2-16-12 grateful for today

1. Listening to my dog snore
2. Breathing
3. My open creative position at work
4. Friends love and support
5. My car running well
6. Music
7. Colors
8. My warm jacket
9. The Light
10. Unconditional love

It took me a while to come up with 10 things to be grateful for today. I'm feeling bad about myself today. I'm feeling undeserving of life and love. I'm grateful I know that unconditional love doesn't check in with me to see if I feel deserving of it, it shines on me anyway. My deserving is whether I have the strength to open up and receive that unconditional love. I am the judge that blocks it from myself. I am the prisoner and the warden. I am the one to give me pardon, to feel compassion for myself. Yesterday I finally admited to myself something that I felt much shame about. I tried for years to bury it, to just let it disappear. I am ashamed, I hurt another, I hurt myself. I need to remember that the beginning of compassion, of forgiveness is atonement = at-one-ment. All of me is more than my shame . . . . it just seems that right now all I am is shame.
Love and Light.