7-12-11 grateful for today

1. My happy adorable dog
2. My car running well
3. An awesome job doing what I'm passionate about
4. Love and support
5. Friends and community
6. Exercise and wellness challenge at work
7. Learning new things
8. Creativity
9. Endless opportunities and choices
10. Breathing

This list is helpful to me today. I've been struggling over the weekend with faith and feeling connected to The Greater Magnificence. My limited atheist view has snuck up on me and has tried to undermine my feeling of deeper meaning and purpose with my life. I was very much an analytical person that only believed in what I could prove and write an equation or formula for. I was closed off from deep connection with anything or anybody. I was going through the motions of surviving life and not living it. Being open to faith and open to connection is wonderful, I'm also open to being hurt and that's what happened over the weekend. I wanted to trust in divine guidance, thought I was being led to something I could count on, a used car that was reliable. I put trust and faith in my decision to buy it and in 4 days I've had to replace the battery and radiator. Which in the analytical and rational world is understandable based on the age of the car. Emotionally, I am struggling to trust and not fall into fear. I spent too many years with the fear of "will the car start today?" Which was a choice then to keep my in my comfortable fear zone. I'm struggling to trust that my car is running and will be reliable. That cynical atheist fear I kept myself in, I told myself would keep me from being hurt when the car doesn't start. And I've experienced over the last four days of trusting that it is a reliable car and my hurt of when it did not start or run well. I guess trusting it every day keeps me out of suffering and yeah the feelings are acute when there is a problem with the car. I'd rather enjoy the car and the trust for most of the time, and know I will survive my acute feelings at times when the car doesn't run. Kind of like honoring all the time we have with each other and in this life, rather than live in fear of some illness or disease or catastrophe that might happen.
Love and Light