1-24-11 grateful for today

1. Awareness
2. Unconditional love
3. My adorable dog
4. Healthy processing
5. Endless possibilities
6. Choosing
7. Amazing friends
8. My creativity and talents
9. The cool weather
10. A relaxed morning.

I am grateful for awareness. Not only for my growth and knowing that I am acting and reacting in more healthy ways. But also for awareness of things I don't like about myself. I am so used to not looking at those ways I am unhealthy, mean, or ugly, that sometimes it takes a noble friend to tell me what they see. And for me to be totally open to hearing. Sometimes a seed gets through, I hear, but I don't listen, I am unable to listen at that moment. So the seed is there waiting for me to listen while I battle my self-judgment and my illusions of perfectionism. Then I reach a state of quiet acceptance and listen and become aware of my behavior pattern, my belief system that I had been denying. At this point, I am able to choose to change it. My process and struggle with emotions is not over at the point of choosing because then I face risk of doing/behaving/believing something new. The risk of stepping into the "I don't know what's going to happen". I guess even this last step will become easier and easier with practice. For now, I know I need to honor my feelings, feel them completely and step into the risk anyway. This is living life.