5-7-13 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My car running well
3.  Sleeping
4.  Chanting
5.  Friends
6.  Tigers
7.  Therapy
8.  Feeling safe within
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  Choices and responsibility

I was meditating this morning and I was aware of how this practice has become a habit for me.  A habit of sitting still and breathing and aligning my spine, and aware that I have no feeling of spirit or connectedness.  I set a timer for 15 minutes as I was taught, and I've been struggling more and more to be here in the moment, and find my mind wandering to the next things I'm planning to do, or reviewing memories or movies I've watched, or replaying songs in my head.  I've not been filled with Spirit nor Peace.  I've been going through the motion.  From outside of me I look like I'm meditating deeply.  I know from inside I'm constantly trying to get out of my head and into my heart and body, trying to be in my center.  I didn't feel safe sitting there and I was getting progressively antsy.  I decided to put my thumb and forefingers together, which has been taught to me over and over in hypnotherapy processes to be an anchor for that deep safe place within.  15 plus years of hypnotherapy with my therapist going through a variety of processes and always we start with that place of deep safety within and the anchor of thumb and forefinger together to instantly take me there whenever I need to.  The thing is, when I'm out and about in the world and caught up in our culture, I forget that I have that anchor.  This morning when I touched my anchor, I instantly felt safe.  I felt my spine root in the earth.  I felt calm and peace.  I felt a sense of belonging to myself.  Interestingly enough, even feeling that which I had been longing to feel, I still was not able to hold my thumb and forefinger together for the whole 15 minutes.  I was afraid that if I went there too often, I would lose it.  That if I felt that way throughout the day, my feeling and sense of it would fade and it would become habit and a struggle to find again like my meditation.  Is it possible to live from my deep sense of safety within?  Love and Light.