1. My adorable dog
2. Patience
3. Honoring all my emotions
4. Chanting
5. Meditation
6. Silence
7. Unconditional love
8. Creativity and talent
9. Breathing
10. My car running well
I'm having a hard time feeling grateful today. This morning has been full of frustrations. I'm doing my best with not falling into the "It's all their fault!" angry trap. And when I look honestly in myself to see what emotions are coming up for me, I feel like crying . . . a lot. Frustrations that bring up deep beliefs and emotions that I feel I'm not good enough at this job that I love, I don't deserve a job I love to do. Frustrations that I feel I don't exist in the insurance/western medicine world. And those feelings bring up frustrations that I feel that showing and expressing what I'm feeling right now is neither appropriate or valid. It's not okay.
Mistakes happen. And feeling sad that I made one or two or three is okay. Feeling mad that someone else made one that changes my schedule for today is okay, I can feel my anger and go underneath to the hurt I feel because I believe that I'm not important. I know that comes from me. I know the other person did not make the mistake on purpose to hurt me, the other person doesn't even know me, never met me before yesterday.
How can I be of service now? And that includes me. I may be of service to the greater good if I go take a walk now and cry some and call a friend for support. I am part of the whole.
Love and Light.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
1-8-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Breathing
3. Quaker meeting
4. Abundance
5. Calm, relaxed morning
6. Commitment
7. Joy and Peace
8. Unconditional Love
9. Insight and divine messages
10. Dreams
I'm very grateful to breathing this morning. I had an asthma attack last night and Primatine Mist is no longer available. I bought one back in August and have had problems with breathing since then after about 3 years of the clearest breathing I have ever felt. Last night was a mild attack, and still scary. A mild attack for me, I feel like I'm pulling in half or a third of the air of a normal breath. I know I am getting air and know to relax, not move and concentrate on breathing and try to slow it down and or make it deeper to get through it. Which takes a lot longer than a puff on an inhaler. And my breathing muscles hurt and are sore from the effort. I don't move because I can only take a few steps before I have to stop and catch my breath. This was my first attack after my Primatine Mist inhaler ran out a couple of days ago. I threw it in the trash. I tried not to be scared or panic, however I dug through the garbage to find the inhaler. Even though it was empty, I tried to get it give out whatever drops were left in it, and there was a minute amount that did come out and it was enough to open up some of my lungs. Did some last dredge come out of that inhaler? Or was the security of holding the inhaler in my hand and going through the motion help to release my unconscious grip on my own breathing?
Love and Light.
2. Breathing
3. Quaker meeting
4. Abundance
5. Calm, relaxed morning
6. Commitment
7. Joy and Peace
8. Unconditional Love
9. Insight and divine messages
10. Dreams
I'm very grateful to breathing this morning. I had an asthma attack last night and Primatine Mist is no longer available. I bought one back in August and have had problems with breathing since then after about 3 years of the clearest breathing I have ever felt. Last night was a mild attack, and still scary. A mild attack for me, I feel like I'm pulling in half or a third of the air of a normal breath. I know I am getting air and know to relax, not move and concentrate on breathing and try to slow it down and or make it deeper to get through it. Which takes a lot longer than a puff on an inhaler. And my breathing muscles hurt and are sore from the effort. I don't move because I can only take a few steps before I have to stop and catch my breath. This was my first attack after my Primatine Mist inhaler ran out a couple of days ago. I threw it in the trash. I tried not to be scared or panic, however I dug through the garbage to find the inhaler. Even though it was empty, I tried to get it give out whatever drops were left in it, and there was a minute amount that did come out and it was enough to open up some of my lungs. Did some last dredge come out of that inhaler? Or was the security of holding the inhaler in my hand and going through the motion help to release my unconscious grip on my own breathing?
Love and Light.
Friday, January 6, 2012
1-6-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Cool weather
3. My car running well
4. Being of service
5. Meditation
6. Breathing
7. Music and chanting
8. Blankets
9. Love and energy
10. Friday
I am happy to be of service at work. I'm grateful I have projects to work on. I have struggled this week in taking care of myself at home: every dish is dirty, etc. I'm focused on this present moment. I am safe and loved.
Love and Light.
2. Cool weather
3. My car running well
4. Being of service
5. Meditation
6. Breathing
7. Music and chanting
8. Blankets
9. Love and energy
10. Friday
I am happy to be of service at work. I'm grateful I have projects to work on. I have struggled this week in taking care of myself at home: every dish is dirty, etc. I'm focused on this present moment. I am safe and loved.
Love and Light.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
1-5-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Changing my decision
3. Chanting and music
4. Acupuncture and moxie stick
5. Communicaton
6. Breathing
7. Energy awareness/feeling
8. Creativity and gifts
9. Being of service
10. Unconditional love
There is a freedom that we all have that I constantly forget about. The freedom to change our mind. The freedom to change my decision. I recently made a decision, a large one, it is a committment to a group for the next 6 months. And I decided to be in the group in a certain role. And last night the question was brought up if I wanted to be in a different role. I had to sit with the question for a while so that I felt that this opportunity was open to me. My first reaction is to be confused because I had already made a decision so changing it is not open to me. Once I realized that this suggestion does not disregard nor disrespect my original decision, then I was free to consider what would be in the highest good of the group. How would my gifts be of the best service to the group? I was able to see that recent changes and discoveries about myself did change which role I would be of the highest good to the group. This is a big step for me. I've been known to be stubborn (a regular "bulldog") of chomping down on a decision or path or plan of action and not letting go to the detriment of what I really was trying to accomplish. I am open to change.
Love and Light.
2. Changing my decision
3. Chanting and music
4. Acupuncture and moxie stick
5. Communicaton
6. Breathing
7. Energy awareness/feeling
8. Creativity and gifts
9. Being of service
10. Unconditional love
There is a freedom that we all have that I constantly forget about. The freedom to change our mind. The freedom to change my decision. I recently made a decision, a large one, it is a committment to a group for the next 6 months. And I decided to be in the group in a certain role. And last night the question was brought up if I wanted to be in a different role. I had to sit with the question for a while so that I felt that this opportunity was open to me. My first reaction is to be confused because I had already made a decision so changing it is not open to me. Once I realized that this suggestion does not disregard nor disrespect my original decision, then I was free to consider what would be in the highest good of the group. How would my gifts be of the best service to the group? I was able to see that recent changes and discoveries about myself did change which role I would be of the highest good to the group. This is a big step for me. I've been known to be stubborn (a regular "bulldog") of chomping down on a decision or path or plan of action and not letting go to the detriment of what I really was trying to accomplish. I am open to change.
Love and Light.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
1-4-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Cold weather and lots of blankets
3. Music and chanting
4. Connection with good friends
5. Breath of wind
6. Creativity and imagination
7. My talent and abilities
8. Expressing my emotions
9. Depth
10. Unconditional Love
We are 4 days into the new year in the Western world and almost to the chinese new year. It seems to be a period of transition. I feel like I'm in transition inside. My therapist used a good phrase yesterday, sorting it out. Have you ever watched a small child while they are learning something? I believe that's a good phrase for that process, sorting it out. There were some times in my small child past that I was never given the chance to sort out. I have that opportunity now. It's a strange feeling. Because the process was frozen at such a small age, I'm processing first at that age, and adults process differently.
Love and Light.
2. Cold weather and lots of blankets
3. Music and chanting
4. Connection with good friends
5. Breath of wind
6. Creativity and imagination
7. My talent and abilities
8. Expressing my emotions
9. Depth
10. Unconditional Love
We are 4 days into the new year in the Western world and almost to the chinese new year. It seems to be a period of transition. I feel like I'm in transition inside. My therapist used a good phrase yesterday, sorting it out. Have you ever watched a small child while they are learning something? I believe that's a good phrase for that process, sorting it out. There were some times in my small child past that I was never given the chance to sort out. I have that opportunity now. It's a strange feeling. Because the process was frozen at such a small age, I'm processing first at that age, and adults process differently.
Love and Light.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
1-3-12 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Cool weather
3. Music
4. Integrating more of everyday chores into spiritual growth
5. Chanting
6. Therapy session
7. Abundance
8. Endless possibilities in every moment
9. Unconditional love
10. The Light
There are practices and teachings that I am told about and sometimes I am told over and over and the most inner movement I feel about it is: hmm, interesting. Then I am told about it, sometimes in a different way, sometimes from a different source, sometimes from the same way I have been told before, and this time my inner self feels much more: OOOoohh, or WOW! The most recent time this happened is bringing/integrating daily chores, things I do every day into spirituality. Do my chores with spirit and/or mindfulness. This concept became deeper for me when I read the beginning of a book "The Wisdom Way of Knowing" and she talked about the rhythm of the day to enhance learning/spirituality. It was to chant and meditate to prepare for the teaching, be present for the teaching and then do physical labor after the teaching. Right now my words for describing what happened inside of me is that sparks went off and this fits in with my post from yesterday of doing my chores to take care of me, to change to learning something new or chanting or meditating before I begin the chores . . . I'm not quite sure how all this fits together yet, and I'm excited to find out.
Love and Light.
2. Cool weather
3. Music
4. Integrating more of everyday chores into spiritual growth
5. Chanting
6. Therapy session
7. Abundance
8. Endless possibilities in every moment
9. Unconditional love
10. The Light
There are practices and teachings that I am told about and sometimes I am told over and over and the most inner movement I feel about it is: hmm, interesting. Then I am told about it, sometimes in a different way, sometimes from a different source, sometimes from the same way I have been told before, and this time my inner self feels much more: OOOoohh, or WOW! The most recent time this happened is bringing/integrating daily chores, things I do every day into spirituality. Do my chores with spirit and/or mindfulness. This concept became deeper for me when I read the beginning of a book "The Wisdom Way of Knowing" and she talked about the rhythm of the day to enhance learning/spirituality. It was to chant and meditate to prepare for the teaching, be present for the teaching and then do physical labor after the teaching. Right now my words for describing what happened inside of me is that sparks went off and this fits in with my post from yesterday of doing my chores to take care of me, to change to learning something new or chanting or meditating before I begin the chores . . . I'm not quite sure how all this fits together yet, and I'm excited to find out.
Love and Light.
Monday, January 2, 2012
1-2-2012 grateful for today
1. My adorable dog
2. Chanting
3. Sleeping and waking up naturally
4. Endless possibilities in every moment
5. Responsibility for my decisions, even when I don't make one
6. Breathing
7. Strength
8. Unconditional love
9. Time
10. Naps
I need to clean my place. For my own self care. I need a lot of motivation to clean my place. I feel more comfortable sitting in dust and dirt and clutter rather than go through the pain of cleaning. I hurt emotionally to clean for myself. I have the skills. I'm an excellent and thorough cleaner when I'm helping somebody elses place to get clean. I feel good cleaning their place, I do a better job than my own place. I have been imagining that I'm cleaning for somebody else, that it's somebody elses house I'm cleaning. I do a good job until that charade wears off. Then I pretend that somebody is coming over and I want to have my place clean for them, and that works until I become sadder knowing that nobody is coming. I need to clean for me. I need to clean out the dust and dirt and clutter from my place . . . and also inside of me. The only way I'm going to find out why I hurt to clean for me is to start cleaning and let the emotions come.
Love and Light.
2. Chanting
3. Sleeping and waking up naturally
4. Endless possibilities in every moment
5. Responsibility for my decisions, even when I don't make one
6. Breathing
7. Strength
8. Unconditional love
9. Time
10. Naps
I need to clean my place. For my own self care. I need a lot of motivation to clean my place. I feel more comfortable sitting in dust and dirt and clutter rather than go through the pain of cleaning. I hurt emotionally to clean for myself. I have the skills. I'm an excellent and thorough cleaner when I'm helping somebody elses place to get clean. I feel good cleaning their place, I do a better job than my own place. I have been imagining that I'm cleaning for somebody else, that it's somebody elses house I'm cleaning. I do a good job until that charade wears off. Then I pretend that somebody is coming over and I want to have my place clean for them, and that works until I become sadder knowing that nobody is coming. I need to clean for me. I need to clean out the dust and dirt and clutter from my place . . . and also inside of me. The only way I'm going to find out why I hurt to clean for me is to start cleaning and let the emotions come.
Love and Light.
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