4-26-11 grateful for today

1. My adorable dog
2. My wonderful job
3. My creative talents and abilities
4. Trust in myself and my experiences
5. Learning new things all the time
6. Unconditional love
7. Tai chi
8. Breathing
9. Abundance of life
10. Joy.

I'm writing this at work and I'm very scared of what I'm doing this afternoon. I'm shooting people for different scenes in my commercial. I've had an overwhelming feeling that I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm in way over my head. I do know what I'm doing. I've been doing filming and editing for over 15 years now. And now people pay me to do it. My old shadow is creeping around me telling me I'm not good enough. I'm going to do my best and experience life today.

I'm trying very hard to be positive, to know that I am filled with abundance of everything I need in this life. I have learned that I do not "need" things from outside of myself. I take care of all my own needs. I admit today that the larger part of me does not believe that. A larger part of me that is so very angry of taking care of myself everyday. A larger part of me that is so sad and hurt that my parents did not protect me and were the ones that hurt me the most when I was a child. I want somebody who loves me unconditionally to hold me while I cry and tell me that everything is going to be alright. That I am okay and loved. That all this pain is being released from me and I am being healed. Today, I am tired of telling and doing all that for myself. I want someone else to carry me today.

Love and light.