1. My adorable dog
2. My wonderful job
3. My creative talents and abilities
4. Trust in myself and my experiences
5. Learning new things all the time
6. Unconditional love
7. Tai chi
8. Breathing
9. Abundance of life
10. Joy.
I'm writing this at work and I'm very scared of what I'm doing this afternoon. I'm shooting people for different scenes in my commercial. I've had an overwhelming feeling that I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm in way over my head. I do know what I'm doing. I've been doing filming and editing for over 15 years now. And now people pay me to do it. My old shadow is creeping around me telling me I'm not good enough. I'm going to do my best and experience life today.
I'm trying very hard to be positive, to know that I am filled with abundance of everything I need in this life. I have learned that I do not "need" things from outside of myself. I take care of all my own needs. I admit today that the larger part of me does not believe that. A larger part of me that is so very angry of taking care of myself everyday. A larger part of me that is so sad and hurt that my parents did not protect me and were the ones that hurt me the most when I was a child. I want somebody who loves me unconditionally to hold me while I cry and tell me that everything is going to be alright. That I am okay and loved. That all this pain is being released from me and I am being healed. Today, I am tired of telling and doing all that for myself. I want someone else to carry me today.
Love and light.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
4-23-11 grateful for today
1. My new job doing what I love and am passionate about
2. My adorable dog
3. My car running well
4. Abundance of cash flow this month
5. Connecting with people
6. Divine light
7. Experiences living my life
8. Desire to live in a cleaner organized home
9. Creative spirit
10. Unconditional love
I had a very easy time coming up with this list today. I find it interesting because I've been having emotional challenges that cut very deeply. I know by diving into the emotional wound and pulling out the toxins is necessary to heal. I don't know if I truly "feel" the healing. Like when I damage a muscle and there is the pain that feels more damaging to the muscle if I try to use it, so rest is required. Then there is the pain of using the muscle that has with it a feeling of healing. My muscle hurts when I move it and yet I know that moving it through this pain is something that is helpful. I don't know if I'm able to discern the difference with my emotional wounds yet. After all that exploratory explanation, I am now clear that I am afraid of emotionally damaging myself further by trying to move through pain which really needs more time to rest. This is where trust and faith come in, my core issue.
Love and light.
2. My adorable dog
3. My car running well
4. Abundance of cash flow this month
5. Connecting with people
6. Divine light
7. Experiences living my life
8. Desire to live in a cleaner organized home
9. Creative spirit
10. Unconditional love
I had a very easy time coming up with this list today. I find it interesting because I've been having emotional challenges that cut very deeply. I know by diving into the emotional wound and pulling out the toxins is necessary to heal. I don't know if I truly "feel" the healing. Like when I damage a muscle and there is the pain that feels more damaging to the muscle if I try to use it, so rest is required. Then there is the pain of using the muscle that has with it a feeling of healing. My muscle hurts when I move it and yet I know that moving it through this pain is something that is helpful. I don't know if I'm able to discern the difference with my emotional wounds yet. After all that exploratory explanation, I am now clear that I am afraid of emotionally damaging myself further by trying to move through pain which really needs more time to rest. This is where trust and faith come in, my core issue.
Love and light.
Friday, April 8, 2011
4-8-11 grateful for today
1. My wonderful new job
2. My adorable dog
3. My car running well
4. My creative ablilities and talents
5. All of my emotions
6. Moving forward on my journey
7. My computer running well
8. A park with a tree to sit under for lunchtime
9. Unconditional love
10 Choices
Had a hard time with this list today. The first 4 were easy, then I struggled with coming up with the rest. It tells me something about where I am today emotionally and spiritually that Love is at #9 and it was quite a long time for me to think of that. I love my new job, that it is very creative and I'm doing what I love, video work. I have a lot of waves of fear and anxiety come over me. I tell myself that I am safe and I deserve to have a job where I feel like I play all day and get paid for it.
Love and light.
2. My adorable dog
3. My car running well
4. My creative ablilities and talents
5. All of my emotions
6. Moving forward on my journey
7. My computer running well
8. A park with a tree to sit under for lunchtime
9. Unconditional love
10 Choices
Had a hard time with this list today. The first 4 were easy, then I struggled with coming up with the rest. It tells me something about where I am today emotionally and spiritually that Love is at #9 and it was quite a long time for me to think of that. I love my new job, that it is very creative and I'm doing what I love, video work. I have a lot of waves of fear and anxiety come over me. I tell myself that I am safe and I deserve to have a job where I feel like I play all day and get paid for it.
Love and light.
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