4-27-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Endless possibilities in every moment
4.  Expressing my grief
5.  Having an assignment from my therapist
6.  Music
7.  Making mistakes
8.  My body that walks and moves
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  Friday

Again, I'm putting things on my list that I want to feel grateful for and right at this moment I do not.  Making mistakes is one of those.  As a kid one of the things I was taught was to do it right or don't do it at all.  There was no learning from mistakes at my house.  If I didn't do it right the first time, I wasn't allowed to do it again.  I've kept that pressure on me the rest of my life.  It made it hard for me to take risks, to try new things, to go after the things I really wanted to do.  It was easier to dream of what I wanted, my dream could never be taken away from me, but if I tried it and messed up the first time, it would be taken away.  I've learned to relax on making mistakes by working on and making movies.  I learned that during the process there's take 1, 2, 3, 4. . . That we just do another take.  That last one was a mis-take.  Just take it again.  It's a part of the creative process also, lets take it again and do it differently now.  Once I was able to connect that teaching with my life, I felt the world opened up, my dreams opened up.  I write for the edit now.  I don't have to write that perfect sentence right off the bat, I can get it started and go back and change it around and tweak it.  I can change my mind.  I've forgotten that the last couple of weeks.  Mistakes have been devastating me and I'm the only one devastated.  I'm the only one feeling like I've killed myself by screwing up.  Interesting that in the past couple of weeks I've been struggling with forgiving myself for being human.
Love and Light.