10-29-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Sleeping
3.  My car running well
4.  Cool weather
5.  My warm jacket
6.  Typing
7.  Unconditional Love
8.  Breathing
9.  My soul
10.  The Light

I didn't want to make this list today.  I haven't wanted to do much of anything except for things that punish me and turn me away from the Light.  I haven't done my morning rituals of chanting and meditating the past 3 days.  I can very much tell.  I have a harder time seeing the Light.  Not doing them is a form of punishment to myself.  I tell myself its too hard, I don't have time in the morning.  I've been way off my food plan, another way to punish myself is with food.  A whole week of restarting, recommitting, and a whole week of screwing it up every day.  I was going to start again this morning, and it seemed too hard, the house is a mess.  I stopped taking care of myself on the 11th.  Love and Light.