6-18-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Friends
3.  My journal
4.  This list
5.  The Light
6.  Letting go and taking down walls to connect without fear
7.  Happy Hour
8.  Unconditional Love
9.  Endless possibilities in every moment
10.  Creating space

I've been stuck in "how" and "what".  What am I going to do about this eating problem I have?  How am I going to transform eating and food into something enjoyable when its so very messed up now?  I've been struggling with these question and staying present with eating and the powerful rage and terror and sadness that comes up.  I don't want to eat anymore.  My body is jumping on the bandwagon and now I have nausea to deal with when I eat.  I went to a birthday party and I don't even know what I ate.  The person I was hanging with at the party didn't want to go get food by herself, so when uncomfortable, or feeling unsafe, my answer is "okay."  I had a full plate of I don't know what and I ate it all, without being present or even knowing if I was hungry or full.  Driving home on the expressway, still disconnected from feeling anything so I didn't get any warning signals, I threwup all over myself.  Not a proud moment.  A shameful moment, like eating is full of shame.  That was Friday.  and a tortured weekend of how do I transform, what am I going to do about this . . . On Sunday at Meeting I received a message, "just create space."  Way will open.  Create space for my transformation to happen and wait upon the Light.  Trust I will be led.  So many times I want to "jump to the end."  And being where I am right now is important.  Connecting with the Light, Spirit, The energy of all, is not always the happy stuff.  Allow myself to connect and feel my hurt, terror, anger, that is part of the Light also.  White light is all the colors together.  And all is joyful.  Just create space.
Love and Light.