10-3-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  My big soul
3.  My car running well
4.  Creativity and talent
5.  After Effects
6.  My body
7.  My soul
8.  Divine guidance
9.  Unconditional love
10.  Breathing

Coming up with 10 things today took a while.  I don't know if I believe I am grateful for half the things on the list.  I just wanted to get the list written and get it done.  I don't really want to write a little blog today and I'm just getting that done.  I spent last night wanting my life to be done.  I hated myself last night.  And, of course, I can hear you through the miles of cyberspace asking "Why? What happened?"  I don't know how to answer those questions.  I felt hurt and angry and sad and scared and doing things to calm myself or to connect to love was too hard.  I feel I needed to hate myself last night, and I know my therapist would probably say that that is unhealthy.  That is hooking into my old habits, my old way of being.  Hooking into my hidden addiction to pain and suffering.  If I truly know that I am loved, truly KNOW I have a divine purpose, truly KNOW that I am held lovingly in the LIGHT always . . . what does that mean to all the years I was lost and in pain?  Love and Light.