6-6-14 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Music
3.  Napping
4.  Feeling everything fully
5.  Creativity and art
6.  Choices and responsibility
7.  Love
8.  The Light
9.  Pens and Paper and Writing
10.  This blog

I had a intensly feeling morning.  That means, I was sobbing quite a bit.  I was triggered by an email and found that I had been burying a lot of shame about myself.  I faced my fear and looked straight at what I had been denying for months.  One of my dreams about moving to North Georgia was to be near my best friend again.  I was looking forward, and expecting, that in the 6 years of living so far away I had healed a lot of my childhood abuse and wanted to show her how much I have grown in my life.  Then I struggled so hard with handling the move and my job, I felt so much shame that I was having so much trouble getting through the days and dealing with the job that I didn't fit into.  I buried my shame and projected onto my friend my loss of belief in myself.  I believed that all the growth I had done in the past six years, the intense group therapy and everything I had worked so hard to come to terms with my past was a sham.  I believed I was always going to be damaged and broken and never able to handle life well.  I projected onto my friend that I was always going to be screwed up friend that struggled through life.  I learned that I had kept that all hidden from myself and my friend and it was coming out sideways in all kinds of ways.  So this morning, with one email, all of my feelings came flooding out of me.  And my new decision for myself is that I handle and navigate my life joyously.  And my new behavior is to engage in my life and feel everything fully.  Love and Light.