4-23-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Use of my body, moving, talking, breathing
3.  The Sun, warmth and light
4.  The Earth, nature and support
5.  All of my emotions and emotional needs
6.  Friends
7.  Unconditional love
8.  The Light
9.  Choices and Responsibility
10.  Affirmations

I've been doing therapy and personal growth work for many years and there have been many concepts presented to me and I've been doing my best to understand, embrace and transform.  One such concept is "I need to love myself."  This one I understand on a rational, logical level and over the many years I have struggled to truly feel unconditional love for myself.  I have been resistant.  And it has physically manifested in how I take care of myself (or more acurately how I don't take care of myself).  Both in my home space and in my body.  I've wanted it.  I've wanted it very badly.  I realize that therapy and growth comes in steps.  I've had to realize that I have emotional needs.  I've used the word need for love and safety and guidance, and not really believed it.  It was something I wanted.  I couldn't admit that I needed it.  Because I needed it at such a young age and didn't get it and that hurt way too much.  I am in the process of admitting that I need love. I need safety.  I need to love myself.  To do that I need to forgive myself for being human and having needs.  Some of this stuff, this feeling my way through the process, is really beyond words, beyond explaining it.  These words seem to fall short.  I'm hoping you will feel my energy and feeling behind it.  Love and Light.