of doing something new. My archenemy, doubt, has sneaked back into my consciousness and has been messing with my internal wiring. I gather my courage and shower and make a dish, and fix my didgeridoo, and I'm on my way to the picnic.
Love and light.
2. My car running well
3. Road trips visiting family and friends
4. Back home again
5. Openness to meet new people
6. Trust in my life's path
7. Trust in what is in front of me is real
8. Unconditional love
9. Divine light
10. Courage
I have a tri-county picnic to go to today. The time for me to leave is getting closer and I'm dragging my feet. This is called self-sabotage. I have certain things I need to get done before I go (like shower, and make a dish to pass) and I'm grumbling about my back hurting and not feeling like I want to go. The feeling when I am completely true, is fear. Fear of meeting new Quakers, fear of not belonging, fear of doing something new. My archenemy, doubt, has sneaked back into my consciousness and has been messing with my internal wiring. I gather my courage and shower and make a dish, and fix my didgeridoo, and I'm on my way to the picnic.
Love and light.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
2-17-11 grateful for today
1. Journaling
2. Mornings
3. My adorable dog
4. Trust
5. Courage
6. Love and Light
7. Handwritten letters
8. My car running well
9. Creativity and imagination
10. Ability to change
Some days coming up with 10 things takes longer than others. An opportunity for me to change, transform and grow has come up in me. I'm postponing it until next Tuesday. It seems rational in my head, now that I wrote it to where I and everyone else can read it seem silly to postpone growth. I know I'm waiting until professional help. It's like making an appointment with the doctor and being afraid my diseased will be healed before I go to the appointment. Part of this is I'm afraid of delving deeply and damaging myself more so without help. I am safe to be alive and joyous.
Love and light.
2. Mornings
3. My adorable dog
4. Trust
5. Courage
6. Love and Light
7. Handwritten letters
8. My car running well
9. Creativity and imagination
10. Ability to change
Some days coming up with 10 things takes longer than others. An opportunity for me to change, transform and grow has come up in me. I'm postponing it until next Tuesday. It seems rational in my head, now that I wrote it to where I and everyone else can read it seem silly to postpone growth. I know I'm waiting until professional help. It's like making an appointment with the doctor and being afraid my diseased will be healed before I go to the appointment. Part of this is I'm afraid of delving deeply and damaging myself more so without help. I am safe to be alive and joyous.
Love and light.
Monday, February 14, 2011
2-14-11 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Music
3. Stillness
4. Cool weather
5. Space and time
6. Connection with others
7. All my support network and community
8. Water
9. Endless opportunities
10. Eternal new beginnings
I feel centered and grounded and peaceful, and yet I'm having trouble with my breath. If I'm not paying attention to it, it is very shallow. I'm consciously taking deep life-affirming breaths and when I get distracted, my breath goes right back to being shallow. I'm open to whatever comes this week. I'm hoping this will be a calm week for me as last week was a roller coaster emotionally. I'm noticing more and more the noise in my brain and it correlates to noise I'm listening to. the more noise in my brain, the more noisy the world is. The quieter my brain is, the quieter or more musical the world is.
Love and light.
2. Music
3. Stillness
4. Cool weather
5. Space and time
6. Connection with others
7. All my support network and community
8. Water
9. Endless opportunities
10. Eternal new beginnings
I feel centered and grounded and peaceful, and yet I'm having trouble with my breath. If I'm not paying attention to it, it is very shallow. I'm consciously taking deep life-affirming breaths and when I get distracted, my breath goes right back to being shallow. I'm open to whatever comes this week. I'm hoping this will be a calm week for me as last week was a roller coaster emotionally. I'm noticing more and more the noise in my brain and it correlates to noise I'm listening to. the more noise in my brain, the more noisy the world is. The quieter my brain is, the quieter or more musical the world is.
Love and light.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
2-10-11 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Chakras and meditation
3. Chanting
4. A new morning, new beginning
5. Unconditional love
6. Awareness and choice
7. Acceptance
8. My car running well
9. My creativity and talents
10. Breath of life
This day is unknown to me. I'm a planner. I know what I'm doing at work, at lunch, after work. I know what I'm doing this weekend, and next week. My calendar is filled with places and times to do things. Today I don't know. I know I'm going to start out at work and my friend may have a window of opportunity to leave her abusive husband. There are a lot of ifs. If he leaves the house today, if she decides to take the risk, if I can get off work on short notice, if she moves in with me, if he finds out where she's gone, . . . a lot of ifs that keep going. Every if is followed by a then. My struggle is to stay open, stay in this moment. My struggle is to trust this moment I am in, trust that the next moment will flow, trust that I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
Love and light.
2. Chakras and meditation
3. Chanting
4. A new morning, new beginning
5. Unconditional love
6. Awareness and choice
7. Acceptance
8. My car running well
9. My creativity and talents
10. Breath of life
This day is unknown to me. I'm a planner. I know what I'm doing at work, at lunch, after work. I know what I'm doing this weekend, and next week. My calendar is filled with places and times to do things. Today I don't know. I know I'm going to start out at work and my friend may have a window of opportunity to leave her abusive husband. There are a lot of ifs. If he leaves the house today, if she decides to take the risk, if I can get off work on short notice, if she moves in with me, if he finds out where she's gone, . . . a lot of ifs that keep going. Every if is followed by a then. My struggle is to stay open, stay in this moment. My struggle is to trust this moment I am in, trust that the next moment will flow, trust that I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
Love and light.
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