5-29-11 grateful for today

1. The sun, warmth and light
2. Friends, visiting, sharing, holding space
3. Myself
4. My Quaker meeting
5. Chanting
6. Tai Chi
7. The mysteries and spirituality of life
8. Purging and letting go to allow space for something new
9. Tea
10. Unconditional love

This is the first time I've put myself in my list. I've put pieces of myself in the list before, like my creativity, and today I put all of me in the list. I am grateful for all of me and everything that has happened to lead me to this day, this moment in my life. I feel scared as there are big, painful, events in my past that are still gaping wounds, and I'm scared to feel grateful for those events. It's very weird. I'm fighting with myself right now to delete this whole post and start over. Because I'm afraid that my feeling grateful for my entire life, which means accepting all that has happened to me, will mean that it was all okay. Which it does not! The big painful horrible wounding events in my past will never be "okay". I do not want things like that to ever happen to anybody ever again. My being grateful of all of myself now, helps me to accept those events as unchangeable and a part of me now. I let go of my wish to have had a different past. Hopefully that made sense.
Love and light.