6-7-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Chanting
4.  Therapy
5.  My wonderful job
6.  Music
7.  My journal
8.  Friends
9.  The Light
10.  Awareness

I am grateful for being alive.  Part of being alive is nurturing and caring for myself.  Part of caring for myself is eating and taking in nutrition.  That's the part I want to ignore and deny and not have to deal with.  I struggle with eating and food.  Food and eating was an unhealthy part of my childhood, my Mom didn't have a healthy relationship with food and between being taught that and other trauma happening to me, my body, I developed unhealthy, damaging, emotional blocks with food, and the act of eating.  I'm aware now that for me, when I'm conscious of eating, it is my anger and rage that is doing the eating, tearing, chewing.  When I'm conscious and present, I eat until I am sick.  I struggle because this is daily that I'm faced with these emotions that are stuck and tied to eating, and I'm not at a place where I can release and process these emotional attachments in a healthy way.  I'm at work for lunch.  I'm waking up and centering and grounding myself in the morning and then making breakfast and getting to work.  I'm home at night with many of my own needs to fill, bills to pay, cleaning to do, and other emotional work to process.  I don't have time to deal with my eating issues every time I have to eat and so I perpetuate my old unhealthy relationship with food.  I eat in front of the TV completely disconnected and unaware that I'm eating.  Angry that I'm hungry at all feeling as if my body is betraying me.  Anything else I can take a break from to process emotions away from the behavior.  I want a break from eating.  It doesn't happen.  Love and Light.