7-26-12 grateful for today

1.  My adorable dog
2.  Music
3.  Chanting and singing
4.  for who I truly am
5.  All my emotions
6.  All my experiences
7.  Choices and responsibilities
8.  Creativity and creating
9.  Unconditional Love
10.  The Light

I had a vision last night of being on a journey.  I was standing on a road at the top of a hill and the road went up and down a bunch of rolling hills into the horizon.  The sun was just about to come up, a bright glow in the horizon lighting the tops of the hills.  The light always stays just there in this world.  Only lighting the tops of the hills.  At the top of each hill was a floating window.  I was curious of what I was see through the windows.  The only way to get to the top of the next hill was to walk down the road into the dark, black valley.  I couldn't see what was down there, I was scared to go down there.  I felt there were monsters down there.  I could choose to stay where I was and only wonder about all the windows at the top of the hills, and wonder about the light at the horizon.  I took a risk and started walking down into the valley.  I was very scared and my first reaction of how to deal with it was to not look at it at all.  To keep my eyes on the crest of the next hill, so I wouldn't see what I was walking through.  That's dangerous too.  Not looking where I was walking, not seeing what is around me right now, that's when I stumble and lose sight of the next hill anyway.  That's when I get lost.  I took a risk and took my eyes off of the next hill and looked around.  I was in a deep forest.  Lush green vegetation surrounded the trunks of magnificent trees that towered above.  I saw my path through the forest clearly.  I could hear birds singing and in looking up would catch glimpses of them flying through the branches.  There were insects buzzing and rustling of animals.  Every once in a while I could catch a glimpse of one moving through the forest.  Animals scared and hiding in the deep vibrant forest, full of life.  I was a little scared, and becoming more comfortable in this environment.  I had a sense of being home.  There was a tiger in the forest.  I was catching glimpses out of the corner of my eye.  I couldn't tell if it was stalking me or scared of me or walking with me just out of sight.  I started my climb up out of the deep forest and I realized that what I was scared to walk into, I was now reluctant to walk out of.
I had been struggling for some time with self-rejection. I have been doing a lot of personal growth work and one issue that continued to frustrate me is my need to reject myself.  I realized with this vision that I had believed that my true self must be this monstrous horrible thing because as a child my parents never wanted me expressing who I truly was.  I have been rejecting myself because I was afraid of finding out if I really was truly horrible.  Now I know that my true self is vibrant and full of life and gifts.  I am that lush deep forest.  My gifts are all the animals and birds living there.  They are scared to come out right now, and I need to create a safe sacred space for my gifts to come out.  To express who I truly am.  Love and Light.